“Larry Barton [above], who is about to run for his fifth term as mayor of Talladega (Alabama) told NBC News from his hospital room at the University of Alabama that the attack began around 7:30 a.m. Saturday in the parking lot of Cahaba Heights Plaza Barber Shop in Vestavia Hills. ‘Before I could do anything, he jerked the door open and he started hitting me,’ said Barton, 75. The man was wearing a trench coat and a hood, and Barton said he repeatedly hit him in his face, legs and knees.” I thought about filing this one under It Should Have Been a Defensive Gun Use. A 75-year-old man beaten with a baseball bat? That ain’t right. Then again . . .
Barton said that he eventually grabbed the bat and held on to it, then kicked the man twice in the groin.
“Finally, I got the hood off of him,” Barton said. “That’s when I recognized who he was.”
Barton identified his assailant as Benny Green, who he said he’s known for more than a decade and who was a co-host on Barton’s current events show, “In the Interest of the People,” until a few years ago . . .
Lt. Brian Gilham described the attack as “obviously premeditated.”
“He planned to do this,” Gilham said.
Barton said that he didn’t know why Green would attack him, but The Birmingham News reported that it could have been over an alleged sex tape.
“Barton was caught on hidden video having sex with Green’s wife,” a former divorce lawyer for Green said, according to the newspaper.
And there you have it. A cuckholded former business partner decided to wreak revenge. Who could have seen that one coming? Just about anyone, really. You mess with another man’s wife, her husband’s probably gonna be more than a tad annoyed when he finds out. Much mirth is unlikely to ensue.
Which is why it’s a good idea not to bump uglies with someone who increases your odds of a violent assault, which could well necessitate a defensive gun use. That’s not just a married woman of course. It could be a married man. Or a hooker with an overly possessive pimp (go figure). Or someone’s nubile daughter.
Don’t get me wrong. As the ad says, chef don’t judge. Why would I? I was once young, dumb and full of something that rhymes with the preceding adjectives. I guess the bottom line here is to crank up your situational awareness when you’re engaging in a high-risk sexual activity. Wear a raincoat and carry a gun.
No matter how much of a dick you are, you still have the legal right to use lethal force to defend yourself against an imminent threat of death or grievous bodily harm. With a gun. Unless you’re a convicted felon named Larry Barton. So don’t do anything that gets you convicted, either. Just sayin’ . . .