But I say unto ye resist not range safety, but whosoever shall muzzle blast on thy cheek, turn to him the other also. – Tinnitus 5:56
Winning caption writer: Vernowhereman
We’re bringing back the dearly departed weekend photo caption contest this week to give away a very nice optic. Put your gray matter to work and enter the most creative captions you can come up with for the photo above in the comments by midnight on Sunday.
We’ll choose a winner and he or she will receive the new Leupold Freedom RDS Black Ring red dot sight with mount pictured below.
Good luck.
“That’s the good ear, right?!”
Nailed it.
can we do it 6ft apart, with facial masks on?
Despite the local pd being less than enthused about the community church reopening for Sunday services. The parishioners seem to be in good spirits.
Michael Moore’s first encounter with guns.
“So young Michael Moore, you think silencers should be banned?”
Apologies to the kid for comparing him to Rosie O’Donnel’s twin.
Hold my beer…😃
“I dunno. Shoots a little high.”
Let Daddy show you how it’s done boy!
I dunno dude, that Church doesn’t look very Catholic…
Hurry up and shoot – I have to go pee!
“We shall ride eternal, shiny and chrome, to the gates of Valhalla!”
The lord protects my Soul, The AR covers my ass.
Gimme a Amen or go to hell!
“Now Jimmy is going to pass the donation basket around one more time. I suggest you dig deep.”
The least tactical bipod ever attached to an AR-15.
I like it!
An un-tactical biped?
‘Yeah tho I walk in the shadow of the valley of death…….’
“… I shall fear no evil, for my pastor wields an AR-15”
Lol
“… I shall hear no evil…”
Baptism By Fire…
Are you sure this is how it’s done?
“A shepherd must tend to his flock, and at times, fight off the wolves”
Here son. Hold my rifle steady for me while I shoot the apple off your brothers head.
“Praise the lord and pass the ammunition.”
This gets my vote
Praise the Lord, pass the ammunition, and out on some ear pro!
Better start learning sign language now!
If I have to learn sign language after you shoot, want to guess what my first sign will be?
God dang it, Bobby, stop fidgeting!
The church bells won’t be the only thing ringing.
Just hold still for a few seconds, we can take care of that ear wax problem pretty fast!
Forget John, we proclaim Luke 3:16!
John answered them all, “I baptize you with water. But one who is more powerful than I will come, the straps of whose sandals I am not worthy to untie. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and FIRE.
Did you say “you forgot the wine?”
Jesus said, “Get off the X, and follow me”
Gets my vote!
And yet another front runner!
Operation Human shield! Be as wide as you can!
I have exorcised the demons! This house is clean.
Our church has the best pews.
Ok. That one made me laugh. Big thumbs up
I like it!
Deafness at Noon
Concealment and cover.
“Now students, if you are caught out in the open when the BG is armed with a handgun, a stout friend or passerby can provide both concealment AND cover.”
“Now tell me when to hold my breath.”
(Two Mules for Sister Sara)
“I sure hope he doesn’t miss again!”
“I bring to you God’s message via Saint Eugene of Stoner…”
Yeah, sure, EVERYBODY, pick on the fat kid. Even if he has no idea what you’re saying these days.
Please remove the tape from your fingers……..Thank you!
Hold still and don’t sneeze.
Did you serve in the military between 2003 and 2015 and not bother using your 3M earplugs?
This👍
“When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence”
Well done.
“Well done.”
Thanx for remembering the song.
I may be a “Boomer”, but I got to see all the really cool groups…first time around.
“Here we go; watch this s…t”
So far bible camp has been fun Pastor Steve.
“This is sooo not my safe space!”
“They do this kind of stuff all the time in the movies.”
“Yeah? Well here’s yer John Wick.”
Things got exciting when the pastor saw someone nodding off during the sermon…
Still yet another front runner!
Pictured Above: A Confirmation Ceremony at The
Church of the Resounding Blast took place last Sunday.
a scared pwrserge escapes moms basement to watch a man target shoot
Weak. Very weak. You need to try much harder next time.
God , guns and blown eardrums.
[Not a caption]
So this must be the third Church the dudes from Cypress Hill went to. The Temple of Boom.
Don’t go deaf like this guy!
Hearing is a terrible thing to lose!
He Nailed all three shots…
Tonight’s event: Eucharist skeet! Pull!
He ain’t heavy. He’s my AR.
Eucharistic Skeet.
Cracked me up!
That better be a King James Version!
Dude, it’s just a drill.
Reach in them Jeans and pull out them greens! Don’t make me holler, don’t make me shout! Turn them pockets inside out!
Branch Davidian Hail Mary
“Let he who has not sinned cast the first bullet”
Be not afraid, for evil shall perish by the hand of the MSR.
Then Word According to Gun Jesus.
“Everyone gather round, today we are blessed with the gift of a baptism of fire – a first for our congregation.”
I put my faith in .223!
“Now son, all the hot brass stuck in your hair will teach you why mullets ain’t what they cracked up to be.”
Pat, this is going to be loud.
What, what, come again, what did you say?
Say what!
Fear not, for the lord heals all things, even hearing
The Lord is my savior and because of this guy I shall not hear!
This would be loud if it wasn’t a blue rifle.
Barber closed due to covid? Don’t worry, we got this. Won’t hurt a bit. Just a little off the sides you said?
And Shepherds we shall be
For thee, my Lord, for thee.
Power hath descende…
“Shut up Dad! That movie is like 20 years old!”
This’ll teach you to take the name of Lord in vain!
Pat yearned for the old days of snake handling.
And after the Tide Pod Challenge came the Tinnitus Challenge.
A lucky kid! Let’s hope that the next generation has some chance of a repeat of this scene.
I pooped
Testing the theory: If an AR is shot twice in a church, is it heard more than once?
Y’all white people be toying while black boys be getting killed in cold blood. SMH.
We are now going to pass around the collection plate
This is shocking behavior. In church no less.
Those have NO PLACE in the Lord’s House
How DARE you wear hats in church??
Step away from the altar boy!
“Defenders of the Faith”
CNN Reports: Bitter Clingers in Action.
“Aloha Snackbar !!”
Yeah. The sermon was that bad.
The Governator cannot stop the hand of God!
The church’s now defunct scared straight sexual orientation and gender identity counseling program.
Yet another front runner!
Meagan immediately regretted raising her hand when the youth pastor asked for a volunteer.
Whoa….The last meal is in the next Room!
This is the real reason we built the sound proof cry- room.
Day 67 of Pandmic Restrictions: The industrious gun owner finds new uses for both his son and the underutalized church.
Here’s praying the parishioners won’t shoot back…
Ploughshares? What ploughshares?
Look, we, the meek, inherited the Earth. New we are going to keep it.
Typo. Now we are going to keep it.
Remember what happened when the lion and the lamb lay down? I kinda miss that lion.
“That’s the guy who said mullets aren’t cool”
I ask for nothing
I take nothing
and won’t yield to nothing!
The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not miss.
What’s all this talk of ‘non’ binary? Of course the trigger’s binary, watch….
Now, this is how to take cover during a church shooting.
Fresno’s tactical shooting school for the deaf and blind.
“So who else wants to give their life to Christ, ANYONE?!”
That there was funny. Yup. Funny. Made me laugh.
Yes sir, that is another front runner!
Yup. I am pretty darn sure that was a possum. Right there behind the tabernacle.
“Stand still. I downloaded all the files from the Internet, and printed this thing in my basement. Trust me. It’ll work jes’ fine.”
“Sit down Sister. The Preacher ain’t done yet!!!!”
“Sit down Sister. Ain’t nobody leavin’ yet. Jesus ain’t done savin’ this youngin!!!”
Good one!
“That was the most boring sermon I ever heard!”
They said to have someone besides the person holding the gun 911. I could have sworn they said beside.
PS. Get the guy with the AR a holster for his extra mag.
SAY WHAAATT…???!!!
Our new preacher is very strict. If you forget to take off your hat in church, he will use his muzzle brake to blow it off your head.
It’s all good, as long as they ain’t dancing.
CARL- I told you to stay inside!!
“Now who else hasn’t paid their tithes”
Just another stupid moment in the Life of Riley!
I lost my hearing the first time we did this, so this is a non event. Shoot it again as I can’t hear it anyway.
Screw hearing protection. I also ride bikes with no helmet, guess I’m just a survivor.
God, what the hell is he doing?
After pastor Eugene delivered our sermon, only Jesus could save those taking from the collection plate.
Lord, make me fast and accurate.
We’ve been interviewing pastoral candidates all week…we are down to three, three….er…two, two pastoral candidates.
Pastoral candidate #1, how do you feel about firearms in the sanctuary?
“Practice makes perfect, because bacon is good for me!”
-mahatma gandhi
No virus shall stop me
No Governor shall force me
If I can’t live free
Try to take me!
Tell your brother to hold that target higher over his head! I don’t wanna accidentally shoot him! Not again…
“Pa, Preacher sez he saw three squirrels in the rafters.”
“That was two, son – almost done.”
Gunfire on my shoulders makes me happy
“Gunfire on my shoulders makes me happy”
“Gunfire almost always makes me high.”
Thank you, Sam!
You completed my thought!
“Thank you, Sam!
You completed my thought!”
Happy to be here.
Grateful for the opportunity.
Proud to serve.
Honey, Is your phone on vibrate?
Little Joey rats out Sister Jones to Preacher Bob for enjoying two glasses of Communion wine.
Govenor, we don’t care what you say about crowd sizes at church. Now leave and take your gestapo with you!
In the name of our lord, his son and the holy Eugene Stoner…
Render this unto Caesar!!!!
Maybe I need to buy him a REAL tripod.. Fathers Day is coming soon!!
What would Jesus Do…?
With a BLUE GUN!
Baptism of fire!
See the Light or feel the Heat.
Unannounced Active Shooter Drills Scaring Students Without Making Them Safer
Please God, let this be a subsonic.
Karen called, these people are trying to go to church during the pandemic!
Holy shit these comments show the cringe age and seclusion of this forum. Even the guys of slipknot are 50… what’s your excuses?
Worship while social distancing with ballistic communion.
“Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I hear no evil, just some constant ringing.”
Easily my favorite so far!
7 Isaac spoke up and said to his father Abraham, “Father?”
“Yes, my son?” Abraham replied.
“The fire and wood are here,” Isaac said, “but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?”
8 Abraham answered, “God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son.” And the two of them went on together.
You like Genesis huh? I’ve always been a fan of Revelations.
“We are no longer asking for tithing, we are telling you.”
Be my meat shield while I shoot all these zombies Billy.
Pew! Pew!
Live ducks in the gallery church fundraiser!
“So youd like a close shave without nicks or razor burn? This’ll only take two seconds.”
The preacher said KNEEL, dammit!
“Oh pease,, I don’t care where your AR prints, show Me what you can do with your Gock.”
“Two for flinching!”
“Can I get an aaamen!?!?”
Modern proctologist
When you have so many kids that you cannot afford protective Body armor…you make use with what the Lord gives you.
“Pull!”
I said,”put down the toilet paper ..right NOW!”
The Broward county sheriff has turned to God and opened his own church.
I pray someone didn’t just anodize those parts Blue just for fun!
Let us prey…..
Methinks we have a front runner!
Screw the lockdown orders. I’m getting my church service one way or another.
Can’t afford that “thing that goes up”.
Exorcism with modern sporting rifle
Go on Shannon, go talk the bad man out of doing bad things. I’ll be right here to take care of him when that don’t work.
We are very serious about defending the faith at our church, DEAD serious.
“I’ll give you a *reason* to ignore me from now on, son…”
(Elder to church security staff member)
Whoa, whoa, whoa!!! That is NOT what the Bible means in 1 Corinthians when it says, “For anyone who eats and drinks without discerning the body eats and drinks judgment on himself.”
“Do you, Kyle, take Karen to be your wife and human shield?”
Possible attachments: nervous parishioner bipod.
Pastor to congregation:
So, you want to do it the hard way, eh? Fine! I will execute one choir boy every 15 minutes until I find out who farted in church!
This is for sending out two, TWO bad units to InRangeTV. Send out one more bad review unit and out comes the 50 Cal!
While the Lord likes to speak in a gentle whisper, I prefer something a bit more loud and booming to get people’s attention.
“First you’ll hear the bang, then you’ll feel the spent cartridge burning the back of your neck.”
Listen up people: THIS is what we do to confirmands who fail to turn in their sermon reports!
How do you play this fiddle again?
“No, Jimmy, this really _is_ what Jesus would have done.”
* music playing *
Guy with gun: Alright! Everyone! Put yo hands up!
Parishioner up front: hey mister, I’ll praise the lord, but I don’t dance.
Guy with gun: Ugh. Just make a donation to me and my little friend * nodding to his gun *
Parishioner up front: oh ok, but I’m goin’ to make change once the plate comes around, all I got is a $50.
I don’t live closer than 3 days drive to Karl Manke, the only barber open in the USA so I’ll resort to anything to get a haircut.
James Bond didn’t complain.
As Michael sprang into position, the youth leader also suddenly remembered the ‘no cell phones in the sanctuary’ policy. It seemed Jesus was calling someone.
“See there? It’s like I told you. Nobody needs a high capacity magazine.”
Church Security making sure the armed intruder is “Washed in the Blood”. Hallelujah !
Parishioner Mary Smith (foreground) flinches as Pastor Larp, in order to abide by required social distancing guidelines, administers communion to fellow congregants via the revolutionary Wineshotz [TM] ammunition.
Holy Sh!t! That first shot was loud!!
When I agreed to help for the demonstration, I didn’t agree to be the human meat shield!
Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then firest thou thy Holy Long Arm of Armalite towards thou foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.’
Now brother Jones, you know you’re sitting in sister Johnson’s pew.
No sleeping during the sermon!
So they came to meet their maker……
What did you say?
Son, God made man, but Samuel Colt made them equal.
Son, God made man, but the Prophet Samuel made them equal.
Must be time for the offering plates.
This is kind of ear-y
“This is kind of ear-y”
Brilliant.
I don’t need a bipod. I’ve got my son, the bipedal-pod.
You’ve been warned about cell phones in my church…..
So, preacher… What happened to the last person who tested ear plugs for you?
These earplugs are made by 3M? They must be the great…
Honest, I forgot I had the cellphone… What do you mean it’s printing?
NEXT time I request a little extra donation for bi-pods you’ll pay attention, won’t you?
Would Paul Harrell consider this safe shooting? You be the judge.
Do you want tinnitus and mild hearing loss? Because THAT’S how you get tinnitus and mild hearing loss.
“Dad always hated me”
“Dad always hated me”
“Mom always loved you best.”
– T. Smothers
“mother loved me. but she died.”
the lonely ones
“mother loved me. but she died.”
the lonely ones
my uncle used to love me, but she died.
– R. Miller
“Hell Hath No Fury, like a parishioner with an AR!”
“Son is this Flash too bright”
Learn to be a Warrior Poet ™ with this one simple trick.
“Don’t be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your families, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes.”
Nehemiah 4:14b
Pastor Bob demonstrating the need for a clean pair of underwear in young Pat’s emergency response kit.
Jesus said to turn the other cheek, he never said what to do if you are struck again. He left that up to us, and my little friend here is the answer to what we will do.
I think he recommended turning the other cheek 7×70 times.
Did somebody say SATAN??????
“Moses parted the sea…..But if you insist I’ll part your eyebrows”
Ah, Tinnitus. Old friend, it’s been a while since I’ve heard from you…
He’s always in my ear!
“Call her Sir one more time!”
“Last chance Carl…. is this a boy or a girl?”
And for this semesters final in gender studies we have a non-binary thaby with a purple rifle, and cross dressing trans person. A++
Disappointing your dad and your Father at the exact same time.
All the parishioners were too terrified to tell Father Johnson that his fire and brimstone sermons had gone too far.
There’s more than one reason they called him “Tripod.”
It was at that moment that Karen realized she should have worn the brown pants.
“The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger…those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers! And you will know!
That I am the Lord! When I lay my vengeance upon thee!”
My favorite speech of all time….. that and, Yeah the wallet that says “Bad Muthrfukr”…. Pulp Fiction much?
Wait, my name isn’t Isaac!
But I say unto ye resist not range safety but whosoever shall muzzle blast on thy cheek turn to him the other also. -Tinnitus 5:56
“Halt or ye shall face the wrath of the fire & brimstone and some Green tips!
Some Holy Grail Spin:
Armaments, Chapter Two, Verses Nine to Twenty-One.
And Saint Stoner raised the AR up on high saying, “Oh, Lord, bless this thy AR that with it thou mayest blow thy enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.” And the Lord did grin, and people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats……
You…In the back….You really going to let that collection plate just pass on by?
Can Thou hearest me know?!
I said no double dipping the communion wine!!!
“Due to the current social-distancing guidelines, the shotgun wedding was modified by the bride’s father to a more effective weapons choice and firing position”.
Isn’t that more fun than your Fortnite game for little phaggots? Be a man like uncle Cletus!
Relax Kid. This is why God gave you two.
I alway thought Peter used a sword! (John18:10)
“You got the blessing of shield from God and I got the creation from men.”
He’s got a pocket pistol, in his hands
He’s got a pocket pistol, in his hands
He’s got a pocket pistol, in his hands
And the bad guy doesn’t know
It only hurts the first time, son.
“Screw that turn the other cheek BS, I see me a Muslim!”
Our Pastor would prefer to tell you about Jesus, but will arrange the meeting if necessary.
“Let me kill this last Midianite and then we’ll take their little girls for sex slaves as the Lord commanded!”
“Now therefore, kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman who has known man intimately. 18 But all the girls who have not known man intimately, spare for yourselves,” (Numbers 31:17-18)
Pray and spray
” I said 10% percent people !! Susy here will go full TSA on you if you skimp this time!”
Yo Timmy, check it out, so after I mag dumped on the infidels, I says to the last one still standing, “I bet you’re asking yourself, did he fire 30 rounds or 29?” Then the message said, please insert 25 cents to continue play.
Dumb and Dumber
“Hold your ear and watch this…”
The bad news sir, is that this is not a gun free zone that you have chosen to attack.
The good news is we believe when you meet God, God will forgive your sins. Pastor Bob is here to help you to that meeting now.
“He’s got the Lightning….I’ve got the Thunder”
‘godspell” was one of bob’s least favorit musicals.
if you lob into the eucharist just right sometimes you can pulpit.
“if you lob into the eucharist just right sometimes you can pulpit.”
Awwwriiiiiiiiight ! Well done.
ever resourceful, the pipe organ would still sound even with a torn bellows.
sighting in day for scientologist season was always a popular event.
even with his admittedly powerful skills of persuasion, the parishoner could not cement a date for his daughter.
else’s thoughts drifted towards farmersonly.com, as she was disappointed with her tinder outings.
new to the unitarian congregation, the usher had difficulty seating attendees with his laser pointer.
‘eventually we get everyone around to ‘debts/ debtor’s’, but there’s always a stubborn ‘trespass against us’ faction.
“And just like that, EVERYONE wanted to donate to Timmy’s fundraiser for his Palmetto State Armory Mission Trip.”
“Confessions are in the Next building”
The time Pastor Flynn showed me his 3-Gun ‘Hare Krishna’ drill.
You did What”………….Sorry man I thought this was the confession room!
Abraham, wait a minute, I was just kidding about sacrificing your firstborn son!
This how they do it on TV!
Guns in a Church, can you get more America than that?
East Jesus County indoor range closure to COVID-19 provokes Pastor to offer Church as temporary replacement site. Comment: “What’s a few more holes in an already Holy altar? Plus it’s a damn-strong backstop against Satan, so it oughta serve our congregation members just fine”.
Who said he who smelt it dealt it?
WHO!!!
No no Joe, you put the apple on your head!
So, which of the above is the winner?
…but a *holy* ghost gun is protected by two amendments.
Did y’all pick a winner yet?
Training takeaway – Always use the fat guy as a shield.
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