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Come on, people there’s an obvious solution to these killing sprees…ban the guns. Don’t let companies make them, don’t let retailers sell them and don’t let people buy them. Think about it: no guns = no violence. The Colorado killer never would have been able to blow away all of those people if he didn’t have a gun. It would have been hopeless so he probably would have decided a killing spree was just too much hassle. Bombing as an alternative? No way, bombs aren’t sold in stores either. And this PhD student couldn’t possibly have made one big enough to take out that many people. Only Taliban members in third-world countries make those. A normal US citizen just doesn’t have that kind of sophistication . . .

Buying a gun on the black market? Nope, that’s illegal. He wouldn’t have the balls to break a gun law like that. Few do. That’s why we’ve outlawed drugs and look how well that’s working. So if you take away his gun, you ake away his ability to kill.

OK, OK, maybe we don’t want to ban all guns. I mean, I still want people to be able to hunt for pheasent, deer, elk, bear, etc. Let’s just ban the bad guns. Like ARs and AKs. They’re a lot more violent and capable of dealing death than a semi auto rifle designed to take down an 600 lb grizzly at 200 yards. Or maybe a 12-gauge that’ll knock 4 birds out of the sky mid-flight. Yeah, let’s just ban the bad ones, especially the black ones.

But we also ban high capacity magazines. No one needs anything over 10 rounds. That’ would have really hindered that Joker guy’s killing efficiency. If he can only carry a 10-round mag then he can only kill 10 people at most, right? It takes sooooo long to reload with spare magazines that the people who aren’t dead can close the distance during the reload and stop him before he inserts a new magazine.

And don’t even get me started on ammo. C’mon, 6,000 rounds? Seriously? This guy was preparing for all-out war. If you want to defend yourself all you need are a few bullets. We shouldn’t let people purchase more than a small number of rounds each month. Forget about shooting competitions. I don’t even think anyone actually participates in those anyway. They’re never on TV. And do you really need to practice? A gun’s pretty much point and shoot, right?

Plus, let’s be real here. The police and military really are the only ones who need guns. Their $50,000 salaries guarantee they’d take the bullet for me, or shoot the bad guy first. And if they don’t, I’ll sue them. Or protest and spit in their faces until they mace me…then I’ll sue them again for brutality. But they better not shoot someone I don’t think they should shoot or I’ll sue them for that too.

Maybe I’m being overreacting here, but all the TV stations, newspapers, and some of our political leaders think we need more gun control and they can’t be wrong. They’re all really really smart. Some of them have even written books. Plus they wouldn’t be able to say those things on TV if they were wrong.

They all seem to be handling the economy pretty well, so why would you think they’d mess up our gun laws? Just look at Chicago – some of the strictest gun laws in the country and it’s a great place to live if you don’t mind keeping your head down and staying close to a police cruiser. Chicago politicians only need armed escorts because they’re politicians.


Seriously, the arguments against civilian firearms ownership are invariably put forth by those who are ignorant of the topic. It’s not really their fault, of course, they just don’t know any better. It’s the responsibility of responsible gun owners to make sure the anti-rights message is offset by an effective pro-firearms conversation that supports exercising our second amendment rights.

Zack Pike runs

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    • Sadly, all that stuff is exactly what the anti-gunners believe. So how do we argue against that? If 2 + 2 = 4, how do you argue with someone who insists it’s 5 and won’t budge no matter what ? (I’m looking at you mikebsomething).

      • No, this piece is a straw-man; unfortunately you are partly right; some particularly vocal people do hold these kinds of opinions, I’m not sure they entirely believe them;- it often seems that American politics involves taking up extreme positions to demonstrate loyalty to particular ideological groups. Full disclosure; – I am british, living under one of the most restrictive gun ownership regimes (that still allows ownership) in the world. By american standards I am politically liberal (though I wouldn’t identify as such), and I have never felt the need nor want to own a gun. However, whilst I dont agree with alot of the ‘pro-gun’ attitudes expressed in american politics, i do agree that it is not the gun per se that is the problem. Rather it is that the public violence, and paranoia associated with that violence, is a symptom of an underlying philosophical issue with america.

  1. The problem with using sarcasm in the gun debate is it comes off as uncaring to those who see the victims and carnage on TV. It’s why they strike when the iron is hot right after a tragedy because any counter argument is painted as insensitive to the victims.
    The spike in gun buys afterwards tells me the public knows the deal: You are essentially on your own in a situation like that.

    • Great point! But sarcasm is just so easy in the gun debate considering the arguments we’re up against. With the ignorance I’ve witnessed in the past several days… I just couldn’t resist.

        • how many qualifications do you have to pass to exercise a right guaranteed in the bor? sort of makes a lie of the whole rights thing.

        • Where’s your proof of that, Mikey? “better qualifying people”? you say? I don’t recall the Brady Bucnh, thr Violence Policy Center, the Legal Coomunity Against Gun Violence, or any other gungrabbing group EVER offering friearms safety courses.

          Yoy, sir, are a lying idiot.

      • While it may feel good to use sarcasm, I don’t think it will win-over anyone who is anti gun rights — or even sitting on the fence for that matter.

        I believe some anti gun rights people — and certainly many people sitting on the fence — would change sides given appropriate knowledge. And since we don’t know what we don’t know, knowledge is the key. But sarcasm turns-off many people and their willingness to learn something new.

        So I want to personally encourage all gun rights supporters to do their best to educate the public in the most respectful way possible. As the adage goes “you will attract more flies with honey than vinegar”. Plus, being calm and respectful while imparting knowledge suggests that you will be equally safe and responsible with your firearms.

        I know, I know. We should not have to jump through any hoops because we have the pre-existing, inalienable right to defend ourselves with devices of our choosing. Until every law enforcement officer, politician, and judge accepts that fact, I think imparting knowledge respectfully is the best way to go.

        • I do agree with your message, at least the part about being respectful. I will sit back and take the “gun nuts” insults that anti-gun rights people invariably resort to, and point out their flawed logic, but in the end, no matter how respectful and logically sound our argument, some people will continue to make us feel wrong for wanting the ability to defend ourselves and our rights, simply because some would choose to abuse this right in such a fashion.

          ” defend ourselves with devices of our choosing”– I wish! The two weapons I would choose to defend myself (in a removing a tyrannous gov’t scenario) are the two I carried in the Army, an M249 and a AT-4, both of which are rather illegal to own. I can, almost, however, see the common sense case in ensuring untrained, possibly psychotic, civilians don’t get their hands on 800 rd/min automatic weapons (though this one I think we should be able to get while jumping through a couple extra hoops not just weapons mfg before yr X), or airborne explosives, but this crap about magazine fed weapons is ridiculous!

      • Zack Pike for President!!
        LMAO I couldn’t stop giggling while reading this post. It really hits the nail on the head, I admit.
        Unfortunately minus the ATT in the UN and trying to sneak a high cap magazine ear mark in on the privacy legislation there really isn’t much going on. No one wants to touch it. See how that works, everything is hidden from view, so we don’t mind what is really going on, them blammo… ooopss yeah I guess they did pass that law.

      • “You didn’t build that . . .”

        – President Obama

        July 27, 2012

        Dear Mr. Obama,

        Normally when you utter something so colossally idiotic I tend to see what everyone else does and if its all been done I’m not going to throw out my opinion on the matter. The “Obama Depression” is about to claim the last bit of my 401K and I’m trying to get this new idea off the ground so I’m a bit busy. This little letter writing gig is a voluntary effort, with all due respect to those who seem to think I’m a some famous writer grand standing their true self, or some rich guy doing this because I need to vent. I’m none of that. If I did make that claim I would be as bad as you. Because through out these reactions to that utterance I realized something.

        You, Sir, did not build you. Please allow me to explain. Every step of your life has been prepared for you. Every moment you were pampered and buffed for the next phase like some kind of imaginary character in a television program. From your mother to your girlfriends to your job history and your lack of real world skills. It’s frankly miraculous that you kept the facade up for so long. To repeat; you did not build you, someone else did that.

        Well, us common folk “Joe Doakes’s” out in the hinterland don’t have that option. We don’t have the safety net of a group of rich socialist friends that are going to protect us at every turn. We are on our own. And for every improvement we make in our lives there is someone out there, thanks to all of your class rhetoric, that thinks they have a legitimate claim on my labor or my dwindling wealth.

        You never felt blame. You never had to stare back at your wife and explain why that second mortgage isn’t getting paid. You never had to live with less so others could have more. You never had to sacrifice what you wanted so someone else could have a shot. You never built a life on merit and exposure to risk nor attempted to serve the public good in the vain of politicians like Henry Clay. You never did that.

        There’s this guy running for office. His name is Mitt Romney. He has done nothing but that. No one told him when to “zig” or “zag.” No one told him to do what when. He just did it. Mr. Romney is a “Do the right thing” machine. That’s what he does. He’s like one of those perpetual motion machines that you could buy. You can just count on it. That’s what America needs, someone it can count on to relieve it from the madness that is Washington D.C. by any means necessary. Because if you haven’t noticed you didn’t build that city.

        We did.


        Joe Doakes

  2. “It’s not really their fault, of course, they just don’t know any better.”

    Unfortunately, there are some in that category who either choose to be willfully ignorant or flat-out lie for their own gains.

    • Or, it is equally likely that you are wrong. The thing that is wrong with sarcasm is that it is fact free. It is true that if there were no guns, then no one would be shot. N’est-ce pas? You want to have guns because you like them. That makes no dent in the argument that homes with guns have vastly more people injured by those guns than instances in which the home owner defends himself or his property. That’s just the facts, without the fettishism.

  3. Lets ban all the big killers: electricity, cars, cigarettes, Twinkies, fried Chicken, McDonalds, alcohol (oh wait, we already tried banning alcohol, and that didn’t work so well), Schedule A drugs (oh, wait, those are already banned…).

      • Lord what would we do without the Twinkies…
        Actually what would happen if we ban cigarettes? I mean seriously. We know they are really bad for you, we know they cause cancer and all sorts of nasty things. How many people die each year because of cigarettes?
        If we ban them I will tel you what will happen. Mass mayhem and murder!!! That’s what..
        Have you seen me before a cup of coffee and a cigarette? Even my wife and kids back away slowly. Imagine thousands of people going cold Turkey all at once! yikes…

        Violent crime is at some of its lowest rates nationally in over a decade. And as in a previous post here shall issue CCW is spreading across America, which is good.

        I will never ever say that Aurora was not a tragedy. Loss of life in this manner or any manner is not something that should have happened. I do feel it could have been minimized, it could not have been stopped, but minimized.

        Just to put this all in perspective on guns.
        RF can get up to date figures on gun deaths, but here are some others.
        443,000 people die each year in the United States from smoking related disease.
        The is over 1,213 people per day.
        Over 41,975 people die each year from auto accidents.
        That is 115 people per day.
        1.2 million people are injured per year due to auto accidents. This might mean a simple cut or major injuries which take months or years to recover from.
        Based on a 1999 study over 300,000 die each year from being fat!
        That is 822 people per day!

        So in reality, if we ride our bikes, quit smoking and stop eating at junk food places in theory we would be saving millions of people each year from death and injury, am I right?

        Obviously I don’t think this is going to happen. It is certainly something we can all strive to do, but it would be a personal choice not one mandated by the government.

        Of course if we ban cars, that means that it will take longer to get to work, oh and police and fire, and EMT, now that takes longer too because the have horse drawn carriages. OH wait horse crap creates methane, and well the EPA is up in arms about that too! Well that is a bunch of bull crap, you just can’t win!

  4. Can we ban rap and heavy metal and country & western too? I think the only music available to the public should be elevator music, preferably only performed by the Ray Coniff Orchestra.

    While we’re at it, those dangerous video games should be banned. Sure, we can keep video games around, just not the ones with guns or violence or anything that could be construed as a device to ruin our children.

    Cars should be limited to 50mph. Shaving razors should never have more than one blade… what’s this five blade crap?

    Oh, and all buckets should have holes in the bottom so children can’t drown.

    • “……………Oh, and all buckets should have holes in the bottom so children can’t drown.”

      Now that there is funny, I don’t care you you are! I laughed ’till my sides hurt. Probably need to ban knives as well, and have all meat fabricated into “nuggets” so no cutting is req’d.

      • “There’s a hole in the bucket dear Liza, dear Liza. There’s a hole in the bucket, dear Liza there’s a hole.”

        Love that song.

    • OMG now I have the Ray Coniff Orchestra version of girl from ipanema stuck in my head aaahhhhhh!!!!!!! 😉

  5. Common sense, reasonable changes to our nations gun laws are long overdue. National reciprocity between the states for concealed carry permits, allowing concealed weapons into most public places, with some exceptions, for example, court rooms, would do much to eliminate the ‘kill zones’ where most of the spree killers expect to find defenseless prey. Cities like Chicago and Baltimore breed a culture of violence which only encourages those who are inclined to commit the type of horrendous acts such as at Aurora. While the law abiding population cowers in their homes, armed thugs murder at will, secure in the knowledge that there can be no defensive response from the victim communities because of the unconstitutional gun bans. Political leaders surrounded by heavily armed bodyguards lament and wring their hands as they envision even grater restrictions on the citizenry. It’s like punishing the sheep for the depredations of the the wolves and is another indication of the sickness to which our society has succumbed. Even as this happens at the local level, our national leaders concoct criminally stupid schemes to allow illegally purchased weapons to flow untraced to criminal organizations and even to cross borders to neighboring countries where hundreds of innocents are murdered. Is it any wonder the people are becoming convinced that the leadership of the nation has become unhinged?

  6. Dan:

    Maybe you can’t build a bomb and maybe I can’t build bomb but my son is an organic chemist…he can build an explosive device, nasty chemical weapon or some nice fancy designer drugs. So much for your //sarc// argument!

    • That’s the point of a sarcastic comment. There are plenty of people that can make bombs. He’s just making a point.

    • Even more to the point, Holmes DID build bombs – a bunch of them which he used to rig his apartment. And once you have the detonator part figured out, scaling up from booby trap to Oklahoma City is not really all that hard. And unless you want to implement full “Physics and Chemistry” control, it’s tough to stop legislatively.

        • Speaking of bombs (no, not air America). Why the lack of detail on the bombs? We know the thread count of the “ballistic” garments this guy had on, but what were the bombs made of? Where they m80s taped together or c4? We know everything he had and from whom it was purchased. Where did he get the components for the explosives? Where did he learn to wire them so intricately that it took Colorado Police and the feds days to disarm them? I saw a vid of the detonation of these high explosives and it was a bit anticlimactic, but I’m no explosives expert. Theodore John “Ted” Kaczynski raised terror fears for years with bombs. We were kept informed of minuet details of their construction. There is no f’n way this whole picture passes the smell test.

    • Chemistry teachers must be regulated by ATF the same as an FFL. There must be a national database of all chemistry students. That will prevent amateur bomb makers.


    • No sarcasm, I am not an organic chemist. Bombs are easy. Anybody can build a bomb/poison gas/incendiary. Common household items. If I can do it, ANYBODY can do it. OK, sarcasm back on. Maybe not a liberal.

  7. If the federal agencies and local police were not militarizing like Nazi Storm Troopers
    If the USG wasn’t stripping away our Rights
    If the USG wasn’t spying on all the American people that it can
    If the USG and State government were not intruding into our personal lives
    If governments monetary mismanagement wasn’t destroying our currency’s value
    If government fiscal policies and games hadn’t created a national debt of about $100 Trillion in loans and promises
    If the Courts were just and didn’t give special class treatment based on sex and group
    If the Laws were not kind to the cruel and cruel to the kind
    Then less Americans would feel a need to arm up as they are.

  8. how about you look at it the completly opposite and move to make gun owernship more acceptibale and have tax breaks for owning guns and make gun safty and classes readaly availble to the public thus having a majority of people that have been educated and are allowed to carry be able to carry think of how many sinceless killings could be averted if 1 in every 3 civilians carried

    • Why offer tax breaks, it seems illogical. Why not go with something similar to Obamacare, and tax those who do not own guns, since they are the ones which require a police presence to keep them safe.

        • I only mean this figuratively ,but I think he’s on something. What politician would be suicidal enough to propose that? And who’s gonna p a y for such a program?

        • And who’s gonna p a y for such a program?

          Its a tax, so it would pay for itself, and generate additional revenue. Those without a gun would pay.

      • I have to agree on this. 🙂
        I am for gun ownership, I am also for training.
        Safety and understanding how to use a tool you own is critical whether is a table saw, lawn mower, or a gun.
        In most case like a lawn mower I think we can read the instructions and figure out how to use it. Guns and gun safety is something we should all as gun owners understand and practice. From grade school children on up.
        I learned to shoot at a young age. I was never afraid of guns, and knew the rules.
        It has also provided hours of entertainment value and meditation when shooting targets.

    • +1.

      Columbine, E.Virginia Tech, Ft. Hood, TX, Aurora/Batman, – what all of these mass killings have in common is that they were “Gun Free Zones”. also known as “Victim Disarmament Zones” for spree killers. If you want to see how wonderful life is in a country that makes it nearly impossible for HONEST citizens to own guns, look no further than our neighbors in Mexico. What, 45,000 murders per year? And the only way an honest citizen of Mexico can buy a gun is to go to the ONE gun store in the entire country, in Mexico City. This store is run by the Mexican Army.

      That would be the same Mexican Army that is the main source of machine guns, RPGs, grenades, etc. for the drug cartels. Ah yes, a gun-free paradise.

  9. I don’t think there’s a single anti out there who who wouldn’t be nodding in agreement all the way down to the /sarc indicator.

      • And he didn’t even have to shoot the guy…of course if he had we could avoid paying a few $100K to prosecute and incarcerate this clown for many years.

  10. “No way, bombs aren’t sold in stores either. ”

    Technically they are, even around Chicago. The Gander Mountain in Joliet sells Tannerite.

  11. We must limit the size of text and tweet boxes. 240 characters are too many. A smaller box will mean drivers will take their eyes off the road for less time. Lives will be saved. A driver doesn’t need more than 80 characters to tweet somebody. What needs to be said after 80 characters?

  12. Timothy McVeigh wasn’t a PhD, and he made a bomb big enough to take out a whole building. Those who intend to do harm will always find a way. Our only defense is to be armed ourselves.

  13. You forgot about all firearms that already exist. Thats why they all need to be surrendered preferably in large metal dumpsters w/o accountability then shredded. The nicer ones will be maintained by upper level police/politician echelon.

    • Good point! It’s totally reasonable to think everyone will turn in their guns… And if they don’t, we’ll just send law enforcement to get them… Because they’ll have nothing better to do since all of the guns will be gone.

  14. The argument that gun owners “need to be trained” in order to exercise their constitutional right is laughable. I’d say that 99% of responsible and legal gun owners ALREADY know that they need to exercise care in the use of their guns. Most of us were introduced to firearm care and safety at a young age (in my case, 8 years old – my dad bought my brother and me a BB gun). It’s a lesson one learns for a lifetime.

    I bought two Ruger revolvers in 1994, and I still have the boxes they came in, AND the firearms owner’s manual that came with them. That, and the Jeff Cooper Rules work for me, personally.

    Great, sarcastic article, BTW Zach.

  15. It is sad witnessing people sitting around talking only with people who agree with them. All these phony statistics and comparisons of apples and oranges. Why not just say that you love guns so much that nothing that anyone would say or do would change your mind. You are clearly unwilling to give up your fetish even when presented with facts and studies that show that it is harmful to actual people as opposed to those who are affronted by the idea that society might think that their affection and action is harmful. Your fear does you no credit. Americans are supposed to be brave and willing to self sacrifice. That is the tradition that needs to be encouraged.


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