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Quick story. I was sitting in a cigar store in Rhode Island. All was right with the world: puffing on a My Father’s Cigar, RISD students strolling by, alcoholic wife in rehab, kid in school. In walks a towering man. “How you niggers doing?” he asked. Before I could say “fine” the owner ran up, poked the guy in the chest and started a fight.

The cop sitting next to me bolts to the door, gun drawn and takes the guy outside. Known felon. Arrest followed. Lesson? Bad sh*t can happen anywhere, any time. But especially at your local Stop ‘N Rob. Here’s the story via

The botched holdup occurred around 12:40 p.m. at the [Smoke Shop ‘N More] tobacco and vape shop tucked into a strip mall at Pacific Avenue and North Texas Street, police said.

The robber — who was not immediately identified — came into the store wearing a mask and then whipped a gun out of his waistband. The gun turned out to be a realistic-looking BB gun, police said.

The clerk, though, figured the weapon was the real deal, so he pulled his real gun and shot the robber in the chest, police said.

The suspect was taken to a nearby hospital in critical condition with a gunshot wound to the chest.

This being Fairfield, California, felt obliged to add the following:

Detectives interviewed the clerk and witnesses inside the store and determined the man shot the robber in self-defense. The clerk legally possessed his firearm, officials said.

A defensive gun use by a legal gun owner in California. What are the odds? Pretty good, actually. But not for this robber.

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  1. “The robber — who was not immediately identified — came into the store wearing a mask and then whipped a gun out of his waistband.”

    I’d have a lot more sympathy for the BG if he’d said: “Excuse me while I whip this out.”

  2. Threatening people with a fake weapon and expecting good results… *facepalm*… er… *chestshot*…

  3. I told a story to a black guy about how I was called a nigger lover once. He got mad cause I said ‘nigger’. How am I supposed to tell the story without saying it?

    • When my older sister was in high school, she had that particular epithet directed towards her; she’d stop to give a fellow student a ride to school in a driving rainstorm. She perplexed the wanna-be Klansman by saying “Thank you. I try to be a Christian.”

    • I was playing in the band at a banquet for go kart racers once. Guys take their toys too seriously…The season championship was contested between two teams who hated each other. 3 songs in, the fight starts. We’re used to tough bars, we keep playing. Loser at stage left yells at another loser something about “team of nigger lovers!” He turns to see the largest black man he’s EVER seen outside a football field smiling and pointing to the door. I’ve never seen someone actually go pale from fear before, but it’s the truth. I watched the blood drain from his face. Fortunately the black man was trained security, not another drunk, so the loser got cable tied for the cops to show up, instead of a beatdown.

    • Perhaps the reason for your epic fail can be found in your first sentence? Why bother, after all?

  4. Dumbass gets no sympathy from me. If you’re stupid enough to threaten someone’s life with a fake gun that looks real, well, I’ll be happy knowing the average IQ of the human race went up a tiny amount when the inevitable happens.

  5. Fairfield used to be a sleepy little cow town halfway between Sacramento and San Francisco, until the Bay Area real estate boom forced the middle class to move out, and it became a typical “suburban” bedroom community. I wonder if the robber was local or just someone driving down the highway. Glad to see that the shop was prepared for the worst.

  6. I’m surprised that they didn’t throw in a few “allegedlies” where they don’t belong. Like this:

    The ALLEGED robber — who was not immediately identified — ALLEGEDLY came into the store wearing a mask and then ALLEGEDLY whipped a gun out of his ALLEGED waistband.

  7. People need to use better SD ammo and/or learn to double tap. From the stories, we, the citizens, have been paying way too many BG hospital bills lately

    OH, and I LOL @ the “smoked him” comment, JWM.

    • Apparently just the 1 stopped the threat. I have no problem with the BG dying as a consequence, but not the implication that excessive shooting, when unnecessary, is the right call.

  8. So let me get this straight, this guy literally got smoked at a smoke shop? That’s the most awesome thing I’ve heard this week.

  9. Not to nitpick, guys, and yes, off topic, but could we lighten up on the acronyms? I swear, in 20 years people will only write in them and maybe speak in them, too.

  10. RISD! I did their pre-college program in ’97. Even then, I still didn’t get in, but I did get into CalArts. Memories…


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