Ahem! My gun is up here….
Sometimes the early bird really does catch the worm and last week’s winner was the first entry off the bat, Mike Oregon. This week’s winner, as long as he or she gets their entry in before Sunday at midnight, will win a box of IMI Systems 9mm range ammo. Good luck.
Thong carry. Guys never see it coming.
Thigh holsters are, um, so functional. I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.
Do I even want to know where you were hiding that thing?
It was then that Jimmy learned that between her legs was a deadly trap.
“Lie to me again and you’ll get both barrels.”
that’s not a holster, no wonder I thought you were sleeping around….
Did you have fish today?
or…. yes, your right, that is exactly what blue waffle looks like!
“These casting couch shenanigans stop now, chump.”
Looks like your bore needs some polishing….
Ask her what she’s wearing, I dare you.
Yes mine is bigger than yours
Nice look’in gat and beautiful gams, this dame is well put together.
“Just because I hate that ugly-ass fedora you’re wearing, you are about to experience the unique sensation of coming and going at the same time, Dan…”
Ahem! My gun is up here….
Claire Danes in “Baggy Shirts and Short Skirts”
“I’m here to end your sleazy telemarketing push”
Honey, I’m not staring at your crotch, I am wondering why you have your middle finger on the trigger….,
“Lady, you don’t wanna risk shooting that thing… it’s made out of meteorites.”
Wow, Flared mag well?
A 1911 is like a dame… beautiful but dangerous. 😉
Hello? 911? Yeah, I’ve got a woman here pointing a gun at me. I can’t tell how tall she is–she’s sitting down. Average height, I guess. White gal. Hair color? Just a sec…. Brunette.
When did you get the shoulder stock for that thing?
No-hands mag-change in 3 – 2 – 1 . . .
You wouldn’t need gloves, doll, if you got more stippling.
“I ain’t never seen panties that take batteries, Miss.”
“Safety word is Banana, sweetie.”
“Dear Penthouse Forum…”
Well, it made me laugh.
BANG ! BANG ! BANG !
BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !
After the Weinstein meeting, Wanda’s agent suggested she bring protection for herself and the fiscus plant next time she was summoned to his office.
“Ma’am, might I suggest that your anger issues might stem from the fact that your office was built on a considerable slant?”
Oh shit. You’re a dude?
Hickok says Ballistol will clean that right up.
That better be my gun you’re lookin’ at.
This time I have something for you to stroke!
Safety Rule #2
I’m sorry…. What were we talking about? Hey! Sweet 1911!!
Damn baby, you take nice care of that… OH SHIT! Why do you have a gun?!
With this great equalizer I will make you service me until you collapse, never to stiffen up again!! Ha ha ha!
That’s right Copper! Both of these weapons are loaded and ready to go! Feel Froggy? Jump!
Not a caption, but this photo is (somewhat obviously) from a 1980s music video but I can’t come up with the band or the song. Anybody?
“Ya shouldn’t order the Hawaiian pizza, Johnny. My cousin ordered the Hawaiian pizza once… Once.“
Yeah, but can you re-holster without dropping the hammer?
She sat in my office with tears on her cheeks and fire in her eyes. This dame had a long slide to go with those long legs, she wasnt looking for help, she was looking for revenge!
“Is that a gun in your va…. oh, it is, it really is.”
Him: ” So your the dame that’s been robbing hapless men of their money; Well the jig is up doll, I’m callin’ the coppers!” Her: “Hold it right there Johnny, you ain’t calling no one. Now hang up the phone before things get real messy………..”
Never trust a blonde or a 1911.
I said no anchovies!!!!!!
I was just about to call for reservations at Dorsia, … but bringing in Chinese works for me.
Oh my God! You really are Bruce Jenner!
Hey big boy, my hammer is cocked. How ‘bout yours.
While talking to the flatfoot at the local PD, that’s when I heard the safety cl*t off.
This is my garter, this is my gat…
I am so confused. Am I more excited by the .45 or…
*old timey military briefing video voice*:
“Think she is safe to take home tonight? Think again. She just might have VD. It’s like staring down the barrel of a loaded 45. In this case, both holes can kill you–dead as a hammer.”
I’m okay with dying if that’s the last thing I get to see
I looked over with excitement as I saw her lift her skirt, until I saw her pistol was bigger than mine.
No, I’m NOT happy to see you…
Think I better call the captain… We’re definitely gonna need a bigger boat.
“I told you what would happen if you ordered another pizza with pineapple on it…”
Do ya think ya can get off the phone and help me cock it?
Happiness is a warm gun!
Hey sugar, how bout we put in to condition one?
This dame was persuasive, but I told her I still needed to check out her story. That’s when I saw her piece.
My dicks bigger than yours.
She could be pointing a gun at me and I’d never know it.
i see roast beef but smell haddock
“I’ve heard of appendix carry, I’ve heard of hip carry, but this is a new one…”
Hello ,,, Nazycegrowithagun, she said fuck you and it’s my gun now.
Oh! You are holding a gun? I didn’t take notice.
“what was it you said about women of my caliber?”
You ask me for anal one more time…
Mabel, Hold all my calls and reschedule today’s remaining appointments; something just came up requiring my immediate attention.
…for the win.
What lube are you using to get that kind of luster?
So….you just gonna look at it?
Don’t make me pull out the BIG gun.
I’m done asking nicely, darling. Now get down there…
You’re sending mixed messages again, sweetheart.
For the last time tell your buddy the garter belt ain’t for sale.
She has a gun?
If Winestain’s first target had been a POTG.
I ordered double anchovies just like you asked, now please put the gun down.
“Some guy named Harvey Weinstein just called. He says you’re going about this all the wrong way.”
“I knew that dame was trouble from the moment she walked through that door. It didn’t help the situation any when I told her I was partial to Glocks.”
“why do you have those two ‘m’s’ tattoed there?”
“get in here right away. i think i’ve found the weapon and the extra magazine…”
‘it squirts astroglide?”
“that’s right: mayonnaise, kaopectate, some kaiser broiler foil and a pair of blunt scissiors, pronto. and fill a lunch sack with vaseline, wheat thins, ding dongs and taco sauce.”
Don’t you dare turn away.
I’ve shown you the gams now you show me those guns.
Ms. Danica Roem of Virginia I presume?
I tought I saw a puddy tat! I did! I did!
Easy lady, I just suggested breakthrough clean and frog lube for the 1911.
She: “Hold the phone!”
He: “Hold my- the gun!”
Hope that’s not a hair trigger!
The ultimate decocker
Funny you should mention ‘boxes’ Sweetheart, I was just talking to the Lieutenant about a box of IMI Systems 9mm range ammo.
“Put the phone down, Johnny. I’ve got my gat trained right on you.”
“Not only that, you’re pointing a gun this way too!”
Where do you keep your spare mags?
A Brazilian wax and some packing tape. No need for fancy and expensive holsters.
“I gotta call you back.. I just found out I’ve been dating a tranny. And she’s packing some heat.”
It looks like you’ve caught me without my pistol in this standoff.
No, Mr Weinstein’s Office is on the 10th floor.
I never imagined that under there!