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  1. A rod of iron.

    Rev 19:11-16 (KJV)

    11And I saw heaven opened, and behold a white horse; and he that sat upon him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he doth judge and make war.

    12His eyes were as a flame of fire, and on his head were many crowns; and he had a name written, that no man knew, but he himself.

    13And he was clothed with a vesture dipped in blood: and his name is called The Word of God.

    14And the armies which were in heaven followed him upon white horses, clothed in fine linen, white and clean.

    15And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God.

    16And he hath on his vesture and on his thigh a name written, KING OF KINGS, AND LORD OF LORDS.

      • God mode is usually invincibility not infinite ammo. But in some games it was everything, invincibility, Inf. Ammo, no clipping(walk through walls), and flight ability. /nerd

  2. How about a Tavor to go with the Jericho? When he’s cruzin’ the ‘hood, nothing has more cache’ than a Merkava IV.

  3. I’m not a “spiritual” person (okay, I’m an atheist; ya happy?), so I’m not offended. And besides I have a sense of humor and I know this is all in fun.

    But in all seriousness I’m a little sick and tired and just plain pissed off when someone frames a debate using that question. As if they would presume to know WTF Jesus would do.

    That said …
    The SoG would simply turn any inanimate object into whatever he needed, whenever he needed it.

  4. He once carried a whip.

    John 2:15
    15 And when he had made a scourge of small cords, he drove them all out of the temple, and the sheep, and the oxen; and poured out the changers’ money, and overthrew the tables (KJV)

    • Now you’ve done it! We’re probably mere weeks away from Spec Ops Whips for sale. I assume all JC actions could be called Spec Ops.

        • FOR SALE: “Israeli Spec Ops Tactical Whip”™ with Kung Fu Handle (now available in desert tan or black) – The right tool to have when you OWS’ers mount a holy action against the moneys changers in the Temples of Wall Street. Original design made of small cords. $299 low introductory price. Two for $350 if you order now. “Judas Silver”™ Make bail for any NYC Summary Offense. Limit 30 per customer.

          • Thanks for causing a major Martini spit, Ropingdown.

            Now how am I going to get the pimento out of my keyboard?

    • Based on that episode, the creation of an IED (Improvised Excoriative Device), I have to assume he would be suspected of terrorist involvement. After all, he hung around with twelve other Middle Eastern men, only paid cash and frequented houses of worship as well as spending time with prostitutes and sinners. 9-11 Hijacker profile all wrapped up with a bow.

      Spending time with tax collectors might count somewhat in his favor with the government, but not once they found out about his Weapon of Mass Discussion.

    • Thinking that he has command of the heavens and earth, thunder and lightning, can walk on water and part it if needed, I agree, no need to carry anything.

  5. Well, he once carried a cross and did an amazing thing with that. Makes you wonder what he could do with a sword the next time he’s here.

  6. Since He cursed a fig tree and it died, why would He need to carry anything?

    I believe He also told Peter to put his sword away when the Romans showed up to arrest Him. Good thing, the Romans would probably have speared Peter’s dog if he hadn’t…

    • Peter sliced the ear off of one of the High Priest’s servants. You have to believe that wasn’t a display of swordsmanship, that was the equivalent of clipping the edge of the IPSC target at the range. Chances are pretty good you weren’t aiming at the edge of the target and neither was Peter.

      I like Peter. He gives me hope, because Peter was a screw-up, badly and repeatedly, but Jesus still loved him.

      As far as weapons go…I don’t believe he’ll need any.

      2 Kings 19:35 “That night the angel of the LORD went out and put to death a hundred and eighty-five thousand men in the Assyrian camp.”

      When that is what a guy that works for you can do, it doesn’t seem likely that you’ll need a CHL.

  7. The Divine One(s) carry the True Word, and not the false words of the many charlatans. Human weapons are unnecessary. For example, life requires water and God has used the waters from above and below (along with fire and brimstone, the Angel of Death, and the transformation into a pillar of salt) as just punishment.

    IMO, the teaching and interpretation to ‘turn one’s cheek and offer the other’ is misunderstood. It can simply be a teaching not to let the negativity or intimidation of others to harm you and change your beliefs. It can also be a teaching not to over-react since the receiving person actual life not threatened just a face slap and loss of some pride.

  8. King of the Jews no doubt buys local. He carries Deagle in the summer and Uzi in the winter.

    Since he can turn water into wine, there is no doubt his carry piece also converts into the SHOT-gun from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia when the safety is activated.

  9. The posting of T and A pics is bad enough, but this is nothing short of blasphemy. Many people, I dare say even many of your regular readers are offended by this post. Oddly they’re afraid to voice their contrary opinions.

    You have reached new depths of despicable sordidness. I’m afraid I must withdraw from your midst effective immediately.

    (That was all a joke. Tell me the truth, did you believe it for a while)

    • “I’m afraid I must withdraw from your midst effective immediately.”

      That totally got my hopes up. I admit it…I was overjoyed at the thought. Then you ruined it for me.

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