Burglar Shot By Homeowner Listed His Occupation as ‘Theif’ on Facebook

Florida Man Burglar shot thief theif facebook


If you’ve spent much time at all trolling the intertubes, you’ve probably run across the “Florida Man” meme. That’s because there’s no end of, well, unusual stories that typically involves criminal activity by male perpetrators in the Sunshine State.

Take, for instance, the Florida Man who stole what he thought were opioids but turned out to be laxatives. Or the Florida Man who turned up naked in the Daytona airport claiming that he had explosives. Then there was the South Beach artist with no arms who stabbed tourists with a pair of scissors.

You get the idea.

Today’s Florida Man story comes from Pine Lakes north of Orlando. This Florida Man caught a bullet.

A homeowner in the Pines Lakes area of east Lake County shot and killed a man who detectives believe was in the middle of an ambitious burglary spree in the neighborhood. …

The homeowner told deputies he had been staying across the street at his father’s house while his own home was being renovated. The man called 911 about midnight to report an intruder, but deputies found no one and left. The man then decided to return to his empty house in case the prowler returned.

About 5 a.m., he heard a noise outside by his shed, went outside and confronted the prowler. A struggle ensued, and the homeowner shot the prowler, officials said.

The burglar, identified as Brandon Allen Woods, was apparently working the entire neighborhood. Another homeowner down the street told police that he’d chased Woods off of his property the previous night. But what made the late Mr. Woods unusual and a prototypical Florida Man was his lack of pretense about his profession.

In December, he created a Facebook post indicating he had started a new job. His occupation: “Theif” (sic). Beneath the post he wrote that he was “grabbin what i can carry.”

And yet Florida gun owners are having to battle efforts from the anti-gun left to restrict their gun rights. When there are Florida Men lurking behind every palm tree. Stay alert down there, friends.



  1. avatar Marcus says:

    You cant fix stupid but you sure can shoot it!

    1. avatar Newshawk says:

      Sounds like a permanent fix to me!

      1. avatar Smoke’n Mirrors says:

        Intertubes? Thats like a hip term for the internet right? Artificial hip maybe.

        1. avatar Dyspeptic Gunsmith says:

          It’s a meme that was started by a Ted Stevens (R-AK) who said once: “The internet is not a big truck. It’s a series of tubes.”

    2. avatar Garrison Hall says:

      Y’all are just so mean! How they goin’ get money for school and stuff?? /sarc/

      1. avatar LarryinTX says:

        Right on! Med school is expensive!!

        1. avatar Southern Cross says:

          Especially when they have to try all those street pharmaceuticals.

    3. avatar Craig in IA says:

      It certainly fixed his spelling…

  2. avatar Larry says:

    We’re in Fla. for the month down from NYS . Got my Fla ccw, gun and sunscreen .

    1. avatar Theodore Perry says:

      The only thing wrong with having a ccw permit is , you have to buy your own ammo or make it…Why can’tit be subsidised like food stamps…

  3. Old English Past Tense “Theif”, meaning something already stolen…

    1. avatar SoBe says:

      Yes, it is the tense, imperfect past.

      1. I suspect the meaning of “Theif” might imply an Old Thief, Retired Thief or simply a Thief that has been released from prison. You can do a lot of Reading while Sitting Out your Prison Time…

  4. avatar former water walker says:

    “I before E except after C”…😄Sub-till ain’t he!

    1. avatar Casey says:


      I see what you did there.

  5. avatar RGP says:

    Florida Man is generally primitive and can only survive on a diet consisting of beer and meth.

    1. avatar Tom in Oregon says:

      Is that like a modified keto diet?

      1. avatar LarryinTX says:

        Is that related to a Beto diet?

  6. avatar UpInArms says:

    That photo needs to be changed. Florida is not to the right any more… it’s gone off to the left.

    1. avatar RGP says:

      According to the maps it oozes out of the bottom.

  7. avatar Ralph says:

    “Theif” is a dying industry.

  8. avatar JD says:

    Apparently he sucked at his job…good riddance.

    1. avatar L says:

      Could say he got… fired.

      1. avatar George from Alaska says:

        groaaaannnnn! Lol..

  9. avatar Mindcrime says:

    If he was good at his “Job” he should’ve been on the left side…(sic) no guns!

  10. avatar Mindcrime says:

    And how does one tell Right from Left ? The answer is easy…..
    Truck w/ terrorist hunting permit on back window…. RIGHT
    Subaru w/ Hillary/ Bernie 2016 sticker on the bumper…LEFT

    1. avatar SteamTroller45 says:

      Easy, I got a Subaru.
      It’s lifted and on 35” mud tires, somewhere between a rolling toolbox and a junk store, and I can run a Sawzall with the inverter in the back, but it’s still a Subaru.
      When did we stop picking on Prius owners, anyway?

      1. avatar SteamTroller45 says:

        Obligatory edit button gripe.

      2. avatar Matt(tx) says:

        I too ride a Subaru. That little station wagon goes places the big trucks can’t. I do want to raise it a few inches and put some more aggressive tires on it. And no, I don’t vote leftist.

  11. avatar 22winmag says:

    Florida = The New Brazil

    The videos are just harder to come by.


    Exceedingly graphic violence!


  12. avatar GS650G says:

    Need to update his Facebook page as “dead theif ” instead.

  13. I wonder whatever happen to “African-American Miami Beach Pier Guy”, who tried and got arrested for “Open Carry” dispute with Miami Beach Police. Did he decide to relocate out side Florida’s New Blue State and Laws…

  14. avatar strych9 says:

    Well, at least this Florida Man didn’t try to eat someone’s face.

  15. avatar TexTed says:

    So, they call Florida the “gunshine state”, and looking at that picture at the top of this article, you could maybe sort of argue that the state does look vaguely like a gun.

    But since they’ve been caving frequently to enact “common sense gun safety” laws, well, I see something different. Look at that picture of Florida again, and see if it doesn’t look like an old man’s wanker drooping down, and his balls have been cut off.

    Once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

  16. avatar tmm says:

    I’m just going to say it. The perp who took what he thought was opioids, was instead laxatives, was probably looking for an out of body experience, and got one.

  17. avatar Enuf says:

    Compass heading and distance to objective placed digitally in the field of view is about all the special forces guys really want. Anything more is just visual clutter.

  18. avatar Ed Schrade says:

    Think all this craziness and ignorant behavior is caused by a lead deficiency. Only mass doses of lead or copper can cure this problem.

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