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  1. I was attacked by a platoon sized element of morons who stand in the open. Luckily I’m always strapped like I live in Mosul, not Palm Springs so I easily dispatched them with the battle rifle I keep handy in my golf bag.

    • Very nice Ryan. This challenge reminds me of the old, “I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out.”

  2. …I was approached by a horde of crazed mall ninjas with no concept of trigger discipline. Figured I teach ’em a lesson or two.

  3. I Was Fixing My Pickup’s Carburetor When Suddenly . . . I remembered that it’s 2011 and my pickup has multi-port fuel injection and I haven’t owned any vehicle with a carb since the first Reagan administration. Well, I was so humiliated by my automotive faux pas that I shot everybody who was laughing at me. Now I’m doing thirty life terms in Dannemora. Wow, is my face red!

      • Well, what about me. i have a 1982 Goldwing (4 carbs) and a 1974 Porsche 914 (originally FI but will have 2 carbs). My wife has a 1989 Volvo Turbo that’s injected though.

  4. … when the Spanish Inquisition approached aggressively. They didn’t have any ranged weapons so I double tapped the closest few before returning to my vehicle to utilize my battle rifle. Once the threats were neutralized a shapely woman told me how long the skirmish had taken. Then I sat down and had the shakes. This was insane! I mean… nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

  5. I still love seeing my local range pop up on TTAG… that 50ft “PHOENIX” sign always gives it away!

          • It’s a great range overall, although the RO’s at the “Main Range” can be a bit… tempermental. I’m sure that they are just frustrated from hundreds of idiots who don’t understand a simple “don’t go near your bench during a cease fire” rule. Either way, it’s a well-maintained range, cheap ($7 per day but $70 for a 1-year membership.. and most of the range fees go to youth programs), and there are TONS of local matches of all types (pistol, 3-gun, clays, CMP, long-range rifle, etc).

  6. …I realized that my truck does not HAVE a carburetor and that I was mistakenly working on somebody else’s truck, much to my chagrin.

  7. … when some chick came out of nowhere with a shot timer – my natural reflex actions were to get all John McClane on stuff. Except for the chick.

  8. …I heard The Tone. The one my Manchurian captors had oh-so-carefully used when brainwashing me. And so, Your Honor, I had to shoot everybody. For the woods are lovely, dark, and deep, but I have promises to keep. And miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep.

    • My little horse must think it queer
      To stop without a farmhouse near
      So I shot him in his freakin’ ear

  9. The shooter is Travis Gibson (19th scoped tactical out of over 300shooters), with Mike Gibson Manufacturing. Travis is the match director for arguably the best 3 gun match in the country. The MGM IronMan.

  10. When I noticed the approach of Al Gore leading an armada of Chevy Volts , fortunately they ran out of juice before reaching my position.

  11. …when a group of mobility-challenged, unidentifiable, faceless blue aliens suddenly beamed down, obviously intent on taking over the planet. My phaser, being useless against the likes of these dummies, I was forced into mortal combat with the use of over-powering high-velocity projectiles from late 20th century earth arsenal. Blue alien flesh was no match for this ancient weaponry and results were satisfactory. Negotiations ensue.

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