Chicago Police officers stand outside Sox Field, aka Guaranteed Rate Field. AP Photo.
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We’ve reported on people carrying guns “in” their bodies before, but Chicago’s Guaranteed Rate Field, home of the White Sox, had a new one this past weekend. On Friday evening, two people were injured after a shot was fired in the park. Police initially speculated the round was fired from a mile or more away. Further investigation, however, uncovered something entirely different.

Authorities now believe that a morbidly obese woman smuggled a pistol into the south side venue, somehow evading metal detectors, and had a negligent discharge. She managed to get through by hiding the gun in her belly fat rolls.

We’ll give you a moment to try to purge that mental image.

Now, given how the stadium is located in the heart of the nation’s largest open-air shooting gallery, I can certainly understand why someone would want to carry a firearm. But sneaking a gun in by hiding it in rolls of body fat? Besides being uncomfortable, that could be tough on the gun’s finish.

The New York Post has the disturbing story . . .

We can guarantee you did not have this on your Bingo card.

Multiple people were struck Friday night by gunfire at the White Sox game at Guaranteed Rate Field in Chicago.

An investigation into how this possibly could have happened was carried out and the conclusion almost defies belief.

Just when you thought you’ve seen it all…

Peggy Kusinski reported on ESPN 1000 in Chicago on Tuesday that the shooting was an “accidental discharge.”

Furthermore, in explaining how the gun could have made it past the metal detectors that have become standard at the entrances of every major league sporting event in the country, Kusinski said one of the women who was grazed by a bullet in the incident “snuck the gun in past metal detectors hiding it in the folds of her belly fat.”

That’s a rather portly woman.

A message on the main scoreboard at Guaranteed Rate Field announces the cancellation of an 90s concert that was to feature Vanilla Ice, Tone Loc, and Rob Base after a baseball game between the Chicago White Sox and the Oakland Athletics, Friday, Aug. 25, 2023.  AP Photo

Whether that’s how the woman smuggled the gun into the stadium or not, it would seem that the morbidly obese could face additional scrutiny the next time they set off metal detectors at venues using them across the nation.

Thanks, Peggy.

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  1. I have known of concealing a .25-caliber pistol in a woman’s “fat roll” on one prior occasion. Its presence was finally disclosed while she was being booked into jail.

    I DO hope that this woman wasn’t badly hurt.

    • Old and busted: inside the waistband (IWB). New hotness: in between the fat rolls (IBFR).

    • Glock 7. It’s a porcelain gun made in Germany. It doesn’t show up on your airport X-ray machines here and it costs more than what you make in a month!

      • The Glock 7 is a fictional 9mm pistol supposedly made entirely out of porcelain that apparently appears in Die Hard 2.

    • …depending if the metal detectors were the wand type, or door-frame type. If the latter, she may have been too big to fit through and then waved around.

      • In which case, she would be wanded, correct?

        I just want to confirm that a gun wrapped in fat can still be found by a metal detector. The last time I went through a full-body scanner at the airport, I was pulled out of line when something near my crotch tripped it. It was a tiny mint wrapped in metallized plastic that was in my pocket.

        • I now ‘ding’ the detector every time I go through, thanks to my titanium shin reinforcement…

        • Huh. I was told that titanium doesn’t show up, which wouldn’t make sense. My wife carries a card for her hip replacement.

          I wonder if my gold and titanium prostate seeds would trip it?
          Can I ask for an attractive female TSA agent to do my cavity search?
          Is there such a thing as an attractive female TSA agent?

  2. Aside from this disgusting story, what the hell kind of name for a stadium is “Guaranteed Rate Field”. Are they that desperate?

    • Every stadium and football field has a corporate sponsor name these days. They pay big bucks for the rights.

      Old and busted: Gator Bowl. New hotness: EverBank Stadium.

    • Guaranteed Rate is a very large mortgage company, popular in the region. It was U.S. Cellular Field until they pulled out of the Chicago market & gave up the naming rights.

      Old timers might call it Comiskey Park (after the old station that was across the street & is now a parking lot).

      Most people just call it Sox Park.

      Renaming things does not really “take” well in Chicago. But large corporate advertising departments do not seem to have gotten the memo on that.

      • Reminds me of the direction and naming protocols in the two larger cities in Nicaragua. Things like “two blocks over and si blocks up” from some named place or landmark, never a street name. A good number of those “landmarks” are no longer there.. like the “Peksi” (Pepsi Cola) plan that had leveled by the Managua earthquake twenty years earlier and was now cleared land with rubble on it. Or the huge four foot diameter tree that used to stand at an intersection fifteen years ago but was hit by lightning and burned’vapourised. One way of separating the locals, whi had no trouble geting about, from the “outlanders” who always had to ask, and were often deliberately led astray, just for grins.

        The names have persisted for decades after the actual place/thing disappeared. Made it fun…..

  3. If she can hide a gun in her belly rolls she can’t fit in stadium seats, I’m calling BS on the negligent discharge.

    • Sorry I don’t buy the po-leece explanation. The gal who got shot is suing the Sox et all. Missing from Boch’s story is she sailed through security & the person ahead of her “beeped” supposedly from a phone. Haven’t been to a White Sox game since the 1970’s when they idiotically went cable to watch them on TV. It’s in a chit neighborhood too. I do have a buddy who loves the neighborhood & has a huge antique business nearby. This gal who got shot has a FOID card & is reportedly a teacher.

        • “And berthed at her seat? Was she then boarded?”

          Why does an image of an aircraft carrier somehow come to mind? 😉

        • Tanker just as good, those super-carriers are at least as big as an aircraft carrier… … 🙂

        • @Man

          When I read your comment I immediately thought of the LST – the large ship that has a big hole in the front to discharge hordes of Marines…

  4. Metal detection at events like that are mostly theater. If it detects and the ‘security’ don’t immediately find a gun, or get an admission of a gun, they’re gonna wave someone through assuming it’s an underwire or something

  5. Sure the scanning is all Kabuki Theatre. Some nefarious “group” or “cause” could easily stage an attack from off the property, lobbing rounds in a high arc down into the theatre bowl. The reason it hasn’t happened yet is that no one is determined/perverse enough to pull it off. Such things have been staged and carried out in some parts of the world already. Those “whose first job is to keep us safe” turn a blind and wilfully ignorant eye to such things, preferring to keep us placid and subdued with their cartoon “solutions”. I mostly stay away from all such venues. FAR away

  6. If the firearm in question actually WAS hidden in her jelly rolls, there would have to be at least traces of DNA from HER body left on the gun. If there are none, which is conclusive yes or no, then she IS innocent. If they are there, she could easily be considered guilty by a jury.

  7. Chicago and oversized woman? I can see it. Several women I used to see in the restaurant I worked in would have to canoe in a river barge.

  8. As always happens, the initial reports cited here are proving to be horse plop.

    The woman didn’t bring a gun in, in her belly fat or any other way. They have video of her clearing the metal detector without setting it off.

    Second, a cop said “that looks self-inflicted.” But the woman’s lawyer says nope, no gun, she didn’t shoot herself, they have medical experts testifying that it wasn’t self inflicted, and her clothes tested negative for gunshot residue. But she does have a FOID so there’s that.

    There is video footage, one of the TV cameras happened to be pointing at the stands when it happened, but it’s really difficult to make heads or tails out of it.

    As of now, it’s looking like she was a victim, not the perpetrator. Someone else had a grazing hit, but only the 42-year-old woman was seriously injured. ShotSpotter logged 9 gunshots going off at the same time as this incident, but the cops said it was a mile away, so they had ruled out the possibility of shots coming in from outside the stadium, but apparently they are now reconsidering that position.

  9. A 9mm 147-gr HST fired from a 4-inch barrel a thousand yards away will still hit a target at about 500 fps and with around 100 ft/lbs of energy. ShotSpotter heard 9 shots at the time of the women were hit in the stadium, the news reports claim it was “a mile away”; 1000 yards isn’t a mile, but it’s like 5/8 of a mile. Close enough to say that it’s a possibility that the shot could have come from outside the stadium (depending on the arc it would have to take, I haven’t bothered to calculate that.)

  10. Okay, latest details say that the 42-year-old woman was hit with TWO bullets. One went through her thigh, and the other struck her calf and got lodged in her shin.

    Another woman felt a “pinch” in the back of her neck, fished around in her hoodie, and found a bullet. Is that the bullet that went through the fat lady’s thigh? We don’t know.

    But thinking about this latest bit of evidence, it seems extraordinarily unlikely that two bullets from outside the stadium would land so close together that they’d both hit one woman in the leg. And witnesses report hearing a loud pop, which they likely would not have heard if the shots were coming from outside the stadium, especially over crowd noise etc.

    Curiouser and curiouser.

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