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So, deputy … how many shots you reckon it’ll take to “recoil” myself to the washroom?
“If you want my fancy Mayberry Terrain Map, you’ll have to pry it from my cold, dead hands.”
I’m so sorry, Barney! I grabbed my rifle instead of my guitar. That’s going to leave a mark.
Chicks dig scars.
“Leverguns are a toy for the casual shooter”
Yes this is the complaint department, can I help you?
Put the bullet back in your pocket, Barney. No… No! Barney, just put it back. There ya go…good boy!
You’ve got to ask yourself one question; do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?
I stopped my meds and now it’s so clear to me. Wait till Barney’s in the door and pew, right between the eyes.
My hippy shooting rifle and ass kicking boots. It’s going to be a great day in Mayberry.
oops! now you know why I never carry!
This ain’t the Ninth Circuit; my decisions don’t get reversed . . .
Ziiing!
“Now do the other boot.”
Naw. They ain’t no locks on that cell. Now-now j-just keep the door shut a-and we ain’t gonna have any problems. Is we?
Barney, I’ma goin’ to get the big loop lever just like my buddy the Rifleman and the Duke, K?
“I’ll be your huckleberry”
Aint B had better not mess up the apple pie one more time.
Remember the pickles episode?
Ok, Barney I’m just done with stupid and I’m Sheriff so no one is going to question how you died!!
Not too scary with the hammer down…
I could be fishing….but NOooooo, you had to go and do that.
The long nooooo is so Andy. Golf clap to you.
I could be fishing……but NOoooo…. you had to go and do that.
Nobody needs an assault rifle! Buy a lever action! Kick back in the easy chair and fire two blasts!
Drop the shotgun Biden. No warning shots allowed in Mayberry.
“How Mayberry greets hippies and city folk”
Or “Mount Pilot’s the other other way!”
“If you stop her before she finishes, I’ll do more than cock this lever.”
“The sign says ‘closed’. But since you’re here, just have a cell.”
“Just go on back out, now. And make sure you wipe your shoes.”
Tell me that the 2nd Amendment isn’t a right “one more time”!
“Welcome to Mayberry!”
“Welcome to Mayberry!” /;-)
“Damn straight, your my Huckleberry!”
Well, Ahm thinkin you should be droppin that gun now. Whadda you think?
This road don’t go to Aintry. You done taken a wrong turn.
Barney, if you know what’s good for you you’ll put that harmonica in the trash.
Now Otis I’m telling you for the last time…keep your hands off Aunt Bee’s “biscuits”.
Who needs Tannerite when you have a goat full of Dynamite!
Classic, the loaded goat.
Twitch and you’ll have a camel toe!
“Daince, city boy, daince!”
“Howdy boys, we been expectin’ you. Aunt Bee even baked ya’ll a home made apple pie, help yerself. An when yer all done, just kindly show yerselves to the cell on the left. Key’s on the wall over there by Otis. Barn show the nice gentlemen where they can wash up, and Ope get yer frog out of the wash basin. Now I’ve got to get down to Floyd’s and get me a hair cut, I’ll see you folks.”
“As a matter of fact… I AM the law.”
The court may have said “shall issue” but this is still “MAY-berry”…now get out…
“I told Floyd if he nicked me shaving one more time…”
“Aunt Bee will win that pickle contest, Floyd.”
Okay, I stole that one from MadTV. I disqualify myself and stuff. But it’s still funny.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fcr_5WROr-0
The court may have said “shall issue” but this is still “MAY-berry”…now get out…
“Now Opie, I’m only gonna tell you once… Don’t ever make a movie about retirees that find the Fountain of Youth inside of an alien rock. Got it boy?”
“Cocoon” was one weird ass show, right up there with that one about the kid that goes missing back in the 70s, reappears in the 90s and hasn’t aged a bit. Or that one about a ladie’s husband that died, but a strand of his hair was absorbed by an extraterrestrial essence and created a clone of him. The clone and the lady then go on a soujourn to reunite the extraterrestrial presence with its own kind. The military gets involved, a dead deer is resurrected, stop lights are ran and through the clone a dead man impregnates the woman. What was that show called again?
Starman.
Indeed Starman, that was one strange movie. As is this quite strange too, this one talking to one’s own self.
Are you thinking of “Flight of the Navigator”?
“Flight of The Navigator” That’s it!!! Couldn’t recall the name of that show. Should have remembered, it came out around the time that “Still Of The Night” was playing on MTV.
Matlock: Judgement Day
That’s the funniest thing I’ve read all day. On a side note, I live in Mayberry and I don’t recognize anything on that map lol.
“Barney, I can’t believe you’re renting that apartment to two sluts and a perv.”
[Chuckle]
How about: “Red Skelton, Beverly Hillbillies, Hee-Haw, Green Acres and Peticoat Junction, this is the Rural Purge”.
Damnit, why couldn’t The Brady Bunch have been inadvertently included?
“No Mr Bond I expect you to die” *bang*…….huh…..it worked…… *roll credits*
No I’m not the Rifleman smart ass!
Some guys Walk tall, with a big stick. I prefer to sit, and let my .44-40 do my talking.
Welcome to /k/, now get out!
WinRar!
“My bullet is bigger than Barnie’s.” {!-{P
This is my rifle, there are many like it, but this one is mine.
Look at him, the little kid, plotting against us with Willow.
“I know the show’s in black & white but this flag is still red, white and blue. Any arguments?”
Sorry. Playing the pariot card.
Now don’t lie Goober…I saw you follow us down to our secret fishin’ hole.
That’s a Goooooood Cracker!
No, really….I am “The Sheriff Without A Gun”. Isn’t it obvious?
Gomer, ONE MORE GOOLLLLLY or SHAZAAM!!!!!!!
Have a seat over there Mr. Bond.
“Say hello to my little friend….”
And you thought Scarface originated that…
That’s it Barney, I’ve had enough.
“what’s ‘about to pop’, mitch?”
“now charlene, when you get done with otis over there, i want you to pay your uncle andy a visit.”
Seconds, after the town drunk? Well, it was the 60’s.
ya, it was before fingercuffs.
“No, Fun Girls from Mt. Pilot, i do NOT have a pistol in my pocket, but i am glad to see you.”
“postage due? well now, i was under the impression that this was rural free delivery.”
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Do you feel lucky punk?
“I never did understand that expression, ‘He shot himself in the foot.'”
Well Secretary Clinton, we’re going to have us a little talk here about Benghazi, your private emails, the Clinton Foundation…
“Now Otis, I said you’re just gonna have to sober up first”.
I don’t always use a gun, but when I do, it’s one I can depend on.
“Whistling. Whistling. For 30 years I’ve had that stupid tune stuck in my head. Well, today it ends.”
“Now Gomer, I done told you when you signed up for the Marines you warn’t supposed to say nothin’. But naw, you musta blabbed, and look they done kicked you out.”
Just shut up, Barney.
Andy Griffith Texas Ranger – one of Hollywood’s unknown shows that never made it to production
Remember the episode this was taken from. Goober takes a car apart and puts it back together inside the courthouse. Goober keeps dragging out removing it at andy’s request and Andy points the gun at goober and tells him he better start working fast to get that car out. Classic episode.
“Ernest T. Bass. Didn’t your daddy tell you not to bring a brick to a gunfight?”
Funny thing, Mr. Mayor. I’m the COUNTY sheriff. I reckon that means you aren’t my boss. Now, are you ready to quit your yellin’ and be reasonable?
Go ahead, Otis, say one more bad thing ’bout Aunt Bee’s cooking; I dare ya!
No you can’t leave I told you we’re going to sit here and listen to my entire album before I release you back into the community.
“I said I didn’t have much use for guns. Doesn’t mean I don’t know how to use one”
Go ahead – make my day.
I ain’t a goin’ off half-cocked.
“You wanna see the judge? Sure, have a seat while I get my robe.”
Body Cameras ? We don’t need no stinking body cameras !!
I am the law! Any questions?