Ban Umbrellas!

Cops respond to reports of a man with a gun at NC A&T (courtesy

“A man carrying an umbrella at N.C. A&T on Friday morning may have triggered [so to speak] a nearly three-hour lockdown at the campus and eight nearby public schools,” reports. “Campus police made that determination after reviewing video footage from about the time the 911 call was received, A&T police Chief Glenn Newell said at a news conference. Two A&T staff members reported at 9:16 a.m. that a man entered the General Classroom Building carrying a rifle, Newell said. A man matching the person’s description, but carrying an umbrella, was seen on the video.” This is not the first time “assault” umbrellas have caused undue alarm. Parapluie panic also afflicted East Carolina University and the Rochester Institute of Technology (not to mention the Burlington Mall in Massachusetts). Perhaps it’s time to make schools umbrella-free zones.


  1. avatar WA_2A says:

    If you outlaw umbrellas, only outlaws will have umbrellas

    1. avatar BO says:

      Indeed… is as well a widely known farce that umbrellas are gateway weapons.

      1. avatar Nine says:

        And then you start getting into those nasty ‘Assault Umbrellas’ with easy open latches and soft Silicone grips.


        1. avatar pk in AZ says:

          Along with the thingy that goes up!

  2. avatar Randy Drescher says:

    Oh sure, probably have to have a database & serial numbers on my umbrella now. Sure hope I don’t have to have sn’s carved into any other of my weapons, Randy

    1. avatar BO says:

      An unfortunate side effect of recent government intrusion into individual freedom and liberty is if you happen to be deemed a victim of anxious mental status you will have to embark into rainstorms unprotected!

  3. avatar miserylovescompany says:

    Some people – nay, a whole hell of a lot of people – simply need to be hosswhipped, with a belt. This is really getting out of hand here. SMH….

  4. avatar Matt in FL says:

    I’d be pissed if I was caught in a three hour umbrella-caused lockdown.

  5. avatar tyler says:

    Sounds like a good training drill.

    1. avatar miserylovescompany says:

      In that case, I’ll start with that fatboy in vest, helmet and….shorts. One down, how many millions to go, eh?

  6. avatar Silver says:

    God, what a pathetic, sad people we are.

  7. avatar uncommon_sense says:

    “Ban Umbrellas!”

    I have a much better idea. Let’s start making semi-automatic rifles that look like umbrellas. No one thinks that umbrellas look scary. So the tactic of banning them because they look scary will be off the table.

    In fact people have a favorable association with umbrellas — which protect them from bad weather of course. Imagine how hard the gun grabbers would have to work to reverse that positive association!

  8. avatar Ralph says:

    It’s because the umbrella was black. Nobody reports white umbrellas. Sad but true.

    1. avatar racer88 says:

      We need a new bill outlawing black umbrellas. All umbrellas must be bright pastels. Nobody needs a black umbrella.

      1. avatar Ralph says:

        Yes, but golf umbrellas should be prohibited everywhere, even golf courses. Using a golf umbrella causes an immediate overproduction of estrogen in men.

        1. avatar Matt in FL says:

          Several years ago my friend and I were having dinner out, and a guy in his 50’s with a fedora on the table in front of him and a light jacket draped over his chair was holding a small driving course over dinner in the same back dining room. It was amusing listening to him teach this remedial surely-to-satisfy-court-requirements class.

          But the thing we took away from his talk was the following: It was a little rainy that evening, and at one point he noticed one of the students, a kid probably 18-20, had an umbrella next to his chair. He said something like “Let me teach you something about being a man, especially in Florida. Umbrellas are to be used when escorting a lady or at a funeral. At any other time, be a man, and either suck it up or get a proper hat.” He then returned to his lesson plan.

          After his class broke up, he moved to the bar, and my buddy and I bought his next drink. Neither one of us has forgotten that rule, and even now a dozen years later, occasionally one of us will mention it.

        2. avatar the last Marine out says:

          TWO things i learned in the Marines , Marines Do not use a umbrella and never wear your hat indoors … both will get you knocked on your can..

        3. avatar Chuck Pelto says:

          TO: Matt In FL
          RE: The Rain

          It ain’t train’n if it ain’t rain’n. — US Army First Sergeant

      2. avatar Russ Bixby says:

        Bright pastels? That’s like Kosher bacon.

  9. avatar Bob Barker says:

    OTOH, all sights seem to be correctly mounted, muzzles safely pointed and trigger fingers indexed.

  10. avatar Aharon says:

    You guys don’t need to own umbrellas. Just wear clear plastic raincoats with hoods, and rubber booties.

  11. avatar William Burke says:

    Maybe it was the Umbrella Man. The umbrellas are intolerable… if it saves even one child…

  12. avatar Sixpack70 says:

    I’m digging the combat cargo pants.

    Are those dump bags they have? I don’t think I would be worried about keeping my $15 magazines if things got ugly with a real shooter. Are they expecting an extended combat scenario where they will expend all of their ammo and have to reload magazines with an ammo resupply? I know it’s nitpicking but it still made me wonder. I hate having extra items that add weight or hit my legs if I need to run.

  13. avatar the last Marine out says:

    Was it James Bond that had a gun in his umbrella and S. Holmes had a sword in his umbrella or was it both ???

  14. avatar janklow says:

    these are some thoroughly ridiculous tactical outfits.

    1. avatar Chuck Pelto says:

      Must be members of some ‘volunteer police department SWAT team’.

      Give me a helmet and I can put on a pair of shorts and look like one of them. I’ve already goet a black vest, shades and a rifle like they do.

      1. avatar Ralph says:

        It took years of government training to make them look that stupid.

        1. avatar Chuck Pelto says:

          The REALLY ‘stupid’ ones are those that called in an umbrella as being an ‘assault weapon’…..

          They should be fired as a disruptive influence on the campus and in the community in general.

          Probably ridden out of town on a rail in an outfit composed of tar and feathers.

  15. avatar OkieRim says:

    How disgusting, we’ve gone from the country that kicked complete ass in two world wars, stuck a few dudes on the moon and changed the standard of living for an entire planet to a pack scared pussies…..shameful, buck up America it only gets harder

  16. avatar Erik says:

    The only real crime here is the tac vest, blue cammo and…. shorts?!

    Someone needs to call the Fashion police on the police!!!!

    Shorts!? Accetable only when assigned to bicycle detail, he should know that!

    1. avatar g says:

      He had to sell his pants to buy ammo.

  17. avatar Lance says:

    Those evil Assault umbrellas are a menace to rain they murder young rain drops every time.

  18. avatar Jeh says:

    What the hell is with their gear? Shorts and tactical vest do not make a SWAT team.

  19. avatar John says:

    My wife works for a middling size University. About 3000 staff and faculty and 20,000 students. We usually sell our unwanted crap on the University’s general use website. I have a flimsy plastic rifle case that I don’t need. My wife suggested tossing it in her car so she could take it to work and sell it. I suggested she think about strolling across campus carrying a rifle case. Might not be the best of ideas…

    Even having to think about someone seeing that empty case going into full hyperventilation mode speaks volumes to how screwed up so many places, especially universities, have become.

    I’m now reluctant to go on campus to visit my wife since I might get campus cop swatted if she is overheard saying “Is that a Taurus Raging Judge in your pocket or are you glad to see me?”

  20. avatar Edward Teach says:

    I have a better idea: Why don’t we take 911 privileges away from bedwetters?

  21. avatar neiowa says:

    Can we just ban “lockdown” Along with other moronic made up words such as homophobic, _____- American. (add your others).

  22. avatar Don Davis says:

    I live in Greensboro. The whole situation was a ROYAL CF. Only one building was cordoned off and searched. NOT the campus. Students were encouraged to stay indoors, but there were lots of them strolling around the campus. It is a LARGE campus.
    As far as “pathetic”/ “volunteer cops”. The GPD called in off duty officers and SWAT team members, as did the NCA&T PD, and UNC-G PD (yes, they are sworn LEOs. Both are fairly large depts.) . How do you dress when you are not working, shopping for groceries, washing the car? Cut the guys some slack. The pager/cellphone goes off: “Get your ass to A&T right now, possible active shooter!”

    1. avatar Gyufygy says:

      Uniform pants are for people who aren’t in a hurry.

      …Can you tell I’ve never had a drill sergeant in my face?

  23. avatar Sammy says:

    But, may the Lord save your soul if you dare suggest the antis are hypersensitive to anything that even resembles a , (dare I type the word?) GUN. There, I did it and I’m glad!

    Is it my old peeps or does the 50 have a gun in each hand?

    1. avatar Gyufygy says:

      The one on our right (their left) has a hand near his/her holster.

      1. avatar Sammy says:


  24. avatar Ben Branam says:

    At least they didn’t arrest the guy with the umbrella.

  25. avatar CarlosT says:

    In Seattle, umbrellas are often the mark of the tourist or new resident. Natives or long time residents will usually shun them as a waste of time and turn instead to waterproof clothing. One less thing to carry around.

    I might start if I could get one in 300BLK, though.

  26. avatar TheSleeperHasAwakened says:

    “Two A&T staff members”

    This is what stuck out to me. Why does everyone think they are working for Homeland Security and need to be on the look out for “Terrorists”?

    Just some more anti-gun morons acting as if they know everything about guns when they actually know jacksh!t.

  27. avatar IdahoPete says:

    Ban all umbrellas!! Hey, if it saves one hoplophobe from a panty-wetting hissy-fit accident, it will be worth it!

  28. avatar Andy E says:

    Amazing how incidents like this make people feel less safe. Lol. I don’t blame them. Just glad it wasn’t in a place where the cops are trigger happy morons.

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