Just kidding. But it could happen. And would if a British theater critic had his way. “Like many a victim of hand-held weaponry before me, I put my hands up: I am scared of gunfire in the theatre,” someone-or-other blogs at guardian.co.uk. “Being shot, to my mind, could scarcely be more painful . . . If you’re cursed with my phobia, it can compromise your evening . . .
Screeds of dialogue have passed me by over the years, as I’ve sat with fingers in lugs, anticipating gunfire. That’s not irrational. If there’s a gun being toted in one’s vicinity, one seldom focuses elsewhere. And to be nervous of guns is a survival instinct, right? Just ask the actor David Birrell, accidentally shot in the eye with a fake pistol during a performance last year of Sondheim’s Passion at the Donmar. Guns – even stage ones – are dangerous things.
True ‘dat. Stage guns took out thespian Brandon Lee and some hunky guy that gays loved who wasn’t gay but was ballistically challenged (not a lot of people know that). But then, some of the plays I’ve seen at the New Vic were also dangerous, in the sense that one can OD on PC twaddle. Simply remarking . . .