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Elephants are my favorite animal (check my avatar). Watching an elephant herd shambling through the bush is a profoundly spiritual experience that connects me to the natural world in a way that’s hard to express. Something to do with standing apart from both myself and human history. Speaking of which, mankind has been “managing” wildlife since our species evolved (e.g. the mass extinctions that accompanied our arrival on the North American continent). So if an elephant needs killing as part of a conservation or wildlife management program, I say kill it. In fact . . .

I’m sympathetic even if the cull isn’t part of a program; just a simple reflection of a tribe’s desire to grow enough food to stay alive and get their MTV. But not all killing methods and killers are equal. Some are more honest than others.

GoDaddy CEO and combat vet Bob Parson’s taken a lot of heat for an elephant “snuff film“. Needless to say, the NRA is down with Bob’s efforts to help the people of Africa by adding another elephant to his hunting resume. But methinks Bob protests the protests too much.

After explaining the elephant nuisance situation and the creatures’ relative abundance, Bob says “It takes guys like me to go into the fields at night shoot one of them and the people then . . . number one, the rest of the elephants leave the field, they don’t come back the rest of the crops are saved, and the people then butcher the elephant and they get protein that they don’t usually get at all.” (1:22)

The implication is clear: I’m the guy who can get this done. They can’t.

Can’t they? Does it really take a U.S. Marine (or similar) to shoot an elephant on the behalf of a poor Zimbabwean farmer? I seem to recall the fact that Robert Mugabe had a large number of well-armed soldiers who’ve proven themselves extremely efficient in the killing mammals department. Also something about poachers.

If part of Parson’s goal (i.e. justification) is to provide protein for the villagers, how about providing protein for them on a regular basis?

Here’s what I’m getting at: Parsons seems completely unwilling to admit that he killed the elephant for personal gratification, not the pursuit of animal conservation or the gift of philanthropy. He says he was smiling in the famous photo because he was happy—but ties that to all the worthy by-products of his killer shot.

Don’t get me wrong: I see nothing wrong with hunting animals for the sheer bloody thrill of it. I am well aware that Parsons’ hunt was an economic boost for a brutal, repressive regime that has turned one of the most fertile countries on planet earth into a land of misery, degradation, violence and starvation.

But Parsons needs to get on the blower with Ted Nugent, stat, so he can get in touch with his inner madman. Better yet, Parsons needs to go hunting with The Motor City Madman, to hear what a real demagogue sounds like. Kill a few dozen feral pigs from a chopper Bob. Do it for the children.

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  1. Does it really take a U.S. Marine (or similar) to shoot an elephant on the behalf of a poor Zimbabwean farmer?

    No, but it does take a successful CEO type to pay the large sums of money charged for an elephant hunting license.

  2. This is a great post , but i do have one bone to pick

    “I seem to recall the fact that Robert Mugabe had a large number of well-armed soldiers who’ve proven themselves extremely efficient in the killing mammals department”
    what makes you think Mugabe has the well being of his citizens in mind??
    it is a shame that we are mucking around in the north of the continent when this SOB has overseen the destruction of agriculture in this country since 1979-80. The Black population in this country has endured untold suffering at the hands of ZANU-PF

    • I think you missed the sarcasm . . . There is nothing pro-Mugabe in that statement. Think two-legged mammals.

  3. i’m not trying to say that you were, my bad if i was not clear. I have found this incident fascinating since the story broke. I might of missed the sarcasm by how angry the PETA crowd has me me over this series of events and how the American media has framed this. They want to focus this on the animal being killed with it was clearly show in the go daddy video how destructive that particular animal had been to farm crops. I will admit that the AC/DC was a bit much, but the incredible need for food and or protein was clear from the massive crowd that gathered around the carcass. Almost two generations have grown up in Zimbabwe living under that geriatric despot.

    btw keep up the good work Robert!

  4. I don’t get it. Parsons kills one elephant and gets a ration of shit. PETA kills every animal it gets its hands on and — what — it’s pro-animal? Orwell was right.

  5. I love being in touch with my inner madman! I just closed a great deal with a friend at his shop, The Ammo Dump in Summerville, SC, for a Beretta C x 4 Carbine in 9mm. I plan to totally go anti-PETA with it in the swamp very soon! The 20 round Pro Mag magazines are just for my love of gun control liberals every where! I think I’ll name my new, under $800 “assault weapon” Kalifornia! My nipples are already hard even thinking about it! 9mm +P+ JHP’s and no parental supervision (don’t worry, I’m 45). I think I’ll play “wango tango!” Aw yes, my inner Cujo will be released!

  6. I would have loved to let him borrow the BONE COLLECTOR with the 700 grain T-Rex round for his elephant hunt.

  7. Still feeling my inner madman-ordered a few custom fighting knives and thinking about getting a 3” Ruger SP101 in .357 tomorrow! I’m definitely thinking hard on that ”community gun buy back” idea for my collection! Who knows what they’ll bring me for a hundred bucks each!

  8. While I agree with the NRA’s position on this issue, they should try to distance themselves from CEO Bob Parsons who, in addition to being a purveyor of sexually explicit television commercials for his company, is also the subject of many complaints about his company’s assault on free speech and the rights of their customers. In addition to the Second Amendment, I strongly support the First Amendment!


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