ATF
(AP Photo/Wilfredo Lee)
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As we mentioned last week, we’re bringing back the weekend photo caption contests to give away a few of MAF’s fun and oh-so-useful Magic ATF Balls. Gaze at the photo above, put your gray matter to work and enter the most creative captions you can come up in the comments by midnight on Sunday to be eligible.

Good luck.

MAF magic atf ball
Courtesy MAF

 

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131 COMMENTS

  1. So with this det cord and yank fuses we can make no-knock entry much more shocking for exercising Red Flag Gun Confiscation Raids to collect those scary Black Guns!

  2. It’s easy and legal to assemble these explosives. Just don’t place the assembled explosive against your shoulder or that’s an SBR.

  3. It’s good to see none of you are carrying.
    Lucky for you, or you would have already been arrested, handcuffed, and thrown in the back of my ATF van…

  4. So sorry – Congress decided to cut are budget, and sold our guns to a community support group called MS13.

  5. Let me explain the new rules on barrel length:
    You can’t take three from two
    Two is less than three
    So you look at the four in the tens place
    Now that’s really four tens
    So you make it three tens
    Regroup, and you change a ten to ten ones
    And you add ’em to the two and get twelve
    And you take away three, that’s nine
    Is that clear?

    (Tom Lehrer – “New Math”)

    • Or perhaps a paraphrase of the verse would be better. Don’t forget to set it to the music:
      New ATF, New-hoo-hoo ATF,
      It won’t do you a bit of good to review ATF.
      New ATF, New-hoo-hoo ATF,
      It’s so simple, so very simple, that only WE can do it!

  6. “As you can see here in my hand, this ghost gun is capable of firing 30 caliber clips fully, semi-automatically. This is why they need to be banned!”

    • Oh, now that is good!

      I vote for this one Dan.

      Disclaimer: I have not read the rest of the comments contest submissions.

    • That’s right. We here to protect gun rights. By law, every gun will be sold with a free gun lock installed. Yeah. Free! No keys, though. Nope. Not safe!

  7. “I called this ATF press conference to announce that by order of President Biden, all pistols are now reclassified as short-barreled rifles and banned, and all semiautomatic rifles are now reclassified as machine guns and banned.
    Confiscation begins at dawn.
    Any questions?”

  8. I came here to give a presentation on definitions, but there’s been another change since I prepared the script yesterday.

    • Never forget that Haz pussed out on attending 1/6 Freedom Day and then blamed Covid for his unforgivable display of cowardice.

      • Do you know what puts a smile on my face, a song in my heart, a spring in my step, and a *snicker* on my lips that just doesn’t quit?

        Realizing that each and every day when you wake up and look in the mirror, you know just how pathetic your pointless little life is. And how you know that no matter what you do, tomorrow will be the exact same for the rest of your worthless life… 🙂

        • Well good. It warms my heart that I can bring joy to a mentally deficient shut in who obviously has no concept of reality 😃.

        • …a ‘good man’ who encourages revolution, and then fails to show for it due to being yellow.

    • Umm. Of course my gravatar is yellow…

      You really have to up your game if you’re still trying to insult me after half a year of no success.

  9. Thank You all for responding to our win a AR 15 contest. Since you showed up we now know you are white supremacists terrorist.Please get in the van, you are to be sent to our new reeducation camp..

  10. Now for all you people who’ve got shit in your ears, nows the time to clean them out. We’ve got a long day ahead of us and I want to make sure you can hear me when I explain how you can violate the constitution you swore to uphold. We are also going to be recieving new shirts, BAFTE. It’s the same bureau as it was only different.
    And whomever parked the Back the Blue car over there needs to remove it, that space is reserved for Wayne LaPierre

  11. “… and yea, didst thine POTUS spaketh and decreed unto his disciples in this writ, ‘Bring forth your most stalwart praetorians and mightiest clerics and lawyers, to henceforth banish all e-vil devices from this land. Range widely, and snatch thee unto me all stocks for the bumping, those things that go up, and the most sinister shroud of doom! We must doeth our heartiest, to save those dog-faced pony soldiers from themselves to do – you know – the thing, you know how it goes…’ This is the word of the POTUS, amen.”

  12. …and finally, we place the Bill of Rights on top of the bomb, and we’re ready to detonate. Fire in the hole!

  13. Take the AR15s and the AK47s, but DO NOT take ANY AR14s… The Big Guy said NO AR 14s… (til we can come up with something else to call them)…

  14. “Okay- next item up on the Police Seizure Auction… a 100 round Value Pack of Winchester White Box 115gr 9mm FMJs… can we begin the bidding at $200?”

  15. We feel our new name is more in line with popular perceptions of the agency. Henceforth the agency formerly known as Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms will be:
    Whiskey, Tobacco and Firearms

    Step up and admire the new logo-ware hats and apparel.

  16. You been talking this whole time and now you tell us to remove our earplugs? Can you start again from this morning’s workshop?

  17. BATFE for those times when AntiFa / BLM can’t work you into their schedule.

    Who needs the Schutzstaffel…we have the BATFE!

    BATFE…1,714 Agents who lied on their Oaths of Service.

    What? Me Worry…Alfred E Batfe

    Orwell was an Optimist…Join the BATFE.

    Join the BATFE…See the CCCP USA in style.

    BATFE…Traveling to locations near you…soon.

    Acting Director David Chipman sayz…the pregnant woman behind the door and those people isolated in a compound deserved their “Re-Education”.

    Hey ATF…can I have the same “professional courtesy” that you guys extended to Hunter Biden?

  18. CNN: “Look at all the ‘white supremacists’ without masks and without social distancing! Those four are not persons of color. Don’t believe your lying eyes! Only Trumpsters would attend such an event.”

  19. “Don’t turn around, wa-uh-oh (yeah-yeah)
    Der Kommissar’s in town, wa-uh-oh
    You’re in his eye and you’ll know why
    The more you live, the faster you will die”

    After The Fire

  20. That’s right. We’re here to protect gun rights. By law, every gun will be sold with a free gun lock installed. Yeah. Free! No keys, though. Nope. Not safe!

  21. ..and remember, if the suspect does not have a dog, one should be provided and then shot forthwith. We have standards to uphold people.

    Now on to our keynote address; “Women and children as targets: Not just for terrorists anymore!” Please welcome Lon Horiuchi!

  22. Listen up, everybody! We’ve been hearing rumors that people don’t like us very much….actually, it seems they don’t like us at all. We are going to use this camp to explore our feelings about that, share our concerns, and make some bombs.

  23. You have all been issued tranquilizer guns. They are loaded with the covid vaccine. Now spread out and shoot anyone you see not wearing a mask.

  24. Listen up, all of you! We’ve been hunting this Possum fella for some time, now. This is the team that is finally gonna catch him. We’re gonna need lots of explosives, so, let’s get to work!

  25. “Everyone, please allow me to clarify some of the minor confusion caused by our arbitrary rules and regulations that we impose on you law abiding citizens of this great nation of ours. Let me first start by arbitrarily defining the term” assault” weapon”

  26. “ Now that we have gone over the excuses to give after you shoot any pet dogs you may encounter, we are going to go over the most enjoyable ways and methods to shoot said dogs. It’s important to remember, we are trying to keep this fun, so stay creative and know that there is no one way to skin a cat, or in this case, shoot a dog.”

  27. After seeing so much graffiti during the current unrest, Officer Mitchel Hannington, on loan to the Portland area and disliking the meaning of A.C.A.B, was holding an outdoor seminar to get his new slogan off the ground that Police were “All That Fun”.

  28. I will now explain our simple ruling on the legal, non-compliant, unrestricted, tax-stamp required, non-nfa, registered, automatic felony, non-regulated, free-range, bpa-free, handicapped accessible, illegal, but allowed on every third Tuesday, unless purchased through the gun show loophole, military assault rifle thing that goes up…

  29. ATF having a safety meeting after two agents attempted to ‘Ruby Ridge’ some Fortnite player bragging about his new vertical foregrip on his full-auto Glock brand Glock.

    The agents were reprimanded on safety grounds because they didn’t ‘invite everyone to the party’.

  30. “Now, this is important. If you do a raid, and didn’t shoot a dog, then you didn’t do a raid. No raid is complete unless at least one dog dies.”

  31. “Gee, I honestly expected more of you Law-Abiding Citizens to show up to our Firearm Buy-Back Program”.

  32. “Okay guys I know you’ve all been doing your best out there, but we need to be working even harder to increase the wait times for form 4’s. Every day thousands of law abiding citizens are trying to exercise their constitutional rights and we all know that can’t happen on our watch…”

  33. Ok boys and girls, in this jar is a number! The total number of dogs shot by the atf this year, the lucky boy or girl who can guess that number gets a prize! Its a waco calender signed by Mr David cipman himself.

  34. Has the “Magic ATF Ball” been checked for cameras and microphone? Is it’s majic strong enough to make the ATF go away?

  35. Special guest, ATF agent Doug Hayter, gives a presentation on canine neutralization techniques and lessons learned from no knock raids: such as the use of explosives can erase warrant affidavit mistakes.

  36. Only one of you brought field notes. I told you yesterday we’d be taking notes.
    And I explicitly said No Cameras.
    WE DONT LIKE CAMERAS ! ! !
    If you people value your jobs you’d better start paying attention.
    Okay? Okay.
    Now.
    There’s no use asking the dog who’s in the house or where the gunms are.
    Its answer is always roof.
    Just shoot it and forget about trying to get information. It takes to much time and these No Knock raids are all about time. We don’t want the civilians getting a chance to flush their gunms down the toilet while we talk to a dog. Do We? Of course not.

    Now while some of you Latinos may get away with “Chitman” hes informed me that the whites and the nig,,, the blacks, better learn to pronounce his name , it’s not Shitman, cough all you want . People are going to get written up. And that’s bad, really bad.

  37. here we have beer, wine and spirits. next we’ve got cigars, cigarettes, some pipe tobacco and a little chaw. other than that we came up short since we don’t really know what constitutes a firearm…

  38. “So, after we shot the dog, I saw that we were at the wrong address…anyway, dude was arrested and we hit the house across the street and seized a blackpowder shotgun”

  39. Alright, the next person that asks about that Hunter Biden BS will NOT get to shoot a dog on our next raid…

  40. “…and then there was that time up on Ruby Ridge where I got to snipe a woman holding her newborn baby after Johnny here blasted her 14 year old son and his dog. Ah, the good old days.”

  41. Good morning everyone. I’d like to welcome you all to the first annual All The Felines, Dog Elimination Event. You all have received your assignments, now go get some!

  42. When you invite the Fire departments arson/bomb sniffing dogs to a workshop and everyone decides to leave there dogs at the station………

  43. “Our DEA, ICE, TSA, and DHS T-shirts are $25 each. We’re having a terrific sale on these ATF shirts, they’re only $9.95 because we’re having a really hard time moving them, and with each one you get a free FBI shirt.”

  44. “Sorry Steve, but I can’t really define an “illegal gun” to you, but I’ll know one when I see it.”

    “Any other questions from the group before we start our door to door confiscation for the day? No? Okay, yeah know what to do! “Unconstitutional” on three!”

  45. Should be titled “ATF agent explains the importance of safe storage and how it affects the livelihood of dogs to new gun owners.”

  46. This used to be referred to as a “Brace”, henceforth it has been redefined as an “SBR Cheekpiece”, requiring a new tax stamp for each one at the new rate of $1000 each!

    The ATF is looking for new volunteers to join the “Confiscatory Calvary”!

  47. Yes Elizabeth, this is a live gun range. Now put in your ear pro so you can’t hear the new rules and regulations.

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