Weekend Photo Caption Contest: Win a Leupold Freedom RDS Red Dot with Mount

Churchgoers Security Training

(AP Photo/Tony Gutierrez)

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But I say unto ye resist not range safety, but whosoever shall muzzle blast on thy cheek, turn to him the other also. – Tinnitus 5:56

Winning caption writer: Vernowhereman

We’re bringing back the dearly departed weekend photo caption contest this week to give away a very nice optic. Put your gray matter to work and enter the most creative captions you can come up with for the photo above in the comments by midnight on Sunday.

We’ll choose a winner and he or she will receive the new Leupold Freedom RDS Black Ring red dot sight with mount pictured below.

Good luck.

 

Leupold Black Ring RDS with Mount

Dan Z. for TTAG

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comments

  1. avatar felixmag says:

    “That’s the good ear, right?!”

    1. avatar Go away "Maria" says:

      can we do it 6ft apart, with facial masks on?

  2. avatar Chadwick says:

    Despite the local pd being less than enthused about the community church reopening for Sunday services. The parishioners seem to be in good spirits.

    1. avatar William says:

      Michael Moore’s first encounter with guns.

      1. avatar Ragnar says:

        “So young Michael Moore, you think silencers should be banned?”

        Apologies to the kid for comparing him to Rosie O’Donnel’s twin.

  3. avatar former water walker says:

    Hold my beer…😃

  4. avatar Sam I Am says:

    “I dunno. Shoots a little high.”

  5. avatar American Patriot says:

    Let Daddy show you how it’s done boy!

    1. avatar strych9 says:

      I dunno dude, that Church doesn’t look very Catholic…

  6. avatar eagle10 says:

    Hurry up and shoot – I have to go pee!

  7. avatar Witness_Me says:

    “We shall ride eternal, shiny and chrome, to the gates of Valhalla!”

  8. avatar GunTotinDem says:

    The lord protects my Soul, The AR covers my ass.

  9. avatar American Patriot says:

    Gimme a Amen or go to hell!

  10. avatar JasonM says:

    “Now Jimmy is going to pass the donation basket around one more time. I suggest you dig deep.”

  11. avatar jwm says:

    The least tactical bipod ever attached to an AR-15.

    1. avatar Phil LA says:

      I like it!

    2. avatar AD of the Hinterlands says:

      An un-tactical biped?

  12. avatar jwm says:

    ‘Yeah tho I walk in the shadow of the valley of death…….’

    1. avatar Buff cousin Elroy says:

      “… I shall fear no evil, for my pastor wields an AR-15”

      Lol

    2. avatar strych9 says:

      “… I shall hear no evil…”

  13. avatar Darkman says:

    Baptism By Fire…

  14. avatar Arch says:

    Are you sure this is how it’s done?

  15. avatar Buff cousin Elroy says:

    “A shepherd must tend to his flock, and at times, fight off the wolves”

  16. avatar MAGA says:

    Here son. Hold my rifle steady for me while I shoot the apple off your brothers head.

  17. avatar Witness_Me says:

    “Praise the lord and pass the ammunition.”

    1. avatar Rob says:

      This gets my vote

    2. avatar Seattle2A says:

      Praise the Lord, pass the ammunition, and out on some ear pro!

  18. avatar Brian Walters says:

    Better start learning sign language now!

    1. avatar Hush says:

      If I have to learn sign language after you shoot, want to guess what my first sign will be?

  19. avatar Carolus Rex says:

    God dang it, Bobby, stop fidgeting!

  20. avatar M1Lou says:

    The church bells won’t be the only thing ringing.

  21. avatar Todd says:

    Just hold still for a few seconds, we can take care of that ear wax problem pretty fast!

  22. avatar That Jason says:

    Forget John, we proclaim Luke 3:16!

    John answered them all, “I baptize you with water. But one who is more powerful than I will come, the straps of whose sandals I am not worthy to untie. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and FIRE.

  23. avatar American Patriot says:

    Did you say “you forgot the wine?”

  24. avatar That Jason says:

    Jesus said, “Get off the X, and follow me”

    1. avatar 41mag says:

      Gets my vote!

    2. avatar uncommon_sense says:

      And yet another front runner!

  25. avatar Owen Oswald says:

    Operation Human shield! Be as wide as you can!

  26. avatar Rob says:

    I have exorcised the demons! This house is clean.

  27. avatar That Jason says:

    Our church has the best pews.

    1. avatar TheOtherDavid says:

      Ok. That one made me laugh. Big thumbs up

    2. avatar Phil LA says:

      I like it!

  28. avatar Mark N. says:

    Deafness at Noon

    Concealment and cover.
    “Now students, if you are caught out in the open when the BG is armed with a handgun, a stout friend or passerby can provide both concealment AND cover.”

    “Now tell me when to hold my breath.”
    (Two Mules for Sister Sara)

  29. avatar wally moyer says:

    “I sure hope he doesn’t miss again!”

  30. avatar Scooter says:

    “I bring to you God’s message via Saint Eugene of Stoner…”

  31. avatar Winterborne says:

    Yeah, sure, EVERYBODY, pick on the fat kid. Even if he has no idea what you’re saying these days.

  32. avatar American Patriot says:

    Please remove the tape from your fingers……..Thank you!

  33. avatar AlanInFL says:

    Hold still and don’t sneeze.

  34. avatar strych9 says:

    Did you serve in the military between 2003 and 2015 and not bother using your 3M earplugs?

    1. avatar Ron says:

      This👍

  35. avatar Sam I Am says:

    “When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of light
    That split the night
    And touched the sound of silence”

    1. avatar SouthAl says:

      Well done.

      1. avatar Sam I Am says:

        “Well done.”

        Thanx for remembering the song.

        I may be a “Boomer”, but I got to see all the really cool groups…first time around.

  36. avatar Sam I Am says:

    “Here we go; watch this s…t”

  37. avatar Joe says:

    So far bible camp has been fun Pastor Steve.

  38. avatar AP says:

    “This is sooo not my safe space!”

  39. avatar Sam I Am says:

    “They do this kind of stuff all the time in the movies.”

  40. avatar Sam I Am says:

    “Yeah? Well here’s yer John Wick.”

  41. avatar Rando says:

    Things got exciting when the pastor saw someone nodding off during the sermon…

    1. avatar uncommon_sense says:

      Still yet another front runner!

  42. avatar Mr. Nebby says:

    Pictured Above: A Confirmation Ceremony at The
    Church of the Resounding Blast took place last Sunday.

  43. avatar pwrserge's mom says:

    a scared pwrserge escapes moms basement to watch a man target shoot

    1. avatar Someone says:

      Weak. Very weak. You need to try much harder next time.

  44. avatar Hunter427 says:

    God , guns and blown eardrums.

    1. avatar strych9 says:

      [Not a caption]

      So this must be the third Church the dudes from Cypress Hill went to. The Temple of Boom.

  45. avatar Hush says:

    Don’t go deaf like this guy!

  46. avatar Hush says:

    Hearing is a terrible thing to lose!

  47. avatar Bortan says:

    He Nailed all three shots…

    Tonight’s event: Eucharist skeet! Pull!

    He ain’t heavy. He’s my AR.

    1. avatar LifeSavor says:

      Eucharistic Skeet.
      Cracked me up!

  48. avatar Scott C says:

    That better be a King James Version!

  49. avatar T-Mass says:

    Dude, it’s just a drill.

  50. avatar Jeffro says:

    Reach in them Jeans and pull out them greens! Don’t make me holler, don’t make me shout! Turn them pockets inside out!

  51. avatar DK says:

    Branch Davidian Hail Mary

  52. avatar The Bobski says:

    “Let he who has not sinned cast the first bullet”

  53. avatar Craig Moore says:

    Be not afraid, for evil shall perish by the hand of the MSR.

    1. avatar jwm says:

      Then Word According to Gun Jesus.

  54. avatar She Rice says:

    “Everyone gather round, today we are blessed with the gift of a baptism of fire – a first for our congregation.”

  55. avatar Scott says:

    I put my faith in .223!

  56. avatar Cameron says:

    “Now son, all the hot brass stuck in your hair will teach you why mullets ain’t what they cracked up to be.”

  57. avatar Art out West says:

    Pat, this is going to be loud.

  58. avatar David says:

    What, what, come again, what did you say?

    1. avatar Hush says:

      Say what!

  59. avatar SouthAl says:

    Fear not, for the lord heals all things, even hearing

  60. avatar Dave says:

    The Lord is my savior and because of this guy I shall not hear!

  61. avatar Gadsden Flag says:

    This would be loud if it wasn’t a blue rifle.

  62. avatar Jonathan Speegle says:

    Barber closed due to covid? Don’t worry, we got this. Won’t hurt a bit. Just a little off the sides you said?

  63. avatar CD says:

    And Shepherds we shall be

    For thee, my Lord, for thee.

    Power hath descende…

    “Shut up Dad! That movie is like 20 years old!”

  64. avatar bfitz76239 says:

    This’ll teach you to take the name of Lord in vain!

  65. avatar Scholarcat says:

    Pat yearned for the old days of snake handling.

  66. avatar The Huscarl says:

    And after the Tide Pod Challenge came the Tinnitus Challenge.

  67. avatar Stephen Fogg says:

    A lucky kid! Let’s hope that the next generation has some chance of a repeat of this scene.

  68. avatar The Crimson Pirate says:

    I pooped

  69. avatar SouthAl says:

    Testing the theory: If an AR is shot twice in a church, is it heard more than once?

  70. avatar D’Gregory Smith-James III says:

    Y’all white people be toying while black boys be getting killed in cold blood. SMH.

  71. avatar Carlwinslo says:

    We are now going to pass around the collection plate

  72. avatar TheOtherDavid says:

    This is shocking behavior. In church no less.

    Those have NO PLACE in the Lord’s House

    How DARE you wear hats in church??

  73. avatar Tsay Nguyen says:

    Step away from the altar boy!

  74. avatar American Patriot says:

    “Defenders of the Faith”

  75. avatar SouthAl says:

    CNN Reports: Bitter Clingers in Action.

  76. avatar Sam I Am says:

    “Aloha Snackbar !!”

  77. avatar LifeSavor says:

    Yeah. The sermon was that bad.

  78. avatar American Patriot says:

    The Governator cannot stop the hand of God!

  79. avatar CentralVirginian says:

    The church’s now defunct scared straight sexual orientation and gender identity counseling program.

    1. avatar uncommon_sense says:

      Yet another front runner!

  80. avatar I Haz A Question says:

    Meagan immediately regretted raising her hand when the youth pastor asked for a volunteer.

  81. avatar American Patriot says:

    Whoa….The last meal is in the next Room!

  82. avatar LifeSavor says:

    This is the real reason we built the sound proof cry- room.

  83. avatar Cannot Comply says:

    Day 67 of Pandmic Restrictions: The industrious gun owner finds new uses for both his son and the underutalized church.

  84. avatar MikeM says:

    Here’s praying the parishioners won’t shoot back…

  85. avatar LifeSavor says:

    Ploughshares? What ploughshares?

  86. avatar LifeSavor says:

    Look, we, the meek, inherited the Earth. New we are going to keep it.

    1. avatar LifeSavor says:

      Typo. Now we are going to keep it.

  87. avatar LifeSavor says:

    Remember what happened when the lion and the lamb lay down? I kinda miss that lion.

  88. avatar Mike in KC says:

    “That’s the guy who said mullets aren’t cool”

  89. avatar American Patriot says:

    I ask for nothing
    I take nothing
    and won’t yield to nothing!

  90. avatar LifeSavor says:

    The Lord is my shepherd,
    I shall not miss.

  91. avatar Benjamin Holbrook says:

    What’s all this talk of ‘non’ binary? Of course the trigger’s binary, watch….

  92. avatar Paul says:

    Now, this is how to take cover during a church shooting.

  93. avatar Raccoon says:

    Fresno’s tactical shooting school for the deaf and blind.

  94. avatar VicRattlehead says:

    “So who else wants to give their life to Christ, ANYONE?!”

    1. avatar LifeSavor says:

      That there was funny. Yup. Funny. Made me laugh.

    2. avatar uncommon_sense says:

      Yes sir, that is another front runner!

  95. avatar LifeSavor says:

    Yup. I am pretty darn sure that was a possum. Right there behind the tabernacle.

  96. avatar Sam I Am says:

    “Stand still. I downloaded all the files from the Internet, and printed this thing in my basement. Trust me. It’ll work jes’ fine.”

  97. avatar StLPro2A says:

    “Sit down Sister. The Preacher ain’t done yet!!!!”

  98. avatar StLPro2A says:

    “Sit down Sister. Ain’t nobody leavin’ yet. Jesus ain’t done savin’ this youngin!!!”

    1. avatar uncommon_sense says:

      Good one!

  99. avatar Bill Rees says:

    “That was the most boring sermon I ever heard!”

  100. avatar Junior says:

    They said to have someone besides the person holding the gun 911. I could have sworn they said beside.

    PS. Get the guy with the AR a holster for his extra mag.

  101. avatar NORDNEG says:

    SAY WHAAATT…???!!!

  102. avatar Someone says:

    Our new preacher is very strict. If you forget to take off your hat in church, he will use his muzzle brake to blow it off your head.

  103. avatar pieslapper says:

    It’s all good, as long as they ain’t dancing.

  104. CARL- I told you to stay inside!!

  105. avatar Nitsab says:

    “Now who else hasn’t paid their tithes”

  106. avatar D.J.U. says:

    Just another stupid moment in the Life of Riley!

  107. avatar CCDWGuY says:

    I lost my hearing the first time we did this, so this is a non event. Shoot it again as I can’t hear it anyway.
    Screw hearing protection. I also ride bikes with no helmet, guess I’m just a survivor.

  108. avatar Hasaf says:

    God, what the hell is he doing?

  109. avatar TonyT says:

    After pastor Eugene delivered our sermon, only Jesus could save those taking from the collection plate.

  110. avatar SouthAl says:

    Lord, make me fast and accurate.

  111. avatar LifeSavor says:

    We’ve been interviewing pastoral candidates all week…we are down to three, three….er…two, two pastoral candidates.

  112. avatar LifeSavor says:

    Pastoral candidate #1, how do you feel about firearms in the sanctuary?

  113. avatar Stu Dawg says:

    “Practice makes perfect, because bacon is good for me!”
    -mahatma gandhi

  114. avatar American Patriot says:

    No virus shall stop me
    No Governor shall force me
    If I can’t live free
    Try to take me!

  115. avatar st381183 says:

    Tell your brother to hold that target higher over his head! I don’t wanna accidentally shoot him! Not again…

  116. avatar Bloving says:

    “Pa, Preacher sez he saw three squirrels in the rafters.”
    “That was two, son – almost done.”

  117. avatar LifeSavor says:

    Gunfire on my shoulders makes me happy

    1. avatar Sam I Am says:

      “Gunfire on my shoulders makes me happy”

      “Gunfire almost always makes me high.”

      1. avatar LifeSavor says:

        Thank you, Sam!
        You completed my thought!

        1. avatar Sam I Am says:

          “Thank you, Sam!
          You completed my thought!”

          Happy to be here.
          Grateful for the opportunity.
          Proud to serve.

  118. avatar Will Drider says:

    Honey, Is your phone on vibrate?

  119. avatar StLPro2A says:

    Little Joey rats out Sister Jones to Preacher Bob for enjoying two glasses of Communion wine.

  120. avatar Jon says:

    Govenor, we don’t care what you say about crowd sizes at church. Now leave and take your gestapo with you!

  121. avatar RedLettuce says:

    In the name of our lord, his son and the holy Eugene Stoner…

  122. avatar LifeSavor says:

    Render this unto Caesar!!!!

  123. avatar Wayne says:

    Maybe I need to buy him a REAL tripod.. Fathers Day is coming soon!!

  124. avatar Thixotropic says:

    What would Jesus Do…?

    With a BLUE GUN!

  125. avatar Ron says:

    Baptism of fire!

  126. avatar Jackson says:

    See the Light or feel the Heat.

  127. avatar William Coutu says:

    Unannounced Active Shooter Drills Scaring Students Without Making Them Safer

  128. avatar Spock says:

    Please God, let this be a subsonic.

  129. avatar Crazy Eddy says:

    Karen called, these people are trying to go to church during the pandemic!

  130. avatar Montana Actual says:

    Holy shit these comments show the cringe age and seclusion of this forum. Even the guys of slipknot are 50… what’s your excuses?

  131. avatar SpeleoFool says:

    Worship while social distancing with ballistic communion.

  132. avatar The Bobski says:

    “Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I hear no evil, just some constant ringing.”

    1. avatar EWTHeckman says:

      Easily my favorite so far!

  133. avatar tbo_stephen says:

    7 Isaac spoke up and said to his father Abraham, “Father?”

    “Yes, my son?” Abraham replied.

    “The fire and wood are here,” Isaac said, “but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?”

    8 Abraham answered, “God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son.” And the two of them went on together.

  134. avatar The guy from Washington says:

    You like Genesis huh? I’ve always been a fan of Revelations.

  135. avatar John Vogel says:

    “We are no longer asking for tithing, we are telling you.”

  136. avatar Carlos Spiceyweiner says:

    Be my meat shield while I shoot all these zombies Billy.

    Pew! Pew!

  137. avatar Lance F says:

    Live ducks in the gallery church fundraiser!

  138. avatar Andrew says:

    “So youd like a close shave without nicks or razor burn? This’ll only take two seconds.”

  139. avatar 2AFTW says:

    The preacher said KNEEL, dammit!

  140. avatar possum says:

    “Oh pease,, I don’t care where your AR prints, show Me what you can do with your Gock.”

  141. avatar Michael Houghton says:

    “Two for flinching!”

  142. avatar Lpldstotch says:

    “Can I get an aaamen!?!?”

  143. avatar Brandon Baker says:

    Modern proctologist

  144. avatar SKP5885 says:

    When you have so many kids that you cannot afford protective Body armor…you make use with what the Lord gives you.

  145. avatar DJinFl says:

    “Pull!”

  146. avatar ksabubba says:

    I said,”put down the toilet paper ..right NOW!”

  147. avatar forp says:

    The Broward county sheriff has turned to God and opened his own church.

  148. avatar bill knight says:

    I pray someone didn’t just anodize those parts Blue just for fun!

  149. avatar Guy Gadbous says:

    Let us prey…..

    1. avatar uncommon_sense says:

      Methinks we have a front runner!

  150. avatar Sam Wright says:

    Screw the lockdown orders. I’m getting my church service one way or another.

  151. avatar Michael says:

    Can’t afford that “thing that goes up”.

  152. avatar Scooter says:

    Exorcism with modern sporting rifle

  153. avatar Dan Groneman says:

    Go on Shannon, go talk the bad man out of doing bad things. I’ll be right here to take care of him when that don’t work.

  154. avatar uncommon_sense says:

    We are very serious about defending the faith at our church, DEAD serious.

  155. avatar Simon Jester says:

    “I’ll give you a *reason* to ignore me from now on, son…”

  156. avatar uncommon_sense says:

    (Elder to church security staff member)
    Whoa, whoa, whoa!!! That is NOT what the Bible means in 1 Corinthians when it says, “For anyone who eats and drinks without discerning the body eats and drinks judgment on himself.”

  157. avatar Lee Williams says:

    “Do you, Kyle, take Karen to be your wife and human shield?”

  158. avatar Weston says:

    Possible attachments: nervous parishioner bipod.

  159. avatar uncommon_sense says:

    Pastor to congregation:
    So, you want to do it the hard way, eh? Fine! I will execute one choir boy every 15 minutes until I find out who farted in church!

  160. avatar Rumblestrip says:

    This is for sending out two, TWO bad units to InRangeTV. Send out one more bad review unit and out comes the 50 Cal!

  161. avatar uncommon_sense says:

    While the Lord likes to speak in a gentle whisper, I prefer something a bit more loud and booming to get people’s attention.

  162. avatar Brodirt says:

    “First you’ll hear the bang, then you’ll feel the spent cartridge burning the back of your neck.”

  163. avatar uncommon_sense says:

    Listen up people: THIS is what we do to confirmands who fail to turn in their sermon reports!

  164. avatar eagle10 says:

    How do you play this fiddle again?

  165. avatar MrFosi says:

    “No, Jimmy, this really _is_ what Jesus would have done.”

  166. avatar SoCalJack says:

    * music playing *
    Guy with gun: Alright! Everyone! Put yo hands up!
    Parishioner up front: hey mister, I’ll praise the lord, but I don’t dance.
    Guy with gun: Ugh. Just make a donation to me and my little friend * nodding to his gun *
    Parishioner up front: oh ok, but I’m goin’ to make change once the plate comes around, all I got is a $50.

  167. avatar Ansel Hazen says:

    I don’t live closer than 3 days drive to Karl Manke, the only barber open in the USA so I’ll resort to anything to get a haircut.

  168. avatar Phil LA says:

    James Bond didn’t complain.

  169. avatar BelieveIn2A says:

    As Michael sprang into position, the youth leader also suddenly remembered the ‘no cell phones in the sanctuary’ policy. It seemed Jesus was calling someone.

  170. avatar Sam I Am says:

    “See there? It’s like I told you. Nobody needs a high capacity magazine.”

  171. avatar Gregolas says:

    Church Security making sure the armed intruder is “Washed in the Blood”. Hallelujah !

  172. avatar 2A-Believer says:

    Parishioner Mary Smith (foreground) flinches as Pastor Larp, in order to abide by required social distancing guidelines, administers communion to fellow congregants via the revolutionary Wineshotz [TM] ammunition.

  173. avatar Octocog says:

    Holy Sh!t! That first shot was loud!!

  174. avatar Rob S says:

    When I agreed to help for the demonstration, I didn’t agree to be the human meat shield!

  175. avatar Theguywiththegun says:

    Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then firest thou thy Holy Long Arm of Armalite towards thou foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.’

  176. avatar Frank Garro says:

    Now brother Jones, you know you’re sitting in sister Johnson’s pew.

  177. avatar Jerry says:

    No sleeping during the sermon!

  178. avatar Tired of the bs says:

    So they came to meet their maker……
    What did you say?

  179. avatar Shushynboy says:

    Son, God made man, but Samuel Colt made them equal.

  180. avatar Shushynboy says:

    Son, God made man, but the Prophet Samuel made them equal.

  181. avatar Phil LA says:

    Must be time for the offering plates.

  182. avatar Scott Beckett says:

    This is kind of ear-y

    1. avatar Sam I Am says:

      “This is kind of ear-y”

      Brilliant.

  183. avatar Scott Beckett says:

    I don’t need a bipod. I’ve got my son, the bipedal-pod.

  184. avatar MADDMAXX says:

    You’ve been warned about cell phones in my church…..

  185. avatar MADDMAXX says:

    So, preacher… What happened to the last person who tested ear plugs for you?

  186. avatar MADDMAXX says:

    These earplugs are made by 3M? They must be the great…

  187. avatar MADDMAXX says:

    Honest, I forgot I had the cellphone… What do you mean it’s printing?

  188. avatar MADDMAXX says:

    NEXT time I request a little extra donation for bi-pods you’ll pay attention, won’t you?

  189. avatar Bohucka says:

    Would Paul Harrell consider this safe shooting? You be the judge.

  190. avatar Mike M. says:

    Do you want tinnitus and mild hearing loss? Because THAT’S how you get tinnitus and mild hearing loss.

  191. avatar The Grey Man says:

    “Dad always hated me”

    1. avatar Sam I Am says:

      “Dad always hated me”

      “Mom always loved you best.”
      – T. Smothers

      1. avatar tsbhoa.p.jr says:

        “mother loved me. but she died.”
        the lonely ones

        1. avatar Sam I Am says:

          “mother loved me. but she died.”
          the lonely ones

          my uncle used to love me, but she died.
          – R. Miller

  192. avatar American Patriot says:

    “Hell Hath No Fury, like a parishioner with an AR!”

  193. avatar American Patriot says:

    “Son is this Flash too bright”

  194. avatar B320 says:

    Learn to be a Warrior Poet ™ with this one simple trick.

  195. avatar B320 says:

    “Don’t be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your families, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes.”

    Nehemiah 4:14b

  196. avatar B320 says:

    Pastor Bob demonstrating the need for a clean pair of underwear in young Pat’s emergency response kit.

  197. avatar FormerParatrooper says:

    Jesus said to turn the other cheek, he never said what to do if you are struck again. He left that up to us, and my little friend here is the answer to what we will do.

    1. avatar DK says:

      I think he recommended turning the other cheek 7×70 times.

  198. avatar Ironhead says:

    Did somebody say SATAN??????

  199. avatar American Patriot says:

    “Moses parted the sea…..But if you insist I’ll part your eyebrows”

  200. avatar Tom stewart says:

    Ah, Tinnitus. Old friend, it’s been a while since I’ve heard from you…

    1. avatar Lance F says:

      He’s always in my ear!

  201. avatar It’s ma’am says:

    “Call her Sir one more time!”

  202. avatar Proper pronouns says:

    “Last chance Carl…. is this a boy or a girl?”

  203. avatar PhD says:

    And for this semesters final in gender studies we have a non-binary thaby with a purple rifle, and cross dressing trans person. A++

  204. avatar The holy spirit says:

    Disappointing your dad and your Father at the exact same time.

  205. avatar LawDog says:

    All the parishioners were too terrified to tell Father Johnson that his fire and brimstone sermons had gone too far.

  206. avatar Anymouse says:

    There’s more than one reason they called him “Tripod.”

  207. avatar Deadpool says:

    It was at that moment that Karen realized she should have worn the brown pants.

  208. avatar sound awake says:

    “The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger…those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers! And you will know!
    That I am the Lord! When I lay my vengeance upon thee!”

    1. avatar MADDMAXX says:

      My favorite speech of all time….. that and, Yeah the wallet that says “Bad Muthrfukr”…. Pulp Fiction much?

  209. avatar Bruce says:

    Wait, my name isn’t Isaac!

  210. avatar Vernowhereman says:

    But I say unto ye resist not range safety but whosoever shall muzzle blast on thy cheek turn to him the other also. -Tinnitus 5:56

  211. avatar American Patriot says:

    “Halt or ye shall face the wrath of the fire & brimstone and some Green tips!

  212. avatar Sua Sponte says:

    Some Holy Grail Spin:

    Armaments, Chapter Two, Verses Nine to Twenty-One.

    And Saint Stoner raised the AR up on high saying, “Oh, Lord, bless this thy AR that with it thou mayest blow thy enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.” And the Lord did grin, and people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats……

  213. avatar Sua Sponte says:

    You…In the back….You really going to let that collection plate just pass on by?

  214. avatar Jordan Thomae says:

    Can Thou hearest me know?!

  215. avatar Bruce says:

    I said no double dipping the communion wine!!!

  216. avatar Gabriel says:

    “Due to the current social-distancing guidelines, the shotgun wedding was modified by the bride’s father to a more effective weapons choice and firing position”.

  217. avatar F*** Danica Patrick says:

    Isn’t that more fun than your Fortnite game for little phaggots? Be a man like uncle Cletus!

  218. avatar William says:

    Relax Kid. This is why God gave you two.

  219. avatar Lance F says:

    I alway thought Peter used a sword! (John18:10)

  220. avatar Mark says:

    “You got the blessing of shield from God and I got the creation from men.”

  221. avatar That Jason says:

    He’s got a pocket pistol, in his hands
    He’s got a pocket pistol, in his hands
    He’s got a pocket pistol, in his hands
    And the bad guy doesn’t know

  222. avatar Mercutio says:

    It only hurts the first time, son.

  223. avatar Miner49er says:

    “Screw that turn the other cheek BS, I see me a Muslim!”

  224. avatar Ken says:

    Our Pastor would prefer to tell you about Jesus, but will arrange the meeting if necessary.

  225. avatar Miner49er says:

    “Let me kill this last Midianite and then we’ll take their little girls for sex slaves as the Lord commanded!”

    “Now therefore, kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman who has known man intimately. 18 But all the girls who have not known man intimately, spare for yourselves,” (Numbers 31:17-18)

  226. avatar Crazy Scotsman says:

    Pray and spray

  227. avatar brad A says:

    ” I said 10% percent people !! Susy here will go full TSA on you if you skimp this time!”

  228. avatar Shushynboy says:

    Yo Timmy, check it out, so after I mag dumped on the infidels, I says to the last one still standing, “I bet you’re asking yourself, did he fire 30 rounds or 29?” Then the message said, please insert 25 cents to continue play.

  229. avatar Sam I Am says:

    Dumb and Dumber

  230. avatar JamesCVK says:

    “Hold your ear and watch this…”

  231. avatar Higgs says:

    The bad news sir, is that this is not a gun free zone that you have chosen to attack.

    The good news is we believe when you meet God, God will forgive your sins. Pastor Bob is here to help you to that meeting now.

  232. avatar American Patriot says:

    “He’s got the Lightning….I’ve got the Thunder”

  233. avatar tsbhoa.p.jr says:

    ‘godspell” was one of bob’s least favorit musicals.

  234. avatar tsbhoa.p.jr says:

    if you lob into the eucharist just right sometimes you can pulpit.

    1. avatar Sam I Am says:

      “if you lob into the eucharist just right sometimes you can pulpit.”

      Awwwriiiiiiiiight ! Well done.

  235. avatar tsbhoa.p.jr says:

    ever resourceful, the pipe organ would still sound even with a torn bellows.

  236. avatar tsbhoa.p.jr says:

    sighting in day for scientologist season was always a popular event.

  237. avatar tsbhoa.p.jr says:

    even with his admittedly powerful skills of persuasion, the parishoner could not cement a date for his daughter.

  238. avatar tsbhoa.p.jr says:

    else’s thoughts drifted towards farmersonly.com, as she was disappointed with her tinder outings.

  239. avatar tsbhoa.p.jr says:

    new to the unitarian congregation, the usher had difficulty seating attendees with his laser pointer.

  240. avatar tsbhoa.p.jr says:

    ‘eventually we get everyone around to ‘debts/ debtor’s’, but there’s always a stubborn ‘trespass against us’ faction.

  241. avatar Edward Dunnigan says:

    “And just like that, EVERYONE wanted to donate to Timmy’s fundraiser for his Palmetto State Armory Mission Trip.”

  242. avatar American Patriot says:

    “Confessions are in the Next building”

  243. avatar nightingale says:

    The time Pastor Flynn showed me his 3-Gun ‘Hare Krishna’ drill.

  244. avatar American Patriot says:

    You did What”………….Sorry man I thought this was the confession room!

  245. avatar Miner49er says:

    Abraham, wait a minute, I was just kidding about sacrificing your firstborn son!

  246. avatar MLee says:

    This how they do it on TV!

  247. avatar Kevin Johnson says:

    Guns in a Church, can you get more America than that?

  248. avatar GJ Gill says:

    East Jesus County indoor range closure to COVID-19 provokes Pastor to offer Church as temporary replacement site. Comment: “What’s a few more holes in an already Holy altar? Plus it’s a damn-strong backstop against Satan, so it oughta serve our congregation members just fine”.

  249. avatar William Cisneros says:

    Who said he who smelt it dealt it?
    WHO!!!

  250. avatar MLee says:

    No no Joe, you put the apple on your head!

  251. avatar eagle10 says:

    So, which of the above is the winner?

  252. avatar Joe B says:

    …but a *holy* ghost gun is protected by two amendments.

  253. avatar SB says:

    Did y’all pick a winner yet?

  254. avatar Brian Hughes says:

    Training takeaway – Always use the fat guy as a shield.

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