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Little did Nicholas Taylor know, when he picked up an artfully bitten piece of pizza, that he’d be bringing a world of hurt down on his 10-year-old shoulders. One of his lunch buddies noticed that the partially-eaten slice looked like a gun. When Nicholas then picked it up – no doubt saying something really inflammatory like, “bang, bang” – that set the David Youree Elementary School brass into full-on zero gun tolerance Defcon 1…


James Evans, spokesperson for the Rutherford County School District, said the boy isn’t being punished because he had a piece of pizza shaped like a gun.

He’s being punished because “some students reported he was making some threatening hand gestures, that he was shooting other kids at the table and they reported it to a teacher,” according to Evans.

He continued, “The student didn’t tell him the truth about it so he got silent lunch for six days.”

Evans called the punishment minor but said the message is clear.

“I realize some might say we are going overboard but the principal is just trying to use an abundance of caution and send the message that we don’t play about guns and it’s not something we joke around about,” he said.

Nicholas has been sentenced by school principal Steve Luker to “silent lunch” for the rest of the semester (six days). I’m sure he’ll survive. He should probably count himself lucky he didn’t eat his pizza in the shape of a hand grenade or something even more dangerous. Or maybe he should just start eating his slices from the tip.


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  1. So far this morning we have the nerf gun whiner, the dumb-ass Wisconsin Assemblyman, and now this zero-tolerance drone. I think I’ve had my fill of idiocy for today.

  2. “He’s being punished because “some students reported he was making some threatening hand gestures, that he was shooting other kids at the table…”
    …with a piece of pizza. Seriously. Are you f**king kidding me?

  3. This makes my head explode. Why the idiots in charge are not forcefully removed from the school and publicly humiliated is beyond me. The times are changing.

  4. This is a shining example of education in America, where the merely ignorant are taught by the truly stupid.

    Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach. Those who can’t teach, teach gym. Those who can’t teach gym become principals.

  5. Near me we had the chicken finger gun incident with a 1st grader, I hear he will be released from prison when he’s 18.

  6. We have sex education in the sixth grade, to protect the kids. So, when are we going to have firearms safety in the sixth grade, to protect the kids?

      • Teen pregnancy rates are actually dropping in the US. There are states where it is going up sure but as a whole the country’s teen pregnancy rate is going down.

  7. One of my kids got in minor trouble because I sent a butter knife in his lunch. Because it’s a knife. A far sharper, more dangerous fork is okay.

  8. This is actually a very valuable “learning experience” for young Nicholas Taylor. He is now learning, at an early age, that the public education system is run by idiots who cannot tell the difference between a piece of pizza and a real gun. Or the difference between a child going “bang-bang” and a real gunshot. He needs to remember this experience throughout his school years, and always keep in mind that his teachers and school administrators are idiots. This will be especially useful in his “social studies” classes, and in his college years, as he is subjected to ever-increasing levels of public school politically-correct indoctrination into the glories of a “progressive” future for America.

    It will also be a good introduction to dealing with any government agency, especially the TSA and any part of the Dept of Homeland Repression (oops, Security).

  9. I remember back in the days when I was in high school. If someone told the principal that someone had a firearm in his vehicle, the principal would go see what Johnny’s dad got him for his birthday. We didn’t have school shootings back then. If a teacher asked you if you had a knife, he wasn’t questioning you, he was needing to borrow it because he forgot his.

      • Absolutely the way it was. You could park you pick up in the parking lot with a gun in the gun rack in the back window. And this was at a school with racial tension. If you got in a fight, the worst you got was a bump on the head or a bloody nose and expelled. And almost everyone had a pocket knife.

  10. let me ask, for some clarification here (and certainly don’t intend to go OT with this): what is the ‘punishment’ for spitwads through a straw?? -are they not projectiles fired at classmates?

    • Depends if they are hollow points or armor piercing, not permitted in NJ. Wadcutter spitballs are allowed as long as velocity does not exceed 400 fps.

  11. A friend of mine commented: “Meanwhile, the principal went to the voting booth and pulled the lever for another war-mongering murderer to run the country…”

  12. Next time I eat a pizza I’m going to first eat each slice into the shape of a gun before I finish it. I wonder how many different handgun shapes I can create with mouth? If I had only had this inspiration last night before I had a pizza Margarita!

  13. I’d like to see a rendition of an assault pizza, with folding crust, loaded with mushrooms and with a red dot on the rail.

    • Just remember you can’t take it to the PRK if the diameter of the pepperoni slices exceeds .501 inches.

    • Reading this thread about idiotic school officials, I am reminded that I am currently on a low-carb-no-carb diet, and right now I want a pizza so bad I could SCREAM! And I haven’t had breakfast yet!


  14. People, you’re missing the point. The principle did us all a great service. The child was firing high velocity cholesterol at his classmates. The priciple saved our children from obesity.

  15. Tennessee has the 6th highest obesity level for kids with 21% obese. What is more dangerous to kids; a ten year old boy playing with his half-eaten piece of pizza pretending it’s a gun or a school cafeteria serving pizza to children?

  16. And after school, he’ll sit down to play Modern Warfare 3 online, shooting the crap out of all his friends. Yeah, sure he learned a lot.

  17. Too bad little Nicholas wasn’t a “minority.” His parents (?) would be able to scream RACISM! and sue the school, the principal, the pizza store, etc.

  18. Goodness people, we have weapons of mass vegetable here…..uhmmm ….. assault with a deadly veggie…….no……..I know, he had an assault vegetable in school!

    Asinine idiots in charge of education – and we wonder why adults now find insult and intimidation and harassment in the slightest comments – THEY WERE UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF ASSES FOR A MINIMUM OF 12 YEARS!

    • Not hardly. Pointy finger guns are banned, cowboys and indians and cops and robbers is banned, and one little boy got banned because he brought a agreen army man holding a gun to school–now THAT was truly stoopid!

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