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You’ve heard the wives’ tale cures for hiccups, right? There’s the Mary Poppins method – swallowing a spoonful of sugar. Some say downing a hunk of peanut butter is the way to go. And plenty of sufferers will tell you breathing into a paper bag does the trick. Patrick Myers and a Ft. Hood base buddy were watching a little football and enjoying some cold frosties Sunday afternoon when Myers’s friend developed a raging case of the diaphragm spasms. So, wanting to cure his pal and get back to the gridiron action, Myers figured he’d use the old scare-it-out-of-him cure . . .

And what better way to startle your friend than by firing a gun at him.

Bell County Jail records show Spc. Patrick Edward Myers was being held Tuesday on a manslaughter charge with bond set at $1 million. … An arrest affidavit says Myers apparently pointed a gun at the victim’s head to scare him and stop the hiccups. Myers allegedly thought the gun had dummy rounds when it discharged.

Maybe Myers’s late friend had a congenital case of the hiccups. Myers knew he’d interrupt the game at some point and that’s why he just happened to have a gun handy that (he says) he thought was loaded with blanks. Or maybe the whole story is a pathetic load of bullshit meant to cover for some mind-numbing stupidity.

Whatever the case, Spc. Myers will be getting our IGOTD trophy, not that it’s probably the first thing on his mind right now. And we’re guessing that if Myers’s cell mate begins to hiccup, he’ll suggest drinking from the wrong side of a glass next time.  [h/t Kenneth W.]

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    • Still, jwm, you have to admit that this is the lamest excuse for a murder in the long and exalted history of b^llsh!t.

      • Agreed, Ralph. And I also don’t think we’re getting the straight skinny on this one either. All that aside, though, Texans definately travel to their own drummer.

    • I don’t know what 8 years you were there, but during the 11 I spent there was plenty of stupidity of this level.

  1. I hear cons in jail have another not so pleasant way to cure hiccups. You have to drink but not from a glass.

  2. You know stuff like this makes me ashamed to admit that I spent 8 yrs stationed at Ft.Hood!!! We never really had anyone do something that stupid to a fellow troop while I was there.
    Oh well he will learn the hard way why noone want’s to go to Ft.Leavenworth!!
    What a dumbass!!!

    • If this happened off post he’ll get time at a state prison, not Leavenworth. When last I was in Texas they had prison farms like Huntsville, think cool Hand Luke without the hollywood glamour.

  3. looks like hassan is gonna have a lights out cuddle partner. too bad meyers did not get crippled himself. ****ing incompetent.

  4. “Or maybe the whole story is a pathetic load of bullshit meant to cover for some mind-numbing stupidity.”

    Gonna go with this.

  5. I live in the Seattle area. The other day, there was a local news story about some idiot who stole a coin collection worth around 100 grand, and spent it at face value on pizza and a movie. These imbeciles must be some of that brains’ in-bred cousins. In general, the victim of bungling gun owners tend to be totally innocent bystanders. At least in this case, it was one fool shooting another.

    “And that’s what I like about The South… ”

    “Read any good books lately?”

    Yeah, this one:

  6. This has to be one of the dumbest stories ever…I do think it’s a “pathetic load of bullshit meant to cover for some mind-numbing stupidity.”

  7. The story smells like bull. Who keeps blanks in their rifle at home – hell who even owns blanks? Even in the unlikely event that he at one time had blanks in a rifle at home, anyone would know shooting a blank at someones head (barring a blank adapter) would probably result in serious injury, possibly including blindness!
    This was at best, extreme stupidity, at worst cold-blooded murder. The crappy cover-excuse just make either scenario unbearably worse.

  8. What a tragic mistake. Yea we can all call village idiots what they are but I bet this kid wishes every minute that he could go back in time. Well thats just it then I guess. Yogi quotes, “With guns you only have one chance most of the time to get it right the first time.” Think Yogi was a village idiot?

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