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To honor the start of the President’s second and final term—not to mention yesterday’s  AWB unveiling—this week’s photo caption contest is an actual, you know, contest. With a prize and everything. The commenter contributing the funniest caption for the above photo will win a Drago Collapsible Backpack. The winner will be announced Monday morning. Probably.

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  1. “and you citizens thought i was only going to limit your magazines to 10 rounds” “still not using that healthcare though”.

  2. You didn’t think naming Biden as his Vice-Pres was his only anti-assassination insurance policy, did you?

  3. “I will do everything in my power as president to advance these efforts.”

    Direct quote in regards to gun control
    President Obama, Dec 13th 2012

  4. Say “what” again! Say “what” again. I dare you. I double-dare you, motherf***r. Say “what” one more goddamn time!

  5. “I’ve killed 200 kids with drone strikes, but now I finally get to do one of you little bastards up close.”

  6. “Of course I have a gun, how else do you think I got elected? My morals? My job experience? My ability to speak without a teleprompter? Nope, just threatened to kill people and take their stuff”

    • “I’m Barrack Obama, hypocrite in chief, and i approve this message”
      also “Hello, Wayne”

  7. “Ironically, while Barack came to believe in the personal right to bear arms in self-defense, his previous years of hoplophobia made him forget to release the safety on his gun just when he needed it most.”

  8. Say ‘what’ again. Say ‘what’ again, I dare you, I double dare you motherf@$ker, say what one more Goddamn time!

  9. Bit@h I’m from Chicago, of course I’ll cap your azz.
    You think Cheney’s the only mutha ever shot someone in the face?

  10. You Will Respect My Authoritah!


    “President Obama having successfully crushed the 2nd amendment is seen here in celebration shooting a banned semi-automatic pistol in the air. Exuberant White House Staff can be heard in the background yelling ‘Oh, shit everyone DUCK!’ Anti-gun congressmen later commented, ‘ooooh, that’s how they work? We had no idea! — Wow! they look like so much fun, to bad we banned them. Senator Fienstien was reported to be visibly angry because the President had promissed her that should the 2nd amendment be crushed, she would be the one to shoot the banned pistol into the sky over Washington D.C. and like so many other promisses, the President broke this one too.”

  11. “You can dress him up in a tailored suit that cost $1332, but a thug still won’t hold his gun upright.”

  12. Vote or die muthafvcka, muthafvcka vote or die
    Rock the vote or else I’m gonna stick a knife through your eye
    Democracy is founded on one simple rule
    Get out there and vote or I will muthafvckin’ kill you

    I like it when you vote b1tch (b1tch)
    Shake them titties when you vote b1tch (b1tch)
    I slam my jimmy through your mouth roof (mouth roof)
    Now get yo’ big ass in the polling booth

    I said vote, b1tch, Or I fvckin’ kill you

    Vote or die muthafvcka, muthafvcka vote or die
    You can’t run from my .38 go ahead and try
    Let your opinion be heard, you gotta make a choice
    ’Cause after I slit your throat, you won’t have a fvckin’ voice

    Vote or die

    -From South Park Season 8, Episode 8

  13. From the homepage of

    “The transition has ended and the new administration has begun.”

  14. “Disappointed with the GOP’s reception of his health care reforms, President Obama demonstrates his new plan to distribute bullets in an effort to encourage his opponents to give socialized medicine a try.”


    “Moments before the press conference regarding gun control, President Obama could be heard saying, ‘Mine says Colt, point four five. Yours says ‘Replica’. It’s good to be the president!'”

  15. After reading Saddam Hussein’s autobiography, President Obama realized there was a way he could compell congress to do what he wanted….

  16. “In other news, the corpse of gun designer John Moses Browning was found today fifteen miles from his grave site, investigators believe it to have spun all the way there under its own power…”

  17. “President Obama enjoys firing the first shot at the new White House gun range which he ordered built after his daughters reached dating age.”

  18. OK, front site, trigger control, breathe… Dammit Lapierre hold still!
    Now where was I? OK, front site…

  19. I am a gun owner.
    I believe that spending has fixed the economy.
    I believe in Obamacare.
    I take credit for killing bin Laden.
    Get a gun before the ban takes effect- I found one, figured why not.

  20. So this is what everybody is whining about? Wait…..this IS awesome! Hey, hey Biden, check this out!

  21. “Tyranny ain’t easy!”
    “Here’s shooting at you, kid!”
    Presidential Term 1 – “Hope and Change.”
    Presidential Term 2 – “Hope for Change.”

  22. Dear Leader Barack, humbly accepting thunderous applause from millions of grateful citizens on Pennsylvania Avenue following his majestic fifth Inauguration Day speech, prepares an Executive Action for a “second amendment” terrorist discovered in the crowd by Dear Leader’s heroic Secret Service contingent.

  23. “I have a very strict gun control policy: if there’s a gun around, I want to be in control of it.” (originally – Clint Eastwood)

  24. “Now, I know what you’re thinking, Joe. ‘Did he load that NY mag with ten rounds or only seven?’ To tell you the truth, I forgot myself amid all this proposed legislation. But being as this is a 5.56 McChrystal, the most powerful cartridge in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you have to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky?…Well? Do ya, Joe?”

  25. You, flock of sheeple, you know why we’re here? Why don’t you tell my man Biden where you got the sh*t hid at?

    Say ‘rights’ again. Say ‘rights’ again, I dare you, I double dare you muthaf****er, say rights one more Goddamn time!

    Barack “Jules Winnfield” Obama

  26. Let me be clear. I’m clinging to my gun and showing my antipathy to folks unlike me (i.e. non-Marxists).

  27. I’m the man up in this piece. You’ll never see the light of… who the fvck do you think you’re fvcking with? I’m the police, I run shit around here. You just live here. Yeah, that’s right, you better walk away. Go on and walk away… ’cause I’m gonna’ burn this motherfvcker down. King Kong ain’t got sh!t on me. That’s right, that’s right. Sh!t, I don’t, fvck. I’m winning anyway, I’m winning… I’m winning any motherfvcking way. I can’t lose. Yeah, you can shoot me, but you can’t kill me.

  28. …an attempted robbery became a homicide on Pennsylvania avenue today. The suspect is a black male, approximately six foot two wearing a dark coat and apparently armed with an assault pistol. The victims, we assume are also black males…

  29. “When the White House learned that President Obama’s ‘street cred’ had dipped drastically after inviting Justin Bieber to stay in the Lincoln bedroom, a bold plan to recreate his image got off to a somewhat tenuous start.”

  30. “If they bring a knife to the fight, we bring a gun” (actual quote from Obama in Philadelphia on June 13th, 2008.

  31. Hard to pick…

    “Shut up before I wound you and leave you to suffer through Obamacare”


    “Think you can dodge this? You owe it to yourself to try.”

    I tried to work horses and bayonets in but I came up dry.

  32. I know what you’re thinking, did he fire 7 shots or 8… well to be honest in all this confusion I don’t know myself…

    • Being as I’m the 44th President of the United States, the most powerful man in the world, and can have you extrajudicially executed, you got to ask yourself one question. Do I feel lucky? Well do ya, peon?

  33. “Hiel………….I me Halt!!!!!!!!!…….ha, ha, ha, just kidding”
    Rob Drummond
    Hillsboro, NH

  34. Recent budget have forced Secret Security cutbacks… the President has now been forced to take care of his own “protection”.

    Obama: Ah, HELL no…

    • Should read:

      Recent budget changes have forced Secret Security cutbacks… the President has now been forced to take care of his own “protection”.

      Obama: Ah, HELL no…

  35. Great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather of President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho-bama

  36. “this is so much fun it should be illegal!!!…………wait a sec I can make that happen, gimme something to sign!”

  37. “Time to clear a few seats on the Supreme Court”

    “If Wayne runs that video one more time”

    “I know I won’t get flagged by the TSA at O’Hara”

    “If ol’ Joe lets his mouth run away one more time”

  38. “Oh yeah? Well I say there ARE 57 states!!!”

    “If this was solar-powered, we’d really have something!”

    Making Fidel & Hugo proud.

    “There you go again, Pilgrim.”

    “Hey, where’s the bayonet for this thing?”

    “I know what you’re thinking, punk. ‘Did he fire 13, 12, 11 or 10?’ And to tell you the truth, amidst all my lies, I kinda lost track myself.”

    “I told you this election was about revenge!”

    “I’m getting a third term whether you like it or not!”

    “This is how Michelle gets the kids to eat their vegetables.”

    When split-seconds count, and the Secret Service is seconds away.

  39. President Obama demonstrates how he will be a much more effective leader during his second term.

  40. Mr. Obama was very excited about his new pistol until he discovered there was no ammunition available anywhere…

  41. Yo, dude, I’m so gonna a put a cap in Yo’ Ol’ F…..G White Guy Ass if’n ya don’t get on board with my program, sucka.

  42. Obama to David Gregory: “How’s it hangin’ Dave? Oh you’re good … just messin’ with ya.”

  43. Ever since Michelle read “50 Shades of Grey,” it’s the only way I can get her to put he clothes back on. She’s got me by 35 lbs., so I need every edge I can get!

  44. “Term limits? Sorry, I just issued an Executive Order making me President for Life. Did you have a problem with that?”

  45. Ah-ah, I know what you’re thinking, Clint. You’re thinking, “Did he fire seven shots or only six?” And to tell you the truth, I’ve forgotten myself in all this “empty chair” excitement. But being this is a .45 ACP – the most powerful handgun in the world and will blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself a question: “Do I feel lucky?” Well, do ya, Clint?!

  46. As Hillary Clinton was walking up the steps to the capitol building to give testimony on the Benghazi incident and Fast and Furious a shot rang out. Ms. Clinton died immediately and a suspect, described as a skinny Urkel looking dude, fled the scene in a white Ford Bronco. The driver of the getaway Bronco was described as a heavyset white guy with white hair puffing on a large cigar.

    No arrests have been made.

  47. “Ideas are far more powerful than guns. We don’t let our people have guns. Why should we let them have ideas?”
    — Joseph Stalin

  48. “You bring a knife…I bring a gun. You send one of mine to the hospital, I send one of yours to the morgue…THAT’S THE CHICAGO WAY!”

  49. “If only I hadn’t banned the shoulder thing that goes up I could really use one right now”

  50. “Oh, you mean I’m supposed to point this thing in the other direction to commit suicide”?
    “What direction am I supposed to point this thing to commit suicide”?

  51. Just for Men Touch of Gray Hair Treatment: $10

    Handmade Georges de Paris suit (with China made US Flag pin): $4,500

    “Leading the People” with my newly acquired Colt “Government” Model 1911: Priceless

  52. “Inauguration’s over, what’d you think was going to happen the second time around? Watch, wallet, and guns… let’s go, hand ’em over.”

  53. All these years I’ve been holding this stupid thing sideways in the manner I was shown by the local youths, back in my organizing days…I just noticed there were dots on top of this thing – anybody know what they do?

  54. Always a quick learner, President Obama looks pleased with the results of James Yeager’s suggestions.

  55. Now that I have more “flexibility” time to take aim at my true enemy; people that think for themselves.

  56. “Well, no one else wanted to enforce mandatory confiscation… so here I am! If you want something done right, do it yourself!”

  57. There’s this passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. “The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.” I been saying that sh*t for years. And if you heard it, that meant your a$$. I never gave much thought to what it meant. I just thought it was some cold-blooded sh*t to say to a motherf***er before I popped a cap in his a$$. But I saw some sh*t this morning made me think twice. See, now I’m thinking, maybe it means you’re the evil man, and I’m the righteous man, and Mr. 9 millimeter here, he’s the shepherd protecting my righteous a$$ in the valley of darkness. Or it could mean you’re the righteous man and I’m the shepherd and it’s the world that’s evil and selfish. I’d like that. But that sh*t ain’t the truth. The truth is, you’re the weak, and I’m the tyranny of evil men…

  58. “…Playing with my money is like playing with my emotions, congress”

    -big worm in “friday”

  59. While I may favor common-sense gun control laws, that doesn’t keep me from reaching out to NRA members

  60. I is going to bust a cap in that Kenyan shit fly that keeps buzzing me during my press conferences!

  61. “Well, he was right about a kind word and a gun but the smile sure doesn’t hurt, right kids?”

  62. Ryan was standing next to Uncle Joe when BHO took a shot in their direction…………..laughing BHO said “ah shit I missed!!!”

  63. I’m sorry it posted so many times, when I was on the mobile version it kept telling me that the comment failed to post. I switchedd to the full version and posted it and now I see that it posted all the ones I was told failed. Trying to figure out a way to delete them now.

  64. Hey O Where you going with that gun in your hand
    I said Hey O Where you going with that gun in your hand
    Gonna shoot that old fat white guy,
    He’s got a Disease called Republican.

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