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  1. Used to use one of these back in the day, and now my grandkids wants Obama to take this away from me. I said, “yeah you and what army”

    • exactly. she looks just like the woman from the Wendy’s commercials. “Where’s the beef, MotherF**ker??”

  2. “…and that’s when I hauled out this here .44 like this, and I said, ‘Son, if’n you wanna run around buck-ass nekkid, you go right ahead, but you climb right back outta that window before I get your blood all over my carpet’. And mister, he done it. You never seen a nekkid man climb down a tree so fast…”

  3. “American Granny on Opening Day of Liberal Season: “Land sakes, there be so many ’round here, I can hit ’em with my eyes closed!”

  4. “Boy you best zip up them there drawers!! I seen bigger things than that on a mouse last night!!”

    “Mr Biden….I believe you forgot about this here revolver!! 2 shots my ass!!”

  5. After personally checking out the nursing home her son had in mind, Mrs Jones decided that her state Department of Corrections would be more accommodating….l

  6. “So, I bust a cap in your ass and get life in prison. Honestly, what’s that mean, 2 mebbe 3 months? It’ll be worth it not to have to hear you snore thru another night!”

  7. ” It’s been 70 years with you complaining about my cookin’ now your going to sit there and eat it without one word, not one word, or your going to get it”


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