‘Florida Man’ has become a popular and enduring meme. That’s due to a never-ending run of bizarre stories that come out of the Sunshine State involving dudes whose animating principle in life seems to be, Hold My Beer.
The Florida Man’s legend has grown widely enough and he’s become so popular that you can now get a Florida Man coloring book . . .
There’s even a Florida Man party game . . .
The Urban Dictionary describes Florida Man as . . .
The stupidest thing on earth. You don’t want to mess with him, as he might attack you with a fried chicken or a catfish. His fuel is Bud Light and methamphetamine. They LOVE playing sports with gators and using fish as baseball bats. Nothing can stop a Florida Man except another Florida Man. Get on his bad side, and he will feed you to his cat Spleens. Nobody is a crazy, random, or stupid as a Florida Man. Only Russians or Australians can match up against them. So don’t mess with Florida Man.
Good advice. And it turns they were right. The only thing that stops a Florida Man is another FM.
Case in point: 16-year-old Christopher Broad. The aspiring central Florida Man — who, sadly, will never achieve that title now — was bored Sunday evening. Broad and two friends, Joshua Vining and Colton Whitler, were apparently trying to find a way to pass time. Maybe Xbox was out because their internet connection was down. Maybe their meth dealer had exhausted his inventory.
Whatever the reason, the outcome was tragic…and about as Florida Man as Florida Man gets.
Broad was killed when he and his two friends took turns shooting each other while wearing what the Belleview Police Department describes as “a vest which contained a form of body armor.”
The Belleview Police Department responded to a call Sunday evening . . .
Officers arrived at a residence in the 10400 block of SE 52nd Court, where they located the victim, juvenile Christopher Leroy Broad Jr (W/M, 06/02/2005), who had been shot inside of the residence. The victim was transported to the hospital where he succumbed to his injuries.
Another mysterious case where a gun “just went off”? Well, no . . .
Over the last several days, BPD lead detective Sergeant Michael Miley investigated this case, and discovered evidence to prove that Vining shot and killed Broad. Through the investigation, it was determined that Vining and Broad were taking turns shooting at each other while wearing a vest which contained a form of body armor. Vining shot at Broad while he was wearing the vest and he was struck.
It isn’t clear from the reports whether the armor failed or whether Vining, a sure-fire future MacArthur grant awardee, missed the protective vest when taking his turn shooting at young Master Broad. Either way, the result is, sadly, the same.
The report doesn’t indicate whose gun and vest they were using. Or whether alcohol or drugs were involved. All we know is that the world has lost one Florida Man and two more are about to spend a good portion of their lives in prison surrounded by an eclectic collection of other Flordia Men. That’s sure to result in one strange brew.