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Keanu Reeves

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  1. Although a little noisy, the city stated that Tru-Green Environmental Company’s state of the art machinery was the reason that they were awarded the sidewalk chewing gum removal contract.

  2. “Hello, I’m Keanu Reeves. I don’t really play Keanu Reeves all the time but when I do loud noises and disintegrating props helps the audience forget I’m here.”

    • And fyi, England, having already lost the ashes to the aussies again, have an outside shot to win the 4th test and salvage a bit of pride.

  3. “I got some cables and I tried to jump it
    I got a shotgun and I’m gonna pump it!”

    – from the song “Push My Car” by the Weatherheads – from the Car Talk Car Tunes Volume I CD

  4. 24 hours later….

    (*phone rings*)

    Keanu: “uh, hello?”

    Man on phone: “Yes, Mr. Reeves? My name is Mark, and I’m with Progressive Insurance. We got your photo of the, uh, ‘hail damage’ you sent. I’m afraid the damage looks, uh, well, it looks a little suspicious. We’re going to need to ask you a few questions before we can cover your claim.”

  5. See if you call me the “worst actor of all time” again…. (seriously, worse than Kevin Costner and Ben Stiller combined)

  6. Hi, I’m Joe Hollywood. Join with me to help ban guns and stop violence. Oh, and don’t miss my new film, Killemshootemblowemup.


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