Man who was ‘captured by UFOs with grey leathery skin and crab claws’ 40 years ago reveals how it changed his life the headline proclaims at dailymail.co.uk. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Why would a UFO have grey leathery skin and crab claws? Wouldn’t that mess-up the craft’s aerodynamics? Then again, you need air for aerodynamics. In the vacuum of space you can turn your space ship into an intergalactic art car without paying much of a penalty in terms of speed. Although there could be interstellar taste police (crab claws are so five billion years ago). Anyway . . .
“one of two men who claim that they encountered an unidentified flying object and its inhabitants 40 years ago on the banks of the Pascagoula River has said that he has never come to terms with the extra-terrestrial encounter.” The other one’s dead. All of which could have been avoided if either man had pushed away from the dinner table.
Tell me you didn’t expect an alien to pop out of Calvin Parker Jr.’s pot belly right there on the porch, even after all these years. Who knows what the incubation time is for a leathery extraterrestrial semi-crustacean? As for Charles Hickson, I imagine he saw a psychologist at some point. Standard alien abduction treatment protocol: exercise, lose some weight, sleep eight hours a night, lay off the booze and step away from the microphone.
But seriously folks. If the co-workers had been packing heat on that fateful night they would have avoided their date with the crab-clawed alien proctologist. The question is, what gun would have sent the strange visitors from another planet packing? Assuming they weren’t crab-clawed Kryptonites. Kryptonians? Kryptons? Yeah, that’s the one.
We’re talking about 1973. So neither man would have had access to as-yet-uninvented handgun currently favored by upmarket illegal aliens: the strangely calibered FN FiveseveN. By the same token, Gaston Glock didn’t design his polymer pistol until 1982. As Calvin and Charles don’t strike me as the 1911 types, they would have had to rely on a revolver. Preferably a .357 magnum. I don’t care what solar system you’re from, that cartridge will blow a hole through you that even Dr. McCoy can’t repair.
Then again, maybe I’ve seen too many alien invasion movies and TV series. Maybe the NASA eggheads who sent a map to Earth out of our solar system are right: aliens have evolved beyond warfare and aggression. Charles Hickson said as much (although he said it after the alien huggers put money in his pocket).
Hickson would go on to appear on talk shows, give lectures and interviews, and self-publish a book in 1983 titled ‘UFO Contact at Pascagoula.’
He reported three more encounters in 1974, and said the aliens communicated to him that they were peaceful.
Hold on. Peaceful? In 1974? That’s the year India detonated their first nuke. Muhammed Ali knocked out George Foreman. Newspaper heiress Patty Hearst dressed-up as Tanya X and shot up a bank. The only alien preaching peace that year was John Lennon and he appeared on stage with Elton John so how culturally relevant is that?
In fact, why would Hickson—or us—believe the aliens’ story? We come in peace! Yeah? Well, you’re gonna leave in pieces! I say shoot them all and let Warrant Officer Ripley sort them out. We didn’t get to the top of the food chain by being nice to saber toothed tigers and, let’s face it, each other. It should have been a defensive gun use. For sure.