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So it’s come to this in (formerly) Great Britain. The National Health Service, their creaky socialized medicine system, is evidently so bad that a Doncaster security guard decided to improvise a way to get rid of a persistent wart on his finger. Upon further reflection, maybe using a shotgun wasn’t the best approach…

Sean Murphy had seen his GP (General Practitioner) about the growth on his digit, but wasn’t happy with the results. So he decided to take things into his own hands, so to speak, by using a smooth bore to rid himself of the unsightly growth.

Never fear, though. Old Sean’s a thinker. He made sure to down a few pints before trying to use the equivalent of a grenade to kill a fly. Note to other potential do-it-yourselfers: shotguns aren’t scalpels, they’re broadswords.

I didn’t expect to lose my finger as well when I shot it but the gun recoiled and that was it. The wart was gone and so was my finger. There was nothing left of it, so no chance of re-attaching it.

Right. It was the recoil that did it. The beer wasn’t a problem at all.

Turns out the gun wasn’t even his. It had been stolen a couple of years ago and Sean “found” it. Which can get you tossed in the klink for many moons in the UK. Fortunately, Sean hired a good attorney and got off light – a suspended 16 week prison sentence.

I know I could have gone to jail for up to 15 years for a firearms offence. My solicitor did a very good job. The best thing is that the wart has gone. It was giving me a lot of trouble.

And it only cost him his middle finger. Plus legal fees and court costs. I can’t wait until our docs are nationalized, too. I’ve got a (legal) shotgun in the safe and I load my own shells. Who needs medical school?

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  1. He should have shot himself in the ballsack instead,to eliminate all chances of spawning new retards!!

  2. I’ll give the moron this much: warts are incredibly disgusting and irritating. But he might have started with an air rifle instead of a stolen shotgun. I think this fellow is a good candidate for an Orwellian ASBO (antisocial behavior order) preventing him from impregnating anyone.

  3. Look on the bright side. As our man Sean duly noted, “[t]he best thing is that the wart has gone.”

  4. When I was ten or eleven, I had a wart on my thumb. I ripped it out, root and all, with a combination of fingers, teeth, and a jack knife. Best wart removers ever.

  5. Socialized medicine was not the cause of this Darwinian masterpiece of in breeding. You can’t cure stupid.

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