Broom handle mauser
Courtesy Sigiloso
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Previously I carried my 1943 Walther P38. It was the perfect choice at a time where it was my duty as a good Na…citizen to patrol the neighborhood and enforce COVID-19 regulations. Well, we are at a new point in our nation’s history now, so a new sidearm is called for. That’s why I now carry a “Bolo” C96 Mauser.

Let’s face it, we have lots of problems in this country and the only way to solve them is to ensure everyone thinks alike, ostracize anyone who doesn’t conform, and make examples out of people who resist the mostly peaceful protestors by exposing their privileged status.

But that’s not enough. We all need to do our part, which includes selecting the right weapon for the big job we have ahead of us creating a Marxist utopia. (It’ll work this time, I promise. Really. It just wasn’t done right over the past 100 years each and every time it’s been tried.)

The “Bolo” C96 is the perfect carry gun for woke trust fund suburbanite babies like myself. It’s modern enough (it’s semi-auto), but it has a fixed magazine with only a 10 round capacity. Surely this will be a super-safe, approved gun by our fellow travelers at Everytown and Moms Demand Action (don’t tell them what happens after we win the revolution, they’re very useful to us now).

Not only that, but the pistol has great, proven history during other Bolshevik uprisings and occupations, particular in China, which is where this one served after being made in 1930’s Germany. I figured it’s best to pay tribute to my former comrades, just like this dedicated fascist fighter is doing by training with a Mosin 91/30.


It’s SO awesome to train and fight using the exact same weapons our glorious heroes of the past carried when they seized power and used them to slaughter civilians by the millions in the last century.

Well, it’s time to go on patrol. Tonight we’re spotting and noting houses that are flying Old Glory. We only approve of red stars on flags.

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      • broom-handle are very good carry guns. thin no big buldge under your coat, only one major problem with them, if your ammunition is old ,it will jerk the rim off the brass and stack the next round in the breech then it blows up.taking the extractor at the anchor pin. mine did that twice to me before i donated it to B.A.T.F…before it took my head off….

    • No way. Socialism is for the people, not the socialist. Those who take part in the marxist uprising will surely get at least 3 moldy potatoes and all the leather shoestring soup that their socialist bellies will hold.

    • What calibor is that thing? It looks kind of cool, I’d like to shoot it WOuldn’t use it for personal defence because I can’t see how you could use the sights.

      • I recently acquired a couple 1911s (A Tisas and a Para), but now I want a long range commie un-aliver. I’m thinking an M1A.

        • That will work, but a surplus Mosin-Nagant (7.62x54R) will reach out and touch someone for 100 bucks or less (got mine for $75) if you don’t mind a stick shift….

        • Maxx. Love my mosin. But all the ones I’ve seen for sale lately are 400 bucks +. And the cheap ammo has dried up.

          I would go for something more modern at this point.

        • Got mine five or six years ago (actually bought two at $75 each) got 5 sealed cans 660 rounds each at $90 each… I’ll be okay for awhile, and $400 is still way cheaper than a tuned M1A @ $1400 to $1600…. I got an M1A (not for sale) because I fell in love with my M14 in Vietnam (w/full auto select) but could not afford the real deal.. M1A was way cheaper when I bought mine….

        • I’m gonna have to settle for an old Smith & Weston 357 revolver, Wetherby 308 and BRO Spec 15, plus a couple 12 Gauges with No. 4 BUck. I love hunting and grew up doing so. Spec 15 isn’t my hunting choice but for the price of the ammo it’s good to keep you in practice, after all practice makes perfect, so keep practicing. Have fun and enjoy the heck out of shooting.

        • Well, 7.62 NATO is a great round but that’s a lot to hump around in the woods all day and all night.

          And east of the Mississippi it’s tough to get a shot that will justify the range of the 7.62 NATO.

          Call me crazy but I really like the M1 carbine, .30 projectile and 1000 foot pounds works great out to 100 m.

        • I picked up a New England Westinghouse Company with Russian Imperial Stamps, with Finish SA marks on it. The site ladder has the russian arshin stamped out for meters and a bolt that has 2 crossed out serial numbers and 3rd one matching to the receiver. I smell the dead Bolsheviks on it from the winter and continuation wars soaked into the wood.

    • .45 Doesn’t just destroy the body, it destroys the soul.
      Now, I don’t know if I’ll be going to heaven or hell when I die, but either way, I don’t want to see no fucking communists there.

  1. Espousing Marxism while singing the praises of a Nazi gun while denigrating the Fascists who were partnered with the Nazis in WWII… Interesting… (Actually Nazism is a form of Fascism)… But hey, I’ll be sure to leave the light on for ya….

      • What serious?? Serious would have included a number of “morons”, “idiots” and “dumbshits”…. That WAS me being humorous… I too enjoy shooting my Mosin and my AK and Mauser and my Glock and even a couple of American made pieces… I can actually discern the difference between humor and an asshole trying to start some shit…

  2. all four branches of Socialism would love those People’s Firearms; the Communist branch, the Fascist branch, the National Socialist branch and the American Progressive branch – especially the Antifa and BLM wings.

    They are useful tools in eradicating Capitalism in place of Socialism. After all, everyone knows that the machinery of Capitalism is oiled by the blood of the workers.

  3. Full semi-automatic, 10 bullets, who needs more? And you can carry possibly five topped-off stripper clips in the back pocket; sweet. Naturally, these antiques are expensive enough that only those with means can afford them (proles shouldn’t have any firearm that costs more than $200, because they need to save enough to feed and house themselves and family).

    The “Broom handle” pre-dates the Rube Goldberg offerings from St. John Moses, so the C-96 should have been the end of development for auto loading firearms. Life will be good for people sporting this Mauser.

  4. Good oogly booogly!! I know it’s just satire as any fool crazy enough to print a story like this and be serious enough to stand by their words would surely live their lifes in fear. Their neighbors would secretly plot to line them up on a privacy fence and call in the masked firing squad with all sworn to a life of denial. Then dispose of the your bodies at the closest pig farm. The house would stand vacant or mysteriously burn down in the middle of the night. THE GREAT AMERICAN WAY.
    Although i will admit I extremely envious, as I am a big fan of the 96 broom handles. I saw one come up for auction a while back made in or before the Chinese revolution era that was a 45acp model. Way out of my poor trailer trash reach. A lot of them were 45acp but most were melted down after the commies took over becouse they couldn’t fathom american imperialistic gun in their commy army. Very few of them exsist today.

        • “Apparently this needs some clarification.”

          Maybe it’s just a regional, or generational differentiation.

        • great googly moogly as far as chester burnett (goin’ down slow, howlin’ wolf, probably written by willie dixon) or frank zappa (don’t eat the yellow snow) are concerned.
          but won’t somebody tell me what diddy wah diddy means?

        • “but won’t somebody tell me what diddy wah diddy means?”

          I thought it was, “Do wah diddy, diddy, dum,diddy,do.”

  5. This article needs to be headlined at The Onion, Babylon Bee and a few others.

    Great tongue in cheek!

    • Or cnn for that matter. I loved their satire of late. If you didn’t have the search function and a memory of 3 days or more you’d think they were extremely serious and extremely consistent.

  6. All for the greater good, brother. My response, like the article, is sarcasm. Unfortunately, I needed to add that sentence. Honestly, there are folks that dont seem to realize that.

  7. Guess that gender ! It’s the fun new game brought to us by our progressive leaders. It’s so fun and can be played everywhere by everyone. You can play it at the grocery store, the park while waiting in line at the DMV. You can even play it while looking at sports magazines or watching your favorite talking head on tv. Fun for folks of all ages. Come on, get on board, play along. Soon to be made into a major motion picture.

    • Ah, but which gender is the ‘right’ gender? The CIS gender, determined by whether you have XX or XY chromosomes, or the person’s self identified gender?

      When I take a lady to the range on lady’s night, I tell them I have one lady, and one bearded lady; I self-identify as female on lady’s night. It’s gotten me a discount at least once!

  8. The Reds would have had to find their own pistol if we kept the Kaiser. Just saying

    Gott erhalte Wilhelm Zwie den Kaiser!

  9. >Surely this will be a super-safe, approved gun by our fellow travelers

    Sorry, comradeski, but everyone knows semi-auto means machine gun. No borscht for you!

  10. All the silly satire aside, the C96 was an enormously successful and impressive design. It stayed in production for 65 years, over a million made by multiple manufacturers around the world. From the original 10 round stripper clip, it included 10, 20 and 40 round box magazines. Shoulder stocks, long barrels, all sorts of variations. There were even some .45ACP variants.

    And in “Joe Kidd”, Clint Eastwood was able to pour out hundreds of rounds from a single stripper clip. Even John Wayne never matched that with his Colt SAA!!!

    Yeah, would be a lot of fun to own one.

  11. The bad guys were using the broomhandle in one of the Bruce Lee flicks…mediocre satire aside these were common 120years ago. And they still had higher capacity than a revolver😏

  12. I’m disappointed. I expected a serious discussion of the C96 instead of political bullshit.

    My introduction to the C96 was the movie, The Wind and The Lion. A C96 was the sidearm of a Prussian army officer.

    About 35 years ago, I had a chance to buy a C96 in 7.63×25 but declined because it wasn’t 9 mm. I didn’t know enough to tell whether it was worth the price.

    • I fell in love with the C96 Broomhandle watching Lawrence of Arabia where the semiconscious Turk tries to take him out with one from under the smashed train. Pow…pow..pow…then Sheikh Auda slices him in twain.

      Finally bought a few in 1980’s when Reagan relaxed import laws & the ChiComs flooded the U.S. market with thousands of Broomhandles. The C96 is to the Chinese what the Colt SAA is to us; part of the national folklore. The earliest semi-auto is amazing to this day.

  13. We had a couple of C96’s in battalion museum back in the 1970’s. Acquired in WW1. We would occasionally get ammunition for them to run them during familiarisation training as there were a lot of Chinese copies in SE Asia. Fun gun to use and surprisingly accurate at 200 metres wit the shoulder stock / timber holster fitted.

    The nationalist Chinese government made them under licence. The communists kept making them the just forgot to pay the fees.

  14. George Lincoln Rockwell, head of The American Nazi Party was assassinated in 1967. John Patler used a 7.63mm C96 Mauser. Two shots and one miss. The other through the windshield into his chest.

    • I remember that pompous buffoon, puffing on his pipe and pontificating on everything and anything as if he had a clue. The American Civil Liberties Union actually represented him twice, back in the day when the ACLU actually supported the First Amendment.

      Those were good times, when a Nazi was actually a Nazi. Now all you have to do to be a Nazi is to disagree with the New York Slimes.

      • It’s still pretty easy to tell, if they march through the streets with torches chanting ‘Jews will not replace us!’ you can be sure…

        • Your friends at Hamas agree with the Charlottesville crowd and BLM and Antifa are on board with it too.

        • I’m not familiar with BLM’s stand on the Palestinian question.

          Personally, I’m familiar with history and realize that there was no state of Israel until 1947 when armed elements of the Jewish terrorist unit Irgun killed Palestinians and forcefully took their land.

          Are you familiar with the King David Hotel bombing?

        • So you studied the history, eh? Then you surely must know the Palestinian Arabs supported the Nazis and their leader Amin Al Husseini, the Grand Mufti of Jersusalem, was a close associate of Hitler and argued for the final solution. He also recruited Muslim SS units in the Balkans.

          And since you studied the history you must also know that the Muslim Brotherhood of which Hamas is Palestinian Arab chapter, is the Arab Nazi Party. When Hamas isn’t denying the Holocaust they are planning their own little bit of genocide.

          I don’t know how current your knowledge is but Mahmood Abbas, leader of the PLO faction wrote his Ph.D thesis on the myth of the Holocaust. Two of the perennial favorite works of literature among Palestinians are Mein Kampf and The Protocols of the Elders of Zion.

          The King David Hotel was British Military HQ. The attack was against the British not the Arabs.

          You see one of the problems when you blindly parrot left-wing anti-Semitic tropes is that there might be someone out there who knows a little more about the subject than your preprogrammed talking points. I do get where you are coming from. You want to kill Jews for the right reason while those evil neo ~Zs want to kill the Jews for the wrong reasons even if it looks like you want to do it for the same reasons.

          Pro tip: If you don’t want to lose you homeland don’t back the losing side a global war.

          Not the response you were expecting, eh?


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