What Semi-Auto Pistol Would You Feel Comfortable Hiding on Top of a Pizza?

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Handgun on pizza Kern County Sheriff
Courtesy Kern County Sheriff’s Office

Lots of routine traffic stops result in arrests for more serious violations. Take, for instance, what happened early Tuesday morning in Rosamond, California. “Deputies patrolling the area of 30th Street West and Old Country Way in Rosamond stopped a vehicle for simple vehicle code violations. The driver, 47 year old Danny Carson, had a misdemeanor warrant and was on PRCS (post-release community service) for weapons violations.”

Already a bad start, and as your mother always said, nothing good happens after midnight. But that was just the beginning of what they found.

Located in the vehicle were various narcotics including suspected methamphetamine, Xanax, cocaine, and fentanyl which weighed a combined 1.5 lbs.

Carson, who’s apparently a budding entrepreneur, also had some cash, scales, narcotics paraphernalia, and packaging materials with him. It seems possession of all of that can still get you arrested in California. Who knew?

But wait, there’s more . . .

Deputies located a sawed off shotgun and two loaded handguns, one of which was concealed in a pizza box on top of the pizza.

We’re thinking Springfield Armory may have the beginnings of a new ad campaign here. Plopping that XDs down on top of a pizza shows you the confidence Carson had in the reliability of his pistol. He apparently wasn’t at all worried about it getting bogged down by melted cheese and pepperoni grease. That has to say something for the gun’s build quality, no?

Okay, that’s not exactly on a par with MAC’s gauntlet testing, but it’s not nothing. Would you be comfortable plunking your EDC pistol on top of a pizza pie? Which semi-auto would you feel good about cycling after swimming around in sauce, cheese, and toppings?



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  1. I’m thinking it should be compatible with tomato sauce and mozzarella cheese. First thought was GLICK!, due to its Tupperware nature and reputation for reliability, but on second thought I figured it should definitely be Italian. So my final answer is anything in Beretta. 92FS/M9 for me, please.

      • In that case, Glock. It’s about as corrosion-resistant as it gets.

        He’s a dumbass, anyways, with a POUND and a HALF of Xanax, coke, and fentanyl. That was hundreds of thousands in cash down the crapper… 🙁

      • Good point.

        Although it also contains plenty of oil, better safe than sorry.

        At least it will be well lubricated.

  2. I’ve seen videos of people dipping a Polish P-64 like mine in mud, flour, maple syrup, potting soil, playground sand and other such glop and it firing magazine after magazine flawlessly without so much as a feed issue after each immersion or burial. I do not doubt a mere pizza would not slow it down.

    Personally, I would have slid the gat UNDER the pie instead of plopping it on top. At least the hiding spot would have withstood a cursory examination of the poo poo lifting the box top to peek inside.

  3. RE: “Which semi-auto would you feel good about cycling after swimming around in sauce, cheese, and toppings?”

    Most any without a grip safety.

  4. Wouldn’t it be better to stash the gat UNDER the pizza? Not only would it be hidden better, but you wouldn’t have cheese stuck to it.

    • I’d worry far less about the pizza ingredients harming pistol reliability than I would about pizza ingredients harming my grip on the pistol.

      If I have to get through the pizza, that seems worse from a grip perspective so I’d put it on top.

      But then, I don’t generally “pizza box carry”, so WTF do I know?

  5. That guy will be “taking it to the house” on all the other charges that the officers will get him on. The “pie heater” will be a minimal addition to the rap list!

  6. Coincidentally, I am warming the oven right now for my home made pizza. Broccoli, onion, bacon, 3 cheeses, and sprinkled generously with 22 LR.

    • Sounds like a waste of perfectly good broccoli… A little butter and salt on mine please, thank you… Pizza gets pepperoni, green peppers, fresh tomatoes and Porta Bellas with four cheeses and homemade sauce with a side of 10mm and .45…

  7. If we’re doing the gauntlet proper, the gat of choice must be pressed into the pie, flipped over and pressed down again. The rules are you can shake off any extra pepperoni clinging to it. Only rinsed with root beer or Pepsi between tests.

    • Rules?
      Everyone knows the rules,one bite and score the pizza 1-10.
      Also, check the flop on the pie.

  8. Not my EDC, but anything in a Hi Point, saw a guy bury one in a pond bank came back the next day did a mag dump reloaded and did it again, didn’t even wipe it off… They’re cheap, they look like warmed over whale shit, but they are hard to hurt… Wouldn’t put my G29 in that mess, I’d be days getting the crap out of all the nooks and crannies…

      • My G29 weighs nearly 2.5 pounds with a loaded G20 mag (2 lbs. 5.54 oz to be exact) and gives me 17 plus one 10mm firepower, my Ruger (all metal) P90 .45 ACP weighs 2lb 6.4 oz but only provides half as many rounds… Like some, I like carrying adequate firepower as opposed to the infamous (lung remover) 9mm so, losing the extra weight of an all-steel frame is a plus to me… Throw it in the dishwasher once a week, lube it, load it and good to go for another week, works for me…

  9. If a rifle or shotgun was manufactured with a short barrel is it still “sawed-off?” Asking for a serious journalist friend.

    • No, although you have to have a permission slip to have the short barreled rifle and a shotgunm like a Shockwave cant have a shoulder stock.
      It’s all covered in the Second Amendment.
      The Right to Keep and Bear Arms Shall Not Be Infringed until .giv makes it not.
      Then all yah gotta do is jump through .giv hoops, pay a lot of money, register the weepon and it’s all good until .giv decides its not.
      You have the Freedom to remain silent until they beat a confession out of you.
      All men are created equal, now run them injuns out of my corn field and get them nggrs back to work.
      Oh No there goes Tokyo
      Go Go Godzilla

  10. I want to know what the nitwit got stopped for. It’s always a good idea to drive around with 1.3 pounds of dope and a busted taillight

    • These guys are absolute geniuses. I knew a guy here in a small town in CA that was in a two seat sports car with 3 people, already a violation. 3am and cruising through this small town with the Boom-Boom music blaring. And he had an arrest warrant outstanding.

      He was shocked and upset when he wound up in jail.

      • Yes there are some idiots out there.

        My favourite is probably the guy who before I could even finish the Australian version of Miranda warning was telling us that his wife did the break in. Not sure what their next conversation would have been like as he was later charged as an accessory.

    • I’d be concerned about how much of that was fentanyl, Xanax is not normally a “weighed” drug but even a couple ounces of fentanyl? Rosamond CA population 18,000 plus or minus he could have wiped out the entire population with less than that and this not the guy you want cruising around town with ANY amount of that crap… He’s going down for trafficking and in a “normal” state could get the minimum of 15 yrs for 400 grams to 15 kilos… (he had about 800 grams of combined powder)…

  11. The perp was so drugged out, he didn’t realize hiding the pistol in a box of doughnuts would have made for a good trade: give the cops the doughnuts in exchange for a free pass on the gun charge.

  12. The real crime here was letting the cops search the car and find large quantities of illicit substances and goods that this idiot obviously knew were there.

    The proper answer to “Is there anything I need to know about in the vehicle” is “No”.

    When asked “Can I search [something]” the appropriate answer is “I’m sure you can but the real question is “may” you search [something]. Of course you may, once you show me a proper a warrant”.

    The Joker was right, we need a higher quality level of criminals.

    • You can say ” No you cant search my car ” all you want.
      They still will and they dont need a warrant to do it.

      • “You can say ” No you cant search my car ” all you want.
        They still will and they dont need a warrant to do it.”

        Simple enough to understand. Saying “No” to cops is suspicious behavior; probable cause.

  13. You definitely need an Italian pistol, so a Beretta.
    The Beretta PX4 Inox (stainless) has a polymer frame with a stainless steel slide.
    A better question would be, “Which pizza toppings would you want on your Beretta?”

  14. @TickTalk
    “nahh. the body cams would be mysteriously malfunctioning that day..”

    maybe some cameras in a commercial zone, or doorbell cameras in a residential area would capture something?

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