“Nickolas Taylor, a fifth-grader, was suspended [from school for two days] after pointing an imaginary ray gun – his finger – and mouthing laser sounds in the school’s cafeteria last Friday,” milforddailynews.com reports. Nickolas’ father Brian is not amused. “I think this is very slanderous toward Nickolas and his character. It was non-threatening. He’s just a typical boy with an imagination.” Prevaricate much? Who cares if the hand gesture was threatening? Isn’t instructing children in proper social interaction part of the school system’s remit? Anyway, here’s young master Nicholas’ description of events . . .
In the report provided by Brian Taylor, Collins writes two girls came to him saying that Nickolas cut the lunch line and, when confronted, pointed the imaginary gun at them while mouthing the shooting sounds.
In an interview with the Daily News, Nickolas said he was standing behind the girls and was shooting his imaginary gun in no particular direction.
Note to children: always point your finger gun in a safe direction. Do not point it at anything you’re not willing to annoy. Violation will invoke the first rule of bureaucratic bluster: slavish adherence to published rules is the only defense against chaos, disorder and moral disintegration.
A conduct slip, written by Assistant Principal Noah Collins, lists the offense as a threat . . .
In the school’s 88-page handbook, threats are listed as an offense punishable by detention, suspension, or even expulsion based on the severity.
The level of severity is often at the discretion of the administrator tasked to reprimand the student, said School Committee Chairperson Scott Harrison.
Policies against threats and guns have been implemented in the district for decades, he said. The School Committee has made no recent revisions to the policy.
Though the handbook explicitly lists toy weapons as items banned from school grounds, there is no clause that specifically addresses imaginary weapons.
Staff writer Bill Shaner is hereby forgiven for his barely concealed sarcasm. In case you’re wondering if Nickolas is a perfidious finger gun felon, his father asserts that his sprog has “no history of discipline outside detentions for incomplete school work.” That said . . .
Mr. Taylor reveals that Nickolas has been diagnosed with ADHD and sometimes is disciplined because he is “hyperactive and fails to focus.” More PC-speak for a child who needs guidance – who ain’t getting what he needs. Anyway, let’s just hope Nickolas doesn’t learn how to use both hands to shoot a pretend “assault rifle.”