Fake Santa with gun (courtesy youtube.com)

In the video below, a faux Santa gets his ballistic ya-yas out. But armed self-defense is a serious business for the real St. Nick — given that he must deliver presents everywhere, including some sketchy neighborhoods. Not the mention the fact that many armed home-, apartment- or hovel-owners could mistake the Presentator for a home invader. So . . . what carry gun and sleigh gun for Santa?

44 COMMENTS

    • That was my second thought. My first thought was Santaโ€™s sleigh from South Park when the Iraqis shoot him down and torture him.

  1. stillnacht grinch magnum in .50 comet with a silent night suppressor. plus seven deer rifles and one slug gun (buckshot).

  2. OK. That flame thrower was super cool. I gotta see how much those run.
    I can’t think of a better tool for starting a camp fire. Especially when it’s cold and wet out. Like right now. (Freezing rain here in the PDX metro area)

  3. A double barreled coach gun with plenty of reloads for the sleigh, two pearl handled 1911’s for his belt, and and a Ma Deuce (with attendant door gunner elf) for difficult neighborhoods like Beirut, the West Bank, and Chicago.

  4. “The name’s Kringle. Kriss Kringle.”

    (To the tune of the Bond theme)
    “JIN-GLE bells, JIN-GLE bells, JING JING ja JINGLE …”

  5. “Question of the Day: What Gun for Santa?”

    H’mmm.

    Considering the altitude he reportedly flies at, I’d say a German 88mm anti-aircraft artillery gun should do the trick.

    And thanks to that scrawny Rudolph’s bright red nose, getting a proper lead on the sleigh should be a snap…

    *Snicker*… ๐Ÿ˜‰

  6. Down the chimney, MP5SD in 9mm to not wake up the kiddies…

    For the sled, M134 Minigun in 7.62mm to really spread some Christmas cheer.

  7. “9-1-1. What’s the nature of your emergency?”

    ‘Send the police and the medics to 1234 Smith Street. I just shot a white haired homeless dude in my living room. Better send animal control, too. And a wrecker. I got deer and some funny looking wagon scattered all around my house.

    I don’t know how they got there, but they was on the roof. When I shot the home intruder they panicked. Now I got injured animals and wreckage everywhere.’

    “Calm down sir. Is the intruder still alive?”

    ‘I don’t see how he could be. He’s bled so much his suit is all red.’

  8. Santa’s defensive guns
    Pistol – suppressed .45
    Rifle – suppressed 300 Blackout SBR
    Sleigh mounted – suppressed M2
    Why those? don’t want to wake the kiddos.

    To shoot Santa – as has been said Flak 18 88mm and/or 12 gauge with buckshot and slugs.

  9. A Ghost gun, for an imaginary man. Or a Super Soaker , cause that ought to frost his balls. But in reality all Santa really needs is a fully charged cell phone, with speed dial 9-1-1. Support your Local Law Enforcement… NLM

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