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As you may have noticed, I’ve been going through the swag box in recent weeks digging out prizes for the weekend caption contests. This week’s winner will get a pair of EyePal kit for your shooting glasses. Just enter the best comment by Sunday at midnight and it’s all yours.

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  1. Well men, we’ve armed ourselves and trained hard. Now we must devise a weapon for our children. I propose we use this. Since indiviually they cant carry a rifle we shall teach them the value of teamwork with this here crew served weapon.

  2. 101st Eugenics squadron


    No twirlie mustaches were harmed during this training film


    “I’m gonna put my fake EOTech right here.”

  3. PS: Eye Pal rocks for all us guys that have trouble focusing on both sites and the target…….invented and marketed by a close friend and colleague………

  4. I have it on the best of authority — from the teenage inhabitants of my house — that the only people who call giveaway items “swag” anymore are old marketing/sales types trying to sound hip. (Hey, what a coincidence, I replied…I am an old marketing/sales writer trying to sound hip!)

    You want swag?! I’ve got your swag right here in my mitrailleuse!

  5. How many Frenchman does it take to defend France?
    Ten. One to man the mortar and 9 to stand around and wait for the Americans to come save their asses.

  6. The platoon leaders are trying to figure out how to drop this while surrendering and not injure themselves.

  7. Gentleman this is our new machine gun please notice it comes with no ammo as ammo is dangerous and it is very light for you to carry when we are running from the fight…oui oui

  8. “Yes, yes ,yes, you’re not listening. I’m telling you the patent says ‘silencer,’ so that is the proper term!”

  9. “You’re crazy! There’s no way we can insert and light fuses that fast, even with a crew this size!”

    Or do we only get one?

  10. Jacques, this is a REAL machinegun. Made by dirty Boche and designed by a filthy American (spit spit). It has no beauty, no soul no ‘jena se qua’. We shall NOT but this despicable toy.

    We shall buy the Chauchat and the Hotchkiss and we will RULE THE WORLD. And will never have to see the Americans again.

  11. This French machine gun captured on the battlefield was found to still have factory cosmoline in the barrel.

  12. Now explain again,Le General how we use this gun to shoot every fifth man for desertion, .pour encourager les autres

  13. “Yes, I am compensating for a small penis. Compensating rather well, I must say.

  14. If you would kindly remove your hand from the muzzle Mr. Hotchkiss, I intend to shoot this man in his wanger.

  15. As I will momentarily demonstrate on our friend here, this automatic castration gun is fully adjustable for patients of all heights…

  16. “And *this* is what we will be running away from, men. Its much easier to run away from this than a pistol or rifle dropped in the mud because its so easy to see over your shoulder when you look back!”

  17. “Monsieur Favreau, although I do see your point of view in this discussion, you must see things from my perspective and mine includes the muzzle pointed at you sir.”

  18. Here, France’s long and illustrious history of scientific advancement is illustrated by the genesis of the Darwin Awards…

  19. Wait!

    How heavy is this thing? How can we be expected to drop our weapons and surrender if we can’t pick the damn thing up?

  20. Touch it, Gentlemen I tell you this here weapon is made out of the finest Damascus Steel!
    Guaranteed to mow entire trenches of Germans down in half a second, using our fully patented 30 Caliber Clip Magazines!
    Get yours today, Only at de Leon Weapon Industries, Est 1898 Sacramento, CA

  21. 1. After ‘the incident’ Francois changed the first rule of Safety Club.

    2. Please rabbi, just a little off the tip.

    3. Chuck Norris’ balls are so tough…

    4. Those are non-lethal rounds, right?

    5. Don’t shoot a guy in the dick, Butters! (South Park).

  22. Insert propelled projectile cases into housing device A, insert housing device A into slot B, pull handle C and depress trigger lever D. And that’s how you make ready and operate the instant joy machine!

  23. Yes Philippe, it feels cool now, but you must urinate into the shroud or the weapon will overheat.
    No, Pierre will not laugh at you while you are peeing into it.

  24. Fig. 1: “To arouse the Maxim into fighting mode, stroke lightly for a period of 2 to 5 minutes.”

  25. “… and the second rule is: ‘Never let the muzzle cover anything you are not willing to destroy.’ So, tell me, Pierre, how is my wife?”

  26. A busted Ranger, burnt garlic bread, and keys locked in the truck. you think this will keep Nick off the ranch?

  27. “….and , Sir,…it’s part of the Swiss Army Knife, but in this position it slices, dices, aerates and exfoliates, all with one pull of the trigger!”

  28. ” Au contraire, mon Capitan! eet ees so round, so firm, so…so…fully packed! Yes? You see..I put zee boolette’, or how does one say..boolettes’…into zee shambaire..pool back on zee charge hand-ell..give a leetle skaweeez on zee tree-gaire and…a poof poof poof…away go zee Hunzwieger! Nes par?”

  29. “We’re all career military with at least 10 years each, you can’t tell me that we don’t know anyone who knows how to shoot this….thing”

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