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All I Want for Christmas is a Non-Political Santa Claus

Anti-gun santa nerf gun

Courtesy Sabella DeCarlo

By Larry Keane

Dear Santa,
I’ve got just one small Christmas wish this year. Please don’t drag “woke” politics into the holiday season and end up being the Grinch instead of jolly ol’ Saint Nick.

It’s been a rough year and 2020 doesn’t need any more of it. School was canceled for most kids. Government authorities said Halloween would be a real-life super-spreader nightmare. Thanksgiving saw families gather over Zoom chats so Grandma could see the babies. For the love of reindeer, cut it out.

It was funny, Santa, when you played a role in A Christmas Story, telling Ralphie Parker he would shoot his eye out with the toy he wanted so much. You remember, right? It was the “official Red Ryder, carbine action, 200-shot, range model air rifle, with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time.”

Not the Real Santa

Those Christmas memories are great. But that’s not what you did this year for the poor kid at an Illinois mall. All he wanted was a Nerf gun. The nerve of the kid who just wants to be a kid, wants to believe in Santa and doesn’t understand that Santa’s been bought off by the gun control lobby.

It was a heartbreaking scene, caught on video and spread like wildfire on Twitter.  A young boy sat across from Santa, appropriately socially distanced. Clearly nervous, he worked up the nerve to tell Santa what he really wanted was a Nerf gun. That’s right, a toy. He didn’t ask for a bazooka or one of those crazy AR-14’s that Joe Biden said his administration won’t confiscate.

He asked for a toy that harmlessly launches foam cylinders. But woke Santa wasn’t having it.

“No guns,” Santa told the boy. “Nope. Not even a Nerf gun.”

The boy’s shock was palpable. He turned his astonished face back toward his mother. He couldn’t believe what he heard. Santa might has well have been wearing a “Santas Demand Action” t-shirt.

“Nope. If your dad wants to get it for you that’s fine, but I can’t bring it to you. What else would you like? There’s lots of other toys — there’s Legos, bicycles, there’s cars and trucks. What do you think?”

Good thing the kid didn’t ask for a claymore mine, or in a throwback to when Saturday Night Live was funny, Irwin Mainway’s “Johnny Switchblade Adventure Punk,” or “Bag O’ Glass.”

 

Woke Santa sent the lad into tears, with his mother reassuring him that “You’ll still get it.” Since the boy and his mom never got to answer, here’s what we think.

Naughty List

Political correctness is has gone too far. It’s traveled from the Washington, D.C. swamps to the frigid arctic air of the North Pole. It’s infected Kris Kringle and, next thing you know, Santa will be demanding that kids leave a glass of nonfat soy milk and vegan snack bites in front of the mantle for him in lieu of milk and cookies. That will fit right in with Santa’s new lunar-powered sleigh that doesn’t exploit animal labor as he whisks from rooftop-to-rooftop wearing his eco-friendly, responsibly sourced, plant-based red and white fleece outfit.

This is as ridiculous as when the PC police confiscated Elmer Fudd’s gun, but said it was less violent for him to chase ducks and rabbits with a scythe. It’s no better than the time a 7-year-old was suspended for allegedly chewing his Pop-Tart into the shape of a handgun. Thank goodness the school board spent the money to defend that decision before a Maryland Circuit Court judge. What’s next, will we kick Idaho out of the Union for their state lines roughly resembling a pistol?

The Illinois mall Santa resigned before he could be put on the Naughty List. Not to worry. He wasn’t the real Santa (he will, however, get lumps of coal in his stocking). The real Santa made an early delivery at the boy’s house and the boy got his gift-wrapped Nerf gun.

As far as we know, Yukon Cornelius still carries his revolver.

 

Larry Keane is SVP for Government and Public Affairs, Assistant Secretary and General Counsel of the National Shooting Sports Foundation.

comments

  1. avatar The Rookie says:

    That mall Santa sits on a throne of lies…

    1. avatar I Haz A Question says:

      (sniff) He smells like beef and cheese.

  2. avatar Green Mtn. Boy says:

    The story had a happy ending,Commie Santa got canned and the 4 year old little boy is awash in nerf guns.
    Will the Marxist civilian disarmament proponents never learn, don’t answer that I know,No Commie Santa’s wanted nor needed.

    1. avatar Yepnope says:

      Doesnt coddling the kid and getting him god knows how many nerf guns a libtard thing to do?

      1. avatar Ron says:

        Only if the nerf guns are for practicing turning guns in to the feds.

  3. avatar former water walker says:

    Satan Claus…all I want is a baseball bat to match satan’s rosy smirk. He gave up an EZ gig to be a PC a-hole.

  4. avatar Gadsden Flag says:

    I remember a Christmas many years ago. Our main celebration has always been at my parents house. We would go home and put the kids to bed. When it was safe we would put the Santa Claus presents under the tree. John woke up first. I heard him run down the hall, pause, and run back to his sister’s room. It was a short night for us. John had a Remington 870 Wingmaster youth model with mahogany stocks (1 of 200) and a Randall #5 4″ w/stag. The Christmas tree was in the bay window in the living room. After presents I retired to the den. I had spread ashes from the fireplace on the marble apron and used my hunting boots to put tracks in it. I then called out the family. “Who made this mess?” The kids yelled, “Santa Claus!” It was a good Christmas. John still has the shotgun and knife today. He’s 24.

    1. avatar Hush says:

      Merry Christmas Gadsden..

      1. avatar Gadsden Flag says:

        Thank you, Hush. And a prosperous New Year to you and yours.

  5. avatar Ralph says:

    The way things are going, that Nerf kid’s lucky Santa didn’t molest him.

    1. avatar SkyMan77 says:

      That’s comedy gold right there!!! Thanks Ralph… Carry on Sir and God Bless!!!

      1. avatar Geoff "I'm getting too old for this shit" PR says:

        “That’s comedy gold right there!!!”

        Ralph is TTAG’s undisputed “King of Wisecracks”.

        If one day I’m one-tenth as funny, my life will be complete.

        (I gotta lot of work to do… 🙂 )

  6. avatar Chris T in KY says:

    If the atheists would just stay out of Christmas, the world would be a better place. They aren’t required to observe the holiday. They can even work on the holiday if they wish. This guy went out of his way to spoil a kids wish. A child that was not even his. And that is what the atheists do.
    And people wonder why we all can’t just get along???

    1. avatar Montana Actual says:

      Pretty sure even though he is an asshole, not a single shred of religion was involved here.

      1. avatar Chris T in KY says:

        The national or international socialists hated Christians. Just much as they hated Jews. Its why more Christians ended up in the gas chambers than the Jews did. Its just that the socialist Adolf Hitler went after the Jews first. The murdering Jews first was just the beginning of creating the utopia, that the atheist Hitler dreamed of.

        1. avatar Chris T in KY says:

          edit
          Murdering the Jews first was just the beginning of creating the utopia that the socialist Adolf Hitler dreamed of. And in the official Holocaust museum literature all non Jews are not list as “holocaust” victims. As far as I know that museum position still stands.

        2. avatar 1SFGSFC says:

          4-5 million non-jews were killed by the Nazi’s. The Wansee Conference stated that by 1948 no Poles would be alive in Poland. So do a little reading ok?

        3. avatar Chris T in KY says:

          to 1SFGSFC
          Your numbers don’t add up. You need to go to the source, The Holocaust museum itself.

          https://encyclopedia.ushmm.org/content/en/article/documenting-numbers-of-victims-of-the-holocaust-and-nazi-persecution

          Also we have already discussed on TTAG the museums avoidance of gun confiscation in holocaust history.

    2. avatar Dave says:

      Any evidence whatsoever that this dude was an atheist?

  7. avatar sound awake says:

    all i want for Christmas is the constitution

    1. avatar Manse Jolly says:

      me too brother, me too.

    2. avatar red wolf says:

      And all I want is for a Trumpbilly to provide actual hard evidence that a single one of Biden’s 81 million votes was fraudulent. Just one.

      Been 39 days.

      1. avatar Montana Actual says:

        It’s all over the place… you just have to open your fucking eyes and use your brain. You’ll see in January. Big brain then.

        1. avatar enemy of the state says:

          Some trolls don’t need facts. They mean to get what they want, even if means everyone else around them has to suffer for their own personal ignorance.

      2. avatar Ron says:

        Just like once shred of evidence of “Russian collusion”?

        You really thought we wouldn’t play this game too?

        Biden committed Chinese collusion.

        Investigate.

        Obstruct.

        Impeach.

        Repeat- until 2024.

        This is your “new normal” liberals. And you made it this way.

        1. avatar Ralph says:

          I always thought that the Dems were in bed with the Chinese. Eric Swalwell proved that literally.

        2. avatar Miner49er says:

          I predict in the very near future we will be learning more about the findings of the Mueller report:

          “The report was submitted to Attorney General William Barr on March 22, 2019,[1] and a redacted version of the 448-page report was publicly released by the Department of Justice (DOJ) on April 18, 2019. It is divided into two volumes. The redactions from the report and its supporting material are under President Trump’s temporary “protective assertion” of executive privilege as of May 8, 2019, preventing the material from being passed to Congress,[2] despite earlier reassurance by Barr that Trump “confirmed” he would not exert privilege.[3]“

        3. avatar Ad Astra says:

          Ya, sure keep wishing little boy. If there was anything shady in the report it would have magically been leaked in the 6 months before the election.

        4. avatar Montana Actual says:

          It’s funny because we took their advice. They were the ones claiming everything was rigged. We show them that it is. They lost last time even with rigging it. They cried about Russian collusion last time and the only evidence was against Democrats. Now they went full retard and exposed themselves. Caught you libtards red handed this time.

        5. avatar Chris T in KY says:

          As the song goes, “God Blessed Texas” for putting into the official public record, the election fraud that was the 2020 election. Now we have an official starting point for states to leave the union. And for anyone to say that Biden/Harris are illegitimate as leaders of the USA.

      3. avatar Manse Jolly says:

        @Red Wolf…….When you resort to name calling you have lost pretty much any credibility. Any statement is reduced to that of a 6th grader.

        However, perhaps there is a small chance you will hear

        The election is not about President Trump, it’s about the direction he was guiding our county toward. America FIRST. A return to our roots as a Constitutional Republic. A Nation that recognizes that any flavor of Communism/Marxism/Socialism and anything other than Capitalism is not our way. No needless and unnecessary wars, conflicts, or police actions. Making NATO pull their own weight for once. Minding our own business and taking care of US!

        I could go on, but the point is that SCOTUS has voided the Constitution when it stated that a State had no standing. If a State has no standing than who the H3ll does?

        The overwhelming evidence that no court has heard because they refuse. Public evidence we have all seen and private items being held by the attorneys I’m sure. But none of that matters now. The contract between the States is broken.

        This is where we are at. This is the reality.

        I would say this to all that are of the Progressive, Left, Democrats, TDS sufferers persuasion.

        “Remember, YOU wanted this.”

        1. avatar Miner49er says:

          “Public evidence we have all seen and private items being held by the attorneys I’m sure.“

          Total BS, multiple local, state, federal district, federal appeals and the United States Supreme Court have reviewed 50 lawsuits filed by Trump and his allies and found no merit in any of them.

          As to your second assertion above, you would think that the attorneys would reveal their double secret information in front of at least a federal appeals court, not to mention the United States Supreme Court.

          But no, in fact Rudy admits in open court that their suits are not about fraud, nothing but speculation and conjecture without any evidence whatsoever.

          And when will Q&Anon come sweeping in to set things right and place Donald Trump upon the throne?

          You folks have been snookered by a slick New York City con man. I am sure you are embarrassed to admit the truth but it would be the straight up best course, don’t you think?

        2. avatar Manse Jolly says:

          @miner

          Interesting that zero evidence in any case so far has been presented.

          Courts have all refused to look, including SCOTUS.

          As I stated and you failed to comprehend, evidence is not an issue when SCOTUS has voided the Constitution (the contract between the States)

          Since your only justification for coming to TTAG is to argue….Here, go argue with these folks.

          http://www.electionevidence.com

      4. avatar zerofoo says:

        Here’s your proof:

        https://defendingtherepublic.org/

        You can read it all under the “Court Filings” section

        1. avatar Miner49er says:

          The most important part!

          “Please contribute below, using our secure system. Your donation will support our mission and the welfare of the American Republic.

          Please make any/all checks payable to: Defending the Republic LLC

          Sidney Powell, P.C.
          10130 Northlake Blvd, #214342
          West Palm Beach, Florida 33412

          Memo: Defending The Republic Election Integrity”

        2. avatar Ad Astra says:

          You mean like all those blm donations find there way into black lies matter leadership pockets?

  8. avatar GS650G says:

    First Xmas I didn’t buy myself a gun. Everything I want is out of stock and there isn’t ammo for it anyway.

  9. avatar Jim from LI says:

    Thanks for reminding us when SNL was actually funny.

  10. avatar Geoff "I'm getting too old for this shit" PR says:

    “All I Want for Christmas is a Non-Political Santa Claus”

    Yeah, *right*. :

  11. avatar Chris T in KY says:

    Santa Claus is part of this story. But it’s not about the Santa Claus. It’s about the fact that the anti-gun, anti-civil rights left, does not want children to have a gun in any form whatsoever.

    If it’s children attending their parents open carry event, and the child is carrying a plastic toy gun, the left hates that. If a child is carrying is a “fart gun” in an airport. The British security service will detain him and the parents for questioning about the “fart gun”.

    Or when a child goes to testify in Idaho with a parent and they’re carrying a long gun at sling arms, the left goes crazy as well.

    Toy guns are how most children are first exposed to any gun. The BB gun later perhaps or even a real 22 rifle. But toys guns are how most kids get interested in guns in the first place. And the left will work to end that introduction any way they can.

    And most self-identified leftists don’t have children. But they still want to tell you what to do, or what not to do with your children.

  12. avatar Chris T in KY says:

    It was the left that wanted to censor music records. And it will be the left that will demand the censorship of video games and remove Firearms of any type from those games. And prevent children I’m having those games.

  13. avatar Laura says:

    It will be the left that will demand the censorship of video games and remove Firearms of any type from those games. And prevent children I’m having those games. you would think that the attorneys would reveal their double-secret information in front of at least a federal appeals court, not to mention the United States Supreme Court.

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