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  1. This is the new style “Man hole” cover. When you go on a date, you place it about eight or nine inches below your belly button

  2. The first IUD devices were a little too large to be practical, but that didn’t stop the sponsors from launching an advertising campaign in the summer of 1934 with a theme of “Be Safe With Your Partner In the Water, and Out of the Water.”

  3. Hey Sis, I heard your dating Ron Jeremy. I thought you should replace that old diaphragm with something more appropriately sized.

  4. The look on her face says “I should have known this was what you meant by ‘protection’ as soon as I noticed your shorts were shorter than mine.”

    • – The first plate carrier

      – Hitler Youth are weird

      – If feminine shield products were designed by men

      – Awkward wedding photos

      – People of Wall Maria (not a typo)

  5. “Gee, Mister, you don’t look much like Captain America…and this shield feels like plaster, not Vibranium. I don’t think it’d be a good idea to take a sauna with you…”

  6. Yes Ms. Watts. It’s a new lead life jacket we had made in honor of your contributions to national sovereignty and personal freedom.

  7. Ashley, a proud supporter of the 2nd amandment, would conceal carry up until she hit the starting line. Her coach would hold her .38 revolver during her race and promptly return it after she had dried off.

  8. “Jerry wanted to get flowers, but his pals insisted a toilet seat cover was the best way to catch a girl’s heart when asking her out.”

  9. This surveillance photo shows the lengths re-loaders are willing go to smuggle lead under The White House and EPA’s noses.

  10. Since the girls campus is against concealed carry, pepper spray, and stun guns take this shield it’s the only protection the liberals haven’t outlawed yet.

  11. “Ḕ tā̀n ḕ epì tâs”
    Aw mom, lighten up, I just snagged an extra role in a sword and sandals flick. The director said I might be the next Victor Mature if I’m ‘cooperative’.

  12. “A Gun?? Don’t be silly, no one needs a gun.
    Here, have one of the new safety devices our Gun Violence Prevention Group has created…. just hit any mugger over the head with that. And if they have a gun, you can use that as a shield to protect yourself while you run away. ~lol~ why would anyone need anything as primitive as a gun…..”

  13. After long thought and thorough vetting, Shannon Watts gilded the Eunuch Of The Year this past weekend. The ceremony took place in the alley adjacent to Kroger’s and was attended by no one…

  14. “Our Gun Violence Prevention Group has come to the conclusion that women with guns will only harm themselves….. so here is our new self-defense device to keep you safe.”

  15. “Yes, we at Moms Demand Action are familiar with the M&P Shield, and we believe responsible moms should only carry this kind of shield. It’s for the kids.”

  16. “Mr. Hughes, my daughter is fourteen and understands nothing about next-generation aviation flaps. Let’s go, Audrey.” — Katherine Hepburn

  17. “Honestly, Mr. Stark, I think it’s incredibly poor taste to send Agent Carter a chocolate shield for Christmas.”

  18. Ione Whalen finally figured out why there had never been back-to-back diving winners at the Wardman Park Pool when she was informed by the armed presenter that the traveling Bronze Award Shield had to be worn in all subsequent rounds of competition.

  19. Excuse me young lady, I’m the RSO here at TrouserShots range. You may be unaware, but you where just nearly struck by a hot load from man cannon moments ago. Thankfully, it hit the wall behind you. Keep your shield up while walking on the range in the future.

  20. The first female cadet graduates from the newly formed “Lifeguard Tactical Assault Team” (LTAT) and receives her very own protective badge/shield. These new teams were recently formed to stop the dramatic increase in crime on the beach. Recently, a LTAT team stormed a concession stand when it was reported that beach-goers were stealing packets of ketchup. Three people were arrested in the raid including a 61 year-old woman who is reported to have taken three extra ounces of ketchup. During the raid, a [hot]dog was shot after reportedly attacking one of the guards with a stale bun. In another raid, 14 were arrested when a participant at a beach volley ball game cried foul claiming the ball was overinflated.
    The Mayor is quoted as saying “These new lifeguard tactical teams will make our beaches safer and our french fries less soggy.” The LTAT is also participating in a new Dept. of Defense pilot program, and will take possession of their first MATT (Model A Tactical (milk) Truck) in July.

  21. Aquaman holding a plate of fish sticks: Pardon me miss, but do you like fish sticks?
    Woman: Yes, why?
    AM: Do you like fish sticks in your mouth???

  22. Franz: Ms. Earhart?
    Amelia: Yes?
    Franz: Hello, I’m Franz with the International Diving Society. We feel as though you don’t quite fit here so well require the society’s plate back.
    Amelia: Oh, but what am I supposed to do now? I have always loved the freedom I’ve felt in diving.
    Franz: well ma’am im not sure. Every dive DID look good,as if you were flying, but your splash landings were awful.

  23. How come you are soaked and your swimsuit is not? Never mind, take this tray and go get me a beer! Next time I’ll buy you a bikini wax, now off you go!

  24. The first prototype for Captain America’s shield had some minor issues with repeatability of ricochet’s… Also, Agent Carter made an impassioned plea to ditch the cap before filming her new series.

  25. “OK, let’s settle whose draw is faster– my sidearm or your pistol-concealing swim cap. We toss this in the air, whoever gets more shots in the target wins. One, two, three….”

  26. “OK let’s settle who’s the better shooter once and for all. We toss this in the air on three. I use my sidearm, you use your swim cap concealed pistol. One, two…”

  27. I thought he might kiss me for returning his diving award, maybe if I pretend to drown, he will have to try CPR on me! Only if he doesn’t find out that I actually stole it just so I could return it!

    • For these caption contests I suggest a separate brief follow-up post on Monday highlighting the winning caption…and maybe a couple honorable mentions.

      More posts/content should be good for traffic and this would be great for those that only read the comments shortly after the original posting and not throughout the weekend.


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