Texas Legislator Introduces ‘Pop Tart Gun’ Bill


“Texas students shouldn’t lose instruction time for holding gun-shaped Pop-Tart snacks at school.” So intoned Texas Rep. Ryan Guillen by way of introducing his bill in the state legislature designed to roll back government school institutionalized hoplophobia. The kind that’s sanctioned, suspended and even expelled kiddies for pointing a pastry and saying “bang.” Or some paper. Or a piece of pizza. Or their fingers. So it’s come to this . . .

In order to counter the kind of zero tolerance stupidity cultural hacks like Shannon Watts and Michael Bloomberg have promoted in their attempts to stigmatize guns, making even things resembling them beyond the pale, states like Texas have to take matters into their own hands. As Florida has already done.

Besides, who could be against these kinds of knee-jerk, unencumbered-by-the-thought-process administrative over-reactions to kids being kids? Oh, wait.

“If I was voting today, I would vote against that bill,” (Sen. John) Whitmire said. While he has not read the legislation, the Houston Democrat said he would be reluctant to place any restrictions on local school officials to determine proper disciplinary procedures. Guillen’s legislation includes flexibility for a school to discipline a student who “disrupts learning” or causes harm or the fear of harm to an educator or another student.

“I believe strongly that common sense should be the guide,” Whitmire said. “I just think you have to, in my judgment, leave it to local administrators and school campus administrators to weigh the circumstances.”


Did you catch that? Whitmire hasn’t read the bill yet. He just knows he opposes it. That makes the Senator a prime candidate for federal elected office where you have to enact a bill to find out what’s in it.

The fight against reflexive anti-gun idiocy — countering the Civilian Disarmament Industrial Complex’s determined efforts to exclude firearms from polite society — is a long march. But it’s a journey worth taking. One step at a time.


  1. avatar Michael C says:

    If the school administrators actually used common sense and weighed the circumstances like Whitmire wants, this bill that Whitmire opposes without even reading wouldn’t be necessary.

    1. avatar DJ says:

      Those were my thoughts, too. When, in the last 5-10 years, have we seen school administrators exercising common sense related to children playing the way all those of us who are over 30 did when we were kids.

    2. avatar Al says:

      Not to rain on the parade, but this kid may just have been suspended for being a little punk…
      “No, Jessica Fultz said it was about Welch’s pattern of classroom disruption that got worse on a daily basis — and even violence and threats toward classmates and making shooting noises. And the chewing his food into the shape of a gun? That happened more than once, Fultz said.”


      So this may just be a story about a precious little snowflake who’s parents will wind up a national news story before believing their kid can be a pain.

  2. avatar Scrubula says:

    Whitmire is an idiot. How hard is it to say “I haven’t read the bill yet, so I won’t comment on it”?
    It just makes him seem like a mindless crony…

  3. avatar Pg2 says:

    Almost like how the government ignores the Constitution except in cases where it is to the Governments advantage to enforce it. No longer a nation of laws.

  4. avatar RockOnHellChild says:

    West New Orleans Legislature.


  5. avatar Ralph says:

    So Whitmire, who is against the bill even though he hasn’t read it, is a Democrat? Who woulda thunk it.

    1. avatar LarryinTX says:

      Well, absolutely no one who voted for Obamacare, or signed it, had read it, precious few had read it 6 months later. Makes me wonder who wrote it, if nobody read it? And few understand it NOW!

  6. avatar Milsurp Collector says:

    It’d be funny if it weren’t so sad that the incidents prompting the neccesity of this legislation actually happened. The absurdity of it all reminds me of this for some reason:


  7. avatar Jus Bill says:

    I guess Sen. Whitmire also supports beatings in schools. Idiot.

    1. avatar LarryinTX says:

      I’m sure in some school districts, daily beatings are just common sense.

  8. avatar IdahoPete says:

    Public schools throughout the nation have removed the state of Idaho from their geography maps and texts, because a student might copy the outline on a pop-tart or piece of paper, turn it on one side, and pretend to shoot other students with it! Hey, it’s for the children!

    1. avatar SteveInCO says:

      They’d better do the same for Maryland. Hell, the part of Texas at the lower Rio Grande is curved like a trigger. Oklahoma’s panhandle could look like a rifle barrel.

      Clearly we need to just frigging ban US maps from schools.

  9. avatar ThomasR says:

    Your typical School run by Liberal/Progressives.

    In school, it’s a concentrated dose of all that is dysfunctional to down right insane about the liberal/progressive so called “thought”.

    You are placing your child naked in a den of hungry predators without justice, without the right of self-defense and leaving them in the hands of faculty that have proven themselves to be delusional, in denial and completely out of touch with reality.

    No wonder so many children are depressed, anxious and down right suicidal. Even if they can’t put it into words, children know when their environment is unjust, dangerous and just plain crazy.

    1. avatar LarryinTX says:

      Hm. Nicely put!

      1. avatar notalima says:

        sry. wrong ‘reply’ button

    2. avatar notalima says:

      Those last two paragraphs just went out as a ‘quote of the day’ to my friends. Very well put. Thank you.

  10. avatar Jason Byrne says:

    They should allow for 80% pop tart guns. That seems fair.

    1. avatar DickDanger says:

      Not he ghost poptart guns with the shoulder thingy that goes up! THE HORROR!
      /sarc. off/

    2. avatar RockOnHellChild says:

      He doesn’t want to take your pop tarts… Quiet being a conspiracy theorist.

      He just wants pop tart sense in America.

      1. avatar Mark says:

        Common sense Pop Tart laws. …….for the children.

      2. avatar notalima says:

        Common sense food laws…

        Oh, wait. Michelle is already hard at work on those…

  11. avatar benny says:

    The stupid….it burns….
    Whitmire needs to be flooded with emails regarding him doing his f***ing job correctly…

  12. avatar Marcus (Aurelius) Payne says:

    He favors “common sense” over a Bill that was written to remedy a blatant lack of common sense….

    Go figure.

  13. avatar Slab Rankle says:

    This law doesn’t go far enough. Actions of this kind that traumatize children should be treated as felony child abuse and prosecuted accordingly.

  14. avatar doesky2 says:

    Leftism has entire infected the education system from kindergarten through post-grad and so now it becomes necessary to legislate common-sense.

    Back before the Left took over common sense was….well……common.

    With the Left in charge now it becomes necessary to legislate common sense and do you realize how many laws you have to make to legislate everyday common sense actions to correct the stupidity of Leftism?

    As Prager says….the Left destroys everything it touches.

  15. avatar Eric L says:

    It’s a sad day in America when we even need to think about enacting these types of laws/bills.
    To all the idiotic gun grabbers….. Thank you for reminding me of why I served our country, my resolve to our country and our constitution has grown stronger.

  16. That horse head pop tart illustration looks more like an uncircumcised penis and if a 7 year old chews his pop tart into that shape in class then I think at least his parents need to be notified.

  17. avatar AnhydrousWater says:

    “I believe strongly that common sense should be the guide,”

    and that’s the problem, they aren’t using common sense, hence why such a bill/law is needed, sadly.

    1. avatar John M. says:

      Go ahead. Ask him what he thinks common sense would be in a Pop Tart gun situation. He believes in common-sense Pop Tart control like Shannon believes in common-sense gun control. He’s all for lawful Pop Tart ownership but…

  18. avatar peirsonb says:

    Huh, that was my first thought as well…

  19. avatar Mat says:

    This is like reading an article on the Onion, I had to double check the URL in my browser…

    1. avatar Pg2 says:

      Reading nearly all “news” today is like reading the Onion, in fact the Onion these days is more believable at times.

  20. avatar JoeVK says:

    I’m a cereal killer. I use Pop Tart weapons on all of my victims. One time, I ran around stabbing people at the mall with a Pop Tart knife. Just last night I found a homeless guy sleeping in a dark alley, and bashed his brains in with a Pop Tart hammer. My favorite one though, was the time I shot up a church with a Pop Tart machine gun, then tossed a few a Pop Tart grenades in through the windows to finish off any survivors.

  21. avatar Grindstone says:

    I love Republicans:

    – Local schools should have more control

    – Support state bill making school control more centralized

    1. avatar Pg2 says:

      Right on with that Grind, the illusion of 2 parties and choice of government only works on the weakest minds at this point.

  22. avatar seth says:

    So… If a student were to inadvertently bite a pop tart into an ‘L’ shape, and then absent mindedly decide to take a bit from the long end, would the student be out on suicide watch? Or does simply eating a pop tart qualify for that?

  23. avatar Illinois_Minion says:

    Would I be double secret disciplined if I eat a silencer shaped poptart gun?
    What about a SBR poptart?

  24. avatar fuque says:

    And Democrats wonder why they lost the south..

  25. avatar BDub says:

    First off, this Rep. is out of touch with his constituency – he thinks kids are still allowed to play dodge-ball.

    Secondly, “common sense” and zero-tolerance are mutually incompatible.

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