[h/t Closet Gun Nut]
It’s very much needed.
The context is:
As a kid, I was so poor, if I didn’t wake up with a hard-on, I had nothing to play with all day. Well, that won’t ever be a problem for me now.
Google “selfie olympics”
(Kids taking redickerus pictures of themselves.)
John Woo’s latest movie had a much lower budget than his earlier efforts.
Most household accidents happen in the bathroom, and not without reason.
What, no cookie?
So very much WIN!
When your entire house is your bathroom, home carry and shower carry become the same thing.
Cue the music:
“These are a few of my favorite things”
Holy shit! I can’t tell if this is all real or just because of the acid I just dropped!
Me neither! I’m totally tripping balls right now!…. duuuuuude….
Who says you can’t multitask in the shower?
Sum Ting Wongs parents became concerned because he couldn’t quite master the E flat chord.
I thought he crashed that plane at SFO.
Headline: “A-flat minor defends his shower home on Christmas morning”
And aaall this can be yours if the Price is Right!!
“NO DAD, I’M NOT GOING TO MEDICAL SCHOOL. I’m going to stay in here forever and be a regular American boy.”
While conserving water during his weekly shower/bike wash/guitar humidifying session, Juan’s intuition sensed his roommate stealing his still cooking Hot Pocket…again! This time, however, Juan was prepared…oh yes, things would turn out differently this morning…
“Damn it I dropped my totem. How am I ever going to know this is a dream!”
“Why do you take such long showers? Are you… masterbating… Kevin?”
Gremlins 3, the gremlins attempt to steal Mr. Wongs Christmas Gifts.
Uh hi! Yeah, uh… I was just looking for the toilet, but I can see you are… Busy…
…And you don’t have a toilet.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that! …. whatever THAT is.
“You talk to me? You talk to me? I no see no wan here. You talk to me?”
As he finished his shower song on his bike, he sensed his nemesis. The curtain ripped back, and he drew his Glock-brand Glock from his Glock-brand Glock “Cheek-pinch” butt holster. There stood Christmas Tree, ready to settle the score.
Come on…..Who rides a bike in shower?
How else do you clean your guns?
Hark, Tis the forests of Birnam Wood …
Awesome. Too bad that reference will be lost on 99% of Americans today.
Everything but the kitchen sink.
Hey you pick up my 9 iron right now.
Jackie, the master of multi-tasking, in his bathroom apartment, after Ironing his suit (not seen here), practicing his putting while playing video games and heating his french bread pizza. After a quick-lunch he decided to get some cardio in on his bike while composing a song for his new love interest and showering when suddenly from out of the linen closet jumped a fully decorated Christmas tree. Jackie was suddenly startled pulled his concealed 1911 in order to stop the intruding Christmas tree. Jackie is no tree hugger.
Marcus Gonzales, infamous for his naked-flaminco-bicycle rides through NYC, was practicing in the shower of his tiny apartment when his alarm system rang.
This Dude needs an IKEA catalog.
PSY’s attempt at breaking into the country music scene goes horribly wrong.
“You see me when I’m sleeping, you know when I’m awake, you know when I’ve been bad or good so you should have seen this coming, you fat old bearded pervert!”
Operator spends too much money on Magpul and Molle gear. Operator now has to downsize living quarters significantly. Trivial sacrifice. Stay Hard.
“Living the dream.”
Re-gift this b!tch!
Nothing seems out of the ordinary here.
Sorry, Santa. You are not getting them back.
“And these are a few of my favorite things!
Merry Christmas Everybody and a Happy New Year!”
*sigh*…maybe I should I have rethought this years Christmas card…
“How many times has THIS happened to YOU?”
I didn’t ask for coal…reach in the sack and try again.
So there I was minding my own business, taking a shower, when I heard a suspicious noise at the front door…..
Support mental illness or I’ll kill you!
“Your Honor, why am I on the NICS and no-fly list again?”
There’s a man who leads a life of danger.
To everyone he meets he stays a stranger.
… secret Asian Man!
I may have shat myself from laughing. I could seriously mentally hear that song.
Asian-American seeks same for LTR. Must love guns, Waylon Jennings, Lance Armstrong and Lifebuoy.
“Well yeah dude I smoke pot. Why do you ask?”
Because feng shui is very important to our culture!
I’m so excited about all of the good stuff I received for Christmas that I don’t know if I should whack off my *&%$ in the shower or dry fire my Glock for an hour.
The latest iteration of the game “Clue” has some new twists: The martial artist in the shower with a pistol while playing guitar on a bicycle at Christmas time.
“The name is Wong… James Wong.”
“John, when we said you need to clean up your act, this isn’t exactly what we had in mind…”
When you have to shoot, shoot. Don’t talk, ride play…
If you can’t break a Guinness world record, invent one.
“Home defense is critical, even in million dollar Manhattan apartments.”
Boy, the Old Spice commercials have gotten really weird lately
I like this one.
The worlds worst Christmas party hangover.
“The Grinch was a pussy!”
I never understand these Japanese game shows…
Just say no to drugs.
Say something again about me riding my bike and singing in the shower
“You talkin’ to me, Xmas tree? I don’t see anyone else here,” said Shriveled Pickle
That wasn’t my life that flashed before my eyes…
It was the middle of December before he realized that the “studio apartment” he was living in not only lacked the storage space he needed for all of his belongings, but had a horrible spider problem.
Schizophrenic gun owner hears “them” coming for him.
The Elf on a Shelf assigned to the Lee residence was never seen again.
Who took the last present from under the tree?
“Who stole the chicken nuggets from my toaster oven!?”
NOTHING in this picture was ‘Made in the USA’. Sad, very sad.
The Most Interesting Man In The World
At a young age he killed a Christmas tree while riding his bike through his shower and playing his guitar. Please drink responsibly…..
I don’t always kill Christmass Trees, but when I do, I do it in the most bizarre manner possible. Stay thirsty my friends…
Not pictured: His thing that goes up.
My paddle ball and this ashtray, that’s all I need! Oh, and my guitar, and my bike, and this Christmas tree, and this toaster oven, and my Glock … and that’s all I need!
Mr. Kim’s job at the iPhone factory finally allowed him to move into a luxurious 150 sqft. studio appartment and buy all the things he imagined a big-city guy would own, and no one was going to take it away from him.
Come visit Home Depot for our after Christmas 30% off selected bathroom tiles and shower fixtures sale.
In the ideal world:
Come visit Home Depot for our after Christmas 30% off selected bathroom tiles, shower fixtures, and household defense sale.
I am a Democrat. I’m not crazy, and I will shoot you if you even think otherwise….
I guess it is time to take down the tree.
Another day at the Archer residence.
“My fetishes are getting REALLY specific…”
WHY? SANTA? WHY DID YOU TOUCH ME?!!!! BAHAHAHAH!
Having lost all his clothes, moved into a crappy efficiency, transformed into a small immigrant boy, and traded Champion for a bicycle and drugs, Gene Autry finally hit rock bottom.
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