Previous Post
Next Post

It’s easy to let your mind wander when you’re driving. Work, relationships, that annoying little rash that just popped up on your ass…all are subjects that can flit fleetingly through the transom of your mind. When Tavares Colbert was driving Saturday, his attention turned to his gat. So much so, in fact, that he felt it necessary to pull over to check it out. As he later told police, “…he’d had problems with it earlier and wanted to make sure it was functioning properly.” We’re not sure where Colbert was heading that he felt he had to make sure his gun was in good working order before he got there . . .

…but damned it he was going to arrive with a hesitant heater. And as tells us, that’s just about the time that things got painful.

Colbert told police when he tried to force the slide back, he also had his finger on the trigger. The gun went off and he shot himself in the penis.

When police arrived at the hospital and examined the Colbert report, they discovered that in addition to some a painful pendulum, he also had a felony record. Which made the hole in Mr. Happy not only uncomfortable, but prima facie evidence of another crime.

Colbert said he was aware of that, and that’s why he was trying to sell the weapon.

Neither the excuse – nor the whistling sound Tavares now makes when he walks – cut much ice with the OKCPD. They’ve since charged him with illegal possession of a firearm. But mangled member or not, he’ll be able to walk out of jail with his head held high – someday – secure in the knowledge that he’ll be coming home to a bright, shiny IGOTD statuette. It probably won’t make having to sit down to pee any less humiliating, but at least he’ll have a memento of his fifteen minutes of fame.

Previous Post
Next Post


  1. Clearly Tavares is too stupid to own a gun in the first place, jail is good place for him since they don’t have firearms in the cells.

  2. a convicted felon with a gun. but, but i thought that was illegal. save the peni, ban convicted felons.

  3. I know he survived, but he is technically out of the gene pool now. Darwin award?

  4. Colbert told police when he tried to force the slide back, he also had his finger on the trigger. The gun went off and he shot himself in the penis.

    We know have statistical evidence that guns save lives. Imagine how many criminal rug-rats won’t be born now because of the heroic actions of the firearm. Hey, if we blame the gun for bad things we must also credit them for good things yes?

  5. With him being a felon, shouldn’t that title be changed to: “Illegal Gun Owner of the Day: Tavares Colbert”?

  6. Ah, the infamous Austrian bris. Mazel tov, Colbert. Today you are half a man.

    To paraphrase Clemenza: Take the gun. Leave the pecker.

  7. IGOTD is a good award for him… and yes, in both idiot and illegal categories.

    Going to go sell the gun? Loaded? To whom? another convict? Another gang-banger? To a dealer? How did he still have possession of it anyway? His story of going to sell it stinks to high heaven.

  8. So what I am wondering is – where is BATFE to prosecute convicted felons for possessing firearms? Oh, that’s right, they are more safely conducting the harassment of gun stores looking for incomplete paperwork.

    My bad.

  9. The Bullet notched his pecker, it didn’t remove both testicals. In Jail he is temporarily out of the Gend Pool, but he fell a bit short of a Darwin Award. That is the award when they remove themselves from the Gene Pool, or ability to reproduce.

    Darwin Awards Interesting Reading

Comments are closed.