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  1. This, sir, is not a weapon, it’s a new oral hygiene tool. The handcuffs? My wife said she would only warn me twice to keep my mouth shut, I didn’t obey the first time.

  2. “‘Are you flossing?’ ‘You sure you’re flossing?’ Every visit he asks that, this’ll show him.”

  3. MSAR magazines are so unreliable that your only option at close range is a muzzle strike…

  4. “When enough force is applied, this new muzzle device can double as a bayonet. Just make sure to point the barrel down afterwards to give the blood and guts a chance to drain out before firing.”

  5. the kids of tomorrow, neither satisfied with their Che’ tee-shirts or body piercings, have decided to combine the two.

    [it’s two (snap), two (snap), two ways to piss-off-your-parents in one]

  6. The BATF’s “Fishing for Narcoterrorists” program may not be as catchy sounding as the “Fast and the Furious” operation, but as it has already captured one suspect, it has been wildly more effective. Or would have been, until A.G Eric Holder announced that the operation is strictly “catch and release”.

  7. Fred’s cheek piercing was an eye-opener, but his “Prince Albert” was truly shocking.

  8. AKA:
    muzzle mouth
    gun grill
    carbine kisser
    pistol puss
    bullet breath
    lead lips
    heater head
    magazine mush
    firearm face
    scope skull

  9. “Hey you weak Yankee dogs, this is how we floss in North Korea!”
    At least his finger is off the trigger.

  10. I’m sorry sir, you can’t board the airplane with handcuffs. They’ll have to be in checked baggage.

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