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“The shoes were replica guns and voluntarily surrendered. No arrest was made and no report taken.” – TSA Spokewoman in Brought to heel! TSA highlights fashion don’ts for flying-confiscates shoes, bullet belt at La Guardia [at]

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  1. Wouldn’t it have been feasible to return the shoes the the bag once it was determined they were no threat and posed absolutely no threat. Maybe check the bag at that point so that the shoes have no chance of being seen on the plane and causing even the smallest panic. It would seem that all of that would take as much time as confiscating them and then going to the media about it.

  2. Mock weapons in any form aren’t permitted on planes, but the gun heels are permitted in checked luggage, the spokeswoman said.

    Fingerbang midflight and it’s out the door with you?
    What if you eat your in-flight meal into an “L” shape?

      • nathan, first time I flew there was no security check points. No xray machines, no metal detectors. You checked your bags in and then boarded the plane. And they did have meals. Even in coach. And the seats were bigger and they had these people called stewardesses who were nice and treated you like you were important.

        I miss America. I really do.

        • There was something else. . . women wore nice dresses or suits, had hats and white gloves, wore nylons and dress shoes. Men wore suits and ties and maybe a hat. Children were clean, quiet, and neatly dressed. Passengers did not bring all of their worldly goods, including chickens and dogs, onto the airplane with them. They did not smell. They never picked their toes during the flight. No one would even THINK of wearing a wife-beater or tube-top. Wearing baggy, dirty, holed shorts that expose one’s soiled hairy naughty bits to the rest of the world was unheard of. Flip-flops were worn at beaches. Or public showers.

          I miss America, too.

    • We must pass a new law banning the capital letter L from the alphabet. If it later keeps a homicidal maniac from picking up a gun and saves but one life…

      • Don’t forget about ‘F.’ And ‘P.’ Maybe ‘T.’ And ‘B’ looks like a bow. So does ‘C.’ And ‘D.’

        When I see the letter ‘A,’ I think of an oil rig, which is bad, so let’s ban that one. Come to think of it, ‘Q’ looks rather sexist, so that’s bad as well. Can’t use ‘O,’ because we ALL know what THAT looks like. ‘M.’ Short for ‘Murder’ in German film of 1930 with Peter Lorre. Got to go. ‘N’ is just too racist to live.

        That gives us, what, 14 left? Should be enough.

  3. We need a Megan’s List for public employees/drones. I have the right to know if there’s a predator living near me.

  4. I remember when I younger, going to meet my father returning from an overseas deployment at the airport, my little brother brought his GI Joe.

    We weren’t allowed through security because of the tiny GI Joe gun…

    Ugly shoes BTW, she probably deserved to have those confiscated…

  5. “Voluntarily” surrendered …

    That’s like how we “voluntarily” pay taxes, right?

    • I guarantee the answer to that one is that “other passengers might feel uncomfortable”. Or maybe it’s for the children.

  6. Gotta keep the bleating down, it gets on the nerves after a while wouldn’t you know…:-/

  7. Is this the same one as happened last year or a new grasp at “fame” by any desperate means necessary?

  8. I haven’t, uh, flown in a while, so I’m turning to the AI for advice on matters of the, uh, heart.

    I need to know the protocol when I’m groped at the airport by a chubby chick in an ill-fitting TSA uniform. Am I required to wear protection, or is that on her? Should I pay for the drinks? Do I have to call her the next day? Send her flowers? Jewelry? A summons? Do I have to pay extra for the full body cavity search, or is that included with the airfare?

    Thanks in advance for your advice.

    • Protocol, Ralph. Think late 60’s, Woodstock, Altamont, Monteray, Haight. Protocol call then didn’t even require asking her name.

      • So I have to give the chubby chick some Thai stick or windowpane?

        Sheesh. This is getting complicated.

        • Also a little Boone’s Farm or Annie Green Springs. On a completely off the topic subject and as a word of caution to our younger readers, Thai Stick, hash oil and a KFC is just a bad mix. Trust me on this.

        • No lolinski, not a laxative. But the munchies on steroids. Picture the egg eating scene from cool hand luke, only with greasy skins and bones scattered everywhere.

          And if you’ve never seen cool hand luke, do so. One of the greatest movies ever.

    • It will be a fat, leering man, Ralph. Punching him in the teeth is frowned up, but use your judgement.

      Pretty soon it won’t be necessary to fly to have this memorable experience. TSA has put a few in train and bus stations. I heard the other day about a TSA agent who came on the bus and asked everybody where they were coming from and going to. For your safety, of course.

      They’re starting to creep onto the roads and byways, too. All because Americans, and I use the term loosely, don’t know how to say “no” or “HELL NO”.

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