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I thought long and hard about using the term “gun nuts.” Somehow this question/set-up doesn’t work with “gun enthusiasts.” Besides, there’s nothing wrong with co-opting the term from proponents of civilian disarmament. One of the great things about The People of the Gun is that (unlike our hoplophobic friends) we have a sense of humor. When was the last – or first time – you heard a gun control advocate crack a joke? So, anyway, how many gun nuts does it take to change a lightbulb?

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  1. At least 4: 1 to change it, and 3 of his buddies to argue about the wattage of the bulb he should be using.

      • Changing a lightbulb involves:

        1) knowing how
        2) doing work
        3) not being such a complete screw-up in every way that you won’t maim or kill yourself in the process

        Anti-gunners don’t do work, they collect welfare. Not only are they too good for work, it’s been so many generations since any anti-gunner did work that none of them know how. It’s too dangerous for them to do work anyway. That’s why they’re always so worried about safety. They could get their dick caught in the ceiling fan just trying to take a leak.

    • 3
      1 firing the weapon
      2 holding & loading the mags
      3 instruction on what # 1 is doing wrong

  2. Three
    One to change the shade color to camouflage
    One to defeat its government voltage control so that it runs full-auto
    One to increase wattage to “kill your soul” level

  3. Three
    One to change its color to boudoir camouflage
    One to defeat the government prescribed voltage control of the new bulb so that it can run all the time (full auto)
    One to increase the wattage to “kill your soul” intensity level

  4. Civilian-disarmament advocates always joke: “nobody is coming for your guns”, “we can ban assault weapons”, “gun control saves lives”, “30 caliber clip”, “30 rounds in half a second”, “GHOST GUNZ”…

    Wait they were serious about all that?

  5. Two:
    One to change the bulb and shout “RELOADING!”
    One to give the first guy covering fire with a flashlight.

  6. None. We’re such efficient baby killers that the bodies have piled up to the point that gravity has caused nuclear implosion and a new star has been formed. We don’t need lightbulbs anymore.

  7. It only takes one, but some states restrict you to 10 light bulbs or fewer per house. For the children.

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  9. It takes 150.

    One to change the bulb and 149 to argue that it was the wrong size bulb.

  10. Depends how high the bulb is.
    If your a basketball player, only one!
    If your a dwarf, mayby three, or four, standing on each others head!

  11. 3. One to change the bulb, one to watch the area and make sure you don’t flag onlookers as you change the bulb and one to score your ability to change the bulb and base it on the current benchmark time.

  12. None. POTG ain’t afraid of the dark. And for the record, I’ve self identified as a gun nut since age 13.

  13. A 22 watt bulb will never get changed because there are never any replacement bulbs on the shelf. However there are plenty of FUD wattages available.

    When you are done, be sure to pick up your brass from the old bulb.

  14. One to rail about the new LED bulb replacements, one to claim that the new ones are superior in every way lasting 10,000 hours, one to talk about what comes after LED bulbs, one to decry the mercury in the mini-fluorescents, one to claim they have stashed hundreds of pre-ban bulbs, another who remains suspiciously silent about whether they have a stash or not, one to grill them on why they’re not contributing, one to explain how they could have made a replacement bulb in this time from just sand and a blowtorch, one to keep watch for outsiders, one to go through the house looking for another operational light from which they can salvage a bulb, one to make a run for beer and chips, and one who goes to find the woman of the house to find out where the replacement bulbs are.

  15. That’s easy: It would take all the gun nuts on the internet: 1 to actually change it, the rest to make up countless forums, websites and blogs for arguments as too what should be used: 1)Should said fixture be upgraded to 240 or even 277 volts to reduce damaging amperage, 2)should said bulb be low wattage to conserve power or high wattage for maximum power out put, 3) should the whole fixture be changed from screw in to stab in to make it more efficient or keep it screw in for convenience of finding future replacement bulbs, 4)What should said bulb be made of: incandescent for ease of use and popularity, compact florescent for newer upgraded efficiency or LED for the top of the line state of the art light output and longevity. and 4) what brand said bulb should be, ex. go with a brand like Lithonia or GE with an established track record of making a good bulb of multiple types, styles and wattage’s, a store brand so you don’t get ripped off by the big guys who make a living on their name, or an off brand internet bulb maker who is trying to get into the light bulb making market

  16. Great post!!!!!!!!!! Let’s have plenty more like this one!!!!! Lightbulbs are one of my favorite subjects!!! OK Mr. Farago – can you now answer my question? A bit off topic but relevant and important to some readers. Why can’t I see some recent posts, especially the post about P08 Lugers? I have a special interest in this particular handgun. This specific post and several others haven’t been available for a couple of weeks. I keep getting the “somewhat embarrassing” message. For the future, is there a better way to call your attention to fix the problem(s)? I’m sure a number of readers have encountered the same problem and want to know what to do. Help!

  17. Puhlease… We are gun nuts. We don’t change lightbulbs. We grab a weapon with a shorter barrel and squeeze out all the illumination we need.

  18. None. We use 30 bulb ghost assault clip magazines that auto load so it does it all by itself.

  19. None. When the constitution was drafted our Founding Fathers never envisioned light bulbs so they aren’t protected.

  20. Only one AFTER they have passed an NICS check and insured that they not a veteran or can no longer buy their own bulbs and are now prohibited from screwing them in.

  21. What, no “incandescent lights up the room, but led ignites your soul?” “Tesla made light bulbs, but Thomas Edison made them equal?” “Keep your damn booger hook off the bright switch, you’re running up the bill?” (got that last one from my pop.)

  22. None.

    The gun nut’s situational awareness will allow him to avoid the confrontation altogether.

  23. Proper illumination being necessary to the vision of a free State, the right of the people to keep and change lightbulbs shall not be infringed!

  24. Oh Lord! Berke Breathed’s riff on the NRa when Bill the cat was running for president. The gift that went out of control on Opus, causing him to put rather large hole thru the candidate. The candidate excercising his rights in the neighborhood when Jean Kirkpatrick refused his love suit. I’ve been a gun nut since I was a kid and I ’bout died laughing the first time I saw them.

  25. 17. One to change the bulb only when told by the bulb officer while being timed by the bulb scorekeeper…directed by the chief bulb officer…with 13 other people either Dorking about and waiting for their chance, thinking about how they could have done it faster, or watching him to try to learn.

  26. About one million of them to post about it on the internet debating, arguing over, and tolling each other about tactics/techniques of bulb changing, what they did when they were in country/the service, milspec versus civilian bulbs, what some guy they know who is delta/navy seal/socom/etc does, the efficacy of old bulb technology versus new bulb technology, the aesthetics of old bulb technology versus new bulb technology, wattage wars, misinformed opinions/facts/feelings/anecdotes, bulb vaporware, the pitfalls and benefits of professional bulb changing training, scorn and ridicule of casual bulb changers, bulb control, accusations of shilling for a certain bulb maker/company/brand, reviews of different bulbs, the classic incandescent versus LED arguments, etc etc.

    Somewhere in there you learn to ignore all the crap, opinion, and loud mouths and just change the bulb the way you see fit with the bulb that fits your life and needs.

  27. If it was me, it would only take one….but I’m waiting for my 100w filiment dies from Lymon to show up. Those LEDs are so expensive when you can reload your own incandescents…

  28. Only one, but I’m still waiting for my Lyman 100w filament dies to arrive. Why spend the extra money on an expensive LED when you can reload your own incandescents….

  29. Depends a lot on where the light bulb is. At my house, it just takes one gun nut. A porch light on the exterior of a Chicago south side row house? That would take 9, six to form an outer perimeter, 2 to directly protect the ladder, and one wearing class 4 body armor to climb the ladder and change the bulb.

  30. No amount of gun nuts can change a light bulb. It’s impossible when your knuckles are dragging on the floor.

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