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Deer in East Hampton looking for Martha Stewart (courtesy

Cull of the Wild. Geddit? The New York Times headline is a riff on Jack London’s classic shaggy dog story Call of the Wild. In London’s book, Buck goes from domesticated doggie to back woods brawler. In the article about East Hampton’s deer infestation, the editorial board contrasts “privet hedges, gentle dunes and white-seashell paths . . . a vision of a natural world tamed and tailored to the high aesthetic standards of the finest fashion and home-décor magazines” with “thousands of car collisions and the spread of Lyme disease, a debilitating illness borne by ticks that live on deer.” Answer? Shoot the damn deer! A regrettable decision for the doyennes of disarmament, but they make an excellent case to their lilly-livered sensitive subscribers . . .

Deer fanciers have sued to block the hunt [link added] calling it barbaric, but they should acknowledge that other things are deplorable, too, like emaciated deer from overabundant herds, and humans sickened by Lyme disease.

The predators that would control this situation are gone, and unless Long Islanders want to live with wolves, coyotes, bears and mountain lions, they will have to assume responsibility for their place atop the food chain.

Nonlethal solutions, like deer contraception, are expensive, slow and unreliable.

“When a population is this far out of balance,” says Allen Gosser of the Agriculture Department, referring to deer, “you need a cull before you can implement other measures,” like birth control.

Right. Kill the deer and then give them birth control like they’re planning down in DC. Yeah, that’s gonna happen. Anyway, the New York Times being the New York Times, the editorial board has to explain their enthusiasm for shooting anything, even though the cull’s being carried out by “federal sharpshooters.”

For deer, suburbia is a 24-hour salad bar. Shooting them is naturally unnerving to people who hate that the American way of solving problems so often involves guns. But other, more palatable solutions have failed.

Heads-up guys! Sometimes guns ARE the way to solve problems. Deer over-population. Discouraging criminals from criminal predation. Stopping criminals when they attack. Same thing. Imagine that!

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  1. They should post venison recipes in the NYT as well. Then their readers can slum and enjoy flyover country viddles so they can empathize with us more.

    • There is absolutely nothing slum-like about the venison, or the prices, at the Gramercy Park Tavern.

      Great, now I’m hungry.

  2. I know this is gonna piss off a lot of people but, having lived in Syracuse for 17 years, I learned long ago that the downstaters are generally stupid. This proves it.

    • It means deer tags are only available to anointed Federal Government employees. You know, like prohibitions against the peasants hunting on the King’s land back in Feudal Europe.

    • Uh, they exist(ed). Google “US Sharpshooters”. I don’t think as a unit they survived the Civil War, but that minor fact wouldn’t stop the NYT from asking for their deployment.

    • “,,,the Long Island Farm Bureau is enlisting wildlife-control officials at the Department of Agriculture to kill about 2,000 to 3,000 deer this winter. The slaughter is to begin in February, after hunting season ends, and last a few weeks. Marksmen in elevated stands plan to lure deer to baited stations, firing downward to minimize danger. They may also use traps.”

      So instead of using game wardens and police officers, they’re calling in the USDA. To poach and trap. Shooting from the same tree stands used during the just-over season. Stupid waste of money and time. And I’ll bet the state and local po-po would just love to issue a LOT of parking and speeding tickets as a big “Thank You” for all the “shots fired” calls they’ll have to roll on.

      Instead of that circle-dance, why don’t they just extend the deer gun season another few weeks, and open it on does?

    • They’re a group from USDA. We use them because our township is very green but populous enough to make rifle use worrisome to most residents. They place piles of corn in a few of the larger more secluded parks and estates. At 2-3 a.m. they come with suppressed .308 rifles and night vision goggles and shoot off 120 or so deer. What “Sharpshooter” means is “a bunch of guys with night vision and suppressed rifles that we wouldn’t want living around here, but trust to do the hunting because we don’t trust each other.”

      • And why is that you can’t trust your fellow hunters? We hunt at night with lights or night vision with permits and we are just law abiding citizens. I don’t understand why this can’t be taken care of the same way. Do they not allow hunters to hunt does on Long Island during deer season?

        • Because there are plenty of stupid, untrained hunters with no liability insurance. Not all, but that’s not the point. If a government employee (trained or not) does something stupid at least they’ve got a pocketbook to back it up.

        • These areas, the Hamptons, are like suburbs with some larger properties but mostly a few acres per house. It’s a lot like my township, which is why these guys are hired. First, the people who live in the Hamptons will sue you back to the stone age if anything goes wrong. Second, they don’t trust anyone who isn’t vetted by them or some agency. Their friends at the skeet or trap range? Fine. But not firing rifles in the neighborhood.

          • My wife is from a small neighborhood in upstate ny and they had the same problems. They decided to give out special permits for bow season to hunt in the neighborhood. No gun shots and no stray bullets. And dead tasty deer

        • Hannibal said “If a government employee (trained or not) does something stupid at least they’ve got a pocketbook to back it up.”
          Yes, ours.

      • They’re referring to “USDA Wildlife Services,” , formerly known as “Animal Damage Control.” It’s original main mission was to make the West safe for sheep. They killed untold thousands of bears, lions, BALD and golden eagles, you name it. Since they can’t do that anymore, they’re kind of grubbing for work.

  3. Oh now the NYT wants people to use guns against the four legged animals but not against the two legged animals?! At this point the NYT paper is only good for burning in a fireplace or toilet paper.

  4. This type of argument is taking place everywhere these days…

    I remember back in the ’60s ‘scientists’ said that each deer needed 700 acres of wilderness to live and due to human expansion that deer would be extinct by 1980!

  5. I think that New York should try giving away free condoms to any buck who wants to . . . well, you know.

  6. A lot of folks here in Cuomo’s unSAFE NY are boycotting hunting licences in hopes the deer population really goes nuts and sends NYC and Albany grabbers a message, through lost revenue and deer problems.

    • Nah, they’re probably hoping they will be able to outright ban guns since n’body needs a gun ‘cept to kill a dee-ah.

    • I don’t know how many is a lot but I’ve heard hunting licenses aren’t much lower than the usual decline… I’ve heard people talk about boycotting this and that in NY but most just quietly go get their license \ register their gun later on.

  7. Deer fanciers have sued to block the hunt The only way you can fancy deer is after you hunt them. Deer filet in chanterelle sauce, Smoked deer ham with tarragon mustard, and so forth. That is why Lord Bigsack has a deer park at Slavesweat Manor, not to watch them chew the greensward but to eat them.

    The predators that would control this situation are gone, and unless Long Islanders want to live with wolves, coyotes, bears and mountain lions, they will have to assume responsibility for their place atop the food chain. First, the Hamptons are the home of the nation’s major predators. That’s where they summer. As for adding lesser predators like wolves and mountain lions: New Yorkers lobbied to force them on the inter-mountain west rancher, so they might as well enjoy the party. If we need wolves then they need wolves. “Ummmmmm, poodle!”

    “When a population is this far out of balance,” says Allen Gosser of the Agriculture Department, referring to deer [we weren’t sure. -ed], “you need a cull before you can implement other measures” We hire these guys in my township, but to be honest the whole thing sounds like Bloomberg’s secret take on the South Bronx.

    For deer, suburbia is a 24-hour salad bar. Shooting them is naturally unnerving to people who hate that the American way of solving problems so often involves guns. But other, more palatable solutions have failed. Note how they call it “the American way,” as though NYC and the Hamptons were in another country and only “those guys” use guns to solve problems. As if they weren’t the guys with the Mafia and the Five-Points Gang. Well, they’re getting there. Expect the wall to go up any day now to keep out the New Palestinians.

    • NYC and the Hamptons exist in a parallel universe. See: “Yes, Long Islanders should plant deer-resistant gardens and put up high fences and install lights to keep deer off the roads and keep checking their ankles and shins for deer ticks.”

      I rest my case.

      • As a teenager I used to vacation in Montauk. The Hamptons are terribly built-up now, as is Montauk.

  8. I don’t think I’d be comfortable using a gun in a populated area, but crossbows or bows would be effective and safe if a little common sense is employed.

    Really, it doesn’t surprise me that deer have adapted to populated areas. They’re smarter than non-hunters and city-dwellers give them credit for. I’ve seen them climb up on top of a picnic table and stand on their hind legs to get a few feet higher into an apple tree.

    Maybe the strategy of letting the animals run wild, and letting the anti-gun elitist crowd stew in their own cooking, is the best one.

    • Last season, I saw a young buck attempt to hump a dead doe that I had just shot right in front of him. I had to run towards him and make a bunch of noise to get him to leave…

      They seem pretty stupid to me

      • They are stupid, as are moose, but they taste good. Bark with a hoarse voice at a bull moose during rut and he’ll charge toward you, even if you’re wearing orange and holding a rifle. Better to shoot them just after the rut in cold snowy weather.

    • Sounds like a perfect crossbow application. They’d probably purchase Scorpyd RDT 165’s for the occasion.

  9. “Sometimes guns ARE the way to solve problems. Deer over-population. Discouraging criminals from criminal predation. Stopping criminals when they attack.”

    I prefer the sterilization approach to criminals. How many bad guys would continue their evil ways if they knew it would cost them their exterior plumbing? I know, I know, “cruel and unusual punishment” … we can dream, can’t we?

    • States like Texas still do that to convicted sexual predators.

      The only dreams to be had are expanding that process to career felons who have shown no propensity to change their ways.

      • Actually Texas used chemical castation for a while on prison inmates. Think the program has been ruled unacceptable and suspended.

        • The best chemical for castrating a perv is tanerite.
          We should castrate all 2nd time felons. It would make them think if they had a brain.

  10. “We think every living being should have a chance to live,” Professor Crain said. “This is the worst thing we’ve ever seen. It’s barbaric.”

    I suppose he thinks farms and slaughterhouses tickle the cows, chickens, and pigs to death.

    • That wouldn’t be one Professor Ichabod Crain of Tarrytowne, NY, would it? If so, I think he’ll have a big revelation on the way home one night. Dumb must run in the family.

      • I don’t know, I’ve had several meat eating people take issue with the fact that I hunt. Of course, I had to explain the facts of life to them, that free range chicken and organic beef from Whole Foods still has to be slaughtered. Which usually comes by some form of neck breaking, blunt force to head, or throat cutting, all equally, if not more, “barbaric” as a high velocity projectile through vital organs.

        But, I suppose, to some, paying some one else to slaughter your food is morally superior to having the stomach and knowledge to hunt and process it yourself.

  11. I’ve got a solution that doesn’t involve guns: tear up a 50 square mile swath of Hamptons manions and develop a wilderness area to link up with the Pine Barrens; reintroduce the Eastern panther and problem solved.

  12. Fly me to the Hamptons. Give me the keys to a summer home and immunity from prosecution and I’ll cull the fuck out of your deer problem. No charge.

    • In point of fact the Hamptons could easily be hunted during the winter. There aren’t many people there.

      People like professor Craine just leave me nonplussed. He walks around stepping on bugs every day. Yet, he thinks every creature should live? This ass should be tied to a tree and forced to watch how nature actually works. Every creature’s trying to eat every other creature. Hasn’t he ever seen a house cat at work in the backyard? He’s just a whiny stupid little pr__k, and he’s a liar. He doesn’t even think it. There’s no thinking involved. Deer are “forest rats.” They eat your stuff and multiply. But they taste good. Fortunately.

      • I’m not a hunter yet, but it has occurred to me that some folks want a deer to die from starvation, or to be mauled to death by a painter or bear instead of a single well placed shot. They say it’s more humane that way.

        • Mauled to death by a painter? Good grief! I know those Mediteranianite house painter dudes can be loud but the only things that I’ve seen them tear up are their lunches!

  13. Even if the hunt does go forward (a big if), who wants to bet that
    the “deer fanciers” would rather the carcasses rot rather than
    allow the venison to go to food pantries.

  14. Why not make it open to the public to hunt the 2-3k deer, Give away tags instead of charging the exorbitant fees and feed a few families. What are the feds going to do with 2-3k deer carcasses? What a waste of perfectly good meat! I travel upstate to hunt and last year I paid $140 for a permit for deer season (with no doe tags). Why not make it more affordable and maybe attract some hunters to come take care of the problem and add tourist money to the economy during a time that tourists aren’t running out to Long Island.

    I’m sure the Fed marksmen are going to only shoot “downward to minimize danger” The Fast and Furious Feds really minimized danger!

  15. New Yorker’s never learn. They had the same problem in 2007 in the Rome area of up state. They had game wardens from around the state there to cull the herd. There is an easy solution allow hunters to hunt. Making it impossible to get a gun and expensive hunting licence is not the way to get hunters to manage the herds. But then again what do I know.

    • Do it the way Florida handles wild pigs. You can shoot as many a day as you want, no size-sex-bag limit, no hunting license required, day or night, with any caliber firearm that’s legal to own, any bow, crossbow, and even spears! They’re almost paying people to shoot the pest. It is working and is a win-win. The hogs get culled and it happens without a penny of tax payer money being wasted. Is it just me or does it seem like Florida never got bit by the “anti-gun-stupid-virus”???

      • That virus only occurs south of Ft. Pierce and within 35 miles of each coast; and around the Orlando, Tampa and Jacksonville areas. The rest of Florida is immune.

        • That must be why we have 1.2 million active Floridians with concealed carry permits…..because all the large cities are anti-gun. Florida is the leader in this if you hadn’t noticed. Even Texas doesn’t come close.

  16. “…naturally unnerving to people who hate that the American way of solving problems so often involves guns.”

    And most of the time, it seems to be the constituents of heavily democrat cities and heavily democrat voting congressional districts who are solving their problems with guns. In 40 years of owning guns, I’ve only solved a problem with a gun twice! The second time I didn’t even have to pull it or show it. That was Aug. 1990. Anyone else? When was the last time you solved a problem with a gun?
    LEO’s excluded.

  17. Peter Mattiessen’s preference is for the deer to manage themselves…

    “I don’t like a bunch of armed strangers coming in, and I like the deer.”

    Wild animals cannot simply ‘manage themselves’ they need predators and prey- a whole linked ecosystem which naturally balances the equation and keeps it in check.

    If he dislikes hunters or hunting, he is free to do so, First Amendment and all that. He is also free to complain when a sick, starving deer bounces off his car bonnet straight through the windshield and thrashes about in agony. Since he likes the deer so much he would rather not shoot it of course…

  18. As soon as I read “Lyme disease”, it reminded me of a good friends bird dog, Radar.
    Dang, that dog was the epitome of what a bird dog should be.
    We got home from a chukar hunt and he had to be put down 2 months later. Lyme disease.
    Heck, if I lived in that area, I’d be out with my bow. I’ve got two freezers, and didn’t get an elk this year.

  19. Tomorrow at dawn I’ll be sitting in the palmettos of Buck Lake WMA in Brevard County Florida with a 30-06 rifle and scope in pursuit of wild pigs. The season and limits for wild hogs in Florida use to be somewhat controlled. Guess what happened? The rascals began to multiply and in a decade we’ve witnessed an explosion in wild feral pigs. These are not native to Florida. They were brought here in the 1500’s by Spanish Explorers and released as a source of food for ship wreck survivors. Now they’re destroying golf courses, eating seaturtle eggs, causing hundreds of serious vehicle collisions yearly, consuming crops, spreading several diseases, threatening whitetail populations, attacking goats, fawns, chickens, and pets….result……NO season for wild pigs now! You can shoot them 365 days a year. NO size limit. Shoot the big boars, the piglets, just shoot the devils!! NO bag limits. If you can slay 100 a day that’s just fine with the wildlife commission! NO hunting license required! NO caliber restriction. My point is Florida depends on agriculture and tourism, neither of which the invasive wild pig helps. Sometimes a cull is good for nature. Ya’ll come on down and help us out. We welcome you!

  20. Since they can’t be indentured to perpetual debt service by the moneylenders;
    their normal daily activities can’t be directly taxed and regulated under law;
    they’re already unarmed and relatively defenseless; and
    the prospects for the old-age, illiberal, digressive statists getting them into the voting booths by election time this cycle to support their relentless quest to fundamentally devolve America into the most natural state of Tyranny and abject Despotism is presently unlikely;-
    the most obvious solution to this otherwise complex and pressing societal problem is to simply have the local navigators sign the young and healthy ones up for the newly implemented Unaffordable Wealthcare Redistribution Tax @OhDeer.mygov.herd.

  21. “Shooting them is naturally unnerving to people who hate that the American way of solving problems so often involves guns”

    …guns? No, the solution is killing. As usual they’re confusing the practice with the tool.

  22. Typical liberal response. We hate guns until we need them.

    BTW, I have bow and will travel for tags if anyone is listening.

  23. Even here in gun friendly Ohio if the state had it’s way we’d be over run with deer in the southern counties. Narrow valleys and dense brush make them difficult to hunt and most shots are taken inside 50 yards. Of course that is at least partially due to a ban on using rifles to take deer in Ohio. However, in the lower 7 counties poaching is a time honored way of life and the annual harvest by ‘foul’ means must easily be 3-4 times the legal take. It’s a rare Appalachian-Ohioan who doesn’t know several families who both never go without a deer or two in the freezer and have never had a deer tag.
    If it weren’t for starvation it would be interesting to see how the rules would change here if poaching were stopped and the population allowed to get really out of hand (it’s a bit out of hand now).

    The worst part is that when a deer is shot it is the states deer, and if you lacked proper technique, timing, equipment and licenses you’ve broken the law, but when you hit that deer on the road it’s gods deer and the state isn’t responsible for damages.

    I count among my blessings that I was born and live in a place sufficiently remote and thinly enough populated, and so composed of hills, forests and brush that we can still do things as they make sense, undetected, rather than under surveillance and as directed by the overlords.

    • I’ve hunted those southern Ohio counties. 50 yards is about right. A smoothbore loaded with the old Foster slugs are no handicap there. My dad lives in rural KY and the deer are so thick there that when they mow the hayfields they hit at least 1 fawn in every field. Messy.

      The people that I’ve known that engage in xtra legal hunting for the freezer mostly use .22’s.

  24. First, I’m surprised that Obamacare doesn’t cover contraceptives for deer. It seems to for everyone else.

    Second, for criminals, a disarmed suburbia is a 24 hour candy store.

    Finally, firearms can actually solve very few problems. However, for those that they can solve, they do tend to solve them better than most other options can.

  25. More tax money.

    I hope they atleast give the deer meat to groups serving the poor.I know many hesitate due to that mad cow type disease linked in 1 or 2 deer eating people,but most who eat deer still will.

    My mum saw about 20 young deer run through her Ohio suburb neighborhood.Just been waiting for the locals to declare it hunting time(for the govt ofcourse).

    We can’t even shoot squirrels or raccons around ny locale.

  26. I have a MUCH more sensitive, NATURAL [even organic!] way to control the deer population – re-introduce wolves, bears, and mountain lions to Long Island! Hey, the FedGov and greenies decided that Idaho needed Canadian wolves, so we got a bunch of them re-introduced here. They are now decimating our elk populations. And if the re-introduced predators eat a few Long Islanders, that’s just part of natural Darwinian selection, right? I mean, those folks keep voting for anti-gun politicians, right?

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