We don’t look for weird news from Milwaukee. Honest we don’t. It just seems to…sort of emanate from there. Is it all the cheese? The beer? The bratwurst? Well you could say that a sausage is involved in this tale of woe. Sort of…
The MPD found Otis Lockett with gunshot holes through his pants. And his penis. When questioned, Lockett claimed someone shot him from behind. That was his story and he was stickin’ to it.
Unfortunately, the trajectory of the bullet didn’t match Lockett’s account. At least according to the ER doc. Which meant two things for Otis. First, he likely shot himself accidentally. Because who would shoot their own penis intentionally, right?
Second, it meant that he had bigger problems than how to comfortably urinate for the next few weeks. Lockett, being a convicted felon, wasn’t supposed to have a gun. But to prosecute him, the DA needed proof. Of the injury. As in pictures.
When Lockett wouldn’t admit to nearly shooting off his own penis, [Detective Gena] Malanche went to Assistant District Attorney Stephan Nolten, who went to Court Commissioner Barry Phillips who on Wednesday authorized the photographs. In her affidavit, Malanche said she would instruct jail medical personnel to safely remove and reapply any bandages around Lockett’s patched-up privates.
Exactly how Lockett managed to Burress himself isn’t known. But in the end, the cops got their pics for proof of the perp’s pistol-perforated penis. Sorry. I couldn’t resist.
I never really liked my belly holster because I was worried about something like this happening. If I had ever shot myself like this fool did, I’d never be able to show my face at the range ever again. I just heard the bad news that this fool Burris joined my Jets, and now everyone on his team must live in fear of this moron.
Watch your mouth when you are talking about him fool!!!!?
Otis should covert to Judaism now that the difficult part is over.
He went off half-cocked.
Hiyoooooooo! Nothing worth losing his head over…(insert rimshot)
nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself,
So I guess your unit is not [your]self?
Contrary to the belief of men I’d see pictures of when I was on a bisexual dating website, you are not your “unit” (as you put it).
*shudder*
He must have misunderstood the directions for the Prince Albert-do-it-yourself-home-kit version, from Ronco….
He put the jammy on his jimmy…
And the Lord saith, if thy cock offends thee, shoot it off…
I woked as a bank guard and on my day off a perp decided to rob the place because he figured a female guard would be easier, she was.
What he forgot to do was to decock his super blackhawk 44 mag when he stuck it in his pants. As he was running across a vacnt lot towards his get away car he tripped and,,,,bang.
Game over
Adding insult to injury, now he’ll probably wind up back in jail, where the “WTF happened to you” question will arise…