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[h/t Closet Gun Nut]

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    • The context is:
      As a kid, I was so poor, if I didn’t wake up with a hard-on, I had nothing to play with all day. Well, that won’t ever be a problem for me now.

  1. While conserving water during his weekly shower/bike wash/guitar humidifying session, Juan’s intuition sensed his roommate stealing his still cooking Hot Pocket…again! This time, however, Juan was prepared…oh yes, things would turn out differently this morning…

  2. Uh hi! Yeah, uh… I was just looking for the toilet, but I can see you are… Busy…

    …And you don’t have a toilet.

  3. As he finished his shower song on his bike, he sensed his nemesis. The curtain ripped back, and he drew his Glock-brand Glock from his Glock-brand Glock “Cheek-pinch” butt holster. There stood Christmas Tree, ready to settle the score.

  4. Jackie, the master of multi-tasking, in his bathroom apartment, after Ironing his suit (not seen here), practicing his putting while playing video games and heating his french bread pizza. After a quick-lunch he decided to get some cardio in on his bike while composing a song for his new love interest and showering when suddenly from out of the linen closet jumped a fully decorated Christmas tree. Jackie was suddenly startled pulled his concealed 1911 in order to stop the intruding Christmas tree. Jackie is no tree hugger.

  5. Marcus Gonzales, infamous for his naked-flaminco-bicycle rides through NYC, was practicing in the shower of his tiny apartment when his alarm system rang.

  6. “You see me when I’m sleeping, you know when I’m awake, you know when I’ve been bad or good so you should have seen this coming, you fat old bearded pervert!”

  7. Operator spends too much money on Magpul and Molle gear. Operator now has to downsize living quarters significantly. Trivial sacrifice. Stay Hard.

  8. “And these are a few of my favorite things!
    Merry Christmas Everybody and a Happy New Year!”

    *sigh*…maybe I should I have rethought this years Christmas card…

  9. I’m so excited about all of the good stuff I received for Christmas that I don’t know if I should whack off my *&%$ in the shower or dry fire my Glock for an hour.

  10. The latest iteration of the game “Clue” has some new twists: The martial artist in the shower with a pistol while playing guitar on a bicycle at Christmas time.

  11. It was the middle of December before he realized that the “studio apartment” he was living in not only lacked the storage space he needed for all of his belongings, but had a horrible spider problem.

  12. The Most Interesting Man In The World

    At a young age he killed a Christmas tree while riding his bike through his shower and playing his guitar. Please drink responsibly…..

  13. My paddle ball and this ashtray, that’s all I need! Oh, and my guitar, and my bike, and this Christmas tree, and this toaster oven, and my Glock … and that’s all I need!

  14. Mr. Kim’s job at the iPhone factory finally allowed him to move into a luxurious 150 sqft. studio appartment and buy all the things he imagined a big-city guy would own, and no one was going to take it away from him.

  15. Having lost all his clothes, moved into a crappy efficiency, transformed into a small immigrant boy, and traded Champion for a bicycle and drugs, Gene Autry finally hit rock bottom.


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