If you spent yesterday at the range working up a new load or doing just about anything more productive than thumbing your way around the internet, you might have missed the news that Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren — she of the high cheekbones — released the results of a DNA test she took to verify her oft-repeated claim of Native American (Cherokee, to be specific) ancestry. It didn’t go well.
The test revealed that Sen. Fauxcahontas has only .0976% Indian blood in her veins. That’s about half the Native ancestry of the average American of European descent. The Cherokee Nation has told her to finally drop the pathetic ruse and buzz off.
So, against all odds, it turns out that the pale-faced Senator has spoken with forked tongue all these years when claiming minority status in order to get cushy Ivy League teaching jobs and brazenly appropriate some minority cred. Who could possibly have seen that coming?
Well, the President did, for one.
He offered to write a check for $1 million to her favorite charity if she took a DNA test (with some caveats).
But let’s say I’m debating Pocahontas. I promise you I’ll do this: I will take, you know, those little kits they sell on television… learn your heritage!…and in the middle of the debate, when she proclaims that she is of Indian heritage because her mother said she has high cheek bones. That’s her only evidence, her mother said we have high cheek bones. …
We will take that little kit — but we have to do it gently. Because we’re in the #MeToo generation, we have to be very gentle. And we will very gently take that kit, and we will slowly toss it, hoping it doesn’t hit her and injure her arm, even though it only weighs 2 ounces, and we will say: I will give you a million dollars to your favorite charity, paid for by Trump, if you take the test and it shows you’re an Indian.
Naturally, despite the fact that 1) the test didn’t result from a debate challenge and, 2) the results show she’s less Native American than just about anyone else in the US short of Maizy Hirono, Warren wants the President to cough up heap big wampum.
By the way, @realDonaldTrump: Remember saying on 7/5 that you’d give $1M to a charity of my choice if my DNA showed Native American ancestry? I remember – and here’s the verdict. Please send the check to the National Indigenous Women’s Resource Center: https://t.co/I6YQ9hf7Tv pic.twitter.com/J4gBamaeeo
— Elizabeth Warren (@elizabethforma) October 15, 2018
Predictably, Trump has told her to pound sand. But despite Warren’s failure to meet any of the standards of his original offer, we think he should pay up anyway. Just not to the National Indigenous Women’s Resource Center, whatever that is. Trump should write a big fat check…to gun rights orgs.
That’s right. First, imagine the PR benefit. The outrage on the anti-gun left would be deliciously deafening. For weeks. And Trump would be able to say that while she utterly failed to prove any meaningful level of Native American ancestry, he’s going to be the bigger person and make good on the “bet.”
Second, the President claims he’s worth almost $3 billion. Writing a check for $1 million wouldn’t make much of a dent in his cash hoard and would more than pay for itself in positive pub among his base. It’s just that kind of big-brass-ones, never-back-down attitude that attracted enough voters to put him in office in the first place.
Third, the CINC hasn’t done himself any favors with the gun rights community lately. While the Kavanaugh confirmation may very well prove to be a good thing for gun rights, Trump’s vow to “write out bump stocks” via regulatory fiat has gun owners and anyone who cares about government overreach more than a little concerned. It would set a terrible precedent that could very well come back to haunt us down the road.
So imagine the good he could do for himself by writing a few checks — in the name of Senator Elizabeth Warren, of course — to some of America’s most prominent gun rights organizations. We’re thinking $250,000 each to the Second Amendment Foundation, Gun Owners of America, National Association for Gun Rights and the NRA.
Did we miss anyone?