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By Adam S.

Whether it’s regarding licensing and testing requirements or drawing parallels between post-shooting gun control propositions and the idea of banning cars to fight drunk drivers, comparisons between guns and vehicles – usually cars – are a common fixture in the Great Internet Gun Debate. “Well,” I thought, “let’s ride that analogy train all the way to the end of the line.” So with that . . .

GLOCK (any GLOCK) & Honda Civic

GLOCK 17 Gen4
Nick Leghorn for TTAG
Honda Civic
By Jason Vogel, Own Work CC BY-SA 4.0, Link
Functional. Sensible. An affordable utility infielder. Collectibility potential: virtually nil.

GLOCK Racegun & Honda Civic With Spoiler 

Carver Custom glock race gun
Courtesy CarverCustom.com

 

honda civic spoiler
Courtesy streetfaction.net
You can stick as much stuff on it as you want. It’s still what it is.

NAA Guardian & Smart Car

image5
Courtesy North American Arms

 

Dimensions pushing the lower limits of the usability range. Not particularly fun. May make you a target of ridicule amongst your peers. Useful if you live in a big city.

S&W 5906 & Ford Crown Victoria

image7
image8
Clunky and oversized, but generally reliable. Available stock exists almost exclusively as decommissioned police inventory.

Smith & Wesson Model 17 & Ford Woodie Wagon


Smith & Wesson Model 17
Courtesy smithandwessonforums.com
ford woody wagon
By <a href=”//commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/User:Mr.choppers” title=”User:Mr.choppers”>Mr.choppers</a> – <span class=”int-own-work” lang=”en”>Own work</span>, CC BY-SA 3.0, Link
Design and construction evokes a simpler time when “wood slab bolted to metal slab” construction ruled the day. Your grandpa probably owned one.

Accu-Tek .380 & Eagle Vision

Accu-Tek 380
Courtesy Accu-Tek
Wikimedia Commons, CC BY-SA 4.0, Link
Oh yeah, those. I think I’ve seen one of those before.

Beretta 21A Bobcat & Vespa

image13
image14
Small. Italian. Limited effective range. Also useful if you live in a big city.

Calico M950 & DeLorean

Courtesy IMFDB.com
Wikimedia Commons, CC BY 2.0, Link
The marriage of a futuristic aesthetics and questionable performance. Both popularized by movies in the 1980s.

Beretta 92F & Hummer

image17
Hummer H2
Navigator84 / CC BY-SA (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)
Military legacy. Grossly oversized in most contexts.

“Mare’s leg” & Harley-Davidson Softail

Henry Mare's Leg
Courtesy Henry
Harley-Davidson Softail
Courtesy Harley-Davidson
Outlaw spirit coupled with quintessentially American style. One-handed operation not recommended.

Charter Arms Pink Lady & Dodge LaFemme

Pink charter arms revolver
Courtesy Charter Arms


 image22

Functionally identical to its less feminine version. Pandering, paternalistic marketing strategy.

TEC-9 & Windowless White Panel Van


white panel van
Courtesy planetbell.me
Highly stigmatized. Commonly associated with criminals and illicit activity. Mere ownership is sufficient to arouse suspicion.

Nambu Type 94 & 1986 Suzuki Samurai

nambu type 94
Vitaly V. Kuzmin / CC BY-SA (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)

 

SuzukiSamurai
Courtesy vwvortex.com
Top-heavy. Notoriously unsafe. Better luck next time, Japan.

Any ‘Smart’ Gun & Minority Report Self-Driving Cars

Armatix "smart" gun
Courtesy Armatix

 

image28
Speculative technology from the annals of science fiction. Lofty ambition tail-wagging proof-of-concept dog. Exists in dystopian societies where due process has been abolished and a legal precedent for the prosecution of thought-crime is common practice.

Ruger P-series & Buick Skylark


95-2.jpg_thumbnail0
Buick skylark POS
By Bull-Doser – Own work, Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=17386112
Blocky, charmingly outdated workhorse long overtaken by sleeker models from parent manufacturer.

Taurus Judge & Chevy El Camino

Taurus Judge
Courtesy Taurus
Chevy El Camino
By Accord14 – Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=76376020
Hybrid resulting in less than the sum of its constituent parts.
Hi-Point C9 & AMC Gremlin
Hi Point C9 9mm Pistol
1977 amc gremlin
By CZmarlin Own work, Public Domain
Proof that “American-made” does not necessarily a mark of quality make. Better luck next time, America.
Tiger-Striped Desert Eagle & Oscar Mayer Wienermobile


Oscar Meyer Weinermobile
Dan Z. for TTAG
When it comes to ridiculous, go big or go home.
What vehicle does your gun resemble?

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RELATED ARTICLESMORE FROM AUTHOR

168 COMMENTS

  1. Smith and Wesson Model 66 and DeLorean
    Nylon 66 and any farm truck
    Ruger Mini 14 and OD green military Jeep

  3. I disagree with the Glock analogy. I have always seen Glocks as the 1980-1990’s solid axle Toyota Hilux. Ugly as sin, slow, but indestructible, goes anywhere, does anything. Those trucks are beautiful because of what they do not because of how they look. I owned a Honda Civic and for however bland and “ugly” Glocks are, the analogy to a Civic is so wrong, A Civic is boring, lifeless, slow, has no soul, and only barely accomplishes the job a people hauler. I sold my Civic less than 6months after my wife gave it to me when we got her a mom car, because I was intentionally trying to get into accidents so that it would be totaled out and I wouldn’t have to drive it anymore. The only reason I sold my Glock was because it was a .40

    • “A Civic is boring, lifeless, slow, has no soul, and only barely accomplishes the job a people hauler”

      In other words, you agree with the author’s analogy. Peoples’ heads would explode if they realized most agencies who use Glocks do so because the guns were nearasdammit free and basically fuctional. I’d be a Glock user too if a sales rep knocked on my door and offered to give me a brand new one if I paid them $50 for a quality holster.

      • ST,

        I carried a Colt 1911 and Sig P226 before I switched to the Glock. Sorry your such a hater, but it is just as reliable as the P226 and Colt I carried but lighter and holds more rounds. A win win in my book!!!

        • All criticism comes from hate? You didn’t even dispute that he was correct, you just stated that it was reliable as and lighter than other two other guns. Maybe that passes for soul in your “book”???

    • Agreed Glock and Toyota 4WD trucks. Also the Hi-Point and AMC Gremlin is right on target, both are ugly as sin and junk to boot, Haha!

      • Toyota is a step above, at least, a Honda. Maybe more than one step. So is the Glock.

        I still mourn my 4runner. My rav4 is ok. But it ain’t a 4runner. But it is better than any Honda, any day.

        • Each to their own, but I test drove a rav4, along with the nissan, mopar, gm, ford, and other equivalents, ended up buying a CR-V. Haven’t once regretted it. But the old 4 runners were excellent. Loved the old Supra too.

    • I run a Glock .40, both sub-compact (snappy!) and full-size.

      The full-size G22 is more like the Toyota Tundra – I have a 2002 Tundra that is dead-nuts-reliable. The Tundra hauls a ski boat over the Continental Divide to Lake Powell (UT) and back – twice per year. The G22 has NEVER jammed, same as the sub-compact (G27).

      The G27 is a Tacoma with a turbocharger. Not quite a Tundra, but same reliability in a smaller package. 1000 fps of pure 180-grain Fed HST goodness.

    • I agree. Glocks just keep on rocken. Toyota Camry are the same way. But if I really wanna push it glocks and VW Bettle. Both really have their days.

    • The Glock is the Toyota Corolla of the gun world. Both are utilitarian and absolutely reliable. And you can bling it up if you want to. There is massive projection going on on this topic.

    • TP-9: any Pontiac (a budget copy of a more expensive make)
      Tavor: Tesla Model X (new tech that’s actually old tech with some of the bugs worked out)
      AR-15: Ford Taurus (they’re American and they’re everywhere)
      AK-47: Subaru Outback (they’re tough and favored by Communists)
      SUB-2000: folding bicycle

      • You are right on except for the AK-47 and Outback. All the real fighting pictures I see of AK’s have a Toyota 4X4/ SR5? in the background.

      • Austrian Pistols, RUSSIAN rifles(not merely some AKM variant), and Toyota trucks. Becuase reliability matters most.

  5. The car with the large trashcan size exhaust is actually a Nissan Primera (P10 platform), that is known as the Infiniti G20 in the US. Not a Honda Civic.

  6. My SD9VE is like my Kia Optima. Dependable, comfortable, better looking and cheaper than a Glock or Accord.

    My Ruger Mk III is like a Corolla. Dependable and designed decades ago. Bugs were worked out many years ago.

    My Taurus TCP is like is like a Mini Cooper. Cute little thing that can be fun but it has a unique personality.

    My old 70s era Taurus 84 revolver is like an old Dodge pick-up. Reliable old cheap thing that gets no respect.

  7. H&K P7 and Porsche 911. Expensive and German, of course. But more importantly, each is a design that doesn’t give a rat’s you-know-what about the accepted ways to do things, and each looks totally distinctive due to the unique layout. Oh, and neither handles like anything else.

    • Coop, well said. Looking at an HK P7M8 laying on my coffee table now. Factory hard chrome and night sights. (They are dim though. Short list to be replaced.) The only problem with that pistol is that it is 9mm. Saw a prototype in .45 ACP at the SHOT Show once. That could have made me put down a 1911.

  8. What about us truck guys? I drive a super duty on 35 inch mud tires and its tuned to the max. Does that resemble a M134D mini gun, ridiculously bad ass and expensive?

  9. M1 Garand : Jeep Cherokee FSJ
    Big, heavy, lots of grunt down low, and expensive to run/maintain.

    Mosin Nagant M91/30 : ’91 Chevy S10 Pickup
    Cheap, indestructible if maintained, highly modified by those with little sense.

    • Simonov SKS : Chevy K5 Blazer
      Has huge aftermarket support, most of which does nothing to improve function or appearance. Functional; more at home in the woods than anywhere else.

    • Nah, the Garand is a 1941 Packard Clipper. State of the art for its day and supremely smooth and beautiful with a straight eight cylinder engine corresponding to the Garand’s 8-round clip.

  11. Dead on with the 5906/Crown Vic, but you should have used one of the square-bodied Fords! Any AR I would pair with the new Mustangs, Camaros, and Challengers… yeah, it’s cool, but they are everywhere. Any pump shotty is a full-sized pickup. 1911s go with classic cars, cool all original or as a hot rod.

  12. 2000 Lincoln Town Car, inherited after the loss of my grandmother. Pre WWII Belgian Browning Auto five 12 ga. Inherited from my dear departed grandfather. Both overbuilt, and practically brand new, just a few signs of wear. Also, they both got enough power to give a little kick, but still manageable.

  13. Colt 1911 and ’47 Willys Jeep CJ2a (or any model between 1941-1956). What I’d really like to see are images showing how guns mimic their owners (kind of like dogs).

  16. I have no imagination on this topic, but I just want to say that this article is awesome. Adam, your comparisons had me laughing and nodding my head. Well done!

  17. Great entry! Top 3…I drove a Gremlin 40 years ago. It was NOT the worst car I ever drove-Chevy Vega,Datsun ,junk VW,awful Ford Maverick(4 different one) make my list.(dang I feel old). But they all drove-couldn’t get the Hi-point to EVER run…

    • Oh lordy, the Vega…my sister had one of those. Drank oil like it was going out of style. And they all seemed to rust along that driver’s side front fender.

    • In my area guys would drop a 350v8 into Vegas back then. (mid to late 70s) crazy gearheads.

      My dream car back then was a Datsun 240Z and the Pantera.

      I look back at younger self and realize how much my needs changed. Will not catch me in a vehicle that’s not 4wd and not capable of getting me out of trouble no matter concrete or muddy trails.

      • Yep. All the Vegas I remember didn’t smoke because they had 350 CI small blocks in them.

        It was a very popular mod before the EPA screwed everything up.

        For the old gearheads, the EPA was like the ATF is to us.

    • Mk23 isn’t a GT3, it’s a Gelandewagen. Maybe the G63 AMG 6×6. Powerful, absurdly huge, very blocky and rectangular, extremely rugged.

  21. Ruger Police Security Six and rusty F-150 4WD stick. Looks big and clunky and no one wants to carry either, but run like hell, get the job done in any terrain and ain’t afraid of a little, or a lot, of mud or sawdust, or anything that walks the planet.

    • I had a Security Six and I had a 1965 F100. I loved both and both were the very best I could afford at the time and I’d like to have both today.

      • JSW and Billy, I bought a stainless 4″ HB Security Six when I was in the Army. Shot as good as the 6″ stainless Colt Python I bought shortly after ETS. I still have the Python. Wish I still had the Security Six.

  22. Not like a Buick Skylark at all. The Ruger P Series is more like an 1988 Silverado with a 350 V8. Large and blocky and superseded by sleeker models from the same manufacturer, but still rugged and reliable.

  23. As a driver of a 13 Honda Fit, I can say that my Glock 19 fits the persona of my car.

    Both:

    – can effectively run with whatever fuel/ammo I load them with.
    – are highly rated for its size/class (kinda since g26 is sub which my fit is).
    – are easy to maintain.
    – are reliable and are capable of a high mileage count
    – are cheap and good for everyday carry/use.
    – are capable of storing a lot

    I recommend both tools for everyday use.

  24. Hmmm… either a Model A pickup or sedan, I’d say.

    Zero frills, automatic nothing and not appealing to videogamers, but solid metal and wood, reliable, peppy and more than sufficient.

    And they’re appealing to me.

  27. Ford F650 Diesel on mud tires /Barrett M82A1

    Huge, ridiculously impractical, and every time you hit the go button your wallet cries.

  28. Sig 226: 2008 Jeep Wrangler. Mostly functional, a little polish but nothing fancy, either runs perfect for hundreds of thousands of dirt road miles from the factory or has to get sent to the shop 5 times for who the hell knows what’s wrong.

  30. My Smith and Wesson 686-3 would be like a nice clean 80s Impala. Plenty of guts, no internal locks or computers, and classically styled.

  31. Rossi m92 lever action, rugged, dependable , used, but still packs one hell of a bite. Yup that fits the description of my ’96 bronco about right

  32. No love for AMC?
    That basic inline 6 was sold up until 2006 by Jeep and was nearly indestructible. Sure the Kenosha Cadillacs were often funny looking, overweight, ergonomic disasters but they ran and ran and ran. Oh…Hi Point you say? 🙂

    • My Tokarev TT-33 kind of reminds me of the 401cid AMC Javelin I used to have. Loved that car, but it’s MPG was nearly equal to it’s 0-60 time. I could watch the gas needle rapidly drop whenever those secondaries on the Holley opened up.

      • anaxis, haven’t thought of an AMC Javlin in years. I knew a guy, “Boog” Paramore that had one. His name fit his discription. One day he was sitting at a red light in Tallahassee. He said two old guys were staring at him. He gave them the finger. A block later they pulled him over. They were two FBI agents. His day got real shitty after that. LOL The car would scoot though.

  34. I’m sorry but I’m not really seeing any resemblance between any of those guns and their corresponding cars. Must just be something for car guys…

  35. M14 and Chevy K2500 pickup. Heavy duty, utilitarian, gets the job done. Not ideal in close quarters, but more than capable when heavy lifting needs to be done.

    FN-LAR/FAL and 70s Land Rover.

      • As long as you’re talking about old Series Land Rovers (SLR, see what I did there?), then yeah, it’s the perfect counterpart to the FAL. More modern Discoveries and Range Rovers are closer in nature to the L85. Looks great on paper but broken down in the field even before the warranty expires.

        • Yes. My daughter worked at a volvo/rover/jaguar dealership. You could not give me a rover or jag. Garbage.

        • If they were the best the Brits could do, they still have a lot to learn. It says something the brand that makes the highest quality cars in Britain is Japanese!

          Downunder Jags are known as the “woodgrain dash and leaky sump brigade”. There’s also a long running joke about needing to buy two Jags so you keep alternating between the one that drives and the other that’s in the shop. It is said Jaguar dealers made more money out of the back door (servicing and repairs) than they did out of the front (sales).

          I gave my son sage advice only to buy Japanese or South Korean. And never European, which includes the small Fords.

        • aussie, you got somethin’ against the holden munaro?
          if i still drove cars i’d have a g8…

  36. This is shockingly accurate. I’d put the Glock up with a fleet-spec F150, though. Both workhorses, medium duty, top sellers, all function- no form, boring reliability, can both be accessorized in endless ways.

    A flintlock and a Conestoga wagon.
    Coach gun and a, well, stagecoach.
    Derringer and bugeye sprite.
    AR15 and Jeep wrangler, just for the accessories.

  37. Most of these are a stretch. See no real connection aside from what is obviously the effect Hollywood has had on people.

  38. My son and I were discussing rifles last night. Said it again. “If rifles were cars an AK-47 would be a VW bug and my Galil ARM would be a Porche 911.”

  40. Owned a P89 since ’95. Wouldn’t be caught dead in a skylark. The 89 was the Tank of the 90’s. Big, Heavy, Rugged and Dependable. Still is to this day and still my favorite.

  42. I’ve got a couple of 67 Vettes (big blocks), a 32 five window coupe, a chopped 49 Merc w/flat head, a 54 Ford F-100 w/coyote engine and the rest are basically SUVs except for the 67 Caddy Coupe Deville…

  45. S&W 59 and Accu-Tek 380. Owned a series of 4×4’s during the time I owned those guns. Chevy LUV (cheap!) 1968 International Scout, Nissan King Cab PU, 1968 Jeepster Commando.

    Charter Arms Off Duty. Not pink just .38 Special!
    Just boring four door sedans.

    On the other hand … Ruger 10/22. Every bicycle first of all (rifle scabbard on the bike), and then every car or truck to the present day.

  46. Damn, I’m seeing people I haven’t seen in ages commenting on this one!

    anaxis, Matt in Fl, Russ, and I’m sure there will be others…

    • Errr, you’ve still not seen them in ages. Those posts are date stamped in Aug. 2015, it’s a retread article. Sorry to burst your elation bubble, truly. 🙁

  47. My 2 wheel drive Jeep Liberty (Hey, I bought used, some times you get what you get) is sort of like a state compliant AR. It isn’t exactly what I wanted, but it will do what I need it to in a pinch.

  48. I would compare my Glock 19 to the 1993 Toyota four wheeler pick up i had. That Toyota was the first New vehicle I ever bought and I wish I still had it. Havent sold any of my Glock’s yet.

  49. lol wtf. Great article.

    I don’t know though… 2018 2500 Cummins, 37 inches of Carli/Toyo greatness.

    I’d say it’s close to a DDMK18. At least mine is.

    Maybe some 2500/3500s resemble a lever action more lol. Depends on the trailer 😉

  50. YT-1300 Corellian light freighter and a Broomhandle Mauser Blaster
    X Wing and Light Saber
    Shuttle Craft and Phaser (please don’t make me wear a red shirt)

      • TFB Hop doesn’t have to shave but he’s still The Man, and even though James owns cats and wears gaymagnet shorts you should never doubt his masculinity.
        Besides, TFB has pictures of real guns and doesn’t pay conflicted leftwing women for half-a$$ed articles.
        That said JWT is a blessing for TTAG … even if he does like wearing those durned flip-flops on the range.

  53. The Honda with the wing is NOT a civic, it’s a CR-Z, your post is invalid.
    Didn’t someone from the Truth About Cars start this blog? Do your research.

  54. I love the dimwits who don’t realize they’re insulting peoples posts from FIVE years ago😃😎😏 TFB sucks nancy boy! They stand for NOTHING!

    • Yet you still read it. That really says alot about you doesn’t it. So get out of your mamas basement and get a life and quit playing 99 trying to hit100.

      • I haven’t “read” TFB in year’s. I occasionally peruse their YouTube. Any so-called “gun channel” that doesn’t defend our right’s is pathetic Ken. Oh and I’m 66 and happily married for 31 year’s loser…

  59. I didn’t expect much looking at the headline but this was pretty funny

    Not so sure about the Beretta 92… it’s a pretty standard full-size pistol. It’s just that we’ve been increasingly spoiled by incremental improvements on capacity for a given size. I’d say it’s more like an SUV from the 90s. You can get better now but if you don’t care about getting the latest, most efficient model it works fine.

    No 1911 up there???

    The two pistols I carry most are both like my car- designed in Europe but built in North America. Both are probably a bit more expensive than their counterparts but sometimes a small premium for an HK or Sig is worth getting exactly what you want even if there is a Glock out there that does basically the same thing.

    • 1911 is like an older car with a carburator, the owner of which will SWEAR his properly tuned carb will run better than any newfangled fuel injection system. Just not right now because he needs to clean it.

  60. Subaru Outback and CZ Bren Ms 2 5.56 11″ . . . not too big, not too small, works under all conditions, smooth, reliable, easy too maintain, and economical.

  61. “Any ‘Smart’ Gun & Minority Report Self-Driving Cars”

    Self driving cars are real and highly functional. I’m looking forward to being able to get one someday.

    Smart guns are right up there with a unicorn ranch in Atlantis with flying unicorns that fart cotton candy rainbows.

  65. Unfortunately, all of my guns right now resemble any ’70’s american generic sedan, idling in a long line of other generic sedans hoping to get to the pump before the station hangs a ” Sorry, out of fuel today ” sign across the driveway.

  66. Okay, let’s see here:

    SIG P226 – 1990’s BMW M3. Square-jawed, solidly engineered, efficient.

    Beretta Cheetah – Jaguar XJ6. Sleek and sexy old school. Technology has surpassed the design, but nobody would be embarrassed to be seen with it.

    A chrome-plated Lorcin .25 – a typical mid-80s Chrysler sedan***. Let’s glitz it up with opera mirrors and velour seats so nobody pays attention to the fact that most of them are unreliable pieces of crap.

    ***A 1984 Pontiac Fiero would also be an acceptable response here.

  67. Geez, 49 of the above comments are from 2016/16…. kind of like a glimpse of how mail-in balloting is going to go?

  68. Absolutely perfect!

    I would add a Sig 556 and a Valvo: Spendy, has a loyal following but far from mainstream even thought it will get you where you need to go.

    The 1911 and Volkswagen Beetle. Early sparten design for mission function only. Everything else evolved while it just continued to chug along as designed. You either love them or hate them.

  71. I will always prefer an all metal gun versus a plastic gun. Just as I prefer an all metal car instead of a plastic car. They might be heavier cost more gas to put in. The heavy gun would weigh me down. But that metal car and that metal gun will protect me when I need it.

    My all metal ruger p89 with 18 rounds works just fine.

    • My gun is a 1962 Ferrari GTO

      Aren’t they ALL? I assume you mean priceless (although a 62 250 GTO sold in 2018 for nearly 50 million) everything has a price…

  73. 1911 and a 94 Ford F-150. If well lubricated, they’ll last forever. And there are a million and 1 of them out there!

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