Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions: Why Do You Carry A Gun? Edition

It happened the other day, again, in the locker room. “Why do you carry a gun?” a random guy asked as I placed my EDC in my locker. “So that good things can happen to bad people,” I replied. I thought it was clever, being in the Bible Belt and all. He didn’t get it. I could have trotted out the old warhorse, “Because a policeman’s too heavy to carry,” but I didn’t want to get into an argument with the protein shake-swilling Schwarzenegger listening in. Anyway, with licensed open carry coming to Texas, I’ve been thinking about snappy answers to that inevitable question. Here’s what I’ve got so far . . .

Why Do You Carry A Gun?

  • Leverage
  • I couldn’t find a holster for my Howitzer
  • Because Jon Wayne Taylor’s not here
  • To make my butt look small
  • To defend against all enemies, foreign, domestic and overly inquisitive
  • Wait. Are you saying I should be carrying two guns?
  • Because my gun suffers from severe separation anxiety
  • Because I woke up this morning in the United States of America
  • Because a knife is way too personal
  • To distract women from the enormous bulge in my pants
  • Because bad guys prefer to attack unarmed citizens like . . .
  • Because Jesus loves me but he’s busy right now

Any other bright ideas?


  1. avatar NJ2AZ says:

    “Even if its a long shot, no one can guarantee i won’t need it at some point”

    1. avatar uncommon_sense says:

      I like this variant better …

      “Better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it.”

    2. avatar Ajax says:

      Because of your mom! She keeps following me around since our special “date” last week. I’m getting kind of scared…

  2. avatar Excedrine says:

    Because a cop is too heavy.

    1. avatar Common Reason says:

      “Because I woke up this morning in the United States of America”

      … FTW!!

      But seriously, .. as an adult male .. who goes to a gym, .. anyone attacking -You- (someone of your gender, size, and carriage) is absolutely going to be: Armed, One of Several in a Gang, Dangerously Crazy, or All of the Above.

      The only way to end an attack of that manner is .. to cross your fingers and hope they let you live through … or .. to kick its butt ‘somehow’.

      Now unless the victim is an Action Hero on the set of his own make-believe Kung-Fu Movie, the only functional and authoritative way to do that .. is called Firearms, the great equalizer.

      Another response, psychology, make -them- the problem for not being With It and Getting On The Bandwagon:
      “Are you kidding? .. Or are you, in 2015, still one of the fewer and fewer people who don’t have a CCW yet?? Citizen firearms stop over 2million violent crimes every single year, .. but they only do that .. if you’re Armed. – Or lucky enough to be near someone else who is Armed. Not, myself, being a tumbleweed wimp, I carry my Own Water, as it were. Yourself? Why not??..”

    2. avatar uncommon_sense says:


      Along the same vein, this is actually really profound:

      When seconds count, the police are only minutes away.

  3. avatar Mike Crognale says:

    Because I wish to.

  4. avatar NJ2AZ says:

    “Rather have it and not need it than the reverse…”

  5. avatar Chip Bennett says:

    Sometimes, “that’s none of your business” is the most appropriate answer, especially if you don’t think the questioner is asking in good faith.

    1. avatar An English Person says:

      In Russia, I think they’d say “you aren’t just trying to make conversation?”
      (meaning “are you trying to make conversation?”; see,
      because generally, I think, when someone makes a stupid question they’re often just trying to engage a little ‘banter’.

      1. avatar Swarf says:

        In Russia, I think they’d say “you aren’t just trying to make conversation?”
        (meaning “are you trying to make conversation?”; see,

        CTRL-F “conversation” None Found.

        1. avatar An English Person says:

          CTRL+F “fish”, my friend.

      2. avatar PeterK says:

        That is an awesome line.

  6. avatar Matt in Pa says:

    Because the Police will arrive with chalk in hand.

    1. avatar Tom in Oregon says:

      Or a variation…”so I’m not the next chalk outline”

  7. avatar jwm says:

    “What security clearance do you have and how did you get in here? Code Blue, I repeat, Code Blue!”

  8. avatar Chris T from KY says:

    When a white liberal asks you could say carrying something black makes you feel more racially integrated.

  9. avatar Scottlac says:

    I’d leave it in the car but someone might steal it.

  10. avatar William Burke says:

    “Because it refuses to follow me around.”

    1. avatar Danny Griffin says:

      Haha…I like it!

  11. avatar Bigdiogi says:

    There’s never a rock handy when you need one.

    Do you even listen to what the politicians have in mind?

    I like to keep an eye on it. Make sure it doesn’t go off and shoot someone when I’m not watching.

  12. avatar Kurt says:

    Because I take my role as citizen seriously – too bad you don’t

    Because I value my life

    Because all lives matter

    Because when seconds matter, police are only minutes away

    Because I’m a member of the unorganized militia – and you’re shirking your duties

    1. avatar Cliff H says:

      Because the question is not why I’m carrying a pistol, but why AREN”T you?

      1. avatar An English Person says:


      2. avatar Matt says:

        That was my response as well

    2. avatar PeterK says:

      “I’m a member of the militia” is a rocking answer.

  13. avatar jwm says:

    The picture. She bought the shoulder thingy that goes up at a gun show using a loophole.

    1. avatar Justin says:

      So the breach on a Gustav is what they’ve been talking about all this time??
      Now the gun grabbers arguments all make sense. How could I have been so blind? Guns are bad.

  14. avatar Sian says:

    A sword would draw too much attention.

    1. avatar Five says:

      And they’re illegal to carry in a lot of states.

      1. avatar Sian says:

        Anyone who argues the 2nd amendment is about muskets should be confronted with the sword question, as swords were regularly worn in combat in the late 1700s.

        1. avatar Mark N. says:

          A bit longer than that. Swords were regularly carried in combat by cavalry, NCOs, and officers through World War I. The banning of carrying of swords by civilians, begun in the early 19th century, was a measure to enforce anti-dueling laws.

        2. avatar Another Robert says:

          Swedish policemen carried swords up through the 1920s I understand.

        3. avatar Sian says:

          Oh I know, but those who think the 2nd amendment should only apply to weapons available at the moment the Bill of Rights was drafted, as if the founding fathers had no concept of the passage of time, should be addressed.

  15. avatar Sammy^ says:

    Because it can’t walk?

  16. avatar JTPhilly says:

    Because calling in air support is expensive.

  17. avatar schernobyl says:

    Because the police stop me when I carry the katanna

  18. avatar ArtM says:

    “It’s more effective than loud words or throwing books.”

    1. avatar Joe Liberty says:

      And apparently easier to come by.

  19. avatar Gunr says:

    Because carrying a Bazooka would be too noticeable!

  20. avatar Sixpack70 says:

    Because a Carl Gustav doesn’t fit into my backpack!

  21. avatar Aven says:

    It’s my security blanket. I feel naked without it.

  22. avatar 2AMexican says:

    Because I cannot afford Chuck Norris.

    1. avatar Rad Man says:

      Still, if I could, I’d unleash Chuck Norris carrying the two MP5s in Delta Force – while I ran to get more ammo.

  23. avatar YaDaddy says:

    Because you and I live on a planet where the chief activity is competition for resources.

  24. avatar MamaLiberty says:

    Because I own my life and am the only one responsible for that life and my safety.

    I Carry a Gun – Get Over IT

    But, in the end, I live and therefore I am. I don’t need any other person’s permission to live or defend myself. I don’t need anyone’s vetting of my intentions or sanity, nor approval for the self defense tool I choose or how I carry it.

    I don’t NEED to explain myself. I don’t NEED any reasons at all.

    1. avatar uncommon_sense says:


      I like to summarize it this way:

      My RIGHTS are never WRONG.

  25. avatar Bob in Washington says:

    Because happiness is a warm gun.
    Because my Secret Service protection is out picking up hookers.
    I never know when you may go off you meds.
    Because my dual mag carrier on my other hip would look stupid alone.

    1. avatar YaDaddy says:

      “Because my Secret Service protection is out picking up hookers.”

      Read the whole thing and I nominate this for the best.

      1. avatar Old Ben turning in grave says:

        Concur, though I will phrase this as:

        My secret service detail has the day off.

    2. avatar Joe Liberty says:

      “Because my Secret Service protection is out picking up hookers.”

      I think we have a winner!

  26. avatar DaveL says:

    “Who says I’m only carrying a gun? “

    1. avatar Juanito ''Johnnie'' Ibañez says:

      DaveL wrote on October 25, 2015 at 14:27 hours:

      “Who says I’m only carrying _a_ gun?”


      Count the guns carried concealed by gun leathersmith John Bianchi:

    2. avatar PeterK says:

      Yeah I was going to post a more concise version of that. Along the lines of “One?”

  27. avatar James says:

    “Because human beings are just animals with great capacity to control emotions. Sadly, too many of you don’t exercise that capacity.”

    “Human nature. Quite savage if you realistically think about it.”

    “Because the supporters of CSGV, Brady Campaign, and Mommies Demand Action want me dead. No seriously, read their comments section.”

  28. avatar DrVino says:

    “To help correct for my scoliosis”

    1. avatar Geoff PR says:

      “To help correct for my scoliosis”


      That makes it a medical device…


  29. avatar schernobyl says:

    It’s a weight loss tool, fully loaded adds two pounds of weight I train with.

  30. avatar Ralph says:

    “To protect me and my family. And maybe even to protect you and yours.”

  31. avatar Amram says:

    In Israel I carried every day, even when in civvies. Not concealed carry — In Israel, carry is carry — open or concealed — same thing. If you have a license it is good forever and anywhere.

    Anyway, one day, a tourist speaking accented English (Spanish maybe), asked me “Why do you carry a gun?” (a 9mm 1911, just fyi). I was initially stunned by the question, because this was in ISRAEL and I was in Jerusalem at the time. I responded with a clever (I thought) — ” Perhaps you haven’t heard — this is a dangerous, country.”

  32. avatar brian says:

    “The question is, why don’t you?”

  33. avatar Mosinfan says:

    Because only carrying bullets would be silly.

    1. avatar John Sampson says:

      You just broke the internet with the truth!!!

    2. avatar Jack Fallen says:

      “Because only carrying bullets would be silly.”

      found it. ^ this ^

  34. avatar Bryan Snyder says:

    Because I can’t afford armed security to follow me around all the time like an elitist anti freedom liberal does….

  35. avatar matty 9 says:

    Stranger: Why do you carry a gun?

    Me: Departmental regulations.

    Stranger: Your an off duty cop?

    Me: No.

    Stranger: (weird look)

    Me: The local PD regulates that robberies shall receive a response time of no less than 7 minutes, and this thing is a bit quicker than that.

    1. avatar Chadwick P. says:

      Open carry and wear an ares armor “American Terrorist Foundation” shirt and somehow people just assume you are a fed. Haha I had some poor teenage kid ask me what the atf was. I told him it’s a federal agency and if he wished to know more he could google “operation fast and furious”. He seamed pleased haha.

  36. avatar schernobyl says:

    Now That’s A Stupid Question!

  37. avatar John P says:

    If it’s intended to be a serious question, then I’d respond with “I’d rather have it and not need it.”

    And if it’s intended to be an unserious question, then I’d be more like “because the police usually arrive with chalk in hand.”

  38. avatar Hawkeye says:

    “Why do you carry a gun?”

    Have you heard the saying “Life is tough, get a helmet?”


    Well that’s my helmet.

  39. avatar Jeff O. says:

    “Oh, I carry two.”

  40. avatar Dustin says:

    “I tried walking it on a leash, but that seemed inhumane.”

    If they say anything similar to “Strutting about with a gun on your hip.” I give them one of these:

    “Hips don’t lie” and wink flirtatiously, works extra well when the inquisitive idiot is a man.


    “Should I duct tape it to my forehead instead?”

  41. avatar Bernard says:

    Because sometimes, people like to take advantage of blind people.

    1. avatar Bernard says:

      I may not see too good, but I do make up in taste.

  42. avatar Dirk Diggler says:

    “Because i am going venture outside the security of your personality”

    “I dont want my wife to have the funding to run off with a 24 year old zumba instructor named Armando”

    “It gets Shannon Watts excited and flustered”


    1. avatar schernobyl says:


      Truly you do have to watch out for those Zumba instructors they are a wily bunch

  43. avatar racer88 says:

    Because I couldn’t come up with a rational reason NOT to (carry a gun).

    1. avatar Old Ben turning in grave says:

      That is probably the best answer if you think they are serious.

  44. avatar Roymond says:

    Because my life is just as valuable as Oprah’s.

  45. avatar WRH says:

    “Because I don’t live in Canada.” …. is what I’d say if I didn’t live in Canada. ?

  46. avatar Wiregrass says:

    Because I plan on winning.

  47. avatar actionphysicalman says:

    I have only been asked once, and then it was “Why wouldn’t I?”

  48. avatar Kim Burr says:

    “It’s a safety device. Just like the fire extinguisher in my car.”

    “Because I can.”

    “Why do I carry a handgun? Because a rifle won’t fit in the holster.”

    1. avatar ACP_arms says:

      “Because I can.”

      Damn it, you beat me to it. 🙂

    2. avatar Juanito ''Johnnie'' Ibañez says:

      “Because carrying my assault rifle every day is too ostentatious.”

  49. avatar ThomasR says:

    Why do I carry gun? Because I’m a free man. The only people that don’t carry a firearm are peasants, peons and slaves.

  50. avatar Mk10108 says:

    Jedi Business

  51. avatar Jack Griffin says:

    “What [am I] suppose to use, man? Harsh language?” – Frost, Aliens

  52. avatar Blake says:

    “The same reason I have insurance against my house burning down and a fire extinguisher at home.” “I’m not likely to need any of them, but if I do, I’m glad I have them.”

  53. avatar Mike S says:

    Because beating my assailant to death is too much f**king work.

    1. avatar PeterK says:

      Ha! I like this one.

  54. avatar schernobyl says:

    So while your acting as the bullet/knife sponge I can actually stop the threat to my life.

  55. avatar Adub says:

    Because the government won’t let me have a bomb.

  56. avatar tdiinva (Now in Wisconsin) says:

    I pissed off a bunch of Serbs.

    1. avatar John in Ohio says:


      1. avatar tdiinva (Now in Wisconsin) says:

        Are you of Croatian ancestry. Don’t think you are a Albanian or Bosniac. 🙂

    2. avatar Danny Griffin says:

      Or Albanians.

      (see Tune In Tomorrow).

      1. avatar sota says:

        a couple days ago it was the libyans.

  57. avatar Noishkel says:

    Why do I carry a gun? Because I couldn’t get a permit for a grenade launcher.

    Shamelessly stole that one from one of my favorite bad movies: Split Second.

    1. avatar Ad Astra says:

      “Where are we going now?”
      “To get bigger guns.”

  58. avatar Another Robert says:

    “Same reason a cop does–for self-defense.”
    If I were a female, I might add:
    “Because I would rather not die covered in my own piss and puke”.

  59. avatar theCRASE says:

    Because Obama hasn’t hired me a personal armed guard yet.

    I’m not psychic so I have to prepare for when the bad guy wants to attack.

    Ever see something and say to yourself “Where’s a cop when you need one?”

  60. avatar Five says:

    “Why do you carry a gun?”

    “Why wouldn’t I carry a gun?”

  61. avatar bradlee says:

    Why don’t you carry a gun? That always makes them Sutter and stammer.

    1. avatar John in Ohio says:

      +1. The look is priceless and it makes them think.

  62. avatar Justin says:

    Wallet and phone on one side. If I don’t, I’ll be walking in circles due to poor weight distribution.

  63. avatar John in Ohio says:

    One of mine… I am free and intend on staying that way.

    And another… Only slaves are disarmed.

  64. avatar Bill Kohnke says:

    Because they don’t levitate and follow me around on their own. Now if I were a Jedi…

  65. avatar Indiana Tom says:

    Because the cops take 30 minutes to answer a 911 call.

  66. avatar Storm says:

    Q. Why Do You Carry A Gun?

    A. The very fact that you have to ask me that question, means you wouldn’t understand any rational answer I would give you.

  67. avatar GenghisQuan says:

    Joke answer: “Violence, naked force, has settled more issues in history than has any other factor, and the contrary opinion is wishful thinking at its worst. Breeds that forget this basic truth have always paid for it with their lives and their freedoms.”

    Real answer: “Same reason I train martial arts or have a fire extinguisher, I don’t go looking for trouble, but that doesn’t mean trouble wont find me.”

  68. avatar Taylor TX says:

    I usually prefer the classic because “when seconds count…:” but lately, when it rarely comes up I prefer “because life matters”. I rather enjoy the facial response it quite often generates. I suppose asking why they dont also works pretty well.

  69. avatar delta2actual says:

    So I can fight my way back to my rifle.

  70. avatar Charles Ray says:

    To make America great again.

  71. avatar Jim Bullock says:

    A – “For the same reason there’s a first aid kit in my bag.”

    “If I need to spell that out… I carry(*) because I’d like to be able to do what I can to keep myself alive … or you. And the need might arise.”

    (*) Personally, I don’t carry a gun, being that NY State makes doing so difficult (for the law-abiding.)

    As a consequence I’ve said this, too: “So, your preferred policy keeps me disarmed, just in case you were wondering. That’s against my preference, which is kind of obnoxious of you, and if you really think I’m a threat, the number for 911 is ‘911.’”

    1. avatar Gary Schulze says:

      Unless you live down near NY City or a few unfortunate counties, the state doesn’t make it that hard. It really depends on your county. Some may look for *any* reason not to give you a permit, while others just make sure there isn’t a good reason to deny it. “May issue” certainly sucks, but it’s far from impossible to get a permit except for the City.

  72. avatar Jim says:

    Because my life matters,

  73. avatar Lenwood says:

    I was in a gas station once and a guy walked in and said, “Woah, you have a gun! Are you going to shoot me?” I said, “Well, I guess that’s really up to you.”

    1. avatar Ing says:

      This made me LOL.

    2. avatar Coffee Addict says:

      “no, they don’t let us shoot people for asking stupid questions.”

    3. avatar Old Ben turning in grave says:

      Funny, but that could be misinterpreted as prelude to a stick up.

      In that vein, though, “Only if you try to kill me.”

  74. avatar schernobyl says:

    Because the founding fathers tell me to every morning when I read the constitution

  75. avatar Dean Carpenter says:

    Because MY life matters.

  76. avatar Paul53 says:

    I’m old and weak, and some people would take advantage of that. The gun is for behavioral modification.

  77. avatar miforest says:

    To prevent someone from committing a mortal sin by murdering me.

  78. avatar Former Water Walker says:

    Ya’ know I don’t tell ANYONE so it doesn’t come up-concealed is concealed(and that includes anyone knowing…yeah I have snappy answers but I will just let lowlifes and the curious be surprised…

  79. avatar Mario says:

    Because F U, that’s why!

  80. avatar I See Red says:

    Why do you carry a gun? Because I am too damn old to take an ass whipping!

  81. avatar Reggie says:

    RF, you’re such a huge proponent of home carry (and rightly so), how is it you aren’t rocking a fanny pack or something similarly functional to allow gym carry?

    1. avatar Robert Farago says:

      Who says I’m not?

      1. avatar Jack Fallen says:

        Nice maieutic. Always works for all types of “why aren’t you?” questions.

  82. avatar Bud Harton says:

    “because my life matters”

  83. avatar Greg says:

    A guy asked me in a store once, obviously in an arguementative fashion. I said “in case I need to shoot someone.” Since we’re in Alaska some ppl assume it’s for bear protection. I said “I don’t carry for animals, it’s for shooting other humans with, should the need arise.”

    1. avatar ACP_arms says:

      Really, it is for bear’s. You just shoot the person that’s running ahead of you. 🙂

  84. avatar Ralph says:

    “I carry gun because my doctor said that it would be okay as long as I stay on my meds.”

  85. avatar Eric says:

    Because I can’t throw a rock 1250 feet per second.

  86. avatar TX Gun Gal says:

    Well, ya see used to have a trained protection dog but he ran away, now lives on a farm out in the country and gets scrambled eggs and crispy bacon every morning, said he is not coming home. I wear a holstered handgun with a restraining strap so it can’t run away.

    1. avatar Another Robert says:

      Can you give me directions to that farm? 😉

      1. avatar TX Gun Gal says:

        “Can you give me directions to that farm?”

        Wish I could but, in a time honored Texan tradition , if you ask us a question we really don’t want to answer, we’ll just tell you a story.

        Actually the dog is in Federal Witness Protection Program.

  87. avatar Ad Astra says:

    “Because my broad sword makes it hard for me to get in and out of the car.”

  88. avatar C.S. says:

    Cuz I gotta ****load of cash on me…

  89. avatar Tom in Georgia says:

    Crime might be down, but crazy is still everywhere. You just never know.


  90. avatar Former Water Walker says:

    I feel the same way if someone asks me if I voted-none of your forking busy-ness…

  91. avatar Doug says:

    Because I believe in the sanctity of human life, particularly my own.

  92. avatar john says:

    I carry a small gun (lc9s ) to compensate from my massive penis

  93. avatar Dylan S says:

    How about a constructive helpful answer and not a snarky reply that doesn’t help anyone?

    1. avatar Mark Lloyd says:

      Yeah Dylan, as if that ever works! Tell you what, go have a reasonable conversation, or as you put it, “a constructive helpful answer” about guns with someone of a differing view or as we say it, the antis and get back to us on how it went.

      It never works. They don’t listen. That’s why it’s coming down to telling them to f—- off!

    2. avatar Curtis in IL says:

      Actually there are quite a few answers here that will make people think.

      Those who are incapable of thought won’t ask the question. They recoil in paralyzing fear at the sight of a gun and run off to post a statement about your penis on the CSGV faceplant page.

    3. avatar PeterK says:

      This is based on an old mad magazine thing. It’s meant as humor. Thought obviously some people will actually use some of these. And some of them might be apropos. For example, asking the right poignant question in a friendly way can make people think in ways they wouldn’t have before.

    4. avatar JSW says:

      “…Storm says:
      October 25, 2015 at 15:47

      Q. Why Do You Carry A Gun?

      A. The very fact that you have to ask me that question, means you wouldn’t understand any rational answer I would give you…”

      There’s your answer, Dylan.

  94. avatar Bryan Snyder says:

    Because I LOVE hearing the latest penis size firerarm analogies from liberals….do you have one for me? Wink. Wink….

  95. avatar jans says:

    Guns are like parachutes and life jackets. If you don’t have one when you need one, you may never need one again.

  96. avatar Glenn says:

    “Why Do You Carry A Gun?”

    Because I finally realized one day that I am not bullet-proof and being unarmed won’t do me much good against someone who is armed.
    Are you bullet proof?
    Then you might consider carrying one too.
    I would be glad to show you how to shoot.

  97. avatar Tominator says:

    In my best James Cagney voice…

    ” You dirty rat! You’d take away my right to defend myself and my family? You dirty rat!
    Now, you dirty rat, this country was founded on God, Guns and Guts…see!
    NOW! If you mess with my brother, you mess’in with me!
    We Americans watch out for each other! You dirty rat!
    I carry ’cause I’m ‘posed to!”

  98. avatar Duncan says:

    Because I can.

    1. avatar Amarante says:

      “If Will stops and cries Why, invoking Because, then Will stops & does nought. If Power asks why, then is Power weakness. Also reason is a lie; for there is a factor infinite & unknown; & all their words are skew-wise. Strain forth thine Intelligence, O man, for thus thy reason shall at last break down.

  99. avatar Archangel187 says:

    Are we rating these by caliber? From .22 short (meh) to.40 S&W (quite snappy)?

  100. avatar PRK543 says:

    Stranger: Why do you carry a gun?

    Me: Did you ever carry a condom when you were younger? You know, in case you needed one? It is kind of like that, except when I was younger I really wanted to use the condom.

  101. avatar tjlarson2k says:

    Simplest answer:
    Read a history book.

    1. avatar tjlarson2k says:

      Why do you wear a seatbelt?
      Why do people tend to keep a fire extinguisher in the kitchen or home?

      Same logic.

  102. avatar foo dog says:

    When seconds count the police are only minutes away…

  103. avatar Bohucka says:

    “I haven’t trained it to heel yet, so until it learns I have to carry it”.

  104. avatar Nota Hipster says:

    “Because people.”

    Then I usually just walk away. Lol.

  105. Because bullets are cheaper than a funeral.
    No double standards put the DC politicians on Obamacare and SS.Thanks for your support and vote.Pass the word.

  106. avatar Out_Fang_Thief says:

    Because the Ministry prohibits us from using magic in the presence of muggles.
    Because a plasma rifle in a 40watt range hasn’t been invented yet.
    Because nobody makes a holster for rocks.
    Because a flamethrower prints.
    Without this counterweight, I would invariably list to the left.
    Because carrying a honey badger is prohibited in the U.S.
    Because my shipment of Amazonian poison dart frogs hasn’t arrived yet.
    Because my blowgun is out getting Cerakoted.
    That’s not a gun, it’s a forged, machined, gas operated carrying case for unspent bullets.
    That’s not a gun, it’s a liberal-Leftist mental detector. Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep…
    Oh that,…it’s actually a nail gun. The thing is, it only shoots very short, hollow point nails.
    A gun is much more fashionable than Kevlar, don’t you think? Kevlar is so 1990’s.
    Because inserting these bullets manually, is easier said than done. A tad messy too.
    Because these god dang stupid bullets just won’t shoot themselves.

  107. avatar Chris Liamis says:

    because these hips don’t lie?

  108. avatar MWD says:

    Because the world will not be destroyed by those who do evil, but by those who watch them without doing anything. – Albert Einstein

  109. avatar C says:

    “Because i have a small penis.”

    Try it. it’s hilarious.

  110. avatar SonOfDad says:

    …because sometimes running away isn’t enough.

  111. avatar Amarante says:

    I’m going to apeal to poetry and religion!
    “If Will stops and cries Why, invoking Because, then Will stops & does nought. If Power asks why, then is Power weakness. Also reason is a lie; for there is a factor infinite & unknown; & all their words are skew-wise. Strain forth thine Intelligence, O man, for thus thy reason shall at last break down.”

    1. avatar Marc says:

      We heard you the first time. The second time didn’t make it better.

  112. avatar Coffee Addict says:

    “To drive off Tigers..”
    when they say there are no Tigers in (insert location here)
    Smile and say “See? it works!”

    1. avatar Reef Blastbody says:

      >Smile and say “See? it works!”
      Alternately: “And I intend to keep it that way!”

  113. avatar Robert Clegg says:

    Even Cait Jenner still carries a gun.
    I carry this revolver in case someone in the locker room tries to take my gun. You aren’t going to try that are you?

  114. avatar Jones says:

    Because they haven’t invented lightsabers yet.
    I use it as a hole punch for my scrapbooking.
    Because Tapout shirts.
    Its a good arm rest.
    (if they see it in your shoulder holster) It keeps me warm.

  115. Because the modern man doesn’t fist fight.

  116. avatar PeterK says:

    “Actually he carries me most of the time.”

  117. avatar Jeff in MS says:

    “Because you can’t save me.”

  118. avatar JohnF says:

    While I think facetious answers are funny, and there are some good ones here, I don’t take that approach. I try, and I admit it doesn’t always work, to educate the person asking. My hope is that at least some of the people who ask are genuinely interested and might learn something that would lean them a bit farther in our direction.

    I say, “Two reasons. To protect myself and other innocent people in our increasingly violent world, and to exercise OUR Second Amendment rights. A right that is not exercised soon gets taken away.”

  119. avatar notalima says:

    “Because I own a fire extinguisher” is my normal line (of course I almost never get to use it).

    Makes for 90+% confused faces. The ones that get it are golden.

  120. avatar Jacob says:

    Don’t say anything. Just grin.

    1. avatar John in Ohio says:

      I have done that and it works well in the right situation; mostly if they seem to just be itching to condem the practice.

  121. avatar CoolBreeze says:

    Because I forgot my rape whistle.

  122. avatar JSW says:

    “I carry because you aren’t man enough to defend me.”

  123. “It’s where I keeps my bullets.”

  124. avatar mig says:

    For the same reason I carry insurance.

    Why wouldn’t I?

    You Don’t?! Huh, weird…

    The leash things wasn’t working out.

    Honestly though, I haven’t had questions like that in a long time. Most people I know also carry and those that don’t, liberal or otherwise, know I carry and don’t really even think about it any more. Normalization and all that.

  125. avatar DaveC says:

    The same answer I gave my father when he asked why I would own an assault weapon (AR15 in .223): “Because it is my right and I can.”
    Not that my dad is anti-gun, he owns a few. He just doesn’t understand the purpose behind owning assault type weapons.

    1. avatar Chip Bennett says:

      Define assault type weapon.

  126. avatar Chrispy says:


    (Stolen from that internet meme)

  127. avatar Tod says:

    Because I don’t believe in fighting fair!

    1. avatar PeterK says:

      “You hit him from behind!”
      “Just as hard as I could”

    2. avatar Brent F. says:

      Because those that beat their swords into plowshares will end up plowing for the ones that didn’t.

  128. avatar Steven L says:

    Because it would damage the finish if I drag it.

    Because my responsibility is to make it home to my family.

  129. avatar Dominic says:

    Because I’m too old to win a three on one and I’m too young to die.

  130. avatar J E says:

    So that I can be persuaded, not coerced.

  131. avatar BigDinVT says:

    So that if someone should come to me intent on giving their life up for their addiction or religion, I can oblige them.

  132. avatar Stocks says:

    I’m the head of security for a very important (your city) family…mine!

  133. avatar Alan W. Rose says:

    “Random violence. Here’s a better question – WHY don’t YOU carry a gun? Do you read/watch the news?”

  134. avatar Scoutino says:

    Because I’m too weak to fight and too slow to run.

  135. avatar SpeleoFool says:

    Meta Answer: “Because I wanted to find out for myself why someone would carry a gun.”

    Captain Obvious Answer: “So I have it with me.”

    Thought-Provoking Answer: “So that I know there will always be a Good Guy With a Gun nearby.”

    Conversation Starter: “Have you ever exercised your Second Amendment rights?”

  136. avatar David Simmons says:

    “So that you laugh at my jokes.”

  137. avatar Randy says:

    Because a cop is too heavy.

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