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Listicles are all the rage in the gunblogosphere. Here, too. While The People of the Gun may scoff at them, these articles convey important information to newbies in an easy-to-use package. So hats off to for Six Items Every Gun Owner Should Have — even though number six is a come-on for ArmsCare Plus Firearms Insurance (unpaid link).

The Daily Caller calls for gun owners to own ear and eye pro, a storage case, gun safe, cleaning kit and the aforementioned insurance. OK, sure. But here are my three top items that all gun owners should have.

1. An understanding partner

If you’re reading this you’re probably a gun nut. Not the guy who bought a gun, threw it in a drawer and called it good. If you’re a gun nut with a partner, you’ve either got an understanding significant other or ya got trouble right here in River City.

Some of you married or shacked-up gun guys know exactly what I’m talking about. Trying to hide gun purchases. Trying to find time to go to the range, clean your guns or read TTAG. If that’s the case, there’s only three answers: live with it, get your partner hooked on firearms or divorce.

If you’re not in a long-term relationship, especially if you’re pre-family, heed my advice: do not date a woman who doesn’t get your gun thing. Do not marry a man/woman/hermaphrodite who doesn’t get your gun thing. Do not listen to any of the commentators below prattling on about the accommodations they’ve made with their SO.

Hey! Where’s Mom in that picture above? Either she let Dad and Jr. off the leash or he’s a single father. See what I mean?

2. Money

I won’t return to point one to point out that the misunderstanding partner problem tends to focus on firearms-related economic issues, which are fully capable of destroying domestic harmony. M’kay?

Guns cost money. Ammunition costs more money. Gun stuff — eye pro, ear pro, cleaning kits, safes — not so much. But not nothing — especially when you start to trade-up for better quality basics. Like fancy ear pro that lets you listen to Little Feat and make phone calls from the range. Or a Louis Vuitton range bag.

The more money you have for guns and gun gear, the easier it is to . . . spend more money on guns and gun gear. So get lots of lots of money however you can, without getting arrested. Stay in school! Wait. Student debt. OK, you figure it out. But one thing’s for sure: kids are really expensive. Condoms less so.

How do you know when you have enough money to properly feed your gun habit? When you can sigh at the economically challenged gun guys who bitch about the price of the Wilson Combat EDC. Or Purdey side-by-side shotguns. Yeah, go there.

3. Residence in a pro-gun rights state

TTAG has thousands of readers behind enemy lines: firearms enthusiasts living in states where they can’t get a carry permit (which they shouldn’t need in the first place). Or carry their gun openly. Or own a modern sporting “assault rifle.” Or feed their rifle or handgun “high capacity” magazines. Or lend a gun to a friend. And so on.

Let’s face it: a gun nut living in a gun-averse state is like a surfer living in Idaho. As the B52’s advised, GET OUT OF THE STATE! GET OUT OF THE STATE YOU’RE IN! You want to live somewhere you can shoot any damn gun you want, with a drum magazine, without worrying about spending quality time with Bubba in the Rebar hotel.

If you can’t enjoy your firearms freedom to its full extent, move. (Remember what I said about an understanding partner? I meant it.)

Don’t talk to me about your “deep roots in the community” or “job security” or “family ties.” If you’re living in a “slave state” your community hates you, your economy sucks and your taxes are sucking up your precious gun money. And, hey, John Boy, show me a family that wouldn’t be a little closer with some distance between members.

With these three “items” in place you’ll be ready to fully enjoy your gun as God intended. Mazeltov!

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  1. Well I RECKON(lol) I just have #1. I make do moneywise and I’ll be damned if I’m going to move just to shoot.

    • +1…. having a live-in partner in crime is the most important thing. Someone who won’t rat you out. #2 takes away from time i can enjoy my wife/kids/guns. #3 is surrender. Isolationism doesn’t work and the antis are VERY aggressive when it comes to exporting and expanding their ideology. Stay and fight. Have kids and spread your ideology.

  2. That vault kinda looks like mine. A mess.
    Time for spring cleaning and organizing.

    • Had an uncle for whom family had to dispose of over four thousand firearms, eight or so reloaders, and file cabinets with plastic liners full of powder and walls of dies.

      Got there late, they were down to the last three safes out in the garage they asked me (an in law) to help them open, since they couldn’t, I could stand up and spread my arms in two of them, after they were emptied

      Not a rich guy, just a 90+ year old single guy (all his life) who liked guns.

      Number one has some value. Not impressed with the armory picture 😉

    • no kidding!! DO I SEE AN MG 34???????

      I thought I had a bad addiction. Looking at this guy’s gun vault for me is like watching “Leaving Las Vegas”. My problem really aint ALL THAT bad. I feel better now.

  3. Damn. I paused for a minute like a guy accepting rehab when I read this, “Some of you married or shacked-up gun guys know exactly what I’m talking about. Trying to hide gun purchases. Trying to find time to go to the range, clean your guns or read TTAG. If that’s the case, there’s only three answers: live with it, get your partner hooked on firearms or divorce.”

    Fortunately, I am working on step 3.

    • My husband once asked me if I knew how much I had spent on handguns? Reponse was “no, but know it’s less than spent on his son’s 4 years of college tution and no degree! Never had that conversation since.

  4. 1). Memorization of The 4 Rules (and further gun safety).

    2). Knowledge of local laws.

    3). A place to shoot other than a square range.

    And the bonus three would be:
    4). Good gun oriented tools and chemicals.
    5). A good safe, bolted in to a good location.
    6). A very understanding, and hopefully actively engaged in shooting, partner.

  5. The order of the steps should 2 before 1. If the Miss at Step 1 misunderstands Step 2 supercedes, there will be another 1 at 3.

    • Think of it as Farago’s Hierarchy of Needs. It’s a multi-leveled pyramid and these are the most basic, foundation, needs.

  6. All I have to say is …

    1. Pocket change adds up…
    2. Learn to roll your own… Ammo, ARs, etc…
    3. Pack up & leave things are only getting worse out there…

    LOL…. I can relate to so much, it hurts, it hurts, IT HURTS REAL BAD

  7. If you haven’t had your SO get pissed at for this hobby your not doing it right.

  8. No.

    If guns are an issue with your spouse, there are probably half a dozen other things that will cause you problems.
    Abundant money makes it easier to have guns but probaby makes us a little lazy in our hobby or life-style of the gun. Saying you need to be wealthy to have guns is snobbery. Pure and simple. I had guns when I made minimum wage. I have more now. Maybe you dont have to have those Stereo Blue tooth muffs if you’re on a budget.
    Not everyone can live in TX or would want to. When I was younger it was Vermont as a beacon for gun-toting rights. Too damned cold for me. I would damned sure try to get out of Cali but most folks can’t just move on a whim.
    You sound like someone who thinks Bimmer or Mercedes is a starter car.
    We don’t need any more snobbery in the gun world. Do what you can afford and enjoy what you have. There will never be “enough”.

    • So right. When asked how many guns I have…the answer is always “one less than I want”.

      • Ha!

        When the guys at my local gun store ask ,each what I’m looking for, I say “the next one”.

      • My answer is, “More than two, less than fifty.”
        I will adjust as necessary. 🙂

    • This. My wife is not a gun person (she knows how to use them, but just isn’t a fan). She does understand that shooting means a lot to me as a hobby and for practical purposes (I carry).. because she loves me, she doesn’t get on my case or criticize me. Before I purchase a new gun, I talk to her about it. Simple as that :-). I would not leave her (or my damned state) for anything. I do agree that money is definitely useful in our hobby, but there is a decent gun for just about any price range.

  9. In the picture, the missus was probably holding the camera.
    My wife and I have a simple agreement: we take turns getting firearms.

  10. Item 3 in this list is the kicker for me. Kinda hard to be a gun nut when you can’t afford to drive to the range or replenish your stock afterward, let alone buy any new firearms.

    But I guess two out of three ain’t bad. And of them all, #2 is probably easiest to change. So I got that going for me, which is nice.

  11. I’d like to be that guy:

    “I don’t have enough room in my custom arms locker for all my machine guns. So I have to store them on the floor.” 😉

  12. Hide purchases from the spouse? Umm, hmm. That would be gun no. 1, gun (.22 rifle), no.2 (XD9), no.3 (pump shotgun), no. 4 (Kimber), gun no. 5 (Mosquito), and somewhere down the road an AR and a lever gun. The rest she knows about. She hates guns, so the less she knows, the better. She knows I carry, but hates to see it if my shirt comes up. She complains when the UPS man drops off more pounds of ammo. But we’ve been married 30 years this month, and as fast as we are going down hill, until death do us part.

  13. “Hey! Where’s Mom in that picture above? Either she let Dad and Jr. off the leash or he’s a single father.”

    See the individual with in the center of the pic?

    That’s mom… 😉

    (That’s insensitive of you to mock her facial hair growth *problem*…)

  14. #1 Check.
    #2 No kids and I moved out of CT so Check.
    #3 Did I mention I moved out of CT? Check.

    #4 F@#$ CT.

  15. My list:
    1) Safe to keep your guns safe from thieves
    2) Good neighborhood address (preferably with a gate),alarm, taser, lawyer and first aid kit so you don’t have to use your gun to get you in trouble and lose your gun
    3) A very well spoiled wife who has all of the purses and shoes she wants so that she allows you to spends the piddly cash on your hobby.
    Yes, for many of us, the only places where you can find jobs that pay the 6 plus figures needed for this is SF Bay Area, So Cal, NYC or D.C.
    Makes the option of moving to New Hampshire impractical

  16. After reading a story in the Houston Chronicle today, I might add smoke detectors and a fire extinguisher to the list. Seems a guy’s home went up in flames today and the fire department responded to the blaze. After HFD put out the fire, HPD was called to investigate the 20 or so rifles and handguns they discovered.

    Reportedly (and initial reports are notoriously hit or miss on accuracy), among the firearms were several reported as stolen in other states and several fully automatic rifles without licenses. Ruh roh, Raggy………

  17. Okay, let’s see,
    1) a forgiving partner, hmmm…. single, so….. working on it
    2) Money….working on it
    3) Live in a pro-gun state…currently existing in California, ahhhhh shhhhheeeeee, WORKING ON IT!!!

    • We moved from CA to AZ.
      Open carry? No problem.
      Concealed carry? No problem.
      Suppressor? No problem.
      Any firearm the feds will let you buy? No problem.
      Phoenix weather? No problem, if you have AC. 🙂

  18. My wife was the gun nut in the family. She had the gun not me when we got married. Now after 21 years I shoot more than she does. Shes from Washington State I’m from California. So we decided to settle in Kentucky. We took our daughter machine Gun shooting last year. It was wonderful. They both had a “blast”.
    I told her no more gun buys in 2017. We are taking training classes this year. I’ve saved up a lot of money for it.

  19. The “significant other” need not be a wife. I don’t know if “understanding” is as important as “tolerance” when it comes to firearms ownership A lot of women don’t understand the “Alpha Male” genetic coding to protect the weak and innocent; if not genetic then certainly encoded by civilizing influences over millennia. Many women don’t understand this; but we, “The people of the gun” DO. .

  20. So many good men with 1000$ rifles should dump them on police station, go full-time hippie and smoke pot!

    I cry.

  21. Well-written, highly readable article. This is in your wheelhouse, Mr. Farago.

  22. Don’t get those folks from Commifornia too riled up, or they all move to Oregon, and bring their crappy gun laws with them. We have enough problems already with Mzzzzzzzzzz. Brownski.

  23. RF – I like your thinking and wish to subscribe to your newsletter. Oh wait; Im already signed up.

    That had to be the funniest – but truest – thing I’ve read in a long time.

    I reckon I’m the luckiest sonofabitch on Earth. My fiancee’ – a city girl from San Antone – had never caught a fish or fired a gun before she met me. Now she nags me to take her to the range so she can shoot my MilSurp Swedish Mauser M-96. And she nags me to go fishing cuz she loves eating my Broiled Golden Tilefish or my Speckled Trout Almondine.

  24. When you can sigh at the economically challenged gun guys who bitch about the price of the Wilson Combat EDC.

    Even if I had the money, I don’t think I would buy it. Simply because it’s not a good “value” to me. It needs to offer something significantly more, or uniquely more, than the less expensive competition. Guns are great, but I have other things in my life going on than guns (gasp!). I could use a new leather couch with recliner and chase. I could use a better car. I could use more in the college fund for the kids. Also, I would prefer a variety of guns (antiques, military surplus, modern shooters, precision rifles, over one very expensive pistol – see? it’s all about “value” and “preference.” If I had enough money that I didn’t know what to do with it all – then I may indulge in a few luxuries (because I could have both/all). So it’s not just about me not being able to afford a luxury pistol, but the question of if I even want a luxury pistol, in lieu of other wants/needs.

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