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Back in the day, when my second marriage was imploding in a drug-addled haze (not mine) and the owners of my first website were doing everything in their power to make me regret selling my baby for Blue Cross bennies, I suffered from combat level stress. Now, after hitting reset, I’m good to go. Well, I thought I was good to go. And then last night Lola begged me not to leave and I forgot that I hadn’t taken my Zolpidem and didn’t get to sleep until 3am (after sleep eating God knows what) and Philly held the Barbie plane on the tarmac in Providence for an hour until Mitt Romney’s ride could piss off and I (eventually) discovered that the Hyatt’s rooms didn’t have a Mac compatible cable or WiFi. So here I am in the fourth room where I can pick-up Orlando Airport’s free Internet breathing deeply. K? Right. Gun Rights Policy Conference. First impression . . .

I’ve never seen so many SMFVs (Shoot Me First Vests) on OFWGs (Old Fat White Guys) in one place at one time—outside of a salmon fishing competition. Not that I hang out at salmon fishing competitions. But I am hanging out here on your behalf. There will be plenty of coverage–now—of George Zimmerman’s lawyer, John “Death by Stats” Lott, Emily “T2 Arms” Miller and the rest of the zany crew of gun rights advocates.

Tonight it’s a reception to which I am headed in T-minus fifteen. Just long enough to be thankful my red green color blindness precludes me from seeing the disco-era carpet in its full glory. And wonder why I didn’t get a FL carry license before coming here. Packing heat in a room overlooking the TSA’s disarmament process would have been quite a treat.

In fact, the Florida Appleseed Project managers Janet Smith [above] and her husband promised to bring their M1 Garand to breakfast tomorrow (bangs and mash?) and pose in front of the same window. Meanwhile, I asked him if his “this is our rifle this is my gun” education efforts attracted people of color.

“We’ve had a couple,” he said. “Everyone’s welcome . . . I mean I haven’t gone into a black church recruiting people, but I haven’t gone a white church either.”

I reckon he should. SAFE = Share Americans Firearms Equally. Stoli makes me creative that way.

So, watch this space. And a big shout out to Kate, a woman with the greenest eyes I (haven’t) ever seen who says she’s going to write about guns for TTAG’s Armed Intelligentsia, whose shared iPod bridged the generation gap and made the flight seem short and sweet. Unless, of course, I dreamed the whole thing.


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  1. Welcome to Orlando. If you’re gonna travel around, avoid South Orange Blossom Trail. And North Orange Blossom Trail for that matter. Stay out of the Parramore area downtown, too. Oh! And Eatonville.

  2. This will probably get me in trouble, but…

    Insomnia and R/G color blindness? Watch very carefully who your kids marry. Please.

    • So, are you saying that it would be an abomination for a white woman to date/ marry a man of color? Clarify, and don’t hide your racism in vague statements. Come on out with it, no holds barred. Don’t be a coward.

  3. I can’t say for sure what took my breath away ~ the carpet or the pale, spindly legs exposed by the (too short) shorts of the ofwg…

    • I’m glad you brought that up. Pink shirt white shoes and black socks combined with nut huggers. Only an ofwg spending the weekend away from his wife would dress like that. And he’s no doubt going to hit the bar later to look for some action.

  4. “And a big shout out to Kate, a woman with the greenest eyes I (haven’t) ever seen who says she’s going to write about guns for TTAG’s Armed Intelligentsia”

    — RF, this promise is worthless without a photo.

  5. Just because RF said :

    “when my second marriage was imploding in a drug-addled haze (not mine)”

    it does NOT mean illegal drugs were being used.

    Anyways, remember RF that getting there is half the fun!!!!!

    Take it from someone who suffered through & survived 11 months of chemo that those drugs do NOT have to be illegal to keep you in a ” drug haze” condition.

    Give the guy a break already.

  6. Combat-level stress?? I wonder if people will chime in, what with the increased militarization of the police and now the press…

  7. Wow. With all the cool things going on at the GRPC, I’m surprised that Robert’s comments included a criticism of the carpet, how people were dressed, green eyes (that he couldn’t tell were green) and a list of hokey somewhat disparaging nicknames for the guest speakers.

    I was there. I saw all the same things. But I wasn’t there to do a fashion review, criticize the decor, make fun of the speakers or moon over someone whose eyes might have been blood red (as far as Robert know, anyway).

    Robert, you get an “F” for relevancy on this one.

    • Maybe you missed the other coverage. This was the opening salvo, the warm up so to speak…Well, I liked his other coverage anyway. YMMV.

      • Wasn’t a comment on any other coverage, but rather a comment on the utter irrelevancy of this posting. As if he didn’t have anything worth saying, but felt compelled to say it anyway.

        And yes, YMMV.

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