I Have a Feeling I’m Not in RI Anymore . . .

Mattress Firm Austin (courtesy The Truth About Guns)

So I walk into Mattress Firm near the Domain area of Austin. The store has more mattresses than Esti Ginzburg has likes on Facebook. I’ve got to choose between kinda firm, firm, extra-firm and wurtzite boron nitride. Amongst seven brands. With or without cooling gel. On a motorized base. Or not. Factoring in price and Fourth of July promotions. In my attempt to stave off Stendahl Syndrome I find myself doing more mattress hopping than a nympho at a Peter North imitators’ convention. At some point in the proceedings, my shirt rides up to reveal (wait for it) my Caracal C. “Wow, that’s some gun,” the salesperson says (pinkie swear promise). “I’ve got a license,” I reply. “Relax honey,” she says. “You’re in Texas.” Imagine that.


  1. avatar Jess Banda says:

    I need to return home…

    1. avatar SnJohnson says:

      Nothing like the South for a little gun friendliness. Glad to have you Farago.

  2. avatar Tyler Kee says:

    I bought my mattress there. Great salesperson named Josh. He also didn’t seem to care about my gun.

  3. avatar Texheim says:

    That’s funny, I was at Nordstroms just down Mopac yesterday; I hate that town except for the food and family. No one saw my piece while I was in town except my dad’s neighbor who pulled his out Saturday morning to show his new EDC and I showed him mine.

  4. avatar Tom says:

    The only “license” you need should be the 2nd Amendment, but oh well.

    1. avatar Bob says:

      Don’t even need that.

  5. avatar Charles5 says:

    This made me smile.

    1. avatar JuanCudz says:

      Me too.

  6. avatar Don says:

    Sadly in Texas, as easy as that you “committed” your first firearm crime.

    1. avatar Matt in FL says:

      Not anymore. They fixed the law a few months ago.

      1. avatar Steve says:

        Well, as of September 1st, and there is still some debate if PDs, DAs, and courts will actually follow the spirit of the law this time since there again is no definition of ”intentionally display”.

        1. avatar Mike Crognale says:

          My lawyer advises to still maintain as much concealment as possible. The new law takes effect 9/1 but is pretty vague about what “inadvertent display” actually means.

      2. avatar Don says:

        That’s good!

  7. avatar James1000 says:

    After seeing Esti Ginsburgs page, there wasn’t much of a choice between “kinda firm, firm or extra firm.”

    1. avatar Matt in FL says:


      1. avatar Powers says:

        Extra firm

        1. avatar Paul53 says:


  8. avatar gmgunsmiths says:

    Welcome home Robert.

  9. avatar ST says:

    Moving to the United States can be a shocking experience.As a fellow refugee from the Comintern of Chicago, I can understand where you’re coming from.

    My first week in my new digs was marked with a visit to a local gun shop.Cue my jaw hitting the floor at the sight of all the ARs and AKs lining the wall.I must have looked like a drooling idiot to the sales guy.

    “Wanna see one ?” He gestures.

    Hell yes.”These are totally legal?” I respond.

    “Just a 5 minute background check”

    Wow.I love America.Here,guns are normal,self defense is legal,and people still say hi to each other.Getting away from the Illinois Politburo was the best choice I ever made.In 5 years time you’ll wonder what took you so long to pull stakes.

    1. avatar Powers says:

      Legal immigration is the best way to get new people into the U.S.

      1. avatar Southern Cross says:

        You obviously haven’t seen how hard it is for foreigners to get a green card, much less actually immigrate. The requirements are so tough I doubt 90+% of US citizens would actually qualify if they had to go through the process.

  10. avatar Matt in FL says:

    I laughed.

  11. avatar Ralph (not that one) says:

    “Relax honey,” she says. “You’re in Texas.”

    Your RI accent must be shocking down there.

    1. avatar Steve says:

      Actually, in places such as DFW, Austin and the like, there’s a fair number of northern transplants so they’re rather used to our accents.

    2. avatar Ralph says:

      @Ralph (not that one), RF doesn’t have a RI accent. He speaks Generic American with an almost imperceptible trace of British (’cause he lived there for a long time). But he doesn’t speak Texan. Yet.

      1. avatar Mike Crognale says:

        He will. It comes natural like. I’ve been free for 16 years now. Moved here back in ’97 from the Soviet Socialist Republic of New York.

      2. avatar Daniel Silverman says:

        His lack of an accent is what have him away! Lol

      3. avatar Jarhead1982 says:

        After the first year, you will just be a Yankee instead of a Damn Yankee, you’ll understand, trust me!

        1. avatar In Memphis says:

          Haha Ive been in TN for just over two years and am still a damn yankee

        2. avatar Gyufygy says:

          I’m from California, lived in NC for 10 years, and I’m still a damn Yankee.

  12. avatar Evan says:

    Same exact thing happened to me when I went mattress shopping 6 months ago. The full size 1911 was probably a bad choice for the task that particular day.

    1. avatar Daniel Silverman says:

      Since he was on private property and well they are gun friendly I don’t think he broke any laws…
      At least in Texas they don’t care lol

  13. avatar Shenandoah says:

    Have you met any of those famous Texas women to help you, um, break in the mattress yet? That’s what we really want to know.

  14. avatar Eric_in_NOLA says:

    God bless Tx.

  15. avatar imrambi says:

    Spending 3 months in Texas, that was something I could never get use to. Almost every lady called me “honey.”

  16. avatar Greg says:

    “Relax honey, you’re in Texas” in a mattress store? Cue soft core porn music. j/k

  17. avatar TheSleeperHasAwakened says:

    Welcome Home!

  18. avatar PhoenixNFA says:

    Welcome to cen tex. enjoy your stay.

    Want to go to the range? I’m just up the road in Waco.

  19. avatar Luis says:

    Been in austin area for a month now after leaving Cali. I’m not going back.

  20. avatar Brian says:

    Making me nostalgic for my all-to-brief time in Austin. Be sure to check out the Flying Saucer in the Triangle, but leave the gun at home (51% law and all).

    1. avatar Taylor Tx says:

      Oh the flying saucer is great, the ones in DFW do trivia on certain nights of the week, hell of a good time and great beer selection.

  21. avatar Taylor Tx says:

    Ha glad youre enjoying it out here.

    Ive only been carrying for about a year and that is like my ULTIMATE fear, me failing to conceal and someone calling man with a gun or something.

  22. avatar Paul53 says:

    After RI a little sanity seems strange, huh?

  23. avatar jim says:

    When you drift down to Houston (be sure to stop in LaGrange for kolaches and homage to the Chicken Ranch) you have got to go to Collector’s Firearms on Gessner. My favorite gun store, but I’m a bit of a nut for weird old stuff. (They’ve got plenty of the normal new stuff as well.) I was looking at old military revolvers on the web the other night and said “Wow, I didn’t know Luxembourg issued (to who? The mailman?) a 10.4 mm Nagant revolver.” But Collector’s had one.

  24. avatar Tommy Knocker says:

    Classic LMAO…

  25. avatar mike says:

    Now that’s more like it. No need to freak out like some people. How hard is that?

  26. avatar mediocrates says:

    Texas needs to be the out front leader in defending State’s and individual rights under The Constitution.

  27. avatar Paul53 says:

    Eventually you’ll find a curmudgeon. Their attitude is; a Yankees is a person from the North who comes to the South. A Damn Yankee is one who is driving a U-Haul.

  28. avatar Conrad says:

    Glad you made the move safely, RF. 🙂

  29. avatar DisThunder says:

    Reminds me of an encounter I had with a guy in a parking lot earlier this year, when things were nuts. I have an Arsenal sticker on the back of my truck, and as I was getting out, so was the guy next to me. He recognized it, and said “Hey, they make AK47s, don’t they?”
    I bristled a little and said, maybe a little anrgy “Yeah, and?”
    “Oh. How do you like it? I hear they make good stuff.”

    It’s good to be in a free state.

    1. avatar Tom in Oregon says:

      I have a “Keep Portland Weird” (it’s a local thing), a rainbow sticker, and an Obama-Biden sticker on my land rover.
      I call it Urban Camoflage

  30. avatar rsalaud says:

    Keep in mind, however, that Austin is still the most liberal city in TX and one of the most liberal in the entire South. You might get a different result at a mattress store on South Congress 🙂

    1. avatar Bob says:

      And most the cops in Austin are total assholes (I’m being very nice here). The chief in particular.

  31. avatar great unknown says:

    Am I imagining things, or do states where people call each other “honey” have decent gun laws, whereas those with anti-gun laws are those where calling someone “honey” will get you arrested for sexual assault?

  32. avatar rsu11 says:

    Had a similar situation at a Mattress Firm after recently moving to FL. Wife and I looking at the different models, she insists on me lying down on each one. I have my Kahr K9 under my untucked shirt and am sorely aware of that fact. Deftly holding down my shirt tail as I ease onto each mattress, then keeping my strong side arm held close to my body, I’m sure I look like a horizontal Herman Munster.

    Wife says I don’t look very comfortable and salesman is now concerned since other customers overhear her comment. I defuse the situation by throwing my weak side hand behind my head and crossing my legs. “Oh yeah, this is very nice!” Eyes move off of me and salesman resumes his pitch. Whew.

    P.S., we didn’t buy from Mattress Firm. Found the same mattress and frame elsewhere for 30% less. Caveat Emptor…in more ways than one!

  33. avatar Chuck Burnett says:

    Once I’m back from the sandbox I’d love to have the chance to shoot with you sometime. After my brief stint in Newport for a year, I’m glad we were only “visiting”

    Thankfully, TX isn’t too different from NC so my culture shock wasn’t as significant.

  34. avatar txJM says:

    I call B.S.

    If this had really happened in Texas, the salesperson would have recommended a more reliable brand of gun to go with your mattress.

    1. avatar outwardhound says:

      Ha! FTW

      1. avatar Quantum Zen says:



  35. avatar Cliff says:

    Chris Rea donates a theme song to you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMk208Op1Jc

  36. avatar SGC says:

    Welcome to the SOUTH! Enjoy your stay, and please don’t bring any of your northern ways down here to spoil it for the rest of us…:)

    1. avatar Mike Crognale says:

      When I moved to Texas in ’97 I had an Upstate NY accent. I list that pretty quick. I was raised in Macon, GA. After a few years, about 10 or so, I asked a native Texan how long it would be before I was considered a Texan. He then asked me the following: do you own property? Yes, Do you like bbq brisket and Willie, of course, do you vote Republican? Yes. Then you are a Texan. lol that’s a true story. If I have my way I intend to die here and be buried in the Great State of Texas.

  37. avatar Toasty says:

    You think that’s bad. I asked my roommates at college here in NJ if they wanted to go to a local range that rents guns to shoot and they didn’t even think guns were legal in our state. They had never even seen a gun other than a police officers. Yes, it is THAT BAD in the Northeast, or at least Jersey.

    1. avatar Milsurp Collector says:

      I’m from NJ and chose to attend a university in a pro-gun state. The night and day difference in attitudes is enough to give me a migraine. At school it goes anywhere from calm indifference to “well duh I own guns”. In NJ it goes from indifference to hard-line mass murdering Stalinist with a handful of proud gun owners sprinkled in somewhere.

  38. avatar Cameron S. says:

    Congrats on your new found freedom.

    It’s amazing how positive the gun culture is in some places.

    1. avatar jkp says:

      And in Austin, the most ‘liberal’ place in the entire state, no less….

  39. avatar S.CROCK says:

    wow i am so jealous. i would love to live in a free state. RF, count you blessings.

  40. avatar Aharon says:


    Maybe it wasn’t just your pistol the saleswoman was referring too. Maybe she wanted you to know she was noticing your gun.

  41. avatar jkp says:


    Wait a minute…I thought you’d given up the Caracal after its extended sabbatical in the UAE for repairs. When did it come back?

  42. avatar PCnotPC says:

    The salesperson must have been a recent relocation to the People’s Republik of Austin as well.

  43. avatar Rick says:

    ““Relax honey,” she says. “You’re in Texas.” Imagine that.” I’m in MA. 8~(

  44. avatar Ric says:

    Welcome to Texas, Brother…

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