Weekend Photo Caption Contest



  1. avatar jwm says:

    Fat man with a revolver? Why this sense of deja vu?

  2. avatar jwm says:

    “I told you what I’d do if I ever caught you cheating on me! And with a woman!”

  3. avatar Vhyrus says:

    I can’t decide if I wanna shoot you first or eat you alive.

  4. avatar Vhyrus says:

    “You voted for Trump, didn’t you? Admit it!”

    1. avatar Button Gwinnett says:

      Came here to say that…see I’m late.

  5. avatar Tom in Oregon says:

    “One more fat joke, and I’ll….. Wait. Do I smell bacon?”

  6. “This is for wearing those pants after Labor Day!”

  7. avatar Tim says:

    I said,”not another fookin’ bite. Now fook-off…..”

  8. “Get ready for the grossest, sweatiest ménage a trois ever buddy.”

  9. avatar Lucas D. says:

    “Sydney Greenstreet’s off the wagon again.”

    “The food one or the booze one?”

    The murder one.

    1. avatar jwm says:

      Um. That’s Orson Welles and Akim Tamirof. Don’t know who the woman is.

      1. avatar Ralph says:

        Janet Leigh.

        1. avatar Button Gwinnett says:

          I was intrigued and did a GIS on the still. Now I want to see the movie.

        2. avatar Ralph says:

          @Button Gwinnett, “Touch of Evil” is a top-notch film noir.

          Oh, and thank you so much for signing the Declaration of Independence and inventing that fastener we use to close our shirts.

        3. avatar Button Gwinnett says:

          Just ordered it on Amazon. And you’re welcome! Would you like an autograph?

        4. avatar Rusty Chains says:

          Hey Button, sorry it was necessary to kill you in Fallout 3!

      2. avatar Lucas D. says:

        Seriously? That’s the second time somebody has “corrected” what I meant to be a very obvious joke in the middle of a whole bunch of other obvious jokes.

        Am I just a magnet for autistics, or am I misunderstanding things and the captions really aren’t supposed to be done in a humorous manner? I’m inclined to believe the former, because if the task is to prosaically describe the photograph with perfect accuracy, then Dan can do that himself and there wouldn’t be any point in holding a damn contest in the first place.

        1. avatar jwm says:

          Lighten up, Francis. It’s all for fun. After all, it’s a contest with few, if any, solid rules and since they no longer give away prizes they don’t even bother to pick a winner.

          It’s just supposed to be light fun.

  10. avatar Scottlac says:

    “I’m with the FBI, Comey is gone, and now we really mean it this time. Turn over the e-mails.”

  11. avatar BigDaveinVT says:

    Put the gun away big man. Oompa loompas are a protected class.

  12. avatar MiketheHopsFarmer says:

    I said, Hands up. Not pants up! You look like an idiot.

  13. avatar bastiches says:

    Well, Jeez, Mister. You have to admit it does look like you’re smuggling turkeys.

  14. avatar stevor says:

    this isn’t pea shooter scary compared to what is under this coat!

  15. avatar Sam Wright says:

    Get in my belly!

    1. avatar tsbhoa.p.jr says:


  16. avatar YAR0892 says:

    What’s the gun for? I’ll do anything ya want, just don’t eat me!

  17. avatar Magicmanmb says:

    Alright I guarantee the maid will leave more chocolate on your pillow and a bigger soap.

  18. avatar AaronW says:

    “I know you have the cure for spontaneous belly inflation syndrome. Hand it over.”

  19. avatar Claymore says:

    How did Michael Moore sneak up on me?

    1. avatar AaronW says:

      And Moore to the point, I thought he hated guns???

  20. avatar Jp says:

    Pointing a gun at me won’t change the fact that I’m not jackie gleason. Now leave me alone so I can pow her in the kisser!

  21. avatar Alan Esworthy says:

    Plaid and stripes…together? Prepare to die.

  22. avatar Penetty says:

    But, they were out of alignment…
    It turns out dead men do wear plaid.

  23. avatar Miguel says:

    Bring me Solo and the Wookiee.

    1. avatar anonymoose says:

      Winner winner chicken dinner!

  24. avatar JW says:

    Sure, I can custom fit a holster for ya, but watch where you point that thing!

  25. avatar Gregolas says:

    “That’s a small gun.”
    “Well, you’re a small target.”

    1. avatar anonymoose says:

      “You’re a big guy.”
      “For you.”

  26. avatar tmm says:

    I call my little friend here “Little Boy.”

  27. avatar anonymoose says:

    Get in mah belly!

  28. avatar Davis Thompson says:

    Not a caption, but that’s one of the best movies ever made. Treat yourself. Just be ready to take a shower after you watch it, cause it’s that grimy.

  29. avatar VaqueroJustice says:

    No, no, you are right, that was unfair.

    I should have said big boned.

  30. avatar acepeacemaker says:

    Say “fat” again! I double dare you MFer!

  31. avatar Ing says:

    Tweedle-gun and Tweedle-dee…

  32. avatar ChiefFox says:

    No, Mr. Bond… I expect you to die!

  33. avatar Chip in Florida says:

    My grandpa, he used to wear his pants up to here. My wife says that isn’t fashionable anymore and she makes me wear them much lower. Isn’t that right honey?

  34. avatar Hellbilly says:

    [Singing] “Fat man with a little gun!”

  35. avatar Stu in AZ says:

    “If I can just get to his left side, I’ll be safe!”

  36. avatar tsbhoa.p.jr says:

    “i was only checking for lumps, i swear!”

  37. avatar Malcolm says:

    No Sir, I said there’s no LADY here so it can’t be over

  38. avatar tsbhoa.p.jr says:

    “gaze into my navel…”

  39. avatar tsbhoa.p.jr says:

    ” i like to watch.”

  40. avatar Joe R. says:

    I’ll have more leway after the election. . .

  41. avatar tsbhoa.p.jr says:

    (trying a clever new tactic here… eventually this is bound to pay off).

    “that’s what she said!”

  42. avatar Hoplopfheil says:

    Well if it isn’t Fat Man and Little Boy.

    1. avatar jwm says:

      Motherphucker! I was just going to put that one in. Back to the drawing board.

  43. avatar Matt in SC says:

    I’m just saying , if you can’t see the tip of your….um, revolver, your probably too fat.

  44. avatar Luke Yarasheski says:

    “I told yahs boss. Nobody’s gonna notice the extra weight. You look magnanimous”
    “Yeah? Weren’t you the one who told Old Sully he should go after that flapper gal…”

  45. avatar J says:

    No bueno when Mexican Goldfinger captures Mexican Bond.

  46. avatar Lakesha says:

    This arltice keeps it real, no doubt.

  47. That’s an ingenious way of thinking about it.

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