What Gun for Beaver?

And no, that’s not a John Holmes flick from 1973. There seems to be something enraging rodents in the former commie bloc. The displeased little dammer caught on video above happens to be Russki. And while it’s hard to tell, we’ll assume the cameraman made it out alive. Long enough to upload the file, at least. Not so fortunate, however, was a Belarussian boychik who fancied a happy snap of a bitter little Bucky he happened upon. From usatoday.com: “The man spotted the beaver while fishing with friends at Lake Shestakov, but as he approached to take a photograph, the beaver bit him on the thigh. The animal managed to sever an artery, and his friends couldn’t stop the blood flow.” We’re thinking an old school 686 would have taken care of business nicely. Then again, there are those who might want to keep things within the eastern European sphere of influence and go with something like an XDm .45. You?


  1. avatar William Burke says:

    Gun? A baseball bat would do nicely for our red rodent pal.

    Oh. No baseball in Russia? A five-foot length of pipe will do the trick.

  2. avatar Lucas D. says:

    Ward, I think it’s time you had a talk with the Beaver…

    No no, wait, I got it: In Soviet Russia, Beaver leaves it to YOU!

    1. avatar TheDabbo says:

      +1000 internetz to you sir. Winner

    2. avatar WLCE says:

      wow lucas.

      you owe me a new pair of pants because I soiled myself from the laughter.

  3. avatar JMS says:

    Holy crap, a beaver killed somebody!?!?!?

    …and not via Beaver Fever either! Which, btw, is a real thing! (giardia)

  4. avatar mountocean says:

    My state game regulations specifically state, “it is illegal to take furbearers (beavers) with the use or aid of a machine gun, set gun or a shotgun larger than 10 gauge.” That really limits your options.

  5. avatar MotoJB says:

    My wife tells me I have the right caliber for Beaver. 😉

    1. avatar AZ47 says:


    1. avatar Russ Bixby says:

      That’s my take – with hollow-point ammo. A man-stopper’ll stop an overgrown hamster.

      Poor kid; it’s hard to imagine a tourniquet failing to work – unless his friends failed to try one.

  6. avatar I_Like_Pie says:

    The pelts are worth something even today.

    .359 148gr. DEWC ahead of 3 grains of bullseye to the head is what I have used.
    Shots are usually within 10 feet.

  7. avatar 16V says:

    By the by, Belarus is former Russkie. They are their own nation now. Probably the least free and democratic of all the former Soviet lands, but not part of Putin’s Playhouse.

    But apparently have kids just as stupid as other nations when it comes to messing with Sasquatch, then being surprised when the animals attack, unlike in Disney movies.

    Edit: Beaver photographer not so lucky according to API…


  8. avatar Swarf says:

    Gun? Screw that shit. How about don’t mess with wild critters that are just minding their business.

    1. avatar Tama Paine says:


      This simply demonstrates that even the beaver in the FSRs comprehend Darwin > Lysenko.

      1. avatar Russ Bixby says:

        Next up on FPS Russia: Pellets v. Beaver!

    2. avatar Russ Bixby says:

      Usually they don’t attack humans unless the hairless apes try to pick ’em up. Weird, it going like that after a kid with a camera.

  9. avatar Ing says:

    Here’s a tip for the stupids out there in the woods: These are wild animals, so KEEP YOUR DAMN DISTANCE. If you don’t get all up in his space, he won’t try to sink his teeth into you.

    Okay, now that’s out of my system…

    If you really have to shoot something beaver-sized, don’t worry about the size of your gun. Just make sure the beaver enjoys the experience, and you’ll be fine. (I will not make beaver jokes…I will not make beaver jokes…I will not…eh, what’s the use.)

  10. I’ve had considerable experience handling beavers – both in the Northeast and while guiding up in Alaska. Like most wild animals, they can be nasty. I once had one swimming tight circles around me while I was stood in deep water removing an outboard from a boat in a wilderness. My .500 was at the ready but woundn’t have been of much use it it struck from below the surface.

  11. avatar Sammy says:

    I’ve handled a beaver or two in my time but it’s been many moons since I seen a beaver that “furry”. Though, I think this video cries out for Federal beaver controls.

  12. avatar Pantera Vazquez says:

    Woah, with that bad boy-anything one has handy. Shoot n run. I have had my run ins with opossums and believe it or not a squirrel. in all cases-shoot n run. For all who would say otherwise, I was amazed how well the squirrel handled the .22s and still kept attacking. Shoot n run…………Incidentally in all cases the attacks have been unprovoked-just wrong place, wrong time

  13. avatar Dr. Kenneth Noisewater says:

    Hey…. Nice beaver!

    1. avatar Pulatso says:

      Thanks! I just had it stuffed!

      1. avatar 16V says:

        Let me help you with that.

  14. avatar TheSleeperHasAwakened says:

    Beavers are known to attack and they aren’t small cuddly creatures either with adult beavers weighing around 50 lbs.

  15. Oh shit that was funny !

    I have a bunch of Beavers building a damn on my property. I don’t mind the little critters.

  16. avatar dwb says:

    nothing less than a .50 bmg for that giant rat.

  17. avatar ChrisMcLain says:

    To the person taking the video I leave you with my saying: Stupid decisions equal stupid consequences.

  18. avatar Paul Stanley says:

    LOVE GUN!!!

  19. avatar Colt Magnum says:

    I’ve eaten beaver, …, never had one bite back!

  20. avatar Swarf says:

    You mess with the beaver, you get the teef.

  21. avatar Skyler says:

    One word: tourniquet.

  22. avatar Scott says:


    1. avatar 16V says:

      Primus for the win!

      1. avatar VaqueroJustice says:

        I was wondering if the beaver was both big and brown.

  23. avatar MotoJB says:

    Actually, this guy didn’t need a gun…all he needed was a darn zoom lens.

    1. avatar Azman says:

      He needed a brain, left it in the sock drawer. And his friends…wtf, tourniquet!

  24. avatar Jon R. says:

    Here in Oregon, the Beaver state, we respect beavers and would never think of hurting one! Their sweet and majestic creatures that only want to be gently petted and to get wet. It’s usually customarily to buy them a few drinks before you try and handle one, which is the main mistake this guy made…

    1. avatar Truth about it all says:

      The ones here in rural TN are fearsome swamp beasts.

      Takes a real man to get too close to one.

  25. avatar tdiinva says:

    22 WMR and a hunting license should do the job. Understand it tastes like pulled pork.

    1. avatar JohnO says:

      Some people claim it’s more like tuna.

      1. avatar Anonymous says:

        Whatever it is… it was in much need of some penetration.

  26. avatar jwm says:

    How much of an azzhole do you have to be to provoke a fatal rodent attack? If this nimrod would have had a gun he’d probably shot himself in the junk in his panic to “defend” himself from this fierce creature. Some people only have 1 purpose in life. To serve as lessons to the rest of us.

  27. avatar Double A.D. says:

    He should have just stayed out of the Fire Swamp entirely. Didn’t anyone tell him it was teeming with R.O.U.S’s?

  28. avatar flboots says:

    Not nice to fool with Mother Nature. Also the Duck Commander would have just shot it.

  29. avatar Norm Walker says:

    I shot a beaver once the weighed over 40lbs! When I was a kid we had a real issues with beavers making a mess of our woods. We didn’t mind them chopping down popular and birch, but then they started working on the maples and oak. My Dad said to clean them out. The problem was at first they were pretty dumb but then got really wary. I finally took to hunting them at night in a full moon with my 10/22. The nice thing about hunting them at night was they were always chomping on a tree or some limbs so I had time to line up and get a nice head shot.

  30. avatar My Name Is Bob says:

    (Since y’all beat me to all the good beaver jokes…) I can’t imagine any modern caliber NOT being sufficient for beaver. If you want the pelt salvageable, I’d use 22lr or 22mag, but if you just want them dead, any rifle round will certainly do.

  31. avatar Lolinski says:

    You do know that XDm’s are from Croatia? Which is in southern Europe.

  32. avatar Alan W. Rose says:

    In Russia, beaver eat you!

    Then there’s this: The most Amazing Beaver Experience this guy has ever had. Must not get out much.

    Oops can’t post Youtube vids. Just Google “most amazing beaver experience.”

  33. avatar Jeff in MS says:

    I shoot lots of beavers. Within its range, a shotgun with lead BB or #4 Buckshot is perfect.

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