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We all know how critically important it is to get in our nightly allowance of beauty sleep. Without all the slumber you need, you just won’t have that fresh-as-a-daisy, take-on-the-world perkiness the next day. Billy Ray Davenport’s apparently really serious about getting his allotted rest. Unfortunately, he was deep in REM wonderland Friday morning when he was rudely awoken by three guys bowfishing outside his otherwise peaceful houseboat on the Arkansas River in Van Buren. We probably don’t have to tell you how upsetting being shortchanged on z’s can be . . .

According to, Billy Ray – who apparently prefers to sleep au naturale – grabbed his trusty shotgun. And he didn’t bother slipping on his robe and slippers before heading outside to see who the hell was raising all the ruckus.

“We turned around, started to head out of the cove when we heard the gunshot,” said Van Buren Officer Kirby Smith.

On Friday, Ofc. Smith and two other men were bow fishing in a boat in a small cove in Van Buren when Davenport came out of a houseboat and started yelling at them, according to a news release from the police department.

As the men turned to leave, Davenport fired shots at them with a 20 gauge shotgun, police said.

“I think our adrenaline was running too much for us to even realize that we had even been hit to be honest with you,” said Ofc. Smith.

Yep, that’s Officer Smith of the Van Buren PD who was on the boat, getting in a little fishing. And along with one of his two buddies, he took some of the incoming birdshot.

Davenport told 5NEWS he fired shots because he was startled out of a deep sleep.

Van Buren police say Davenport fired once. One of the pellets struck Ofc. Smith in the leg and three pellets struck another man in the ribs, elbow and leg. None of the injuries were life threatening, according to police.

D’oh! Davenport should probably be glad Smith didn’t return fire. Anyway, he was eventually hauled in — fully clothed, we hope — and now has weapons and battery charges pending against him. And while we will, of course, be sending an IGOTD trophy his way, we’ll be sure to specify afternoon delivery. We wouldn’t want the UPS man to have to have to dodge any birdshot on our account.

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  1. Ha! good thing the fisherman didn’t get hit more seriously. He may want to hit the doctor there for some sleep aid now..

  2. When I said I’d like to see someone tall and blonde with really big guns, that was DEFINITELY not what I had in mind. That is one ROUGH looking dude, apparently the beauty sleep ain’t working.

  3. Shooting someone because they were ‘startled’ worked for San Diego Police last week…


  4. Oh man Bill F why you want to go and diss on Danny Trejo like that!!!LOL!!!
    Hey he is far rougher and uglier that Mr. Trejo, who by the way plays a heck of a good Bad Guy!

  5. There’s a recovering music critic (and he was a damn good one) at the weekly Houston Press named John Nova Lomax (yes, he’s one of THOSE Lomaxs) who has built a lively second career out of following East Texas police reports and blogging about them at the Press’s “Hair Balls” blog. (Essentially, well-armed drunken rednecks on meth.) John reports that while the eternal “fatal middle name” Wayne is still almost certain to show up at any self-respecting domestic dispute or meth bust at a trailer court in Lufkin, the middle name “Ray” is in a solid second place and gaining. Among the ladies, chicks named “Crystal” are frequently busted alongside Wayne and Ray, and there’s a good chance that there will be a middle-name-Dawn represented as well. As John points out, if you name your daughter “Crystal Dawn” you might as well have a lawyer on retainer before you bring her home from the hospital.

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