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Two new trailers are making the rounds, and they’re both packing some serious firepower. Tom Cruise has stopped talking to ashtrays long enough to make his way back on the big screen. After taking the 3:10 to Yuma, director James Mangold (really) pairs Cruise with Cameron Diaz. I’m Knight. She’s day. We’re Knight and Day! Super-spy Roy Milner drags unlucky-in-love June Havens into a running gun fight around the world using the old quip pro quo. Oh, and protecting a revolutionary energy source. [ED: geothermal power from the Xenu volcano.] The duo looks set to be upstaged by a wide variety of very pretty, very expensive weapons. How do I love thee? Let me watch the trailer. I spy a Glock 17 (dining), a Sig-Sauer P250 with a laser sight (hood surfing), and twin Heckler & Koch MP7s (dumb blonding). Is that a Beretta 93R fully-automatic pistol in the hands of a bad guy? Not for long. Knight and Day looks like a more entertaining version of Mr. and Mrs. Smith, without the billion dollar post-wrap divorce.

The Expendables features every action actor you’ve ever loved lovingly assembled by . . . Sylvester Stallone. Perhaps not your first choice for an Alpha, but certainly not the last guy on your [tangp] dance card. Jet Li, Jason Statham, Eric Roberts, Steve Austin, Dolph Lundgren, Terry Crews, Randy Couture, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger all battle who gets first dibs on plastic surgery and a percentage of the gross. And then they made the movie. If you’re not pumped about this, check your pulse, you’re boring. The plot (such as it is): a bunch of bad-ass mercenaries get a touch of heart during a suicide mission. As they would.

In their pursuit of box office sales, the Expendables expend believability. A handful of guys with a handful of weapons and a fistful of knives take out an entire platoon. But this isn’t Saving Private Ryan. It’s every 80s action movie you ever seen pressed into one without resorting to a spoof. At least not intentionally.

On the firearms front, I picked out an AA-12 Auto Shotgun in the hands of Terry Crews, a bunch AK-series rifles for the bad dudes, some short barreled M4 variants (M4 CQBRs), a probable Colt Single Action army for Stallone, a 1911 with a skeleton hammer, a Beretta M9 (one of my all time favorites), and last but never least, a Browning M1919 .30 caliber machine gun.

I’ll be keeping an eye on it for TTAG’s readers, and will climb any mountain to make sure I’m in the earliest screening possible.

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  1. Welcome to the party, Robert! I'm thrilled that you're on board to keep tabs on Hollywood for TTAG. Doesn't hurt that you can turn a phrase, either. I'm looking forward to more reviews.

    • Glad to be here. Friday will have my first film review for the site, a quaint little arthouse film entitled "Bitch Slap."


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