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Aside from a number of cringe-worthy direct-to-video cinematic appearances, Steve Seagal has made some great good movies. Under Siege is a classic of sorts. Having met Mr. Seagal at SHOT Show a couple of years ago, I can attest to the fact that the Michigan-born actor/entrepreneur/singer/honorary Serbian/martial artist/Reserve Deputy Chief/environmentalist is so cool you’d swear he’s drugged.

Anyway, I’m delighted to welcome Mr. Seagal’s cinematic return, complete with some not-entirely-objectionable plastic surgery, an extra gravelly voice and Eastwood-like monochromatic line delivery. That said . . .

You’ve got to wonder why Mr. Seagal’s racking a gun with a round in the chamber. Especially for a complete gun guy — who’s not averse to using a tank in “real life.”

Come to think of it, maybe the producers insisted on the racking sound so beloved of action movies, and Seagal said fine, but I’m not racking on an empty chamber. Yeah, let’s go with that.

When was the last time you saw a Seagal movie (and which one was it)?

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  1. That looks completely terrible.

    Under Siege 2 (aka “The Train Movie”) was the last one of his I saw, and ever will see.

    • I dunno man, Executive Decision (although he died immediately so it’s certainly NOT a Seagal movie), The Glimmer Man, and Exit Wounds (turns out DMX is a better actor than Seagal) were acceptable movies.

  2. Cinematic return? Dude has made at least 15 movies in the last 2 or 3 years and every one I’ve seen is beyond terrible.

  3. Another 3yrs and his speech will be a low guttural growl, no decipherable English at all. Then the transformation is complete.

  4. Yes, every time I see a fat guy in a goatee and suit I think “I bet he kicks a lot of ass. I’m sure dime bitches come to him for money heists.”

    Seriously though, this was sponsored content, right? Please tell me you get paid for these kinds of shills. I can respect a man who does it for money, honestly.

  5. Seagal’s movies are just fine for background noise while doing other mundane things. I think the last one I “watched” was Hard To Kill. And you can take that to the bank.

  6. I’ll watch Under Siege any time it’s on because it’s utterly entertaining, but he pretty much went straight to video after the sequel.

    Still, as Ice-T said after making Leprechaun 4: In The Hood, when somebody offers you fifty thousand dollars for two days of work, you’ve got to be an arrogant SOB to say no. It ain’t Shakespeare, but money’s money.

  7. Chick with Kelly Lebrock accent…check.
    Lame-O fat-guy karate moves…check.

    Cinematic genius…wait, where’s the ponytail?

  8. I saw him shoot in person one time and he is actually really good with a .45

    For the life of me, I can’t think of anything else nice to say

    • Yeah, I saw him give a demo somewhere early in his movie career and he could definitely shoot. He also did a little disarm/compliance familiarization thing that was pretty impressive. He actually seemed like a very good instructor from what I saw.

      • He knows his stuff but he’s a galactic idiot also. He’s needlessly brutal on stunt people and he’s a complete knob.
        When you Google up who is Hollywood’s biggest idiots, his name always tops the list.
        I did a fight scene for a movie earlier this year because of my martial arts background. My opponent was 1/3 of my age. You can still make it look very real and good without intentionally hurting people. I won’t go see anything he makes. Now as far as firearms training, I’d take classes from him in a cold heartbeat.

        • There’s a story that a fellow actor/martial artist choked him out on set, and made him lose bowel control. He DOES have that rep for pissing people off, so…

  9. Maybe my public library will buy a copy. Otherwise, I won’t watch it. I try to avoid stupid places and anyplace, like a movie theater, that is attractive to mass murderers qualifies as stupid.

    I do have to give Seagal credit for his martial arts and shooting skills. Ditto for Chuck Norris.

  10. Norris wouldn’t shill for the KGB, that’s for sure (we NEED a Norris v Seagall epic done up in neo-Cold War fashion, yesterday…preferably with katanas)

      • My wife was in that masterpiece Ralph! She couldn’t understand how he was the star…but mentioned what a nice person Pam Grier was. Seagal is a real badazz in real life. I watched a bit of him on Lawman. He flipped some really big cops like raggedy Ann dolls…oh and he might have been the 1st guy ever to shoot 2 handed correctly with a semi-auto on film. Haven’t watch Steve in quite awhile.

  11. At least the gun didn’t make that hollow racking sound you hear when the slide is racked without a round…

  12. I can’t bring myself to watch the Segal scene, but there are reasons one might rack a slide with a round in the chamber.

    I carry Isreali style holsterless in the hot and mild months, while in the cold months I carry with a holster, and a round in the chamber. We have more hot and mild months than cold months.

    I practice a lot with my Isreali style carry. Because of my holsterless Isreali style carry, I now have developed the habit of racking my slide 100% of the time when I draw, even if there’s a round in the chamber. It’s just a habit.

    I get that Isreali style carry isn’t for everyone, but it’s my chosen method.

    Another reason might be that it’s a striker-fired gun, and the round failed to discharge. He would have to eject the round.

  13. Seagal can fight – not even a maybe there. But you can have great fighting prowess and still be a tool. The thing I do not like about Seagal movies is he is too in control. He dominates ever time – no struggle, no heart, just “winning” Hollywood style. Even Bruce Lee took a couple of shots. Seagal seems largely above it all. I would love to see Seagal square off against someone with some mad skills.

    • I saw a documentary about him back when he was still popular. It had footage of him training Aikido, I believe in Japan. You got to see Mr. Seagal getting his ass handed to him.

    • He choreographs all his own fight scenes, and gets in fights with directors a lot over it.
      “there’s no way that guy could ever land a punch on my character, it wouldn’t be realistic to make the fight look fair” sort of thinking.

      OTOH, traditional action movie fight scenes leave a lot to be desired in the realism category.
      How many times have you seen the hero fight his way through 10-20 minions, thugs who were hired as bodyguards for the big bad guy, and then when the hero gets to the bad guy after wiping out his entire herd of bodyguards, the kingpin turns out to be a better fighter than the hero, and the hero only wins when the kingpin makes a mistake after defeating him.

  14. Seagal has been in three and only three good and/or entertaining flicks: Above the Law, Out for Justice (a lot of great lines and action in that one), and Under Siege. After Under Siege I went to see On Deadly Ground in the theater and that pretty much ended my viewing of any new Seagal “projects.”

  15. I rented Under Siege on VHS.
    Only thing I remember was Erika Eleniak jumping out of a cake.
    Maybe I remember it so well because of the number of times I watched those ten seconds. Over. and over. and over.

  16. In which movie did he break the baddies (Jamacian druggies?) elbows backwards over his shoulder?

    I’ll wait for John Wick II.

  17. This guy has Devolved in to a waste. Fake accent, overweight, hyped up, lack of pubic interest and woe of talent. Go away.

  18. A lot of the hollywood action stars who rake in millions with movies where they have a gun in their hand the entire time are rabidly anti-gun, so I am extremely skeptical of spending a single penny to watch anything out of Hollywood anymore. As long as I keep the personal boycott with my cash up, I win and they lose. I don’t where Seagal is in spectrum of things, but I feel better just skipping all of them.

  19. Guilty pleasure, indeed. I think his best movie was his first: “Above the Law”. Here is the man at his prime— slender, beautiful, fast and lethal as a snake:

    What a shame, that he eventually turned into such a fat, arrogant, narcissist.

    • Contrast him with Jean-Claude Van Damme who is still in shape and takes roles that parody himself.

      JCVD has a new comedy series pilot on Amazon Prime called Jean-Claude Van Johnson where he plays himself as an aging former action star who rides a Segway to the driveway to get the paper every day and has all the plumbing in his house rigged to dispense coconut water. He catches sight of an ex girlfriend in a hipster dry ramen bar, which leads to him coming out of retirement as his alter ego, secret agent “Johnson”, to try and win her back. I got some chuckles out of it. It may or may not turn into a series, depending on how well it’s received.

  20. Wonder if he is still doing the Rinpoche thing- apparently he was recognized as a Tulku, that is a reincarnated lama, by the head of one of Tibetan Buddhism’s sects. He did a tour giving “teachings” in the early 2000s. The whole Buddhist community was pretty flabbergasted.

  21. The “I’m looking for a man and a woman. He looks like a cop, she looks like a stripper” might make the entire movie.


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