‘Florida Man’ has become a popular and enduring meme. That’s due to a never-ending run of bizarre stories that come out of the Sunshine State involving dudes whose animating principle in life seems to be, Hold My Beer.
The Florida Man’s legend has grown widely enough and he’s become so popular that you can now get a Florida Man coloring book . . .
There’s even a Florida Man party game . . .
The Urban Dictionary describes Florida Man as . . .
The stupidest thing on earth. You don’t want to mess with him, as he might attack you with a fried chicken or a catfish. His fuel is Bud Light and methamphetamine. They LOVE playing sports with gators and using fish as baseball bats. Nothing can stop a Florida Man except another Florida Man. Get on his bad side, and he will feed you to his cat Spleens. Nobody is a crazy, random, or stupid as a Florida Man. Only Russians or Australians can match up against them. So don’t mess with Florida Man.
Good advice. And it turns they were right. The only thing that stops a Florida Man is another FM.
Case in point: 16-year-old Christopher Broad. The aspiring central Florida Man — who, sadly, will never achieve that title now — was bored Sunday evening. Broad and two friends, Joshua Vining and Colton Whitler, were apparently trying to find a way to pass time. Maybe Xbox was out because their internet connection was down. Maybe their meth dealer had exhausted his inventory.
Whatever the reason, the outcome was tragic…and about as Florida Man as Florida Man gets.
Broad was killed when he and his two friends took turns shooting each other while wearing what the Belleview Police Department describes as “a vest which contained a form of body armor.”
The Belleview Police Department responded to a call Sunday evening . . .
Officers arrived at a residence in the 10400 block of SE 52nd Court, where they located the victim, juvenile Christopher Leroy Broad Jr (W/M, 06/02/2005), who had been shot inside of the residence. The victim was transported to the hospital where he succumbed to his injuries.
Another mysterious case where a gun “just went off”? Well, no . . .
Over the last several days, BPD lead detective Sergeant Michael Miley investigated this case, and discovered evidence to prove that Vining shot and killed Broad. Through the investigation, it was determined that Vining and Broad were taking turns shooting at each other while wearing a vest which contained a form of body armor. Vining shot at Broad while he was wearing the vest and he was struck.
It isn’t clear from the reports whether the armor failed or whether Vining, a sure-fire future MacArthur grant awardee, missed the protective vest when taking his turn shooting at young Master Broad. Either way, the result is, sadly, the same.
The report doesn’t indicate whose gun and vest they were using. Or whether alcohol or drugs were involved. All we know is that the world has lost one Florida Man and two more are about to spend a good portion of their lives in prison surrounded by an eclectic collection of other Flordia Men. That’s sure to result in one strange brew.
Florida doesn’t have a corner on the stupid market. A while back an aspiring Youtube celebrity got his girlfriend to shoot a book he was holding in front of his chest with a Desert Eagle. I went about the way you’d expect.
Forgot to mention it was in Minnesota.
Well it worked with the 9mm…
If it’s the one I think it is it worked a few times with stopping.50ae just not the last time. I want to say a phone book was involved but it’s been a while. Besides the obvious lesson of don’t test out unproven home brew body armor on people it also demonstrates that consistency for both loadings as well as object integrity are not constants and margin of error is important.
About the same as the chicom “body armor” that is for sale.
Only problem there is most (not all but most) US companies use Chinese made alumina oxide and silica tiles arrays and monolithic strike faces. Quality has a wide range and how things get put together later (adhesive, backing construction, materials, coatings) can make a huge difference. But for anything we can buy it’s mostly 20-30 year old tech that has small improvements so chinesium can perform ok if you are lucky on their quality control.
Sounds like ordinary scientific testing.
We’ll raise you the Aussie bogan. Fuelled by VB (Victoria Bitter), powered by a V8 Commodore, and educated enough to read a dole cheque. Makes welfare their career, lives in housing commission (public housing), and exists only to breed more of their kind. Idiocracy in action.
Wait would this be related to the petrol huffer meme from a few years ago that was apparently racist/whatever else?
That unfortunately was indigenous children so desperate for a high they would puncture the fuel tank on your car to drain some fuel to inhale.
It severely hurt the children and cars were locked into fenced areas. Not good for anyone all round.
But inhaling aromatics is not unknown elsewhere.
“Well, I’ve got brain damage on the side of my brain, and I don’t know which side, left or right, where I huffed gasoline for ten long years“
Jessco White.
Southern, some of the stories I have heard from Australia have been too absurd to believe……. Then I saw how Afghans lived and how NY runs it’s government and I have every reason to believe you are wildly understating what goes on over there.
they reformulated styrene cement in the ’70’s, toluene out, some form of mustard oil in. but the hardware stores sold straight tolly by the quart. the braintrust was seen with a rag, a lag and a shoulder drag.
Play stupid games…
“Vining and Broad were taking turns shooting at each other while wearing a vest which contained a form of body armor.”
The Florida Man body armor is flattened Bud Light cans.
.40 cal Booger for the win!
We have all done our share of stupid things as kids. Fortunately, we survived our experimentations in idiocy.
This is a case of proper parental guidance on firearms. These kids should have been taught that firearms are not toys. Also, movies and TV are lies and not to recreate what you see in shows.
Proud “Florida Man” here. Born and bred. What y’all don’t realize, we still take all the warning labels off of tools and pill bottles down here. It is a form of culling. We do not uphold our Stupid, and Idiots in Florida, we merely get out of the way, and let Darwin take his course. When you try to make everything Idiot Proof, the Idiots merely say “Challenge Accepted, Hold my Beer!” The rest of Y’all can keep yours safe, but know this. When they get older they Breed and make more. We’ rather ours just make those funny videos as they remove themselves from the Gene pool!
Natural selection DOES work occasionally, when allowed to!!
You don’t tug on Superman’s cape.
You don’t spit into the wind.
You don’t pull the mask off the ol’ Lone Ranger.
And you don’t mess around with Florida Man.
You don’t put your junk in a blender.
ROFL Good one!
Broad becomes a slam dunk for a Darwin Award. Vining receives an honorable mention.
lol
Too much intelligence.
I’ll say it…”Play stupid games win stupid prizes.” Had Eddie Eagle and marksmanship and The Truth About Gun Control been taught early in schools perhaps such a level of firearm stupidity would not happen. Because the aforementioned is not taught or allowed to be taught the root cause must be attributed to demoCrap.
The only extracurricular instruction the commie groomers are interested in, is teaching young school children about home oh secksual seks, changing their genders, and keeping secrets from their parents. They can’t be bothered with potential life saving instruction.
Misspelled to avoid the silly moderation program
https://www.realityslaststand.com/p/amaze-is-indoctrinating-children?s=w
The only extracurricular instruction the commie groomers are interested in, is teaching young school children about… “
Right here in River city, America?
“A father in Ontario… “
Oh no, it’s just those crazy Canadians…
But we do have our issues right here in America, it’s the adults supporting the child porn industry that are the real criminals, here’s one now:
“04/08/2022 08:17 AM EDT
A former GOP staffer and Republican National Committee aide who admitted to being part of a ring that traded child pornography involving babies was sentenced Thursday to more than 12-and-a-half years in prison Thursday.
Ruben Verastigui, 29, received the 151-month sentence from U.S. District Court Judge Amit Mehta during a hearing held via video conference, according to an announcement from the U.S. Attorney’s Office in Washington, D.C.
Verastigui was a digital strategist for the RNC in 2017 and 2018, working on social media advertising for political committees backing former President Donald Trump, according to Verastigui’s LinkedIn page. The digital strategist also worked for the Senate Republican Conference and for a nonprofit group called Citizens for Responsible Energy Solutions. An anti-abortion activist originally from San Antonio, Verastigui spoke at the March for Life in Washington in 2013, according to a video clip posted online.“
So this isn’t some bullshit rumor from Q, or some crazy conspiracy theory like pizza-gate, this is a real criminal, a “Republican National Committee aide who admitted to being part of a ring that traded child pornography involving babies”.
“Babies”?
Y’all sure got some strange people on the Trump Train, I’m glad I don’t associate with the Republicans and their self-admitted “sexual perversions”.
Of course the only reason a bitter partisan like you is pointing this out with glee is because the perp is from the other team. Partisan politics is for fools. Something is either right or wrong. I say throw the book at all pedos and their enablers. If you felt the same way, then you’re upset with the recent addition to the Supreme Court, who is a documented pedo apologist. But you’re happy with the appointment aren’t you? It isn’t the principle, it’s the tribalism for you that matters.
Dude, you are the one who brought up the subject and cited as evidence a third hand private account from Canada as justification for your claim that “commies” are child “groomers”.
All you had to support your claim against Democrats is a thirdhand account, while I posted an actual article citing the 12 year prison sentence for the Republican national committee aide who enjoyed jacking off watching babies be raped.
And then you claimed that Supreme Court justice nominee Brown is a “pedo apologist”, for imposing sentences in line with 80% of similarly situated federal judges. Under our justice system, judges don’t always give the maximum sentence or impose the prosecutor’s request, they follow the evidence and impose an appropriate sentence. For you to second guess these decisions, without the benefit of viewing any of the evidence or hearing any of the witness testimony, is just ignorant arrogance.
Wait a second. Are you saying there aren’t any commies in Canada? I guess Canada is so far removed from us culturally, we may as well be focusing on Japanese teachers.
I went back and read my comments. I didn’t mention Democrats. Why would you assume Democrat when I said commie groomer? Guilty conscience? Now that you’re bringing Democrats into the conversation, which political party is freaking out over not being able to teach kindergartners about sexuality and gender confusion ideology? Hmm… Why are you guys pushing for that so hard? Since when has that been part of the school curriculum in the history of the world? Are you saying it doesn’t exist because I didn’t prove it to you, or are you saying it doesn’t exist? Or, it exists and it’s a positive thing? Be honest.
American teachers are posting TikToks on the subject bragging about it, by the way. I’ve seen enough videos of them doing that as well as extensive reporting on the subject. In addition to that, I’ve seen people in the school system pushing the LG+∞ ideology firsthand. Should I not believe my lying eyes? Again, are you saying this isn’t happening?
https://twitter.com/libsoftiktok/status/1513046467333689344
“For you to second guess these decisions, without the benefit of viewing any of the evidence or hearing any of the witness testimony, is just ignorant arrogance.”
What makes you think I haven’t heard about any of her cases? Do I have to read the entire transcript of every court case I voice an opinion on? Is that the standard now? How many have you read? Did you read a transcript of all of Jackson’s cases? If not, then how is your defense of her anything other than “ignorant arrogance?”
Here’s what I do know. Prosecutors weren’t asking for the maximum sentences. The prosecutors were more familiar with those cases than we will ever be. She didn’t even get close to what they asked for. Judges explain their actions. She said she gave one guy a light sentence because he was just curious about young boys. She said the perp viewed the boys as his peers. He was 18 and they were as young as 11. Tell me what 18 year old in this country views any 11 year old as their peer? You were 18. Did you and your pals hang out with 11 year olds?
Miner after having seen a drag queen story hour take place at my local library and identifying the degenerate as a sex offender I couldn’t care less at party affiliation. At this point I just let the local gang members know.
First, I’m about tired of this “Florida Man” crap. Everytime I worked a Florida Man incident they were almost always from somewhere else. Usually, a damn yankee that has no clue how to live in Florida. They just bring stupid with them when they show up and carry on. They are only a Florida Man because this is where they get their mail now. They are no more a Florida Man than me moving to Texas makes me a Texan. Next that cartoon. The gators, snapping turtles and snakes I get. See them all the time. Never seen a flamingo outside of a zoo. The tattoos? No thanks. Just me. The fins. Ok. I used to dive. Pink? Uh, no. Bud Light. I can choke it down, but I prefer beer that tastes like beer. Don’t get me started on Coors. The flag of the United States of America. Absolutely Florida Man. 100%. Except, it will be at the top of a flag pole. Not worn as a cape on the back of a drunken spring breakers. As an aside; I didn’t send my children to your state to raise hell and break shit for a week every spring. Please, stop sending Florida yours. Thanks.
Been saying a lot of not most of Florida man is just NY/NJ that doesn’t know how to handle freedom. Plus a lot of the incidents seem to lack a level of politeness that I don’t observe as much past DC but is super common around NYC/Philly/Baltimore. We lost over a million people in NY to moving out over the last few years so good luck.
Speaking of Flags. The U.S. ranks 33 out of the 36 OECD countries in regards to infant mortality with some African countries ranking higher than West Virginia. My neighbor decided to place all 33 flags on a flag pole. The U.S. flag is 3rd from the bottom with a picture of a deceased American Child at the base of the flag poll. It makes people realize that no, the U.S. is not the best country in the world to live in for a variety of reasons and if we are to change things its going to be up to us Socialists to do a lot of hard work to totally the defeat the power of the Corrupt, Prostitute, Republican party to achieve it.
No one asked you ass wipe.
first time i’ve gut laughed in some time.
flamingos, seen them in the glades. mudflats, miccasouki airboat ride, canoeing.
most recent theory is that they originated in florida, were hunted to extinction in the 1800’s (plumage driven) and made a migratory recovery.
ever buy an idiot tax (lotto) ticket?
Yeah, I was reading about “Florida Man” and sounds a whole more like spring breakers, the majority of whom are from out of state. I agree – partying is great, but when you start breaking things, starting fights, shooting folks, robbing – please just stay in your own state. We don’t need that here or want it. I’m sure there are plenty of folks in other states that feel the same way about criminal tourists.
Spring break in Florida means getting drunk and stupidly falling to your death from your 5th-floor hotel room balcony while one of your ‘friends’ videos it.
That seems to happen a few times every spring down here, it seems… 🙁
that exact thing happened to my ex girl’s brother’s wife’s brother. he lived, but was no longer the sharp kid he had been.
Coors is the breakfast of Champions.
I’m going to go out on a limb and say not everyone drinks beer for the flavor. Coors is a step up from The Beast. It gets the job done.
Coors is a neat company, the beer was an off-shoot from their Coors Porcelain division.
One of Coors Porcelain products is the conical ceramic heat shield of Minuteman thermonuclear warheads.
*Boom*… 🙂
And the nuclear powered ram jet for the SLAM from Project Pluto.
No, the beer is not an offshoot from the ceramics company.
The ceramics company is an offshoot of the brewery.
“On November 3, 1914, Coloradans voted to adopt statewide prohibition, which would take effect on January 1, 1916. Adolph Coors, knowing that his brewery business in Golden would soon be shuttered, turned his interests to a new business: ceramics.
In 1915, Adolph Coors’ two sons, Adolph, Jr. and Herman, took the helm at the Herold China and Pottery Company in Golden, Colorado. The brothers were interested in using their chemistry knowledge to create durable porcelain products that ranged from dinnerware to battery cells needed for World War I.“
And what Coors sells now can hardly be called beer. Real beer does not contain corn.
unless you’re using reinheitsgebot to define “real,” plenty of quality swill use adjuncts. carlsberg uses corn in it’s recipes and their elephant malt liquor is a superlative brew.
unmalted barley, wheat, rye and rice are all common. as are honey and candy sugar.
see, when you’re belgian, you can develop yeast strains that can survive in their own filth.
They’re probably descendants of carpetbaggers & scallywags that invaded Florida over the last 150yrs., Dumbed down the real Florida population with dumbass yankees.
When I posted my comment I refrained from calling out descendants of Damn Yankees, as I didn’t think it safe to type out their title. But Yes I do believe as well that Yankees just can’t cope with the heat and humidity down here. It causes their brains to mold!
Easy on the Yankee stuff. Some of us from the great white north are a little more intelligent than these dumb kids. Some of the dumbest folks I’ve encountered in my lifetime were from some of the southern states. Although we did have our share of dumbasses back up in Minnesota and Wisconsin.
Just from what I read in the article, and the actual news reports, these were bored teens with too much time on their hands and too many hours playing stupid/violent video games. Don’t know if alcohol was involved, but it does sound like it.
While I live in south Alabama now, I agree with Gadsden Flag on his point on spring breakers. When I lived and worked down on the beach in Gulf Shores, the importation of drunken, destructive, drunken college students every spring just wasn’t worth the small financial gains in the tourism/hospitality business.
What I do find annoying is the depiction in the NYC and LA based media is how stupid, destructive and ignorant folks are somehow in the majority in not just Florida, but anywhere in flyover country outside the leftist bastions. And in the South in particular.
Oldman, the spring breakers are like the tides down here. They come in. Then they go out. Can’t do much to stop either. The thing a true child of the South despises is the yankee that moves down here and then begins to pontificate. “Well, up north we did it (pick a subject) like this….” Guess what? We don’t give a shit how a bunch of Doodle Dandies did it! Go back and do it that way and give us some peace. Please.
” “Well, up north we did it (pick a subject) like this….” ”
In 1990 I gave up on NYC and moved to Charlotte NC (no, I’m not a NYC native). At the time I was part of a tidal wave of Rust Belt denizens heading to the south, so much so that the first thing someone asked you was where you were from, and meeting a native Charlottean was a rare treat. Anyway, one of the more amusing things going on was the appearance of bumper stickers that said “I don’t give a damn how you did it up there. “
Bill, when referring to yankees, damn yankees, the northern invaders, etc. their miscreant title is never capitalized. As a matter of decorum.
My bad I Capitalize for Emphasis, definitely not to honor yankees. You know the difference between a yankee and a damn yankee right? And then when damn yankees have the temerity to breed down here we add yet another adjective to the front!
A yankee is a yankee that stays where they belong, up north.
A damn yankee is one that pollutes the South by moving down here and breeding.
Kind of like how TTAG is polluted by my obsessed, obviously brain-damaged and mentally-ill demented troll (who deserves to live in New Jersey)… 🙂
Stupid is as stupid does.
Didn’t the left want the voting age lowered to 16!
The Left Loves stupid voters and the very young as they respond to emotional rather than logical arguments. Remember the Churchill Quote “If you are not a Liberal by 25, you have no Heart. If you are not a Conservative by 35, you have no Brain”
they will do well in prison
“The report doesn’t indicate whose gun and vest they were using. Or whether alcohol or drugs were involved.”
With an adequate supply of STOOPID, neither drugs nor alcohol are required for people to get themselves deadified in the most idiotic ways imaginable.
Of course being male, being teenagers and in Florida are three negative indicators that surely did not help them.
If you haven’t already:
https://darwinawards.com/
Below a certain IQ floor, people have trouble with hypothetical conditionals. They can form the idea of “let’s shoot each other wearing the vests to see how well they work”, but they never reach the part of “what’s going to happen if the answer turns out to be ‘rather poorly’?”. A surprising amount of crime comes down to this inability to foresee the consequences of one’s actions
There is also the scientific fact the part of the brain involved in Risk/Reward calculation doesn’t mature until the mid twenties. This is probably why militaries Love young recruits!
Doesn’t fully mature, which is what makes this argument a red herring. The vast majority of kids that age have sufficient “risk/reward” circuitry to know not to shoot their friends for fun, no matter what they’re wearing. A lot of people would like to delay to young citizens the full enjoyment of their rights, until their brains are “fully”, as opposed to “sufficiently” mature, and of course the next logical step is to start curtailing rights as cognitive decline begins to set in barely a handful of years later.
“There is also the scientific fact the part of the brain involved in Risk/Reward calculation doesn’t mature until the mid twenties.”
Yep, but think of the profitability of selling one of the 16–year-olds an AR15 pistol w/90 round mag, right?
And in a capitalist society, it’s all about profitability.
Well if the body armor was store bought and not home made sounds like the company that made it lied about it being bullet proof?
It may well have been bullet proof – until the 37th round finally penetrated. Need more details to come to any conclusions.
One final thought, a “real” Florida Man never says, “Hold my beer!” We can hold our own damn beer!
Thats right I’m a professional I can do “that” and hold my beer
And I ain’t from Florida and bud light ain’t beer
And those boys should get 1st prize for stupid.
You all can hold my empty beer can.
Yee Yee
Oh hah, hey Gadsden.
Hows a french woman hold her liquor…..
.
.
.
By the ears.
Florida’s Sunshine laws makes it very easy for the press to get ahold of police reports. Slow news day- just check out police reports from the weekend. That’s part of the reason that there are so many of the ‘Florida Man’ stories. As a Floridian I do agree that there is a special kind of crazy down here sometimes. Love it here, freedom can be messy! Now we just need Constitutional Carry.
Oh, I know. The police briefs where I live are usually just depressing, but we have our fair share of hilariously crazy perps, too. The “Florida Man” jokes are still pretty funny.
COMMENTS COVER IT ALL .
Just another dumb Broad.
Dumb and Dumber.
sigh..I have no hope for the future. Idiocracy was a documentary it seems.
Hate to kick you while you are down but if anything Idiocracy would be an improvement. The government there actually was trying it’s level best to help it’s citizens and solve problems that impacted people.
Just spent two months in Fla. is anyone there a native ? Not the owners of the first condo we rented ,nor the owner of the complex of the second one , or either of the cleaning women. No bartenders , or waitresses, not the gym owner , not the lady that drove the tour bus at the Space Center ,Not the neighbors , not the PA at the emergency room . Can’t recall meeting any .
All the construction workers on the street in Sarasota were from Mexico or Guatemala .
Not many natives in Florida nope, the Cherokee got sent to Oklahoma.
Good one possum! I was pretty dumb at 16. Still around at 68 next month. Luck has a lot to do with it😎
At least third generation here. Since before the turn of the last century. Qualifies me as a cracker since we farmed.
“Not many natives in Florida nope, the Cherokee got sent to Oklahoma.”
The Seminole tribe is native Floridian.
It is unknown if Possums are native to Florida :
the seminoles remain the only tribe to have never been rounded up completely. jackson dragged (after slaughtering tens of thousands) a few thousand off to okie. but the rest slid into the ‘glades and vanished. miccosukee etc.
I don’t think of “Florida Man” as a demented superhero, but rather as some forgotten evolutionary stage that somehow survived into the modern age, like Rhodesian Man or Cro-Magnon Man. I mean, what kind of superheroes have “methamphetamine overdose” and “hungry alligator” as their leading causes of death?
Apparently the moron on the right (Whitle) called 911 and told police his house had been shot at by unknown assailants. Then, after that fell through, tried to blame the shooting on another teen, who had recorded the “game” of Vining and Broad shooting each other in the vest.
Not a future Rhodes Scholar, methinks…
Most types of armor are degraded and damaged by repeated impacts. Kevlar body armors as well as ceramic composites disapate the kinetic energy of the projectile by rupturing the fibers and/or shattering the ceramic. An armor that can stop a bullet once will usually not stop a second bullet at the same area.
Think of it as evolution in action.
Some people just should not breed. Please spare us all.
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