In the video below, a faux Santa gets his ballistic ya-yas out. But armed self-defense is a serious business for the real St. Nick — given that he must deliver presents everywhere, including some sketchy neighborhoods. Not the mention the fact that many armed home-, apartment- or hovel-owners could mistake the Presentator for a home invader. So . . . what carry gun and sleigh gun for Santa?
Anything full auto and suppressed so it’s, “Nose glowed so bright! “
“Your mistletoe is not match for my T.O.W missile” – Robot Santa from Futurama
That was my second thought. My first thought was Santa’s sleigh from South Park when the Iraqis shoot him down and torture him.
Phased plasma rifle in the 40-watt range.
So he can give somebody a mild heat rash?
Like a lightbulb? Maybe kW would be more effective
Hey, just what you see in the sleigh, pal.
stillnacht grinch magnum in .50 comet with a silent night suppressor. plus seven deer rifles and one slug gun (buckshot).
Santa won’t need a gun…he’ll just avoid those naughty kids!😄😎😈
OK. That flame thrower was super cool. I gotta see how much those run.
I can’t think of a better tool for starting a camp fire. Especially when it’s cold and wet out. Like right now. (Freezing rain here in the PDX metro area)
“I can’t think of a better tool for starting a camp fire. Especially when it’s cold and wet out. Like right now.”
A spray can of engine starting fluid (ether) being lit off with a Zippo into blowtorch mode also works well…
And as my truck is a diesel, I’ve always got a can of ether in it for these cold mornings.
The flame thrower ranks far more ‘cool’ points with your buddies than the ether, tho…
We have that same flamethrower model in for review! Look for it sometime next month.
You can get a flamethroweresque tool from home depot for about $50 for starting fires. We had one to get a massive bbq pit started quick. I don’t know what model we had, but I think it was even cheaper. I also don’t know how well it would work for wet would, but I think it would work.
Oh, Hell, yeah!
Nice long hose, propane-fired.
I could have some serious fun with that bad-boy…
Just for the record, that’s probably not the model we had. It’s just the first thing I interneted up.
I wonder how well it would melt all this damn snow in my driveway…
A double barreled coach gun with plenty of reloads for the sleigh, two pearl handled 1911’s for his belt, and and a Ma Deuce (with attendant door gunner elf) for difficult neighborhoods like Beirut, the West Bank, and Chicago.
“The name’s Kringle. Kriss Kringle.”
(To the tune of the Bond theme)
“JIN-GLE bells, JIN-GLE bells, JING JING ja JINGLE …”
Copying Scholagladitoria? Matt Easton’s verision of this idea was better and funnier.
“Question of the Day: What Gun for Santa?”
Considering the altitude he reportedly flies at, I’d say a German 88mm anti-aircraft artillery gun should do the trick.
And thanks to that scrawny Rudolph’s bright red nose, getting a proper lead on the sleigh should be a snap…
speed dial 9-1-1 is all that’s needed. Support your Local Law Enforcement. NLM
So they can pick up the body and clean up a bit.
Down the chimney, MP5SD in 9mm to not wake up the kiddies…
For the sled, M134 Minigun in 7.62mm to really spread some Christmas cheer.
I’m thinking a drilling in 12×9.63.
Ought to cover most everything and fit the ensemble.
Santa is a professional. He carries a Glock.
A MiB Noisy Cricket. It looks like a Christmas ornament, so it’s perfect.
Sled mounted 50 cal. that will make the reindeer run!!!
When the reindeer slow down, hit ’em in the ass with a mag-fed Serbu Super-Shorty with bean-bag loads…
A Hi-Point .45.
With all those gifts, he can only afford one extra full spare mag.
“What Gun for Santa?”
TTAG wants to shoot Santa? WTF? I though you liked OFWGs.
“9-1-1. What’s the nature of your emergency?”
‘Send the police and the medics to 1234 Smith Street. I just shot a white haired homeless dude in my living room. Better send animal control, too. And a wrecker. I got deer and some funny looking wagon scattered all around my house.
I don’t know how they got there, but they was on the roof. When I shot the home intruder they panicked. Now I got injured animals and wreckage everywhere.’
“Calm down sir. Is the intruder still alive?”
‘I don’t see how he could be. He’s bled so much his suit is all red.’
Twin Ma Deuce and the whole 9 yards of ammo.
Santa’s defensive guns
Pistol – suppressed .45
Rifle – suppressed 300 Blackout SBR
Sleigh mounted – suppressed M2
Why those? don’t want to wake the kiddos.
To shoot Santa – as has been said Flak 18 88mm and/or 12 gauge with buckshot and slugs.
Santa? I’m seeing a Colt Python, .357, in a nice leather shoulder rig …
Springfield’s got him covered, obviously. The Saint.
Fightlite Raider in 5.56 with a suppressor. He wears it in a custom drop leg holster.
Santa’s originally from Anatolia, so a G3, duh.
A Ghost gun, for an imaginary man. Or a Super Soaker , cause that ought to frost his balls. But in reality all Santa really needs is a fully charged cell phone, with speed dial 9-1-1. Support your Local Law Enforcement… NLM
If things get rough, he can draw down on them with a nerf gun.
If Santa shows up toting an AK instead of an AR he’s gonna get taken out at my house.
Santa needs a firearm?
Santa prefers an AK, it was not a good day: