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  1. Care to join me? Sorry, I don’t have another seat to offer you at the moment but you are welcome to use your pants

  2. After a month long crime spree and no arrests by police, citizens have begun to take action and defend themselves from the criminal mastermind known only as “The Turd Burglar”

  3. As my Dad used to say to me, “It’s time to either SHOOT or get off of the pot!”, or something close to that expression.

  4. bob was not going to be surprised and unarmed like john Travolta was in pulp fiction….or did you wash that gun before handing it to you buddy??

  5. “I wont make the same mistake Elvis did and not have a gun with me when I’m on the crapper, death is going to have a little surprise when he comes for me here.”

  6. To be honest, I’m dissappointed I, or anyone else, didn’t post this earlier…
    Rule #3 of Zombieland- Beware of Bathrooms.
    You are at your most vulnerable while sitting on the toilet, so always take extra care.


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